by, Aug 15, 2012 at 05:20 PM (286 Views)
I was in a pretty good mood today,despite the heavy downpour, put on my bright yellow skirt and even brighter red lippie to run a few errands and meet up with a friend to catch up over a cuppa. I have a pretty good gut instinct even if i say so myself and ought to know by now to trust it - it's never failed me. Closer to meet up I couldn't ignore the need to bolt home and cancel the date, but being the polite person I am, I refused to be deliberately so rude. Perhaps if I had cancelled, I wouldn't be sitting here, writing and listening to muyiwa and riversongs on full blast trying to shake off this funk and cloud of negative energy currently sat about me, I feel like the little joy i had has been sucked outta me after that cuppa. I'm currently hovering between being completely down and angry - I ought to know better. Time and life is precious - we must be selective about who we let into our space and influence us. Again, i ought to know that. I need a 'friend' detox - evidently.
So I may not have my life all figured out and in all shades of roses but I really really did not feel good about being told that i'm apathetic and should know by now that life is for living, it's not boring but instead I am the boring one. I should have said something at the time? I was to busy listening to the words i was stupidly being allowed to be sown into my soul to come up with a response. I was sat there thinking, they are my tweets, it's my twitter account, i can vent when i want! To take my tweets and colour me all shades of apathetic was hurtful. It started with the way said friend will never ask after me anymore after reading my tweets because when ever she asks, i say i'm fine and she seems to be wrong and that 'if one is wrong all the time then it's time to stop'. This time i did respond - i said and still say, i AM fine. I have a moment and tweet that i feel jaded and a bit apathetic towards the olympics and suddenly i have issues and live life and stop being apathetic and boring? *sigh*
Thank God for strength and maturity because even if her words did make me feel like such a failure, I KNOW i'm anything but. Crickey, one's not allowed to be a mess no matter how fleeting every now and then? It's not a good thing to leave someone's presence and feel like you need a giant hug.
You don't like something- change it. Someone sucks the life out of you - keep yourself away from such toxic aura. I have enough on my plate to deal with someone's opinion of me i can do without. No i'm not against criticism, but constructive and at least true. I refuse to be made - intentionally or unintentionally - to feel like a snivelling less than human being. I am quite awesome even if i say so myself.
I still want that hug. As that's not feasible, i'll make do with Lara George's awesome voice , might throw in a bit of sonnie badu and all shall be right in my world soon enough.