Dear Skater,
Sorry that there was no response on your "position" for a long time.
In my own capacity, l was off the internet for sometime because l needed to "kill" a re-certification exam in the shortest possible time (old people exam no easy!)
I am particularly interested in contributing/replying to you since it may help you in your assignment and it may also enlighten you, from a different perspective.
Now, l gather from your post that you're around 15-16yrs of age.
To make it brief, l will take it "in summary".
all Quotes @Skater
I don't understand what part of flogging is beneficial to a child like myself
Depends on "
what kind of of child you are"?
Well-behaved and obedient to instructions?
or Recalcitrant, belligerent and rebellious to parental instructions? You be the judge!
No "child" ever wants to 'understand' what part of flogging is beneficial, if any at all!...just like "adult offenders" can never come to accept that a "correctional institution" could be of any benefit to them.
Until we all move out of the "wicked-punishment-mode", we might find it difficult to see or appreciate that some got "born-again" in a "prison", some started and graduated in the prison, some learnt new skills in prison, something they found difficult to do when they were "free". Imprisonment, is "time-off", like time to "meditate" and see yourself "outside yourself" (for an adults only).
When the need arises, "
mild" caning is also a period of reflection for a child who has repeatedly being disobedient.
When a child decides to become "verbally uncontrollable", then its time to "step-up" the game. Its the duty of parents to positively "mold" their ward's behavior, in their formative years
Children are molded into the person they become by their surroundings completely
Exactly, and that "surrounding" encompasses so many things, not least of all, is the "Parents behavior" (what the Parents themselves do, that the child sees, daily!). As l stated and showed in my earlier post, "Peer Influence and Peer Pressure" also molds a child's behavior, mostly negatively (smoking and drug usage ((like l smoke because my friends do the same or they say 'its cool'!)), gangsterism, outright rebellion to any form of parental guidance!allergy to doing home work and assignments,..).
"Culture" also plays a vital role in character molding (dont know to which culture you belong) but whether we like it or not, there are certain "norms and values" in every culture that are there for 'societal stability' but their impact may be best suited to the environment for which they are instituted.
Example, in Nigeria, the "fathers word" is law in the household and that, as l see it, is intended to bring stability into the family hierarchy (not to be abused). Even now, when my children disagree amongst themselves, they "know and trust " that they can rely on my "judgment" as the final arbiter - and l will not fail them, in words and in deeds!
In "Western culture", it is not generally the same story, a child is "encouraged" to call "911" for the Parent(s) or even "arrest him" with law enforcement!,
this is an anathema in our own culture (marry this along with the other pronunciations in my earlier posts, like where l specified how parents must not "exasperate their children") but checks and balances have been put in place through the "
communal family system" to ensure that 'errant parent(s)' are also put-in-check by "older and wiser" members of the parental lineage; e
veryone differs to an older/elderly person. I beg to differ on the matter that children do not respect their parents as much as the children in Nigeria.
This may not necessarily be true since there are no hard facts (reliable statistics) to use in coming to that conclusion but having said that, "mere observations' of daily occurrence and reports in the news media
seems to tilt opinion in that direction (children shooting parents, slapping parents, parents arresting their child, child and parent appearing before a judge:
Judge Judy!, number of parents with "alive and economically viable" children living in "Care Homes", children who wake-up and dont bother to say "good morning to their parents", e.t.c)
These are things you would not find, (generally speaking) among children of Nigerian Parents, living in Nigeria.
Am not saying Nigerian children dont have their own fair-share of childhood vices, especially of recent when the "economic hardship" and tendency to 'wholesale copy', the Western culture,is gradually eroding any remaining form of "family values".
Its just that on the face of it, semi-statistically, the disrespect, as we perceive it, dont come near what we have in the western world.
It's not the "norm" here as parents are expected to be "Parents", not some Pedophile adult who imprisons his daughter for over two decades and fathers children by her!
but I believe that if the parents have the balls to do so they can resist the temptations to physically punish their children
Its not about "balls" (and l pardon your use of that word) as you put it and if it is actually about "balls" then, it takes a "parent with 'balls' to actually cane a child you love, with all the self-control, so as to avoid 'child-abuse'"... since that amounts to a kind of "self-punishment" - unlike the parent of your skating partner!
Abdicating your "parental responsibility", some of which are even scriptural (Teach your child
when he is young...and he will give you rest
in your old age is succinct in this case), is 'lacking "balls"'........but l guess you mean "self control" when you used the phrase?
"Infusing discipline" in your child is also not "a temptation" since its not like you want to do something evil and you want to blame the devil for it, afterwards! :d
Its a
conscious decision that a parent must take in
sober reflection (remember l said parent should not "cane" their children
when in anger?)
Parents that stand-by idly and watch their children turn into a "disgrace" are the ones that lack "self-control and motivation" and are generally "weak" in parenting.
Anyways, I am just trying to say that a child will imitate their parents no matter what
A child will imitate not just their parent but also their friends, classmates, pals, Music and Film stars, Sport hero, e.t.c! in this internet age!
So, "
bad influence" can easily 'slip' in and its the duty of the "Mother Hen" to be on the look-out for those 'eagles in the sky'! (have you ever seen a "live" Mother-Hen do her child-rearing? If you have not, then take a trip to Nigeria and experience it yourself, and then imagine what is expected of a "human" Mother-Hen :d )
I understand that your child turned into a great man, but I doubt that was from the flogging that was from your own personal aura that you influenced him with
He is not yet "a man" :d
....I would deceive myself if l thought it was just the 'flogging' (oh dear, that sounds so cruel)!
The 'cane' was used very sparingly, at times,
maybe not even once in a whole year! (
it was mostly the "threat of using it" that did the trick!).
I did mention a "
combination of actions" in my post upstairs, that assisted in getting the desired results and no need to repeat them here.
The cane or mostly the threat of it, only assisted in
very dire circumstance. Mostly, it boils down to making your children feel they can trust you, that you love them, that you will always be there for them, that no matter what, "
nothing is beyond discussion", between you and them and that
"the cane" is not an instrument of oppression but rather, a last option at correction! please also consider the possibility that children should simply not be physically punished.
I did highlight in my earlier post that
1. Children are different and thus will respond to correction in different ways.
2. Parents should know that different situations deserve different type and severity of "correctional modes". As a kid too, l know that there are times when "verbal dress-down" is more painful than the cane so, that possibility is always there but only that it can not and must not be generalized, as you are suggesting.
"
Spare the rod and spoil the child" was stated long before me and you came around this world and like the Bible stated the "sphericity of the earth" long before man discovered it, its "injunctions" are very practical and desirable (of-course, if you dont believe the Bible as "inspired" or God's word, all these might not mean much to you)
If God lays out punishment for "unrepentant sinners" (and rewards the reverse), if the Govt punishes offending adults, why do you think children deserve exclusion from some form of "physical correction"?
Other forms of correction also apply, like "deprivational tactics" :d
Example, "No XBox or Nintendo Wii" for the next 3days, You're
grounded for the next three hours, e.t.c ...as a parent, you try from the mildest of these and move-on to the more severe ones, depending on the "response" of the child in question but one thing l have learnt is that, "
kekere l'ati pekun Iroko, t'oba dagba tan, apa o'niika!" :d
In English, literally translates "It is easier to handle the Iroko tree, as a "young shoot", when its fully grown, its massiveness is beyond handling!"
.....whatever discipline you inculcate into your child, growing-up, determines how easy those "rebellious-adolescent" years are going to be for both of you, parent and child.
Okay, we all hate any form of physical (corrections), but the very nature of man is "sinful" (and that includes children, ...read "sinful" as "disobedient", for children :d) thus, "
rules and consequences" have to be set, in any ...and for any society, not to do so is to us turn to "human nature" (Anarchy!)
Cheers and take care.
My 10Kobo
Corporal Punishment by Students 
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