Alu Part 2

She awoke from her sleep, alarmed by the noise. Her first thought was that one of the goats must have escaped from the pen and made its way into the hut. She picked up a stick from a corner of the room and began to search for the animal but when she looked towards the doorway, she realized that the noisemaker was not a goat but a man! She panicked and raising the hand that held the stick, she proceeded to attack the stranger but then she stopped, studied the man's face and soon recognized him. Hard jaw line and prominent nose…She had come to know these facial features so well in the past weeks. The man that was left in her care was now standing, watching her. "Standing?" she thought to herself, with an obvious expression of surprise on her face. bl3She had looked after him for 2 weeks now and realized that he was in a very critical state. His condition was so bad; she did not think that he would ever recover from his injuries. The wound on his side was very deep and the sore on his leg became infected soon after he was brought to her mistress by Kaaria and the King's men. The infection had given him a grave fever; the worst she had ever seen in her experience as Massassi's apprentice. One minute his body was as hot as a rock in the mid-day sun and the next minute, his body was as cold as water from the village stream. She had to help him regulate his temperature clothing and unclothing him when he showed signs of discomfort and it was during one of those frequent rituals of undressing him that she had seen it…

Negasi had never seen a woman so beautiful. Her bosom bounced about alluringly as she looked around in search of something…He should have made his presence known but he remained silent. He felt frozen. He could neither speak nor move and his stillness was not as a result of pain from his injuries or his weak condition. He stood in silence and studied her beautiful profile; her slender neck like a gazelle's, her long legs exposed from her full thighs seemed to go on forever… when his gaze finally reached her ankles, he saw that they were adorned with beads, making a sound as she moved around the room and her breasts…naked, in all its glory, firm and perfectly round like champion melon fruits held his gaze for much longer. He had startled her but they soon locked eyes and for a few seconds, neither of them moved and no words were spoken between them. The silence seemed to last for a very long time. Eventually, she relaxed her stiff shoulders and lowering her slender arm that held the stick, she said softly, in a sweet voice he recognized from his dreams "You should not be out of bed, you are not well enough".

"Who are you…? And where am I?" Negasi asked her sternly, trying not to show any sign of weakness.

"You must lie down…you are not yet strong. You are very sick and your injuries are still healing" she said, walking towards him.

"I am fine, woman. Now, answer me. Who are you and where am I?" he asked again, his growing impatience now became evident in his tone and his well defined, muscular chest heaved deeply showing a sign of distress.

"I am afraid I cannot answer your questions. I am not allowed speak to you. I have said enough as it is…Please come lay down". Gesturing by pointing at his head and chest, she said "See, you are sweating again…" He had started to perspire profusely and he was feeling dizzy again. She reached out to grab his arm but he grabbed hers instead and pulled her close to him.

"Tell…tell me this at least…" he said "Am I in any danger?"

He held on to her arm tighter than before and she winced in pain. His tighter grip was not intended to hurt her but he was fading away quickly and was trying to hold on for support.

"No, you are not in any danger…" she replied "…not yet."



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Alu Part 2
Anwuli Emenanjo posted on 01-07-2011, 07:23:50 AM
Part 2 Excerpt of my upcoming novel ALU. Enjoy!

Read full article
Re: Alu Part 2
Cagedheart posted on 01-07-2011, 08:44:32 AM
I am soooooooooooooo looking forward to reading the full book. I am such a sucker for romance novels and started reading them when i was 8yrs old..i still remember my first romance novel.."prelude to a kiss"; and yes, the pacesetters series were lovely.."Too cold for comfort", "To Ebun, my love"...then i did the M&B phase then Silhouette and Harlequin. I think romance novels with black characters will be a great hit with african teenage girls..because growing up and reading all those romance novels with white characters made me feel, only white people were capable of romance.

Way to go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*jumping up and clapping with glee*
Re: Alu Part 2
Showcase posted on 01-07-2011, 09:17:58 AM
Nice. But why you dey bring the thing small, small like this sef? Out with everything one time. This suspense is not healthy o. LOL.
Re: Alu Part 2
Chi2 posted on 01-07-2011, 11:28:29 AM
I read your part I and here comes the 2nd part. I commend you for your lucid style. But beneath your simplicity you have to inject love nuances that can provoke your reader's visual imagery. You can achieve this by employing appropriate adverbs and adjectives. When any of the characters in your literary work does something, describe such action poetically/romantically, that is, how he or she has done it, particularly in the area of voice modulation. You have already started using them but seems to have omitted them in some areas where they would serve you well.

Two good examples where you used adverbs to provoke imagination are: "Her bosom bounced about ALLURINGLY."

You also succeeded in using another adverb to define the demeanour of Nagsi when you state: Negasi asked her STERNLY.""

Use the same method to define the moods, walk, look etc of your characters. You have also to imagine a romantic mood and inject sufficient dose of feet-sweeping expression. Use words to produce excitement and emotional intensity, the same way an artist uses brush and appropriate colour spectrum to represent his thoughts on his canvas, giving it beauty, feelings harmony etc.

Consider this example of mine: Anwuli wore a woebegone face of a troubled heart. She actually feigned her mood in order to attract my touching look, caressing hands, and healing smile.

I have created a romantic scene above with words. Would you like me to continue? Fine.

In my above expression I created little suspense. Your reader would like to know what will follow that mood described above. Now let me put in my finishing touches as I used to do when I was in the secondary school: I sat by Anwuli's side and caressed her wavy hair and a chemistry reaction took its course as she snuggled her head into my arms as if paradise lost has been regained.

I have actually gone totally romantic and that's what your love novel is all about. Follow the same system by creating similar scenes.

Good luck. Anwuli. I am pretty sure you book will be a dazzling literary work. I might come back if time permits.

Your faithful NVS friend,
Chi2
Re: Alu Part 2
Patcho posted on 01-07-2011, 13:10:13 PM
Anwuli,
Happy New Year! I have to comment in as much as this is an election season; much as I've been on sabatical from NVS {except reading others} in view of my role as Chair, TEA PARTY Movement for re-election of GEJ.

Now, to your Part 2, if I'm taking a walk and know you'd publish today, I'll turn back and make way to my reading table or else, knowing would distract what other fancies I have. In otherwords, you left me expecting the next. Try to close the gap in number of days between one part and another and above everything, do not fear to publish; if you fear, you sink, when you don't, you stay afloat. But before you publish, remember not to hurry the lines which is in tandem with @Chi2 comment.

Meanwhile, if I find more time, I'll give you line comments of how successful your part 2 is by bringing out the finer points. Thank you.

Now, back to TEA PARTY Movement.
Re: Alu Part 2
DoubleWahala posted on 01-07-2011, 16:58:36 PM
I like the exotic setting of the excerpt.

Prose can be quite difficult. Creative fiction, even more so. You almost feel like an architect and construction worker fused together, building a house solo; a plan is laid out, foundation dug-out, each molded block fitted, piece-by-piece, etc. Then, you hope your finished 'building'/creation resonates with potential buyers/readers.

I align myself with Chi2's comment. She (Chi2) appears to have a firm grasp of technique. Having said that, however, technique must never get in the way of the overall message or picture the writer is trying to get across. Technique is a powerful means to an end, and no one technique is necessarily better than the others. Indeed, successful writers are known as much for their unique techniques, as the overall subject(s) of their creativity.

Anwuli, keep striving. Do not be shy about seeking the opinions of those who successfully strode down the path which you now seek to take.

I suspect Chi2 is one of such persons.

DW
Re: Alu Part 2
First-lady posted on 01-07-2011, 21:28:45 PM
You go girl!
Re: Alu Part 2
Chi2 posted on 01-08-2011, 15:02:46 PM
"Indeed, successful writers are known as much for their unique techniques, as the overall subject(s) of their creativity. " -Double Wahala
QUOTE:



Anwuli, Double Wahala is right. Every person has his or her own unique style of expression. However, my inputs are offered only for your consideration. You are mature enough to think and act for yourself. On my part, I will definitely feel guilty if I do not give you something I know that would add flavour to your love novel. Those romantic expressions I offered in my 1st comment above can also be reversed if the love story goes awry. My interest is for you to create a scene with expressions that reflect the literary idea you wish to project to the mind of your readers, and you can achieve such feat with appropriate words. We live in a stressful world. Love novels that has a narrative seamslessly woven with wild imagination; capable of soothing jitters, good to read in tense enerving time, and has what it takes to convey feelings, reflection, and mood could be therapeutic.

I have tried to figure out the meaning of "Alu", but could not. In my native language "Alu" means abomination! Is it what the book is all about?

Have a good weekend.

Your faithful NVS friend,
Chi2
Re: Alu Part 2
Nezie posted on 01-08-2011, 15:14:49 PM
Anwuli,
Go, go for it! Don't look back.

@ Patcho,
Long time. Happy New year. Thought you were marooned in your village left without electricity.
Re: Alu Part 2
Patcho posted on 01-08-2011, 21:21:52 PM
Anwuli,

I got your message. Thanks.

The campaign for re-election of GEJ is on schedule. What they didn't know is that GEJ is a Cowboy. Now, they are beginning to realize that he's made of steel.
I'll connect hopefully in details after January 13 primaries.

***TEA PARTY Movement salutes you!

@Nezie:
Many happy returns!
But for globalization, I'd prefer my hut. Thanks.
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