My Homage

[Petite]

Hello Peeps,

Before I introduce myself let me apologise to the elders for posting a comment with out paying homage.

I will remain on my knees till they tell me to stand up " E ma binu si mi".

I am Adeyinka aka petite.

latest jjc in town

[omo-mummy]

You are welcome adeyinka. I am new too, few hours ahead of you but guess the elders are sharing some 'egunjes'

But as the self proclaimed First Contact Director, I welcome you on behalf of the elders. They will be here to respond appropriately.

Omo-Mummy
First Contact Director
Homeland
Self Proclaim'd (awaiting approval)

[Dimaanu]

You are welcome adeyinka. I am new too, few hours ahead of you but guess the elders are sharing some 'egunjes'

But as the self proclaimed First Contact Director, I welcome you on behalf of the elders. They will be here to respond appropriately.

Omo-Mummy
First Contact Director
Homeland
Self Proclaim'd (awaiting approval)

Osanobua-a-a-a-a-a!!!!!!!
Pikin wey say im mama no go sleep......

Hi, Elgaxton (Deputy Director, Village Homeland Security)

Are your guys sleeping on duty or what?
How did this pikin manage to enter the Visa Review office?
Can someone help her find her mommy...ASAP!

@ Omo Mommy
You are most welcome to NVS!
You might want to to start an intro thread so you'd be properly welcomed.
Plenty titles await.


Dimaanu
Out-Going Adviser General (JJCAMB)

[Petite]

Please elders where r u, i have been on my kness 4 a few hours now. My knees dey pain me oh.

Omo mummy thanx 4 d welcome!

[smilee]

Welcome to the square Petite!



Dimaanu - see I took your advice hehehe

[VOR]

Abeg Petite get up o! On behalf of the elders I permit you to get up biko, jo (abi, elders?)!

Ehenn, after you get up, go and bring correct egunj... sorry kolanut for the elders so we can begin to jollificate your entrance to the filage of no regret!

Omo mummy............hmmmmmmmmmmm the shildrens of nowahadays........ you just collect title wey so people don dey lobby for since kengbe (long time) come give yasef........no make oga Don catch you o!!!

[sandylomo]

Hi Petit (JJC)

Correct babe. Report reaching me indicated that you are still on your kness, despite say Olori VOR don ajuwaya you. Oya stand up my dear. You are heartly welcome. You don sabi wash hand so you must to follow elders chop.

The village visa interrogation and Review officers will be on shortly but while you are there, why not tell us the koko of the matter behind this your name (handle).

Remember, be nice o

Mesi.

[elgaxton]

You are welcome adeyinka. I am new too, few hours ahead of you but guess the elders are sharing some 'egunjes'

But as the self proclaimed First Contact Director, I welcome you on behalf of the elders. They will be here to respond appropriately.

Omo-Mummy
First Contact Director
Homeland
Self Proclaim'd (awaiting approval)

Eheeen!

U get mind o... u sure sey u wan get ur own visa at all ok o!



Petite,

You are welcome to NVS

Just hold a lil... the Interrogation officers will be with u in a giffy.

Elgaxton

Director village Homeland security

[calist]

Hello Petite,

You are welcomed to NVS

a) How body?
b) How Petite is miss Petite?
c) What do you do for a living?
d) Is it true that life na teacher?
e) Give 5 reasons for (d)

All the best

Calist
In coming Chief of Staff
Due process Office

[Abraxas]

Hi, Petite (JJC)!

Hello Petite,

You are welcomed to NVS

a) How boby?

I beg, make yoo try answer dis qwexshion well-well, {yoo hear?}

Even sef, paa~paa, make I axe yoo: Abi na ya boby wey petite, or na ya height?

No waist time to answer my quexshions-o! Me, I no get tyme, sam-sam! I dey kukuma go relasx small for Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque) wey dey for 555th Floor, chaqkk better Dom Perignon, blow 'tory small with some agba suzzies, and ogbonge Senior Babes of 9jeriya wey jos arrive we Village (of origin) from Italia.

Obrigado, ojare!

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
Out-going Village High Commissioner & Welcomer-in-Chief of all NVS-Compliant JJCs in this and other universes.
_________________________
_________________________
Hi, Petite (JJC)!

Hello Petite,

You are welcomed to NVS

a) How boby?

I beg, make yoo try answer dis qwexshion well-well, {yoo hear?}

Even sef, paa~paa, make I axe yoo: Abi na ya boby wey petite, or na ya height?

No waist time to answer my quexshions-o! Me, I no get tyme, sam-sam! I dey kukuma go relasx small for Elders' Forum (Bar & Discotheque) wey dey for 555th Floor, chaqkk better Dom Perignon, blow 'tory small with some agba suzzies, and ogbonge Senior Babes of 9jeriya wey jos arrive we Village (of origin) from Italia.

Obrigado, ojare!

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
Out-going Village High Commissioner & Welcomer-in-Chief of all NVS-Compliant JJCs in this and other universes.

[calist]

The oga himself, that is the more reason I do not quiet appreciate this your undue retirement.

Abeg na typographical error.

All correct sir.

[Petite]

Well body dey inside cloth and yes I am petite hence the "handle".

As they say "Good things come in small packages", which wud be describing moi in a nutshell !!!
I am an Information Analyst and yes life is a teacher.

Answer to question (d) could take me a whole day but lets just say that I have learnt that d only person u can trust is God and yourself some of the time.

Thanx Guys 4 havin me.

[Dimaanu]

Mademoiselle Petite,

Welcome to the square!

Please did you bring any gift for me? I am not talking about petite gifts o.

Please hurry up with your interview, We need to celebrate something around here. I am not liking this drought in in the area of jollification.

[emj]

Hmmm...Petite...benvenuto in piazza...welcome to the square.

Nice goings and doings guys..cheerios for now

[sandylomo]

Maazi elgaxton (Director Village Homeland Security) and Ms. Calist (Chief of staff, Due process). Please, do we have any update on the security clearance and synopsis of due process for this applicant?

Please revert ASAP.

Mesi

[elgaxton]

Maazi elgaxton (Director Village Homeland Security) and Ms. Calist (Chief of staff, Due process). Please, do we have any update on the security clearance and synopsis of due process for this applicant?

Please revert ASAP.

Mesi

Yes She's cleared to go!

[sandylomo]

Hi Lady Petit (JJC),

You don try!

Welcome to the final stage of your Visa Interview process.
Please find below, the partykolas that you must present to the Village elders before your Visa will be approved.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The List:

(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri


Simply make sure that the above list is included in your next post, thereafter, I will forward a final reccomendation to the Welcomer-In-Chief to approve your Visa request.

Remmember: Dont keep the elders waiting o!

[Petite]

Elders, please accept the gift below. Make una no vex say e dey small.
How ever b like say na my whole salary I spend on top dis thing, omo d list b like niga engagement list.

Latest JJC in town!!!



(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri

[sandylomo]

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS(III)
Outgoing Welcomer-In-Chief of all NVS-compliant JJCs Here and Beyond
Village Twin Towers Complex
NVS-Cyberspace


July 11th 2008


Dear Oga,


Presenting.......... Petit

The above-named JJC has satisfactorily completed every aspect of due process, and is cleared to approach the Bench.

I recommend that you, please, approve her request for the much coveted NVS transit Visa.


Thank you, Sir!

[Abraxas]

The Village High Commission

500th Floor, The Twin Tower Complex, The Square NV1SQ, Cyberspace.

Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com

Reference: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/PT.8.002.Cap 70/21.Vol.4Q./21954661/.ApdxLXXVIX(P)

Date: Friday, 12 July 2008.


Hi, Ms. Petite (JJC)!

Congratulations!

Two (2) nuclear GBOZAs to you for your excellent inter-personal skills, for conducting yourself very well, and successfully completing your visa interview.

I am writing to say that the time limit and conditionalities attached to your entering our Village of origin have been removed. An appropriate endorsement has been placed on your passport, which is enclosed.

You are now free to remain permanently in our very beloved Village of origin. You do not require any permission from anybody, to take or change employment in the Village Twin Towers Complex or any other Village Virtual Community for that matter. You may engage in any activity, provided you comply with the constitution of our dearly beloved Village of no regret.

Finally, by the powers conferred upon me, on behalf of all Villagers and JJCs, I do hereby cordially, and very wholeheartedly, welcome you on board the Nigerian Village Square, the flagship of Nigeria in cyberspace, as a fully authenticated citizen of this Village.

We all look forward to your active participation in the Square, as you now leave the Village Twin Towers Complex. We also expect that you show some level-headedness, objectivity, consistency, maturity, and good interpersonal skills in your interactions with others, whenever YOU are on the Square.
Once more, welcome on board the Nigerian Village Square, the default home page of the Nigerian cyber-literati, worldwide.

TEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPROVED.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
(a.k.a. His Eminence, Sheikh Sadiqq d’Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)

Out-going Welcomer-in-Chief & Village High Commissioner; Life President, Elders’ Forum (Bar & Discotheque); CEO, Global Alliance Against Neo-Racism in British Airways; Director of Propaganda & Enlightenment (D.O.P.E.), Special Task Force for the Demystification of OBJ, IBB, Murtala Mohammed, Mohammadu Buhari, Abdulsalami Abubakar, David Mark, et al; Director of Operations, Special Task Force for the Efficient Evacuation of OBJ from Aso Rock Villa, Abuja, to Ibogun (in the middle of Nowhere); Secretary General, Global Coalition for the Demilitarization of Nigerian Politics, post-OBJ.




cc: Department of Miscellaneous What-not-isms, Office of His Excellency, Oga Big-K (The Penthouse, 555th Floor)

cc: Chairperson, Board of Trustees, JJC Admission Matters Bureau (500th Floor)
cc: Out-going Adviser General, AG, JJCAMB. (500th Floor).
cc: In-coming Welcomer-in-Chief. (450th Floor)
cc: In-coming Adviser General, JJCAMB. (450th Floor
cc: Database Administrator, DA. (Basement Level 30)
cc: Director, Village Homeland Security Department (DD-VHS), (250th Floor)
cc: Director, Visa Interrogation Operations, D-VIO. (440th Floor)
cc: Chief of Staff Due Process Office, COS-DPO. (440th Floor)
cc: Chief Visa Review Officer, CVRO. (400th Floor)
cc: Assistant Chief Special Assistant to the AG, ACSA-AG. (450th Floor)
cc: Senior Special Assistant to the Chief of Staff, Due Process. 450th Floor)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

APPENDIX 1:

Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Holy Book of Psychedelic Lies according to General Overseer Igbochukwu Matthew Olusegun Okikiolakan Aremu Obasanjo (GCFR).

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Ibadan, a man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He said:

“I'm doing some research for Vaseline - have you ever used the product?"

She says: "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.

And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?

We use it for sex.”

The researcher was a little taken back.

“Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain, or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The woman said:

“I don't mind telling you at all...My husband and I put it on the door knob, and it becomes very slippery, and it keeps the kids out.”

That is the end of my first story for today.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

APPENDIX 2:

Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Gospel according to Prophet (Professor Emeritus) Ibrahim Gambari, the colonial administrator, and conflict resolution expert in charge of Oil-rich ancient Ilorin Emirate

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, one day, a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.

"I can fix that with some aspirin. If I just take some, I'll be better in a second"

So, he reached into his pocket and pulled condom after condom out, until he found the aspirin. He took it and his blinking went away.

The CEO said: "We don't approve of womanizing!"


The guy said: "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while you’re winking?"

That is the end of my second and last story for today.