“Darling, Do We Really Need A Maid?”

Today’s world makes having a maid a
necessit...Read the full article.

[Uwaa Sef]

Must you and your wife work? If so, must both of you leave home to earn a living?

Later

[Ebe]

Interesting. I never really liked the house maid/house help institution as it is practiced in Nigeria. It is more or less glorified slavery.

[DeepThought]

Ok, since you asked

1. The lady would have transformed into a water buffalo in the middle of the night and your pastor would have helped you transform her back to human form with much prayer and fasting

Thanks

[Ani]

Must you and your wife work? If so, must both of you leave home to earn a living?

Bros Uwaa,

I agree with you that it is not a must that the couple work and that they must not leave the home to make a living BUT it is different strokes for different folks.my wife and i work and we both have to leave home to make a living and if i had a choice in the matter one of us would definitely sit at home to take care of affairs (preferably me). The economic climate is just too harsh in present day naija and we both have to pull resources to take care of the kid.

The househelp/housemaid/nanny issue is a touchy one and only prayers can help out in the situation.My wife got an househelp from an agency (we even paid agency fees!) and i still cannot leave the child alone with her.i have to take him to a daycare center near my office everyday(you don't wanna hear the exorbitant fees)

Sylvester, thanks for bringing this topic up.

[depirate]

The househelp issue is one that is dear to my heart and i do believe it is plain human abuse or at the very least exploitation, and it creates a societal underclass as i find it hard to believe that ex children of "oga" will ever view an ex househelp as an equal (this is from personnal experience - there are certain types of curlery i still will not eat with as i see them as "househelp's cutlery") and for those who say they/their parents treat/treated their househelps like their children i say howmany househelps went to the same private schools as your children/you and how many times did they sit at the table with you during meals.
The author's attitudes and believes also goes a long way to explain why so many of these poor souls get abused, he starts his article by giving examples of househelps who do things like turn to snakes (i can't believe someone will actually post that and reminds me of a poor girl that was left to die on the streets of Warri in the 80s - was accused of being a witch and her swelling tummy was said to be her "madam's" eaten pregnancies, though with hindsight it sounded like she had nephrotic syndrome or some other renal pathology and she just died a dogs death) and infect children with AIDS (did anyone test the parents and how did the housegirl do it - have sex with all 3 children or transfuse them with her blood) and even killing their bosses, not to talk of "displacing" the madam (the fact that these helpless members of society often get raped - usually from an early age - is inconsequential)
Then of course he had to bring in the pastor (to ensure she was "spiritually" safe) to establish his christian (religious) bona fides, the fact fact that he will be treating another human sub-humanly (stopping their schooling - or sending to a school that makes as much difference, treating them with constant suspicion, andpaying them an illegal wage) is not very christian-like seems to be lost on him (and most Nigerians similarly)
I do not believe in having househelps and have never contemplated having because it IS abusive (even if they are "better off" with you than suffering in their village) and the sooner the present system of slavery sorry househelphood is is made illegal and proper checks put in place to prevent further exploitation the sooner we will have a better and more just society

Christopher

Ps my sister and parents have househelp and growing up i cannot remember any one time we did not have at least 1 (usually 2 or 3) househelp

[lionking]

Funny how life is. Many a diasporan thinks househelp and nanny are glorified slavery and claims they will never have any, can handle the kids and housework all by themselves just like they did back in the states......

......until they return to naija and a thoroughly frazzled madam absolutely insists on getting a househelp + a nanny after just a few weeks.

Come back to naija and live in Lagos for a few weeks first before making mouth anyhow.

[19 guy]

Originally Posted by depirate

..........starts his article by giving examples of househelps who do things like turn to snakes (i can't believe someone will actually post that and reminds me of a poor girl that was left to die on the streets of Warri

You be area?
I be waffi too, where you come from?

Oh and by the way I also diasgree with the househelp concept although I agree there indeed is a need for it (or an ethical alternative, one that insists on the people being treated fairly) in Nigeria.

Incidentally, the young doctor recently killed by a househelp was married to a former classmate and friend of mine.

[depirate]

Originally Posted by 19 guy

Incidentally, the young doctor recently killed by a househelp was married to a former classmate and friend of mine.

sorry to hear about your friends loss, and i am not saying househelps never do wrong - any heterogenous group of people will have the good, the bad and the ugly, afterall most murderers are non-househelps - but that the general attitude towards them. To my friend who thinks you cannot survive in Lagos without one, in the first place i never said i was a diasporan (i actually dislike that word and like to see myself as a Nigerian living in Europe as i have not been displaced in any way but that is for another thread) and had the same attitude when still at home, this for me is not an issue of convenience or affordability (and "madam" knows exactly where i stand on this and there is no chance of my/our having a househelp as we know it) but of right and wrong, you cannot take advantage of peoples poverty while despising them.

[VOR]

Living in Nigeria, a business to run and a family to care for with no househelp - your wife deserves a medal!!! how does she do it? And now you have a brother living with you - or is it visiting?

I hope you help your wife with the chores everyday now that you have said no to her having a househelp?

As Lionking wrote it is quite difficult to juggle life in Nigeria without some sort of assistance on the homefront. In a situation where the husband is no help with household chores, imagine how much the wife will have to do - clean, cook, take care of the children, take care of the husband, take care of guests (you will have them) and in all these hold down a full time job or business

I am a bit concerned that your article places a lot of wrong doing on the part of the househelps -

Young women - potential to be witches, snakes, husband snatchers HIV and AIDS carriers.

Young men - randy and irresponsible! and potential murderers

Whilst you hardly paint the employers in such ways, actually they seem to be saints!
If only you know how some employers treat their househelps, you will weep! I know of a woman that threw a burning stove on her househelp because the girl sat on the little stool in the kitchen and the madam suspected the girl was asleep and would let her precious soup burn. Or the madam that administered instant justice on her househelp by sexually violating her, the girls' crime? having the audacity to sleep with her husband, whilst not thinking that this girl was only 14years old compared to her 47 year old husband!! Or the man that had his houseboy in police custody for 5 months because the houseboy had looked at his girlfriend the wrong way!

Just as much as you have terrible househelps so you have awful employers and until our laws are enforced without fear of favour this will still go on.

In your case, you have denied your wife much needed assistance in the homefront. Your wife knew from the start your views on hiring househelps, however due to the strain she is going through she sought to get help, however you denied her that because of unfounded suspicious you have and advise from your visiting brother.

You have also deprived a family somewhere of much needed money. Do you think that parents/families of some of these helps are so callous as to send their children out to be helps in the house of a complete stranger?! Hunger!! my broda hunger!! yes in some cases you find their are greedy parents/guardians but in majority of cases it boils down to need.

Now if some people decide to exploit this, o ku won o ku olorun (between them and God) No condition is permanent.

Finally you have not tested the power of the God you serve. Are you aware of the bible verse that says greater is He that is in me that he that is in the world? No darkness can stand in the presence of Light!

In my opinion, you just did not want your wife to get a househelp period! all the excuses you gave (she didn't greet you - shioo, how do you handle things like that? Is she the one to tell you who is boss or you?) your broda said....., she will turn to snake crocodile etc etc, is what my people call awa wi (excuses!!)

Anyway I wish your wife good health and wellbeing because she will surely need it living in Naija without a househelp - for me o, ose eewo!!!

[tonsoyo]

Haa Oga Sylvester! tori Olorun! (for God's sake) Are you sure about this?

"Another was said to have some mystical powers which enabled her to transform to whatever she wanted to whenever her boss was not at home. It was said that every time the woman left her child in the care of the maid, she would transform into a snake to torment the little child"

I just need some time, some time to get away, from all these rumours, I can take it no more.

People get abused in all kinds of relationships, marriage, employment, contractual etc. There is nothing peculiar to the househelps employment in all the instances mentioned by you. Some men treats their wife worse than househelps.

Getting a househelp is as important to some as much as the financial help is important to the family giving up their wards. Though we need to acknowledge the fact that this form of relationship is being greatly abused because often times the poor househelp is helpless.

We all can help by insisting on wanting to meet the real parents or find a way to find out why the child is being ask to do that job. We must try as much as possible to educate them to the best of our abilities. Insist on keeping a bank account for the maid if a minor or a bank account to be owned by the maid if an adult.
Under no circumstance should we pay money to somebody else for work being done by another, even the parents, that is slavery. If the parents genuinely need help, we may with the consent of the child keep them on some percentage of the income.

We should see such kids as our responsibilities. Remember what Jesus said about who is your neighbor - Anybody that you are in a position to help. I personally see them as a challenge and an opportunity to help somebody.

The best thing if you can afford it is after serving you for a few years 2-3 years, depending on the age, we should put them through school to empower them. We must realize that it is an opportunity to directly bless somebody that needs the help. It is greater than one million naira giving in tithes or offerings to a church that is already very rich.

[Metternich]

[QUOTE=tonsoyo;2091820845]Haa Oga Sylvester! tori Olorun! (for God's sake) Are you sure about this?

Mr Tonsoyo,

Thank you very much for this posting. I hope people learn something from it. For me, anybody that has a househelp should see it as an opportunity to improve our society. Nobody wants to be a househelp, it's reflection of the failure of our country/system.

Thanks again

[Kaftan]

Houseboy/House girl, depends on who is involved, the fundamental issue is that young people leave the village to settle in the city as a houseboy or house girl, madam expects that the young girl would have cultivated the habits of city life overnight. For instance, using a bathtub, water cistern, table manners, just to mention a few. When they dont exhibit these mannerisms as expected, they become witches, or uninteligent etc. forgeting that if given the exclusive opportunities madam or oga probably had, these young people would have been on the path to accomplish their dreams. It is really concerning that the pious christians amongst us are usually the ones that maltreat housegirls and housegirls the most.
Abeg my fellow brothers and sisters in the house servant/slavery industry, make una take heart, our day of redemption is near.

[lionking]

Originally Posted by depirate

sorry to hear about your friends loss, and i am not saying househelps never do wrong - any heterogenous group of people will have the good, the bad and the ugly, afterall most murderers are non-househelps - but that the general attitude towards them. To my friend who thinks you cannot survive in Lagos without one, in the first place i never said i was a diasporan (i actually dislike that word and like to see myself as a Nigerian living in Europe as i have not been displaced in any way but that is for another thread) and had the same attitude when still at home, this for me is not an issue of convenience or affordability (and "madam" knows exactly where i stand on this and there is no chance of my/our having a househelp as we know it) but of right and wrong, you cannot take advantage of peoples poverty while despising them.

Does an industrialist despise the workers in his factory? Is s/he exploiting their poverty by forcing them to work in the factory? Does the owner of a janitorial business despise the workers who clean the offices and homes of his clients on contract? Is s/he exploiting their poverty?

Most Brits or Americans do not employ domestic help simply because they can't afford it and not because of any moral high ground. Human labour is expensive in the West and thus labour-saving devices such as washing machines etc were invented to fill the gap. Even at that, the upper classes in the West have always employed domestic help. The Western middle classes who cannot afford full-time domestic help contract with janitor businesses or homehelp agencies or hire illegal immigrants whom they can pay less than minimum wage. That is why under-the-table employment of illegal immigrants as domestic help is such a big issue in American politics. 99.9% of Americans and Brits resident in Nigeria/Africa employ househelp simply because human labour is relatively cheap in Nigeria/Africa.

Please get off your high horse. Abuse/exploitation of children is a serious problem in our society. But it is not necessarily synonymous with househelp. Not all househelp are abused or exploited.

[depirate]

Please get off your high horse. Abuse/exploitation of children is a serious problem in our society. But it is not necessarily synonymous with househelp. Not all househelp are abused or exploited.[/QUOTE]

You seem to think we disagree while you actually make my point, i never said domestic labour was wrong or that people never need help at home, what i am against is - like you mentioned - child labour and exploitation (the parents usually get a miserable amount and are expected to be grateful to have one less mouth to feed and someone training their child) and i indeed hope i did not imply that all househelps were abused having mentioned we always had househelp growing up (my mum who was a teacher flogged me a lot more than any househelp we ever had).
And regarding the exploitation of illegal migrants in America and westerners having househelp in Nigeria, the fact that it is done by "whites" does not make it any less wrong and besides most westerners employ adults who are paid much better than any 12 year old living with her "aunty" is paid.
Christopher
Ps comparing factory workers, cleaners, janitors etc to househelps in Nigeria and asking if their employers despise them completely misses the point and frankly does not merit replying, and if standing up for fairness and humaneness means i am on a high horse, then i will remain on that mount if you please, thank you.