Most, who are supposedly happily married were never really friends, pretended to kingdom come, prayed several holy Mary's, guarded seriously against troubling revelations of any unsavory tales by moonlight, surfacing anytime too soon, before that ring. They should now 'openly' discuss personal secrets?

Your suggestion, refreshingly ripe for the Nigerian couple (Nigerians, period.) as it may seem, is err naturally antithetical to the[ir] culture. Ah. Nigerians, okay, most Nigerians, do not know how to be friends with themselves, let alone their partners. They do not talk. They do not share. They do not laugh. They do not trust. They are afraid their words may factor against them in future should complications arise, so they guard against slip-ups - making it challenging to be completely uninhibited with their theoretical loved ones, for fear of reprisals...

Seriously.

Although, it's never too late to begin the conversations.

BTW, :roll eyes: someone told me that men should not be found discussing their marital problems with other women, unless it's a silent come-on,

In my previous comment (which I'm not going to edit so others who read this can compare the two responses), I apologize for the disservice to your blog post.

In addition, I know quite a lot of Nigerian men who are truly nurturing and already practice all the things I decried such as not talking, not sharing, not laughing and not trusting. I wasn't fair. If I can't be objective, it costs nothing to be positive.

Having said (written) that, allow me to commend your efforts in assisting the man who had asked for assistance. He must have approached you because:
(i) He hoped you would offer forthright advice; and
(ii) He knew he could trust you with his information.
Moreover, you advised well that he should discuss his issues with his wife. I believe that is very significant.
Plus, you offered education through the video, a way forward.

Now, the facts of that video (before my story...) are as follows:
1): An African American couple sharing personal history suggestive of privileged information from their past, and probably trusting.
2): An African American couple who are talking, and playing.
3): This African American couple calling their dog 'son.'

What I needed to hone are:
1a): When couples commit, without trust, how will they bring issues to fore?
2a): Couples 'talking' and 'sharing,' seemingly, are essential ingredients in a solid relationship, more so in marriages, probably.
3a): By extending familial assignments to members of a household, or extending terms of endearment, which humanize even our pets, domestic abuse is discouraged.

Without baring several examples, these qualities are actually not new amongst Nigerian couples and in many Nigerian homes.

And lastly, what I'd wanted to request, as I had stated, is that this sort of education, or an attempt thereof, is very ripe and refreshing for the Nigerian couple. There are lots of takeaways from the video.

I appreciate your posting it.

Originally Posted by Ayomide

Most, who are supposedly happily married were never really friends, pretended to kingdom come, prayed several holy Mary's, guarded seriously against troubling revelations of any unsavory tales by moonlight, surfacing anytime too soon, before that ring. They should now 'openly' discuss personal secrets?

Your suggestion, refreshingly ripe for the Nigerian couple (Nigerians, period.) as it may seem, is err naturally antithetical to the[ir] culture. Ah. Nigerians, okay, most Nigerians, do not know how to be friends with themselves, let alone their partners. They do not talk. They do not share. They do not laugh. They do not trust. They are afraid their words may factor against them in future should complications arise, so they guard against slip-ups - making it challenging to be completely uninhibited with their theoretical loved ones, for fear of reprisals...

Seriously.

Although, it's never too late to begin the conversations.

BTW, :roll eyes: someone told me that men should not be found discussing their marital problems with other women, unless it's a silent come-on,

Na wa oh, silent come on sha, dem chop crase?.....i know you meant what you wrote and it's also a way to drag me out of the cocoon i created of recent.....
Anywaz, here goes some thought:

Your response is not far from the truth. Most nigerian couples are not friends and dont share much secrets. Some are and you find some of those probably knew each other from their teenage years and had always hang out anyways. So nothing to hide and no secrets or elaborate cover ups...some work out well whilst some get bored of each other after a while and wants to experiment...i know a few of those unfortunately.

As to the fact of some men sharing their issues with me...no worries as their partners know or rather understand

I will just share a small incident with you, my late hubby knew about this and didnt know what to do. There was this family friend that liked coming over to our house for brunch. There were times my hubby is home and i've gone to church with the children and this dude stops by..he love African food like amala, eba with efo-riro and i use to make very wicked efo-riro and at times Egusi soup.
It took us a while to even notice that he comes over like clock work. At times before i get back and of course my hubby serves him or just as we are getting back from Church. It got to a point that i became worried that he might stray into the hand of some shaje and get hooked on some concotions and it does happen in Nigeria....how naive i was then....
I found courage one day to have a long discussion with the wife who was also a bit close but not all that close then. It took great courage as no woman likes it when another woman no matter who they are apart from family tries such intervention. I told her that her hubby stops by every Sunday and we have no choice but to serve him. What i didnt tell her was that he complains each time that she does not know how to cook the Nigerian meals he likes...Yoruba meals to be precise. But he married her anyways, she's partly a Nigerian from a different part of the country.
She was grateful and i think that brought us closer together.
I of course decided not to make food available in my house on Sundays again and he got the message. He only come's when we are celebrating something.
I dont know what the problem is with some Nigerian men, they will talk to someone else but not their spouse or partner.

Originally Posted by Ayomide

In my previous comment (which I'm not going to edit so others who read this can compare the two responses), I apologize for the disservice to your blog post.

In addition, I know quite a lot of Nigerian men who are truly nurturing and already practice all the things I decried such as not talking, not sharing, not laughing and not trusting. I wasn't fair. If I can't be objective, it costs nothing to be positive.

Having said (written) that, allow me to commend your efforts in assisting the man who had asked for assistance. He must have approached you because:
(i) He hoped you would offer forthright advice; and
(ii) He knew he could trust you with his information.
Moreover, you advised well that he should discuss his issues with his wife. I believe that is very significant.
Plus, you offered education through the video, a way forward.

Now, the facts of that video (before my story...) are as follows:
1): An African American couple sharing personal history suggestive of privileged information from their past, and probably trusting.
2): An African American couple who are talking, and playing.
3): This African American couple calling their dog 'son.'

What I needed to hone are:
1a): When couples commit, without trust, how will they bring issues to fore?
2a): Couples 'talking' and 'sharing,' seemingly, are essential ingredients in a solid relationship, more so in marriages, probably.
3a): By extending familial assignments to members of a household, or extending terms of endearment, which humanize even our pets, domestic abuse is discouraged.

Without baring several examples, these qualities are actually not new amongst Nigerian couples and in many Nigerian homes.

And lastly, what I'd wanted to request, as I had stated, is that this sort of education, or an attempt thereof, is very ripe and refreshing for the Nigerian couple. There are lots of takeaways from the video.

I appreciate your posting it.

Am glad for this post and that you realized that some are already practising this and of course for those it just didnt happen overnight.
I know of some that it took some serious happenings to make them draw closer and for some they came to the realization just in the nick of time.

I love hanging out with those who practice what the video teaches. I've been in the company of some back home and even here in neverland that make me proud by the way they relate to each other. And of course there are some who need some real talking to or trouncing....

Anyways, i think i've said enough.....i pray people learn to make adequate use of the time they have with who they profess to love.....

My feet are tired.
Cherrios