Though we cannot deny that it had a start

"This is how it started," is not a thing that can be said with certainty.

What is certain is that it did start.

One day, a man discovered the best way to tell a story:

Do not tell it from the very beginning.

Start from where your actions are justified.

Know what to say if someone you hit strikes back at you.

Do not say "I hit him and then he hit me back."

Do not start by saying "He hit me back."

Start by saying "He hit me."

 

Aliens arrive.

They land in an African country.

Could be Niger

Could be Namibia.

They land in a place uninhabited by humans.

There they set up a structure.

It is 2 kilometres high, 3 kilometres length, 5 kilometres wide.

It is 17 kilometres high, 19 kilometres length, 23 kilometres wide.

It is 7 kilometres high, 11 kilometres length, 13 kilometres wide.

In the time it takes a man to blink twice.

It is a tesseract.

 

NATO and the United Nations mobilise.

The African Union mobilises.

African nation militaries are first to get there.

They cannot penetrate the tesseract.

But sometimes they can look through

What they see is like nothing anyone has seen before.

The interiors of the tesseract look like another type of reality

A coalition of militaries from all over the world try to penetrate the structure.

Their attempts have no effect.

 

Time passes.

The best that the world's powers can do is compete in speculations.

Then one day, a video is posted on the internet.

It is from inside the tesseract.

The poster tells the world why the structure was constructed.

They are from another universe.

Home is a thousand planets

And they have trading posts on millions of others.

They are on Earth to set up a trading post.

They have no wish to make war on humans.

They have no need for any more territory.

What they have taken so far is all that they need.

They only want to trade.

The human world can do nothing more than listen

After that they can do no more than discuss amongst themselves.

 

Various ways of violently breaching the tesseract have already been tried.

The first missiles explode against the structure's exterior without any effect.

So one day, a US navy battleship fires a cruise missile.

The battleship is destroyed after the missile turns back and strikes it.

The first thought is that this was a technical malfunction.

But then, the same thing happens when a fighter jet attempts to fire missiles at the dome.

They travel a little distance before turning around to blow the jet out of the sky.

NATO declares that, "All options are on the table."

A tactical nuclear weapon is deployed.

It lifts off.

It changes direction.

It strikes the command centre from where the order to deploy had been issued

After this, humans decide to stop using military force against the alien structure.

A week later, the video is posted onto the internet.

 

Leaders of the Earth's nations gather to discuss the offer.

Some, made wary by historical experiences, do not believe that trade is all the aliens want.

Others are aware of the same histories but, they are also aware of other histories.

They are willing to give the benefit of doubt.

They point out that not all trade missions have led to the subjugation of native peoples.

They point to the long term existence of China-towns in various parts of the world.

They point to how China-towns exist as an abode for non-intrusive guests.

They propose that this may be an extra-terrestrial version.

In the end, one fact alone determines how humans react to the offer:

They have no choice.

It is clear that they cannot militarily subdue the invaders.

And so the mighty men of violence stand naked.

They look around with the eyes of bewildered lost children.

Because when there is nothing to kill, killers become redundant.

 

 

Representatives from all geopolitical blocs form up a delegation

They come to the tesseract to negotiate a trade agreement.

On returning, they baffle their governments.

The aliens, it seems, are only interested in human s**t.

This is not a euphemism.

They want human excrement.

While in the tesseract, the delegation also ask a question

One that has been upmost in the minds of human military strategists:

It is obvious that in military terms, humans are no match for the aliens.

Why have they not simply taken whatever it is they want?

What are they waiting for before they do this?

The aliens say again that they are only interested in human excrement

They need humans alive if excrement is to be produced.

 

So the intent is to enslave humans?

Will this end with humans enslaved and reared in pens for their excrement?

"No," say the aliens, "we have tried this before."

"The results were unsatisfactory"

"The excrement of captives is far inferior to what is produced by ones who think of themselves as free."

 

This explains why they have not behaved like typical invaders.

On being asked what they offer in return for s**t, they produce a machine.

It is cranked up and soon, from various orifices, various objects emerge

Currencies, gold, diamonds, and many other precious minerals are produced.

The aliens say, "We will pay you with however much of this you desire."

 

The currencies and minerals are tested for authenticity.

It is impossible to differentiate currencies produced by the alien device from those printed by various government mints.

The minerals are as pure as anything that is mined from the Earth.

Worst of all, from the point of view of bankers and credit card companies, the alien device is somehow able to affect virtual money.

Credit and debit cards are automatically credited on the global system with whatever amount the aliens put on them.

 

Top officials from the World Bank, the IMF, and the BIS call a meeting.

Representatives of the world's most powerful banks and multinationals attend.

When they rise, a communique is released.

They call for a boycott of the aliens.

They warn that what the aliens have brought to Earth represents a threat.

One that could end the enlightened and progressive global civilization that humanity sacrificed much to build.

The UN Security Council unanimously votes to give the banker's recommendation the force of a UN resolution.

The resolution places a comprehensive sanction on the aliens.

No one is to trade with them.

No one is to have any sort of dealings with them.

They are to be ostracised.

 

In the UN General Assembly, some countries have another idea.

They speak against the policy devised by financiers and multinationals.

These countries declare that they fully intend to trade with the aliens.

They will establish communications with the aliens.

They intend to bypass the UN and those who have taken it upon themselves to unilaterally decide for all humanity.

 

It becomes clear that no agreement will be reached between the two human camps

The Security Council meets again.

They pass a resolution placing sanctions on any country or persons who trade with the aliens.

They also authorise the use of military force against such countries.

 

Enforcement of the sanction against communications with the aliens is immediate

An order is given to block off all internet links to and from the alien enclave.

Two minutes after the blackout is put into effect, all links from the alien enclave are restored.

However, websites belonging to agencies of Security Council members are taken down.

The best minds employed by these governments cannot get the websites back up.

The aliens post a message on their favoured social media website.

It says that they will restore the downed websites at midnight (in each time-zone).

They will do this because it is not their intention to interfere adversely with the running of countries internal affairs.

At midnight (in each time-zone), the sites come back up.

 

While all this was going on, a nation close to the tesseract initiates contact with the aliens.

They want to discuss terms of trade.

The aliens appoint an ambassador.

They tell the Africans that the ambassador is female.

Her name, they say, is Inspirational Endeavours.

They ask the African nation to appoint its own ambassador.

 

The Africans appoint an ambassador to the Trader enclave.

They appoint a man named Ojo Eyimori

The first words spoken to him by Inspirational Endeavours is "Know me."

So he asks why human s**t is so valuable to her species.

She tells him that they seek it because it is a product that they have many uses for.

That it is so valuable because only humans can produce it.

And humans are few and rare.

An organism that can be found only on one small planet.

Ojo Eyimori wants to know why the machines that make gold cannot make s**t

The alien tells him that only human s**t can only be produced by humans.

This is why it has value.

Then Ojo Eyimori asks, "By what name are your people known?"

Inspirational Endeavours replies, "We are Traders."

"In all languages, we are called Traders."

 

While the Trader and the African get to know each other, others continue to discuss implications.

Some believe that human life is given purpose by work.

They warn that these aliens will destroy the concept of work.

Why work when you can trade your shit for whatever you desire?

"They want to put the whole planet on the dole!"

 

One man from Antwerp has an idea

He says, "Why not integrate these Traders into the global system?"

"Why not treat what they are after as if it were just another commodity?"

He is suggesting that human s**t be listed on stock exchanges

That the Traders go through brokers

Which will allow brokers to get their commissions

Commissions that they will put into bank accounts

Everybody wins.

 

This sounds good to London

It sounds good to Frankfurt and Paris

New York is on board

Tokyo thinks it is a good idea

But at Ibadan they ask why

At Harare they ask why

They ask why their s**t needs to be sold in London

Or in New York or Paris

They want to know why Frankfurters should get commissions for Ibadan's s**t.

They ask if Harare will also get paid when New Yorkers s**t.

No? Then how can it be said that "Everybody wins?"

This is how the idea from Antwerp gets swept aside.

 

Ojo Eyimori is asked to describe the interior of the Trader's domain

He is asked to describe Inspirational Endeavours.

He replies that all he has seen in the alien structure are mirrors.

Mirrors of different shapes, textures, sizes, and colours.

Some stationary, some mobile.

Some hard and some insubstantial to the point of being ethereal

Fading in and out of sight

Mirrors that sometimes reflect what is around them.

And show things that he has no way of describing at other times.

Sounds, tastes, smells, tactile sensations, feelings...

Inspirational Endeavours is a mirror.

A multi-dimensional mirror

One with no fixed size.

One that ripples, changes colours and contains other mirrors.

"When I look at the alien, I see myself as I am and I see distorted images of myself."

 

Ojo Eyimori's country is declared to be an outlaw nation

The UN Security Council passes a resolution authorising regime change

"A government cannot be permitted to sell its own people into slavery."

"The International Community will not stand by and watch while this inhumanity takes place."

 

The African nation prepares to be invaded

They ask the Traders for weapons

The Traders reply is that they do not trade in weapons

“However”, they say

“We are prepared to establish an outpost in your nation.”

Factions form among the Africans

Some favour the idea of a Trader outpost

Some see it as the beginning of colonization

Others advocate for solidarity with fellow humans.

 

In the end, 'International Community' air-strikes decide the matter

The air-strikes are described as "Liberation of citizenry from tyranny."

They destroy the lives of hundreds who had nothing to do with global politics or economics

The destroy the credibility of those who had been advocating for solidarity with fellow humans

It is clear that these 'fellow humans' care less for African lives than they do for getting their own way.

This is the story told by the mangled corpses of children and ordinary people

The Traders are invited to build an outpost on the coast of the African nation.

But there are ones from this nation with long memories

Ones who remember Goree and Elmina

They speak in whispers of this new beginning of something old.

Few of those who hear these whispers are interested in what the whisperers have to say.

Because once the outpost is built, successful attacks from 'fellow humans' become an impossibility

Because while the aliens will not trade in weapons

They will also not allow use of weapons wherever they are.

 

Unassailable benefits are desirable

So others invite the Traders to build their outposts

For long, reboots of the old order had been mis-labelled

Old systems were tweaked and called a 'new world order'

Now, humans start to experience the real thing

 

Practicalities

This is how it is in Ojo Eyimori's nation:

The central government does not exist to provide infrastructures

So people dig wells in their front-yards for water

They provide electricity for themselves

People cannot rely on government for security

And they have to find ways by themselves to dispose of all waste products

Which includes human waste

People dig holes for septic tanks in their backyards

Every household is custodian of its own s**t

And so people start asking questions

The central government had sold gold

It had sold oil and the rights to fish coastal waters.

It had even sold land

And kept all moneys for itself.

This was why people had to dig for water in their front-yard

Why they had to bury s**t in their backyard.

 

One man is the first to say it loud

"The government can sell its own s**t, I will sell mine."

He shut his gate when the official extractor tanker comes to his yard

"My s**t is mine", he says.

The tanker leaves and the man's neighbours celebrate

13 hours later at 4 am, the tanker returns

It is accompanied by a truckload of red-eyed police

They break down the man's gates

They form a line with minds, bodies, and guns ready

Neighbours awoken by noise will not be allowed to get close

They beat up members of the household

They throw one down from an upstairs balcony

They smash open the concrete covering the septic tank

They demolish a part of the house as they drive the tanker in

They steal this household's s**t

This same s**t that was one of the many things that they did not care about months ago.

If sickness and hunger became commodities, for sure the government would steal them.

This is what the world has come to.

 

They changed everything these Traders

They changed what humans called wealth

They changed what humans called power

Then one day, after having been on Earth for 220 years, they vanished.

To be continued...


Reactions

Join the conversation through disqus comments or via our forum. Click on any of the tabs below to select your desired option. Please engage decently.

  • Disqus Comments
  • Facebook
  • Forum Discussion