Would you go on with this pregnancy?

[First-lady]

Children are gifts from God,I believe.
All children,regardless of how they got here have a purpose and a right to live and be loved.
However some children come with some challenges of various degrees that could be tasking for their parents and loved one.
I'm sure we all know someone there or we may be in similar situations ourselves.
Everywoman carrying a baby dreams of this cute healthy bouncing baby boy or girl that'll grow up and excel in work and play but it doesn't always turn out that way.
Some of these precious ones are born with congenital defects,some end up with cerebral palsy of varying degrees,learning disablities and a myriad of situations that can task parents including autism and it's wide spectrum of similar conditions.

now my question,you can answer anonymously,but please share your sincere thoughts.

If you knew by way of ultrasound,amniocentesis or blood tests that the fetus in your womb (or wife's womb) had a developmental defect, would you have the baby aborted or would you go along with the pregnancy knowing the challenges ahead,most especially that you may have to care for this child for the rest of his/her life and in some cases that they may pass on after some few short years.

[HolyPagan]

Children are gifts from God,I believe.
All children,regardless of how they got here have a purpose and a right to live and be loved.
However some children come with some challenges of various degrees that could be tasking for their parents and loved one.
I'm sure we all know someone there or we may be in similar situations ourselves.
Everywoman carrying a baby dreams of this cute healthy bouncing baby boy or girl that'll grow up and excel in work and play but it doesn't always turn out that way.
Some of these precious ones are born with congenital defects,some end up with cerebral palsy of varying degrees,learning disablities and a myriad of situations that can task parents including autism and it's wide spectrum of similar conditions.

now my question,you can answer anonymously,but please share your sincere thoughts.

If you knew by way of ultrasound,amniocentesis or blood tests that the fetus in your womb (or wife's womb) had a developmental defect, would you have the baby aborted or would you go along with the pregnancy knowing the challenges ahead,most especially that you may have to care for this child for the rest of his/her life and in some cases that they may pass on after some few short years.

I am going to relate a true story it happened to a Friend.

One day in October 2003, a friend that I was not particularly close to at the time called me, in despair.
She opened with "Did you know I am 5 months pregnant?"
I told her no since I lived in a different town and she had not mentioned it to me.
At which point I went ahead and congratulated her on the good news.
She told me how she had been through 4 Miscarriages prior to that pregnancy, and was even suicidal at some point, because of that.
She then through tears, told me how she had just gone for an ante-natal check up, and had also had the results of some earlier tests given to her.

She was told that based on the tests, the child would most likely be born with Down's syndrome and probably with other congenital defects both physical and or mental.She was adviced to have an aminio..wharreva done, and the risk of a miscarriage as a consequence was explained to her.
She was distraught at this stage.

He Husband is the typical Pontius Pilate.....when she asked him what to do...he lobbed the ball back to her court for a decision.
And told her that whatever she decided was OK with him.
They had a 6yr old girl already and she was desperate for another child.

When she called me, I asked her One question....Do you see you capable of loving this child...even if it comes out disabled in one form or the other?She said YES.
I told her "Have your Child then"
She went on to have a baby girl in Feb 2004. NOT one single thing was wrong with this child.

When it comes to Parenting especially motherhood, we have a purpose.
We are only caretakers. We are not owners.
Creation has a reason for giving us that role. And there is perfection in the Universe.

My answers to that question is YES..the Child will be born and loved even if its for an hour, day, week, months, years, eternity.

By the Way.....I am Pro Choice.

[First-lady]

Wow!!
What a great heart warming story.

She told me how she had been through 4 Miscarriages prior to that pregnancy, and was even suicidal at some point, because of that.

I don't wish to change the topic of my thread but the above statement stood out.
My relative here lost a baby and had to go through a late term abortion to get the remains out,that whole thing threw her into a deep clinical depression for almost a year,she couldn't sleep, drive, work or take care of herself,her whole bodily systems went haywire with symptoms that were unexplainable in medical tests,fevers spiking and lasting for days,racing heart rates and being unable to even carry her own weight while walking.It was scary,trips upon trips to the ER and admissions.
I was so scared that we would lose her,her voice became so faint,you could barely hear her when she spoke.Here was a girl that would be the life of any party reduced to a shadow of herself but thank God she bounced back.

[MsWoman]

That amnio test has scared hundreds of ppl I know meanwilly the children come out perfectly okay! My sister lapsed into one kain mild depression with her second child for the last few months of her pregnancy. It was pretty bad! Thank God for His mercies the baby came out perfect and that her sadness did not lead to any problems.

[First-lady]

That amnio test has scared hundreds of ppl I know meanwilly the children come out perfectly okay! My sister lapsed into one kain mild depression with her second child for the last few months of her pregnancy. It was pretty bad! Thank God for His mercies the baby came out perfect and that her sadness did not lead to any problems.

Praise God for that mighty deliverance.
These are some of the things our culture doesn't address.We automatically think a woman goes through pregnancy gives birth to a healthy baby and everyone is happy but the reality is far from that.
The hormonal changes can throw a woman totally out of wack and sometimes even after the baby is born,everyone else is happy but the new mother is alone, depressed and miserable.

[HolyPagan]

Praise God for that mighty deliverance.
These are some of the things our culture doesn't address.We automatically think a woman goes through pregnancy gives birth to a healthy baby and everyone is happy but the reality is far from that.
The hormonal changes can throw a woman totally out of wack and sometimes even after the baby is born,everyone else is happy but the new mother is alone, depressed and miserable.

In the UK Suicide is the leading cause of Maternal death.

[MsWoman]

@FL:

See us oh! It was the amnio results that she heard that made her depressed oh! Can you imagine a doctor-induced depression? My sister that is bubbly till the day the baby arrives and even hereafter (my sister is the one that single-handedly bathes her children in palmoil when they all arrive from the hospital). After the incident she refused to do any more amnios. The thing was too traumatic for her jare, not only her. Come and see prayer and fasting in our whole family.

[First-lady]

@FL:

See us oh! It was the amnio results that she heard that made her depressed oh! Can you imagine a doctor-induced depression? My sister that is bubbly till the day the baby arrives and even hereafter (my sister is the one that single-handedly bathes her children in palmoil when they all arrive from the hospital). After the incident she refused to do any more amnios. The thing was too traumatic for her jare, not only her. Come and see prayer and fasting in our whole family.

I was offered amnio with my last pregnancy but I declined it.God won't give us what we can't handle.
Doctors are humans.My husband has a friend whose wife was told that the baby she was carrying was so defective that he would be born with half a brain if he survived till time of delivery.
The man is a pastor.
The insurance set her up with a team of therapists and social workers to persuade them to abort.
They were shown scary pictures of babies born with many defects and the wife just cried and cried at these appointments.
The man eventually told them he was a man of God and that he'll pray and if the baby lived even for one day after birth,they would hold him,love him and give him to God.
They had the baby.
The healthiest child anyone can have with not a single deformity or delay.

[agensheku]

FL,you started this thread by saying kids are gifts from God,forgetting to add that its the man and woman who begged and sweated for this gift.And as you know,its not right to look a gift horse in the mouth.
But for science,how many people were able to assess what was on the way to now start thinking of rejection in the past?Some religious people still frown at doing a scan to determine the sex of the baby because in some countries,eg China and India,once the scan shows its a girl,the foetus may be aborted because they cherish male kids more than females.
Since children have no say in their coming to this world,parents must brace up to nurture what card fate deals them,period.Remember my thread on "Baby Eyinbedike!"The scan probably failed to show the baby had a mouthful of teeth while in the womb,but when it arrived smiling the toothpaste smile at her mama and the nurses,should the mum pick race?
Thats why doctors advice that pregnant women must not use any drug,anyhow...not even ordinary analgesic as anything could happen.

[depirate]

Its good to give stories of children who turned out okay, what about those who have these conditions (and i am sure there are situations when it is not maybe but fact), will you encourage the women to have those kids - and i know people with severely handicapped children and it is devastating.
By the way having a disabled family member is associated with a high risk of family break up, depression & suicide, neglect and abuse etc etc, parents tend to be unemployed and this impacts negatively not only on the family but especially on any siblings.
Also pro-choice but will not be giving any advice in this situation unless i will be intimately involved in the care of the child (if it is born).

[First-lady]

Its good to give stories of children who turned out okay, what about those who have these conditions (and i am sure there are situations when it is not maybe but fact), will you encourage the women to have those kids - and i know people with severely handicapped children and it is devastating.
By the way having a disabled family member is associated with a high risk of family break up, depression & suicide, neglect and abuse etc etc, parents tend to be unemployed and this impacts negatively not only on the family but especially on any siblings.
Also pro-choice but will not be giving any advice in this situation unless i will be intimately involved in the care of the child (if it is born).

So if you were faced with this situation and you knew the baby had some serious issues (God forbid o,not your portion just speaking for the sake of the thread)
What will you do?

[depirate]

Abort it period - in case you missed it i am 100% pro-choice, including giving up the child after birth and never setting eyes on it again.
If the mother decides to keep it then i will stand by her for as long as he/she is with us, but that is because my women are important to me and not because of the child.

No need for God to forbid jack, sh.it happens and we all have as much chance of having it happen to us as the next man (or are you implying we are somehow better than those who such happen to)

[HolyPagan]

It is good to give stories of those who turned out OK, because folks need to know that these tests are not always accurate.
It is good to give stories of those who turned out OK because folks need to know that their fate is not sealed by a test result.

Marriages break up any given day of the week...
Unemployment happens any given day of the week...
depression, Suicide, Neglect and abuse happen any given day of the week...
And Most times, there is not a single, Disabled, dependent child in that family.

Yes I would encourage a person who comes to me for HELP to make a difficult decision, with my own choice, because they asked for my Opinion and counsel.

If I will not want a child who is run over and hence severely disabled as a consequence of such a mishap, to be disposed of, just because. Then I will not expect to make the decision to dispose of the foetus/embryo, because it will be severely disabled at birth, no matter how devastating...
Whether I want to make my so called men or women happy does not mean only one thing ...Abort...It is what I consider the best option considering the circumstances that matters to me...The operational criteria is PRO AND CHOICE.

[depirate]

It is good to give stories of those who turned out OK, because folks need to know that these tests are not always accurate.
It is good to give stories of those who turned out OK because folks need to know that their fate is not sealed by a test result.

Marriages break up any given day of the week...
Unemployment happens any given day of the week...
depression, Suicide, Neglect and abuse happen any given day of the week...
And Most times, there is not a single, Disabled, dependent child in that family.

Yes I would encourage a person who comes to me for HELP to make a difficult decision, with my own choice, because they asked for my Opinion and counsel.

If I will not want a child who is run over and hence severely disabled as a consequence of such a mishap, to be disposed of, just because. Then I will not expect to make the decision to dispose of the foetus/embryo, because it will be severely disabled at birth, no matter how devastating...
Whether I want to make my so called men or women happy does not mean only one thing ...Abort...It is what I consider the best option considering the circumstances that matters to me...The operational criteria is PRO AND CHOICE.

Thanks for the above, however it seems to me that you were lecturing me (if you were, it will be more fruitful trying to get water from a rock).
The most pertinent thing you said in the above was PRO & CHOICE - you will decide to keep the baby (that is your choice, and i respect it), while i will decide not to (and that is my choice, do you respect that?) with the proviso that if the mother wanted to keep it then i will support her to the best of my ability. The problem with the 'pro-lifers' is that since they will deny you the right to make the choice to have an abortion if they had their way, they then make it look like the 'pro-choicers' want to deny you the right to not have an abortion if they had their way, which clearly isn't true - to have or not have a baby are both choices and all we ask is the freedom to decide which is best for us personally (and this is completely independent of what you may decide to do)
How exactly does my personal decision equate to only one thing - abort? This decision of mine has nothing to do with making anyone happy (instead the making my women happy bit had to do with keeping the baby if that is what the mother wanted, and ultimately it is the mother who makes the decision)
What to do in this situation is very difficult to decide and i have stated that i will not be giving advice on what to do, this doesn't mean that i will not listen or support someone who come to me for help, however the decision has to be theirs and theirs alone because they are the ones that will live with the consequences, and is definitely not the place for 'MORAL HIGH GROUNDS'. I will gladly go through the pros & cons but will desist form imposing my beliefs because the outcome is fraught with danger - say i convince them to abort and then they see other normal children who had the same prognosis, they will forever resent me for that decision (especially if conception becomes a problem afterward). On the other hand if i guilt them into having the baby and he turns out to be a burden too big for them to carry, then you will be the uncaring outsider who because you were not the one carrying the load had made them have this burden (i do not even give man/woman advice talk less life/death advice).
The issue of a child being knocked down, for me is very different because you had lived with this child and have come to love her/him (and have him/her love you) in a unique way, besides if my daughter or son after an accident became only human in name (no brain function & completely dependent on machines to stay alive), i will have no second thought about having it all end immediately (and i hope that if i end up in such a state those closest to me will let me die peacefully and not keep me in some limbo because of some perverse form of 'love').
And since we are giving anecdotal stories, i will let you know that i worked with disabled children as a carer and and you could see the strain it was on families, the worst being NIgerian families since apart from the strains of caring for such a child you also had the trauma of the Niigerian community which makes you feel like you were some kind of failure or unbeliever for having such a baby afterall the other two families that had a similar prognosis ended up with normal babies following prayers, then you also had the pressures of people knowing that 'such' is in your family - this lowers your family's 'value' (as in when it comes to marriage). I met and even worked with many Nigerian who postulated that the high number of special needs children in the society here was as a result of some kind of weakness in the society here as opposed to what obtained back home (however i feel those that have handicapped kids at home keep them locked away and besides most of them die prematurely due to poor health services and probably infanticide), i even met a Nigerian mother of a Down's syndrome child who told me unequivocally that she had that child because when she was pregnant she once encountered a large number of them on a day trip and one of the children actually came up to her - i didn't know what to say.
So go ahead and tell stories of the babies who were okay but don't forget to tell the people you are advising that while the medical professionals may not be 100% right, chances of their child having what it was diagnosed with is probably >80%

Thank you