Interesting questions, interesting advice

[Oluwato]

http://www.lifescript.com/Life/Relat...Angry.aspx?p=1

I like the link between infidelity and aggression...it's sinful anger, that's what I call it.

>>>Perhaps this difficulty in dealing with anger comes out as infidelities and fantasies, which are actually emotional boxing matches. You’re both throwing punches and getting hurt, but the problems aren’t being solved.<<<

[liloldlady]

Many a time...infidelity is passive>>>agressive BS
where people use 3rd parties, to get even at their SOs or other principal persons in their lives, for percieved wrongs, etc.

Sad thing is...it never addresses or solves the original problem, only manages to muddy the waters, and drag in other people, who have no business being involved in the couples business, to begin with.

Prince Charles Had an affair to get even with his father, for making him Marry Diana.....how messed up is that. When all along he was in-love with Camilla and was too spineless to stand up to society, and claim his Bride.
It was after they had wrecked 2 marriages the both of them, did they finally have the balls to do what they should have done 30yrs earlier.

Dear Dr. V,
I’m three months pregnant. The other day I got into an argument with my boyfriend when I asked him to take me to a doctor’s appointment. He started yelling and later said that my No. 1 job was to not "piss him off."

Everyone thinks he’s impatient except for him. How do I show him how he really acts? Every time I tell him he hurts my feelings, he turns it around and tells me that I don't care about his. What do I do?

- Rania K.

Obviously not experienced in 'man-boy' tantrums and gimmicks eh?

He has the right to be angry or whatever....just take care of yourself and your baby. He would soon come around sooner or later......if not 'fashi' his arse and step on to the next baby daddy.

Afterall, marriage is not in vogue any more.

Your partner needs to be a man and take care of his woman. If he’s unwilling, it’s time to seriously reconsider your — and your child’s — future with this man.

Good advice!

Na who come get teeth for rotten meat for hinside disi 21st century kpa kpa? Abegiooo...soldier come, soldier go...barrack no dey empty.

Next problem pleaaaaaaaaaaaase!

Dear Dr. V,
I met a guy online and we talked for months over the phone. After I traveled to his hometown to meet him, we agreed he’d come live with me. A month after moving in, he still hadn’t found a job and my son discovered he’s been emailing another woman.

He also said he had two grown daughters, but I’ve learned he has five children – the youngest is 5 years old. I told him to leave, even though he said we were soulmates and that he wanted to get married next year.

He’s been gone for almost a week now and I truly miss him. We’ve agreed not to call it quits yet, but he needs time to get his life in order. Do you think I acted too hastily in asking him to move out?

- Linda P.

Boy! He must have been the best you ever had! I don't blame you jare....sometimes, that is all it takes. I shall keep you in my prayers...so we can jointly find a solution to this problem some day. When you find a good one like this guy has....it is very difficult to let go.

The real question here: Why are you staying with this guy in the first place? He has a problem with compulsive lying.

Ever heard of "desperate" woman syndrome?

Next problem pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Dear Dr. V,
I’ve been with this guy for a little over a year. I used to be an exotic dancer, but I quit for him and got a regular job.

Since then I have so much resentment toward him. Even though I'm working a regular job, he thinks I'm always flirting with everyone. He goes through my phone bill, but the minute I ask to see his, he flips out.

I gave up a lot for him and I don't know what I can do to make him see this. I've tried talking to him, but it just turns into a screaming match. What can I do?

- Tammi S.

Serves you right! Next time get someone who loves and appreciates you for who and what you are. Never change for anybody. Next time befriend a PIMP!

Next problem pleaaaaaaaaaaaase!

Dear Dr. V,
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 13. He’s my first love. He was unfaithful many times before we married, but, as far as I know, he hasn't cheated since.

Now I feel we’re headed in different directions. I have doubts that I’m in love with him. Sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to be a single mom. I even had a short affair last year – I really enjoyed it too.

Does this mean I have fallen out of love with him? My husband doesn't know about the affair and he would kill me if he found out. Help!

- Mel F.

Very normal my dear. No, you have not fallen out of love with your husband......things have just gone really stale at the moment. No woman in her right mind would ever confess to the husband that she cheated since it is never a level playing field. What men get away with, women get crucified for....the reason you have to conceal such encounters reasonably. I am glad you enjoyed it. It would have really sucked if you didn't......a wasted effort I'd say.

Such is life my dear with marriages that are old and stale. Just learn to 'chop and clean' mouth and leave the rest to God. After all he has cheated in the past too.......AND YOU STILL MARRIED HIM..not to say that make it right. Women always harbor resentments no matter how accommodating they may seem to be of their husbands' past wrongs. It is only a matter of time before payback day arrives.

I am glad you have had yours, and it was really sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
The memories are to be cherished forever and ever.....amen.

Perhaps this difficulty in dealing with anger comes out as infidelities and fantasies, which are actually emotional boxing matches. You’re both throwing punches and getting hurt, but the problems aren’t being solved.

Who told you? Did she not state that she enjoyed it? What other means do you recommend to cure staleness in marriages? Fasting and praying? The punches never stop till death do us part......


Next problem pleaaaaaaaaaaaase!

Is He Your Soulmate?
Your soulmate is someone who lights the fire inside you, someone you love unequivocally and who shares your world view. So does your guy make the grade? Or are you settling for a relationship that's just "nice"? Take this quiz to find out now if he's your soulmate.

Definitely not a 'wife' or a 'husband'....ask governor of South Carolina....the gospel according to Mark Sanford.....

No need for quiz ma!

You usually try to fall 'back' in love with the husband or wife.....while the 'soul mate' lights the fire in you all the way from Argentina.................or NVS.

Why do you think some of "us" spend all this time here huh? To read Nigerian news?

Looking for soul "bed" mates of course NOT spouses......had enough of those.

[liloldlady]

Dear Dr V, Why does Simbili need a Psychiatrist.

Because she is crazy mad, and we love her dearly, but we cannot allow her to go on like this, she will scatter the whole place.

Moreover she is doing damage, Especially to our sides, from all the laughter she induces with her crazy arse posts.

Now off I go to get ready.....I got a flight to catch.

[Oluwato]

For some reason Simbili is being mistaken for a female, he is male...

Dear Dr V, Why does Simbili need a Psychiatrist.

Dr V replies:

No...darling Simby does not need a psychiatrist. He has long figured out that 'normal' is boring and 'crazy' is fun.

The only advice is for you and others to stay in your own corner/s......Trespass at your own risk.

[liloldlady]

Originally Posted by Wizzy

Dr V replies:

No...darling Simby does not need a psychiatrist. He has long figured out that 'normal' is boring and 'crazy' is fun.

The only advice is for you and others to stay in your own corner/s......Trespass at your own risk.

Dayum...don't tell me Wizzy is some kinda NVS reincarnation too....Ya know, a real NVS rebirth.

I am an old woman....I can't keep up please. have a heart, or a rose or two

[mulan]

Is Wizzy = Simbili = Dewwy?

[Oluwato]

Another interesting piece on questions and answers...

http://www.slate.com/id/2233031/?GT1=38001

[Oluwato]

I like this one... emotional breadcrumbs... first time I've heard it described that way...

http://www.lifescript.com/Life/Relat...e_Him.aspx?p=1

He's Abusive: Why Does She Love Him?
By Venus Nicolino, Ph.D., Lifescript Relationship Expert
Published November 04, 2009
Dear Dr. V,
My man and I were together 11 years, during which we had three children. At first, he was only verbally abusive, but then he became abusive to the point of hospital visits for me and jail for him. I have lied for him, thinking I was doing the right thing for the kids so they could have their dad.
Now he’s looking at life in prison for raping me and choking me. But for some reason, I feel sorry for him and don't know how to stop.
He tells me he still loves me and I fall for it. I feel so stupid for trying to think of ways to get him out of this. HELP!

- Jill C.
Dear Jill,
Emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a survival strategy. After 11 years of abuse, it’s no wonder you fall for emotional breadcrumbs in the form of “I love you.”
What you’re experiencing sounds like Stockholm syndrome, a very common feeling among survivors of violence from an intimate partner.
Please don’t blame yourself for what’s happened in the past or for any emotions you may feel. None of this is your fault.
Get into some kind of therapy or counseling immediately. If you were seriously physically injured, you would go to the emergency room. In the same way, your heart and mind have been deeply wounded and need immediate professional care.
Nobody can do this alone and there’s help to end the violence and the coercive control you are experiencing. A good place to start is the National Domestic Abuse Hotline (www.ndvh.org/), where you’ll find supportive information and links to help in your area.
Again, this isn’t your fault. But it is time to take responsibility for your healing.
Tap into the strength you carry in your heart so you can begin to care for yourself. You owe it to yourself as a human being and to your children as their mother. You all deserve to leave the fear, pain and tears of the past behind you.
Remember: You are loved, you are not alone and you are stronger than you think.
*******************************



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