Young Igbo men and polygamy

This is a sad trend I noticed in Nigeria.
Of the 3 major tribes in Nigeria,Igbos are the least polygamous in modern times.Almost all of my father's contemporaries have just one wife.
But things have taken a turn for the worse in my generation and those a little older than me.
4 cases of people I know.

1. One of my older brother's friends and a dear brother to us, a young man in his early 40's, educated, was a born again Christian on campus married his second wife 6 years ago when he was still in his mid 30's.
The first wife bore him sons and daughters but he still went on to marry another woman who I heard he met at church and they all live"happily" in one big house with their children,the younger wife has 2 and is pregnant with the 3rd.I spoke with him to confirm this and was deeply saddened.

2.Another young succesful man from my hometown that I had a crush on growing up,married his second wife last year.His first wife bore him 2 daughters and the second wife bore a son and I heard the christening at our village church had dignitaries from all over Nigeria in attendance.
I was horrified that our Anglican church that frowned on women wearing trousers and would turn away women for leaving hair uncovered would allow polygamists do such a thing in Church.

3. Another young Lawyer,whose wife was my childhood friend impregnated a girl and went with his family to perform the marital rites.
He was a member of a popular pentecostal church where he met and married my friend.
The second wife has borne him 3 children,my friend is childless and they are still together.
I met them and confirmed the story from them both.
I don't understand it.

4.This 4th story shocked me the most.This young man is also from my hometown and our fathers are close friends.
They were what one would call Ajebutters.
His father was educated in England, a commisioner during Sam Mbakwe's regime and the husband of one wife till date but his son is married to 2 women and they all live in the same house.

I don't know if it's the level of desperation amongst Nigerian women to marry affluent men that has made women in these modern times settle for this sort of arrangement.

What do you folks say?

M. Akosa · Sep 23, 2009 , 07:49 PM

Lolo Lateesha,

I will say good luck to polygamist, serial daters and people engaging in multiple partner relationships.

In primitive societies, polygamy is a tool for redistribution of wealth.

Consenting adults should all have freedom of choice, about what makes them happy or fulfilled.

It is a free world indeed.

Ka omesia nwannem.

liloldlady · Sep 23, 2009 , 08:29 PM

The thing is....In Nigeria, the gap between the rich and poor is widening, and naturally, people like vulnerable women, feel less secure, and resort to desperate measures for security.

If you check, the one thing all these men have in common is Money.
The scorn of being ex-communicated from the church is no longer there, we now worship money and power.
So, realistically, who is going to stop people from justifying that their fore fathers married more than one wife...so they themselves should do so, if they wish?

I believe that its not new....the women just smartened up, and decided to be bonafide, instead of being hidden away in one duplex in VI, where the man visits late at night and weekends.
before before, the man would have been a sugar daddy, and they, mere baby mamas.

lateesha · Sep 23, 2009 , 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by liloldlady

The thing is....In Nigeria, the gap between the rich and poor is widening, and naturally, people like vulnerable women, feel less secure, and resort to desperate measures for security.

If you check, the one thing all these men have in common is Money.
The scorn of being ex-communicated from the church is no longer there, we now worship money and power.
So, realistically, who is going to stop people from justifying that their fore fathers married more than one wife...so they themselves should do so, if they wish?

I believe that its not new....the women just smartened up, and decided to be bonafide, instead of being hidden away in one duplex in VI, where the man visits late at night and weekends.before before, the man would have been a sugar daddy, and they, mere baby mamas.

That's it.
these second women have always existed but most "decent men" kept them in another accomodation and they remained mistresses but things are very different now.
They want to be made wives and they are now wives..
I asked the young lawyer in my story how he could do such a thing to my dear friend and reminded him that I still had their wedding photo they sent me and he categorically told me that the second wife was as much a wife to him as my friend was and that he was obligated to treat her as such.
He doesn't go to any functions with the second wife, he doesn't even spend the night at her home he said but he goes there daily from work to see her and spend time with her and the kids.
I was just looking like lucozade.
I just sternly advised my friend in private about HIV and other STD's
that was the least I could do

lateesha · Sep 23, 2009 , 08:59 PM

If you check, the one thing all these men have in common is Money

.

So true.
All of the ones I mentioned above are very financially secure.
Some women are just plain stupid.
Why would any woman in her right mind want to be an assistant wife?

Namio · Sep 23, 2009 , 09:11 PM

desperation amongst Nigerian women to marry affluent men that has made women in these modern times settle for this sort of arrangement.

Lateesha,

You answered your question right.

In primitive societies, polygamy is a tool for redistribution of wealth.

M. Akosa,

Excuse me, what society are you from and from which society did you learn that?

I believe that its not new....the women just smartened up, and decided to be bonafide, instead of being hidden away in one duplex in VI, where the man visits late at night and weekends.

Lildlady,

Thank you jare three much.

liloldlady · Sep 23, 2009 , 09:24 PM

Originally Posted by lateesha

.

So true.
All of the ones I mentioned above are very financially secure.
Some women are just plain stupid.
Why would any woman in her right mind want to be an assistant wife?

Ah lateesha.....something make ede (cocoyam) sound nwiiiiii.

These are women that will tumble off beds with one Sugar daddy after another, in search of money to buy matching Jimmy Choos and bag.

Their standards were never high to begin with.
At least now, somebody has finally decided to anchor them somewhat.
Believe you me, these women were never cut out for full time marital life. No way. If they were in a 'One man-One wife' marriage, it would have been over by the time the first child was in nursery.
This way, they get to have a roof in a safe neighbourhood, and an allowance plus car and driver without the hassle of looking after a husband.

Oga and Wife No2, both know its money that is their common bond.

Sadly though, its the Man that loses out.
No matter how much he pretends to the contrary, he will never have that close bond with his first wife, even if she stayed in the marriage, and the 2nd wife only sees him as a means to an end.
I have seen so many of these people....Once the kids are grown and nobody needs him again ....watch him 'gbaraka laa' (end up empty handed) like Aaron.
The women will be spending all their available time with their kids in the US and Europe, and he will be kept at arms length, since he antagonised everybody by not really having enough time because he was trying to split himself in two.

For Now...Watch Him....he will be bursting his arse trying to keep both women happy, splitting himself between two homes...and my sister that leads to an early grave.

morenike · Sep 23, 2009 , 09:59 PM

Why do Nigerian men who want to practice polygamy think its okay to put two women in the same house? I have noticed that this is the norm with our men? I mean if a man wants to marry another wife, how can he insult his first wife by bringing her into the house they live in, and then act surprised if they fight?

Oluwato · Sep 23, 2009 , 10:48 PM

To understand polygamy especially polygyny which is what you're really referring to, you need to study the society that allows, promotes and supports it. Everybody, both male and female will justify their participation in the evil, but the society always reveals the truth. It's a spiritual root manifesting as a sexual and immoral sin!

Let me give you a close example; one of my uncles took a second "wife", and it was the daughter of the minister who married him and his first wife! The man displayed his disapproval even after his daughter got pregnant, I was baffled because this my uncle was a reverend in African church. Then I got over my shock and studied the dynamics and realised that it was the first "falling away" that had not been dealt with that was repeating itself down the generations.

This uncle of mine came out of a polygynous home, yes, one of his daughters had to get married quickly to save face over her pregnancy, I looked at all my cousins and saw one sexual flaw or the other, I looked at my friends and saw one sexual flaw or the other... I studied my home and bloodline and saw the effects of sexual sin, then I agreed with Shlomo (Solomon)...train up a child in the way it should go and when he/she is old, he/she would not depart from it...As long as our society by having 3 different marital laws uphold, promote and support polygyny (and a few polyandry), no penalty for adultery and fornication, then we will constantly have problems. By the way, I am not Igbo, but polygyny and the likes do not care about ethnicity. Pray for an awakening to God in Nigeria, we need it!

Also,
>>>2.Another young succesful man from my hometown that I had a crush on growing up,married his second wife last year.His first wife bore him 2 daughters and the second wife bore a son and I heard the christening at our village church had dignitaries from all over Nigeria in attendance.
I was horrified that our Anglican church that frowned on women wearing trousers and would turn away women for leaving hair uncovered would allow polygamists do such a thing in Church.<<<

Now for my fun, why are you horrified? It shows the value churches have placed on women, surely the Holy Spirit would not be disgusted at polygyny but He would turn away from seeing a woman in trousers or worse, praying with her hair/head uncovered...! Yes, it's dry sarcasm...

.

M. Akosa · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:04 PM

[QUOTE=Namio;389813]
M. Akosa,
Excuse me, what society are you from and from which society did you learn that?
QUOTE]

Bros Namio,

I have a busy work/study schedule this time, please google "the economics of marriage" and I am sure you can figure out your own ideological perspectives and preference.
On that one I am leaning towards the marx ideas of marriage and division of labour.

Also, considering Lateesha's No. 3 Scenario: In the past the 2nd wife or baby mama would not be given any recognition and her children can easily be left out of inheritances. But, now she is acknowledged as a wife in her own right, though in western societies she is NOT a wife in the absence of legal marriage document. Bride price is NOT recognition for marriage in western socieities. They all fall into the category of common law marriage.

Thank God I don't live and function in your own type of society, as my husband, if in that circumstances(NO.3 scenario) would have to make a choice between surrogacy, adoption or divorce, rather than marry me and another woman at once.

It is obvious that the only reason the man is doing that is that he desperately needs another woman to bear him heirs to help him inherit useless farm lands, or banana and coconut trees in his village.

And what all those women have in common is loads of shit from their husbands.

M. Akosa · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:20 PM

Originally Posted by liloldlady

I have seen so many of these people....Once the kids are grown and nobody needs him again ....watch him 'gbaraka laa' (end up empty handed) like Aaron.
.

My dear sister,

Me too I will be having an early retirement from active work and career, and I have been thinking and planning what to do and keep myself busy. Now it is all materialising slowly.
Also over here in diaspora we have several old men who are in dire need of companionship and care.

I bet African / Naija themed nursing homes and assisted living facilities will boom in the 10 to 20 years time from now all over Europe and North America. It is a good business venture

I hear that so many Nigerian older men are now rotting away in old people's homes, even in Denmark. White women have abandoned them and their Nigerian sweet hearts and first loves have all moved on. The younger girls only use them for immigration papers , green cards and dollars meal tickets, without any cares.

How the mighty have fallen!!!

Na wah for this world oh...... Odi kwa egwu oh.....

ISL · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:27 PM

This is a sad trend I noticed in Nigeria

sad for who?

Anonymous Villager · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by ISL

sad for who?

Thank you bros!

I wonder why some people drink panadol for another person's headache.

Namio · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:43 PM

Una don come again o!

So these kids only abadon their papa, no be them mama? Wait there, you hear. Una never know where una dey. Go wait for pikin to take care of una. Wait o.

Some of you seem to prefer these men with short term contract with women - kill and go. No appreciation whatever for real men who stand by their women and take care of them at the risk of early heart attack while struggling to keep you all. Na curse we get in return.

But the real primitive men who use surplus women anyhow or kill them cold are the ones you appreciate.

These Adaka women, yanga no go kill una. that is why many die, no husband, no pikin - sorry o akada! Awure wey no dey chop gari, sorry o akada. LLB London, MSC Harvard PhD Toronto, sorry o akada!

These same women go after young boys, hypocrites.

Babine · Sep 23, 2009 , 11:47 PM

Na real sad for who....when I am so waiting for my co-wives to show up....the work is getting too much for just me alone....make I for get chance.....waka as I like boooooo!

Please.....I have a young Igbo man at home(43)....well trained by me for the past 16 years....handsome.....educated....with a lot of school loans to pay......Please if anyone is interested...PM me abeg.....

Come and share the love......

PS:

Only ladies between 25-28 need apply.....hopefully with good 'cooking' skills(he eats fufu every night) and the ability to give BJs every night(my mouth don dey pain me abeg)......

Firm boobs....
Perfect lepascious waist and ikebe....very acrobatic......
Education necessary(must be a doctor or a pharmacist....willl gladly assist you with retirement packages and benefits of a US citizenship......

Pleaaaaaaaaaase contact me.

I need at least 5 girls/women.......

Thank you in advance....

MrsChocT · Sep 24, 2009 , 12:03 AM

Lateesha, you can discuss from today till tomorrow, those who will make excuses or venture into polygamy will never cease.
So whose palava is it? Abeg, just dey look dem and continue to thank God that you're not in that sort of mess. Na the same one head everybody get, if dem like make dem use am well, if dem no like, make dem build a foundation of generational curses, problems and wahala for their innocent children.
Btw, in this H-town hia, one Ibo boy get two wives living in the same house.......yes.....suntin dey shele

UncleTisha · Sep 24, 2009 , 12:11 AM

Originally Posted by Namio

Una don come again o!

So these kids only abadon their papa, no be them mama? Wait there, you hear. Una never know where una dey. Go wait for pikin to take care of una. Wait o.

Some of you seem to prefer these men with short term contract with women - kill and go. No appreciation whatever for real men who stand by their women and take care of them at the risk of early heart attack while struggling to keep you all. Na curse we get in return.

But the real primitive men who use surplus women anyhow or kill them cold are the ones you appreciate.

These Adaka women, yanga no go kill una. that is why many die, no husband, no pikin - sorry o akada! Awure wey no dey chop gari, sorry o akada. LLB London, MSC Harvard PhD Toronto, sorry o akada!

These same women go after young boys, hypocrites.

Bros Namio,

You harsh o!

Abeg you know where I fit get the Mp3 for dat baba eto wey you nack for there?

Unregistre · Sep 24, 2009 , 12:47 AM

If these ladies are complaining of men with two wives, then what have they got to say about those with four, eight, sixteen, twenty six like MKO. Abegi make una thk God for the one wey una get.

A woman was listed to have married over twenty times in one of this Asian countries, right now she is married to a man abt 35 yrs her junior, that makes better discussion than the topic currently been discussed.

Unregistre · Sep 24, 2009 , 12:53 AM

Originally Posted by morenike

Why do Nigerian men who want to practice polygamy think its okay to put two women in the same house? I have noticed that this is the norm with our men? I mean if a man wants to marry another wife, how can he insult his first wife by bringing her into the house they live in, and then act surprised if they fight?

Simple, real men keep all their wives in the same house so they can keep a close eye on all of them(their activities), only weaklings keep them in separate apartments. These type of men do not have control over their famillies

lateesha · Sep 24, 2009 , 02:22 AM

Originally Posted by Serious_Naijababe

Lateesha, you can discuss from today till tomorrow, those who will make excuses or venture into polygamy will never cease.
So whose palava is it? Abeg, just dey look dem and continue to thank God that you're not in that sort of mess. Na the same one head everybody get, if dem like make dem use am well, if dem no like, make dem build a foundation of generational curses, problems and wahala for their innocent children.
Btw, in this H-town hia, one Ibo boy get two wives living in the same house.......yes.....suntin dey shele

My sister after I heard and and confirmed these stories, I looked at my "Osuofia" looked up to the heavens and said Jehovah thank you.
Did you say an Igbo man in the Bayou city dwells with 2 wives under the same roof ?
You see what I'm saying.
Polygamists in other tribes who have perfected the act keep their women in seperate homes but these stupid Igbo ones will have them all in one place such that when he is in bed with Nwanneka the junior wife, the peri-menopausal Ekwutosi can hear all the moanings and groanings plus the sound of the head board banging on the common wall.
I'm surprised no one has murdered the other.