Why so hard to find "Westernised" Nigerian Woman?

Discussion started by hellofadude, on Saturday, 24 December 2011 03:57

Related discussion

Why is it so hard to find a good modern black woman of Nigerian origin or westernised Nigerian girl? By former, I mean one who though born in the west, retains a strong empathy for the land of her birth and by the latter, I mean one who has lived in the West at least 10years and up! Not those ones who speak fon-ne most of the time and then break into crude pidgin when they are angry!!!
Replies
Ihu Oma
Ihu Oma
I might be late but for us Nigerian women raised/living in the U.S., especially the type of women that Em is speaking of (btw nicely said Em ), it's hard to find a Nigerian man who wants a Nigerian woman outside Nigeria. Most successful Nigerian men I know, married either an American woman or they go back home to get a wife.
Friday, 13 January 2012 01:22
Em
Em
I couldn't help but have a good laugh. Forgive me, 'westernised Nigerian woman'? You sure say no bi oyibo you want so? Which is not a problem.

Abeg my two kobo thoughts:

Instead of focusing on the 'westernised' in the Nigerian woman, why not just look for a Nigerian woman? Except, of course, your idea of a Nigerian woman (let's try not to generalize here) is the crude and uneducated one. If that has been your experience then you must have been meeting the bad lot.

My issue with the 'westernised' in the Nigerian woman is that you may end up finding that any good Nigerian lady you meet out there may not meet the ideal 'westernised' picture which you have created in your mind. A good Nigerian woman is educated, knows what she wants, cares for her family and continues to do her best among other things. She may be born in the West or has lived there for a long time, but she appreciates and understands everything Nigeriana. She is not afraid to uproot herself from the Western world she is so used to and go back to her father land.

That is a Nigerian woman and I would take her anyday instead of a 'Westernized Nigerian woman' - whatever this means.
Sunday, 01 January 2012 00:00
hellofadude
hellofadude
Shinycoin my good friend.. I am grateful for your concern.. If you must know, like the security situation in 9ja, it is an ongoing quest, requiring continuous review and dedication to meet current challenges!...lol
Saturday, 31 December 2011 23:36
shinycoin
shinycoin
My good friend Hellofadude...
abeg, how goes your quest to meet and woe that westernized Nigerian woman?

This is wishing you success in that area and hope you tell us how successful you were, just in case others here have a similar desire to meet such women.
Friday, 30 December 2011 23:22
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ Anioma - Yes it would make a big difference if she started speaking her local dialect when angry...lol I mean what kind of nonsense is that?

When I visualise a "westernised" Nigerian woman, I visualise a westernised black woman with a Nigerian twist... That is to say I think of a woman who is simple yet sophisticated at once! simple as in modest in her use of makeup, sophisticated to the extent that even her eyebrows are properly plucked, her nails well manicured, clean and NOT painted.. Someone who is well put together, who understands her womanhood, can be understated yet sensual and elegant.. A strong beautiful black woman who happens to be Nigerian or of Nigerian origin; an equal in every respect!!

Why dont you tell me if I am being unrealistic? I don't think I am though since those things I mentioned are things which any professional black woman should be able to afford on her own at the very least!

I hear you on your experiences with westernised black women, but unlike you, I'll wager there is one out there with everything to offer me!!...:-)
Tuesday, 27 December 2011 00:56
Anioma777
Anioma777
@hellofadude

Will it make any difference if the woman when angry started speaking in her local dialect in reference to your pidgin outburst when angry?

I will say the ease or difficulty in meeting a 'Westernised" Nigerian women all depends on where you go looking, what your expectations are and what you visualize as being a "westernised Nigerian woman". I have to ask are you being realistic?

I use values, culture and social-ecomomic index when deciding on dating or playing around.

"A westernised nigerian woman is bad news. Stay well clear of them unless you just want a play thing and nothing serious."

As for my comment above, I say they are bad news because many of them are CONFUSED as to how they bridge the cultural cross-roads when in a relationship or about to embark on one, hence I said it depends on if you just want to play or be serious. Granted it depends on the individual but in my experience they have nothing to offer me.

Monday, 26 December 2011 22:31
shinycoin
shinycoin
[I mean how hard can it be to find a woman with the qualities I described which to my mind are not so difficult??? quoting Hellofadude]

I think the above just answered your question, Hellofadude.

If its so easy to find such a woman, i guess this discussion would have been simply academic. I have learned in life not to hold too tenaciously to one point of view... i have also learned that a good woman is a good woman and no race on earth has a monopoly on good women.

I take love wherever i find her, and when i meet a woman that makes me happy and i can share a bellyful of laughter with, then am a happy man.

I don't believe the secret to a good marriage/relationship is to find a good partner, i think the secret is to be the good partner.
Monday, 26 December 2011 17:42
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ Anioma777 - I too am curious to hear an explanation for your bold assertion about westernised Nigerian women? That is if you have something substantive to add??
Monday, 26 December 2011 17:20
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ shinycoin - I am sympathetic to some of the qualities you mentioned for instance humour and a fierce dislike for extremity of any kind, but I can not say hand on heart that colour and religion don't matter... and its only my preference and not a reflection on my politics! Experience has taught me to make my life as uncomplicated as possible.. besides one must consider the circumstances your kids will have to face if you as a Christain were to marry a Muslim woman.. I mean what religion should they follow? how would you advise them on this? These are complications I would rather not have to deal with..I mean how hard can it be to find a woman with the qualities I described which to my mind are not so difficult???
Monday, 26 December 2011 17:18
shinycoin
shinycoin
Anioma, i would like to hear your sincere opinions on what a good wife should be and why you think Westernized Nigerian women are bad news.
Monday, 26 December 2011 15:56
shinycoin
shinycoin
Hellofadude, my good man, i'd still like to hear your answers to the questions, but since you threw it back at me, i'll do my best to answer:

For me, the number one thing i seek in a woman is someone with a sense of humour. I love and enjoy laughter, i like pranks, i love light hearted banter, i enjoy teasing and doing silly things with my partner. Therefore a woman that can appreciate this in me and bring it out in me and give it right back would be my best friend.

I despise extremity of any form. I like middle grounds and compromises. A woman that is flexible with her beliefs and open to new experiences. I like the outdoors, so a woman that enjoys out door activities would be a big catch for me. I have a curious mind so i read wide, not limiting my interests to just things around me. i like a woman that can intrigue me and match me intellectually, have a broad view on life and enjoys the simple things in life, which are often the things people take for granted.

I don't care where she's from or what religion she espouses, so long as she has good moral values and will share my dreams and visions with me and i share hers with her and we work towards realizing our goals.

For me race or color is a non issue in a relationship. what counts more than anything else is friendship.. we must be great friends first, enjoy each others company and find pleasure in our jokes, company and games.

love making plays a big role in my relationships, so we must be sexually compatible and not have any hang ups or inhibitions when it comes to sex and love making.

A good relationship takes time, effort and commitment, so we must both be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work, equally, without the silly notion that a man must do all the work in a relationship.
Monday, 26 December 2011 15:37
Anioma777
Anioma777
A westernised nigerian woman is bad news. Stay well clear of them unless you just want a play thing and nothing serious.
Monday, 26 December 2011 08:26
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ shinycoin - your questions are searching so let me put it back to you like this.. what do you look for in your ideal partner? what qualities are particularly appealing to you and why?
Sunday, 25 December 2011 19:52
shinycoin
shinycoin
Hellofadude, what do you require: a good woman for marriage/relationship, or a Nigerian woman? I don't think Nigerian women hold the monopoly on making good wives/partners. If you found all that you require in a wife, in a Ghanaian woman living in the West, would you ignore her because she isn't Nigerian?</p><p>What if you're Hausa and the westernized Nigerian girl is from Akwa-Ibom state, but resides in the west, would it make a difference to you? what if she's from Kogi state and is a Muslim and you're a Christian or vice versa? where will you draw the line?</p><p>What is the one thing you cannot compromise in a marriage partner? the fact that she must be Nigerian? the fact that she must be a black woman? the fact that she must be in the west? the fact that she must be a good woman? the fact that she must fall within a certain age bracket?</p><p>Then again: what makes a person a desirable partner for marriage or long term commitment?
Sunday, 25 December 2011 03:31
anwulika
anwulika
@Hellofadude: I have heard your argument from a lot of my guy friends and I will take your word for it since the shoe is on your foot. You guys are on the front-line so your account is definitely more valid than my own perception. Speaking personally, I often feel that I would still be who I am regardless of where I live or where I was born or bred so I guess it is just me mirroring this thought process on others. Or maybe I wouldn't and I am failing to give credit where it is due...</p><p>...but to your question. Tough one! Yes, few and far between. I have always said the best place to meet 'quality' Nigerians is in school, in University. It gets tougher after everyone graduates and go in different directions. Hopefully, this club will draw in a few of the kind of ladies for the guys and men, for the ladies with the fundamental qualities that each is looking for. That would be really awesome.</p><p>We just have to be vigilant and open-minded. Nobody said it would be easy but when you find her. It will all be worth it :-)
Sunday, 25 December 2011 01:36
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ Anwulika - While I would never generalise, my initial characterisation spoke to what seems in my experience at least, with Nigerian girls who have lived in the West for any significant period of time, is a kind of charade where what you see is not necessarily what you get... It would be the exception, in my opinion, to find a girl in 'naija' with the qualities I described subsequently in any significant quantity. I do not think it is fair to describe it as just having an independent streak; I think it goes deeper than that. The fundamental qualities of being westernised can only come from having lived in the Western world.. It can not be found in a country like Nigeria. </p><p>
Sunday, 25 December 2011 00:50
anwulika
anwulika
@ Hellofadude: By demography, I mean it in terms of composition of the population and by composition, in terms of the characteristics you initially described. I totally feel you on wanting to be with someone with a similar background and since I now have a clearer definition of what you refer to as westernized Nigerian, I see your point but I also see the qualities you describe as an individual thing (personal values) not necessarily the characteristics of someone who has lived in the west 10 years and up. In other words, I have met Nigerian women born an bred in the west or have spent most of their lives here but behave like they are from the stone age and I have also met Nigerian women born and bred back home that have the independent streak that you have described.
Sunday, 25 December 2011 00:16
hellofadude
hellofadude
@ Cowbell - Of course, I regret any unintended offence... as one who is fluent in pidgin myself, my comments were not meant to be taken personally or even literally; but as an analogy to what I have experienced in my search for what I consider to be that "perfect" woman for me. hope that clears things abit..</p><p>By westernised, I mean someone who is sufficiently open-minded, not unneccessarily subservient; a committed Christain with a secular constitution...</p><p>@ anwulika - I am unsure of what you mean by demography in the context of my question, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with home-grown at all.. It is just that I feel I would by happy with someone with a similar background to myself. I have no doubt there are westernised girls in naija, but I can not say what the reason is for my particular tastes, its just the way it is. Though I read a study the other day where scientists found that people are most attracted to other people who represent in some way what they aspire to be...
Saturday, 24 December 2011 23:54
Auspicious
Auspicious
Why so hard to find WNW?</p><p>Well how about this: because there is NO such thing as a "westernized Nigerian woman".
Saturday, 24 December 2011 23:39
cowbell
cowbell
I take exception to your depiction of pidgin english as "crude." It is a language, and an identity. It's one of the few things all Nigerian people everywhere speak and understand. A lady who speaks pidgin isn't "crude."</p><p>Now to the subject at hand, you haven't satisfactorily defined what you mean by "westernized." All I can deduce is your classification of her speaking abilities(as per fon-ne). Tell me wetin u regard as westernized qualities then i fit tell you where dem dey.
Saturday, 24 December 2011 20:39
shinycoin
shinycoin
hhmm, Picato, i live in Toronto and i have not seen the aplenty black women of Nigerian origin or westernized Nigerian Girl... u wanna point me in their direction?...
Saturday, 24 December 2011 18:02
picato
picato
Hellofadude. Just jump over to Toronto. They are aplenty there.
Saturday, 24 December 2011 17:24
anwulika
anwulika
Why that particular demography, Hellofadude? Especially in regards to your very specific former and latter descriptions. What is wrong with home-grown? There are westernized girls in Naija too o! Any reason for your particular taste? :-p
Saturday, 24 December 2011 16:42