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valteena
Feb 1, 2011, 11:45 PM
A very close confidant is going though very trying situation and I would appreciate candid advice on how she should handle this problem. Below is a brief narration of the situation. Real names withheld.

Ify was involve in a very serious relationship with Tunde from their final year in University till when Tunde checked out to the US two years later. Both families knew of the relationship and everyone thought it would end up in marriage which both families sanctioned and looked forward to.

But then Tunde travelled to the US to join his older brother Akin who has been in the US for over 5 years. Even after Tunde left for the US, Ify still regularly visited and stayed with Tunde's parent who treated her like a daughter inlaw. But some how the relationship eventually fizzle out due to no fault of hers and Ify move on with her life.

She migrated to the UK where she has lived in for about five years now. Then two years ago she met Akin and a relationship developed between them( Mind all during her affair with Tunde, she never met or got to know his older brother Akin who was in the US then). They fell madly in love with each other and planned to get married.

However, Ify is now pregnant and because of this they both decided to marry earlier than they originally planned. The problem is that when they both went home to start the marriage process, Ify discovered who Akin is, her ex Tunde's older brother and the family consisting of 3 sisters, Tunde's mum and dad, his younger brother are all vehemently opposed to their union because of her history with Tunde. Ify's family have also cautioned her against it but they won't oppose if they decide to go ahead with their marriage as they're thinking of doing. Tunde is not opposed to the relationship between Ify and his older brother either.

Akin is bent on their going ahead with the marriage but Ify has reservations based on the strong objection and hostility from Akin's family in spite of the fact that there is a baby in the mix already. She is not sure the family will come round to accepting her, and knowing how close knit the family are she thinks if they don't come round to accepting her, they would adversely affect her marriage in the future. Their mum has a very strong hold/influence over her children and they all defer to her most often.

She has toyed with aborting the baby and ending the whole affairs and moving on but they are so in love and Akin won't even hear of such. Akin believe with time his family will come round but in the main time they should go ahead with their marriage plan, as he does not want his child born out of wedlock. But Ify is not that convinced and she is very distressed about the whole situation.

What should she do?

smartomoge
Feb 2, 2011, 12:40 AM
What she should not have done is get pregnant. Never a good idea.

As to what she should do, I suggest getting married. The family may come around or they may not. But if Akin is willing, get married. Its her life, let her face it.


A very close confidant is going though very trying situation and I would appreciate candid advice on how she should handle this problem. Below is a brief narration of the situation. Real names withheld.

Ify was involve in a very serious relationship with Tunde from their final year in University till when Tunde checked out to the US two years later. Both families knew of the relationship and everyone thought it would end up in marriage which both families sanctioned and looked forward to.

But then Tunde travelled to the US to join his older brother Akin who has been in the US for over 5 years. Even after Tunde left for the US, Ify still regularly visited and stayed with Tunde's parent who treated her like a daughter inlaw. But some how the relationship eventually fizzle out due to no fault of hers and Ify move on with her life.

She migrated to the UK where she has lived in for about five years now. Then two years ago she met Akin and a relationship developed between them( Mind all during her affair with Tunde, she never met or got to know his older brother Akin who was in the US then). They fell madly in love with each other and planned to get married.

However, Ify is now pregnant and because of this they both decided to marry earlier than they originally planned. The problem is that when they both went home to start the marriage process, Ify discovered who Akin is, her ex Tunde's older brother and the family consisting of 3 sisters, Tunde's mum and dad, his younger brother are all vehemently opposed to their union because of her history with Tunde. Ify's family have also cautioned her against it but they won't oppose if they decide to go ahead with their marriage as they're thinking of doing. Tunde is not opposed to the relationship between Ify and his older brother either.

Akin is bent on their going ahead with the marriage but Ify has reservations based on the strong objection and hostility from Akin's family in spite of the fact that there is a baby in the mix already. She is not sure the family will come round to accepting her, and knowing how close knit the family are she thinks if they don't come round to accepting her, they would adversely affect her marriage in the future. Their mum has a very strong hold/influence over her children and they all defer to her most often.

She has toyed with aborting the baby and ending the whole affairs and moving on but they are so in love and Akin won't even hear of such. Akin believe with time his family will come round but in the main time they should go ahead with their marriage plan, as he does not want his child born out of wedlock. But Ify is not that convinced and she is very distressed about the whole situation.

What should she do?

First-lady
Feb 2, 2011, 12:58 AM
Then two years ago she met Akin and a relationship developed between them( Mind all during her affair with Tunde, she never met or got to know his older brother Akin who was in the US then). They fell madly in love with each other and planned to get married.

However, Ify is now pregnant and because of this they both decided to marry earlier than they originally planned. The problem is that when they both went home to start the marriage process, Ify discovered who Akin is, her ex Tunde's older brother and the family consisting of 3 sisters, Tunde's mum and dad, his younger brother are all vehemently opposed to their union because of her history with Tunde. Ify's family have also cautioned her against it but they won't oppose if they decide to go ahead with their marriage as they're thinking of doing. Tunde is not opposed to the relationship between Ify and his older brother either.



The greatest shocker here IMHO is that a woman could fall deeply in love with a man and have a 2 year relationship up to the extent of talking about marriage and starting a family and never spoke to any member of the man's family,and the man never talked about his family members by name.
That is very very strange.
I wonder how well she really knows/knew this man.
It is normal for people to share info about their families and family background as they get to know one another and I don't know how the names of his siblings or parents never came up in 2 years of "mad love"
Did this her Akin boyfriend not have a last name?
Did she not know the last name?
If I dated Tunde Fatunde in Surulere Lagos 20 years ago and ran into Akin Fatunde in London 20 years later,I would recognize that the last name is same.
And if Akin tells me his parents live in Surulere and he lived in the USA prior,I would ask if he had a brother named Tunde.
This story doesn't make sense to me and my analytical mind
Sounds like two people who met hardly knew each other, not even the last names ,they did it,she got pregnant and they are now talking marriage.
If she were my sister,I would tell her to keep the baby,re-evaluate and not rush into marriage just to cover shame.
I wouldn't marry a man without my parent's blessings or that of his parents and will never advise anyone I know to do so

Bill Carson
Feb 2, 2011, 01:33 AM
A very close confidant is going though very trying situation and I would appreciate candid advice on how she should handle this problem. Below is a brief narration of the situation. Real names withheld.

Ify was involve in a very serious relationship with Tunde from their final year in University till when Tunde checked out to the US two years later. Both families knew of the relationship and everyone thought it would end up in marriage which both families sanctioned and looked forward to.

But then Tunde travelled to the US to join his older brother Akin who has been in the US for over 5 years. Even after Tunde left for the US, Ify still regularly visited and stayed with Tunde's parent who treated her like a daughter inlaw. But some how the relationship eventually fizzle out due to no fault of hers and Ify move on with her life.

She migrated to the UK where she has lived in for about five years now. Then two years ago she met Akin and a relationship developed between them( Mind all during her affair with Tunde, she never met or got to know his older brother Akin who was in the US then). They fell madly in love with each other and planned to get married.

However, Ify is now pregnant and because of this they both decided to marry earlier than they originally planned. The problem is that when they both went home to start the marriage process, Ify discovered who Akin is, her ex Tunde's older brother and the family consisting of 3 sisters, Tunde's mum and dad, his younger brother are all vehemently opposed to their union because of her history with Tunde. Ify's family have also cautioned her against it but they won't oppose if they decide to go ahead with their marriage as they're thinking of doing. Tunde is not opposed to the relationship between Ify and his older brother either.

Akin is bent on their going ahead with the marriage but Ify has reservations based on the strong objection and hostility from Akin's family in spite of the fact that there is a baby in the mix already. She is not sure the family will come round to accepting her, and knowing how close knit the family are she thinks if they don't come round to accepting her, they would adversely affect her marriage in the future. Their mum has a very strong hold/influence over her children and they all defer to her most often.

She has toyed with aborting the baby and ending the whole affairs and moving on but they are so in love and Akin won't even hear of such. Akin believe with time his family will come round but in the main time they should go ahead with their marriage plan, as he does not want his child born out of wedlock. But Ify is not that convinced and she is very distressed about the whole situation.

What should she do?

Val,

A woman that had abortion twenty years ago because she did not want to bring "disgrace" to her family but is now "happily" married with three or more children living in a beautiful house in the suburb with her hardworking husband, in my humble opinion is morally repugnant when compared to another lady that kept the pregnancy/child.

Your confidant got into this situation because she felt it's time for her tummy to blossom as time maybe passing (abeg, keep all these "so in love story" aside) and she found this Akin of a mugu in London ( I swear, too many male mugus' in London, I think they get to London and forget how they where playas' in 9ja). Sorry, I should be advising not preaching. Advice your friend to have her child and move on.

Nothing is wrong that Akin's mother has strong influence over him and the other children, his mother is trying to protect him from "Sperm Hunter". No man or woman should marry into a household that he/she is not welcomed (before HP starts scrolling through my old posts for marriage evidence again…… if I did marriage, I'll only marry a lady sanctioned by my mother).

Tell Ify not to be distressed about the whole thing, she got a child on it's way from the whole drama she created, marriage no be "do or die".

First-lady
Feb 2, 2011, 01:54 AM
Val,



Your confidant got into this situation because she felt it's time for her tummy to blossom as time maybe passing (abeg, keep all these "so in love story" aside) and she found this Akin of a mugu in London ( I swear, too many male mugus' in London, I think they get to London and forget how they where playas' in 9ja). Sorry, I should be advising not preaching. Advice your friend to have her child and move on.

Nothing is wrong that Akin's mother has strong influence over him and the other children, his mother is trying to protect him from "Sperm Hunter". No man or woman should marry into a household that he/she is not welcomed (before HP starts scrolling through my old posts for marriage evidence again…… if I did marriage, I'll only marry a lady sanctioned by my mother).

Tell Ify not to be distressed about the whole thing, she got a child on it's way from the whole drama she created, marriage no be "do or die".

Gbam!
It sounds like a rendez vous that moved quickly from hello to "comot make I enter" (before she even knew his last name) not a 2 year love relationship.
Didn't they discuss their past relationships?
I know the names of several chicks my hubby dated before we met,at least the ones that meant something to him including his NYSC heartthrob that seems to be the most revered of them all lol and he knows mine and that is normal discussion between lovers.
Just dating a man seriously for 2 weeks you will know everything about him including the street where he grew up and his child hood friend's names and where they live what more his siblings.
What did they talk about in this 2 year steamy love affair that included marriage plans besides the color of the bedsheets?
The story doesn't jive lai lai
sorry val,your friend didn't tell you the truth here

Bill Carson
Feb 2, 2011, 02:14 AM
Gbam!
It sounds like a rendez vous that moved quickly from hello to "comot make I enter" (before she even knew his last name) not a 2 year love relationship.
Didn't they discuss their past relationships?
I know the names of several chicks my hubby dated before we met,at least the ones that meant something to him including his NYSC heartthrob that seems to be the most revered of them all lol and he knows mine and that is normal discussion between lovers.
Just dating a man seriously for 2 weeks you will know everything about him including the street where he grew up and his child hood friend's names and where they live what more his siblings.
What did they talk about in this 2 year steamy love affair that included marriage plans besides the color of the bedsheets?
The story doesn't jive lai lai
sorry val,your friend didn't tell you the truth here


First Lady,

The lady from day one set out to pocket her mugu and the guy fell for it (them mugus' plenty for London, we sabi them)…… That is how one stupid lady said I promised to marry her. I asked her, what did she expect me to tell her when she is hoarding the "thing" from me, when I know she has helped a few folks before me (I hope, it's not "Chopping by deception" I did?).

Even me too, my Nubian Princess knows most of my ex, one night stands and near misses, but not the few I plan revisiting before I expire from this sinful world.

valteena
Feb 2, 2011, 06:28 AM
Val,

A woman that had abortion twenty years ago because she did not want to bring "disgrace" to her family but is now "happily" married with three or more children living in a beautiful house in the suburb with her hardworking husband, in my humble opinion is morally repugnant when compared to another lady that kept the pregnancy/child.

Your confidant got into this situation because she felt it's time for her tummy to blossom as time maybe passing (abeg, keep all these "so in love story" aside) and she found this Akin of a mugu in London ( I swear, too many male mugus' in London, I think they get to London and forget how they where playas' in 9ja). Sorry, I should be advising not preaching. Advice your friend to have her child and move on.

Nothing is wrong that Akin's mother has strong influence over him and the other children, his mother is trying to protect him from "Sperm Hunter". No man or woman should marry into a household that he/she is not welcomed (before HP starts scrolling through my old posts for marriage evidence again…… if I did marriage, I'll only marry a lady sanctioned by my mother).

Tell Ify not to be distressed about the whole thing, she got a child on it's way from the whole drama she created, marriage no be "do or die".

Common Bill, Bill don't be that cynical abi don't you believe in love ne?:):) Why else would you assume that they are not in love and that the bobo is a mugu just because he met a girl and loves her enough to want to marry her. Na thinking like yours dey cause problems for our brothers and sisters relationship abroad I swear.

You also assumed that the lady in question deliberately got pregnant because her clock is ticking and not out of genuine mistake. For all you know she might not be that old enough to be worrying about any clock ticking and as a matter of fact she is still very young to concern herself with any ticking clock lol.

Also I don't think she has any problem with the mother in-law to be's influence on her family at least not from what I gather from her narration. After all she knows about it and had once bask in it herself when she was dating the other brother back then with the approval of the woman and the rest of the family. What she has issue with is their hostility now and I think that is understandable.

I am with you on the abortion thingy and I don't think it was something she serious thought of doing. Probably one of those fleeting thought during one of her low moments in this whole palava.

valteena
Feb 2, 2011, 06:33 AM
What she should not have done is get pregnant. Never a good idea.

As to what she should do, I suggest getting married. The family may come around or they may not. But if Akin is willing, get married. Its her life, let her face it.

Yep smartomoge big mistake me think too the pregnancy is. But then it has happened so what to do. I personally do have reservation about anyone marrying into a family that don't accept them. But if they liked her before and just disapprove of her now over her going out with two brothers, like you said, maybe they will come around with time.

valteena
Feb 2, 2011, 06:43 AM
The greatest shocker here IMHO is that a woman could fall deeply in love with a man and have a 2 year relationship up to the extent of talking about marriage and starting a family and never spoke to any member of the man's family,and the man never talked about his family members by name.
That is very very strange.
I wonder how well she really knows/knew this man.
It is normal for people to share info about their families and family background as they get to know one another and I don't know how the names of his siblings or parents never came up in 2 years of "mad love"
Did this her Akin boyfriend not have a last name?
Did she not know the last name?
If I dated Tunde Fatunde in Surulere Lagos 20 years ago and ran into Akin Fatunde in London 20 years later,I would recognize that the last name is same.
And if Akin tells me his parents live in Surulere and he lived in the USA prior,I would ask if he had a brother named Tunde.
This story doesn't make sense to me and my analytical mind
Sounds like two people who met hardly knew each other, not even the last names ,they did it,she got pregnant and they are now talking marriage.
If she were my sister,I would tell her to keep the baby,re-evaluate and not rush into marriage just to cover shame.
I wouldn't marry a man without my parent's blessings or that of his parents and will never advise anyone I know to do so

F/L this is her narration and I did wonder about that too myself and asked. Anyway the issue is not how they got to where they are now but what she should she do in the circumstance. Should she go ahead and marry her man. End the relationship or just tarry till the family come around bearing in mind that no one knows for sure how soon that will be if at all they will.

Anyway got to go now later

Ph3y
Feb 2, 2011, 11:36 AM
Hmm.....

Would she feel comfortable in that family without acceptance?

Plus the fact that she once dated the guy's brother .....That means in theory/practice she has slept with 2 blood brothers.....

That's quite spooky.....Finally, she should remember Okafor's law.......

First-lady
Feb 2, 2011, 12:38 PM
F/L this is her narration and I did wonder about that too myself and asked. Anyway the issue is not how they got to where they are now but what she should she do in the circumstance. Should she go ahead and marry her man. End the relationship or just tarry till the family come around bearing in mind that no one knows for sure how soon that will be if at all they will.

Anyway got to go now later

OK O
I will join Bll Carson in calling the man a mugu
He is a total mugu that has been conned by a conniving woman and he still doesn't see it
This woman obviously knew Akin was her ex's brother shortly after they met
How do I know?
From my earlier conclusion it seems unbelievable that the man never talked about his family and she didn't see or hear anything to juggle her memory ,not even the last name and names of his siblings, in the two years.How possible is that?
She knew and probably hid that fact from him and planned to carry belle and hoodwink him into marriage and it seems like her plan is working.
That man ought to open his eyes and shine them well
That is a dangerous woman.
This is probably the angle his mom is coming from,being a woman we all know the game women sometimes play and I support her refusal of this marriage.
She is a desperate and mean woman,I have no advise for her really,my advise is for the man Akin and his family.

I still can't fathom why he would want to marry her,is he looking for a child and has been unable to impregnate a woman and this woman presents him with a belle?,Is it even his?
How would he feel in family gatherings sitting with his brother and his wife?
If they laugh at jokes or he compliments her wouldn't something rise up within him?
I can sit and chat and joke with my brothers in law in the absence of my hubby,can she do same?
Can he visit her home and be alone with her?
I could go on and on,this is plain ugly
The mugu had better wake up jor
This is not a normal way for a man to act.
What is it about him that rationalizes this as not a big deal?
Men do fall in love headlong but when it comes to their women they are extremely territorial,and that love will tanda small for corner and their heads take over.

emeka008
Feb 2, 2011, 02:29 PM
Hmm.....

Would she feel comfortable in that family without acceptance?

Plus the fact that she once dated the guy's brother .....That means in theory/practice she has slept with 2 blood brothers.....

That's quite spooky.....Finally, she should remember Okafor's law.......Okafor's law is relevant here. Again, it is Akin who is going to lose if it happens. But if Akin knowing all these wishes to proceed, good luck to him and God bless their union!

Beam
Feb 2, 2011, 02:56 PM
Val,

Should she marry her ex boyfriends older brother ? NO !!!

Now Val I have answered the question , Now to elaborate a bit more Val your friend has left a tiny bit of the story out or has been stingy with the truth. I do not know her so I will not say she is lying, however as FL said did the last name not ring a bell? do the two brothers not look alike abi wetin they dey say?

I cannot say what she should do regarding the baby to be honest that one pass me, however it is not a good idea for her to marry the guy, just to put it in laymans terms or break it down both men would of seen her naked in the bibilical way,how sure is your friend that when she sees the younger brother she will not still have feelings for him or he has feeling for her? This is too tricky. I just really wonder how she got herself in such a mess? I am kind of annoyed with the woman for messing up so much which includes her now wanting to bring a child into this sham also.

Val, you can only be a friend for her this is one of the times you need to tell her na oyo she dey, in other words on her own she has to make the choice it has to be hers no one should have to deal with this mess execpt her, the man who is willing to still marry her I feel wants a child and is not thinking of the future just of the present to be honest FL and BC have said it all , BC as usual to the point taking no prisioners:wink::lol:

Beam in shaking her head mode this one pass me:frown:

anwulika
Feb 2, 2011, 05:26 PM
This one pass me too :(...how unlucky! Anyway, she should just concentrate on her pregnancy because that, IMO is the most important matter. She needs to be healthy mentally and physically for the baby...everything else with sort itself out with time.

M. Akosa
Feb 2, 2011, 06:20 PM
Valtee,

I'm afraid BC & FL have said it all. (sorry in a very harsh way :cry: )

Any man or woman that is truly into each other must do some background checks ASAP. It is not something that you just wake up one day and start saying surprise...surprise:idea:

Your friend should just bravely go ahead and move on, with the sad outcomes of her mischievous intimate tango with a sperm donor. I seriously doubt if she really intends to have or marry a man that she will maintain some stringent attachments or obligations to his extended family ?
Why bring "marriage" now into the mix ? after 2 yrs of mutual intimacy and dating:twisted:
The whole thing is just so tacky. It is also very unhealthy environment and unwelcome atmosphere for an innocent child's arrival.
Please let your friend come clean and say it as it is. After all she is not a baby herself ?
Shikena.

Vade Mecum
Feb 2, 2011, 07:50 PM
They should go ahead and marry. Shikena. This palaver is neither tricky nor difficult.

This lady was never married to the kid brother. Her ex moved to the U.S. and the relationship broke up, thereafter. Despite the fact that the lady tried her very best to make things work, her relationship with her ex, just kaput. The lady even tried her best to make herself acceptable to the ex's family, after the ex travelled. When she discovered that her ex, has moved on for every intent and every purpose, she then moved on with her dear life. Then fate played a role. Providence is a masterful player you know.

We've not been told, that this lady messed up big time, after the ex travelled. We've not been told that she jilted the ex. What exactly is her offence ? Oh well, she got pregnant for her ex's, big brother, many years, after she broke up with her ex; with no knowledge whatsoever, that her new man was in anyway related to her ex ? So, what do we do now ? Drag her to the French guillotine and chop her neck off ? Abegy jor, make we leave matter. Nor be she get her life. Let the man without sin cast the first stone. Then again, the ex's big brother is not complaining. Bobo is satisfied with his new blessing, and is planning a big and befitting wedding. There you go. Who get issue nor see am as problem; him see am as blessing; na over sabee neighbours want to cry themselves out, say problem dey. Na wah

Last time, I checked, a marriage is between a husband and a wife. Others are cheer leaders. If the cheer leaders will not cheer, but choose to become toxic relatives; then the couple should move on. Well, I am sure the man's family will later understand. For now, they have allowed emotions and sentiments to becloud their reason. Come to think of it; both parties are fully grown adults, These are two adults, with the full capacity to freely consent to marriage

Finally, God has already blessed their union with a baby on the way. Abegy ? Bring the next palaver, make we advise, please.

First-lady
Feb 2, 2011, 07:53 PM
Chineke Nna!
Man of God!!

Vade Mecum
Feb 2, 2011, 08:43 PM
Chineke Nna!
Man of God!!

GENESIS 29: 16-28

16And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.

17Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.

18And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

19And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.

20And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

21And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.

22And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.

23And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.

24And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.

25And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?

26And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.

27Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.

28And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.

valteena
Feb 3, 2011, 07:22 AM
Hmm.....

Would she feel comfortable in that family without acceptance?

Plus the fact that she once dated the guy's brother .....That means in theory/practice she has slept with 2 blood brothers.....

That's quite spooky.....Finally, she should remember Okafor's law.......

She obviously is not comfortable with it hence the reservation she is having in going straight along with as her man would want. Agreed it does look ummm!!! But let me ask you girlfriend, would it look less spooky if it were the man that had gone out with one sister years back and later meet the other sister and wants to marry her? Just curious.



Okafor's law is relevant here. Again, it is Akin who is going to lose if it happens. But if Akin knowing all these wishes to proceed, good luck to him and God bless their union!

Let me show my ignorance here lol. Abeg Ph3y and emeka008 what exactly is this Okafor's law. I always assume the meaning based on the context within which it is used every time it is mentioned.

valteena
Feb 3, 2011, 07:51 AM
OK O
I will join Bll Carson in calling the man a mugu
He is a total mugu that has been conned by a conniving woman and he still doesn't see it

Umm!!! Ok o he is a mugu:p:)



This woman obviously knew Akin was her ex's brother shortly after they met
How do I know?
From my earlier conclusion it seems unbelievable that the man never talked about his family and she didn't see or hear anything to juggle her memory ,not even the last name and names of his siblings, in the two years.How possible is that?
She knew and probably hid that fact from him and planned to carry belle and hoodwink him into marriage and it seems like her plan is working.

You don't know that for sure F/L. It is an assumption which you're entitle to F/L but don't pass them of as fact.



That man ought to open his eyes and shine them well
That is a dangerous woman.
This is probably the angle his mom is coming from,being a woman we all know the game women sometimes play and I support her refusal of this marriage.
She is a desperate and mean woman,I have no advise for her really,my advise is for the man Akin and his family.

If a situation is not clear to me I ask for clarification and if there is none, then I avoid commenting in absolutism and pouring invectives based on assumptions. Lets even admit she deliberately got pregnant, so that now makes her dangerous and mean? Na wa o. As if its today that women get pregnant to give their men the necessary push to make true their words or intent.

Women from time immemorial have used all kind of tactics to get the men they want and so also have men used all kinds of tactics to get the women they want.That is the nature of the game and all is fair in love lol. I don't think that makes them mean or dangerous. Almost everyone will be guilty of being mean and dangerous based on your reasoning here including your very self as we've most like gone out of our way to do what it takes to get something we want in life at one point or the other. Might not necessarily be in relation to men/women, but something in other areas of life.


I still can't fathom why he would want to marry her,is he looking for a child and has been unable to impregnate a woman and this woman presents him with a belle?,Is it even his?

You sure do have some imagination and they can run riot lol:) Try love and maybe that the lady ticks all the boxes of his ideal woman. I am a romantic and maybe the romantic in me is seeing this as love at play here.



How would he feel in family gatherings sitting with his brother and his wife?
If they laugh at jokes or he compliments her wouldn't something rise up within him?
I can sit and chat and joke with my brothers in law in the absence of my hubby,can she do same?
Can he visit her home and be alone with her?
I could go on and on,this is plain ugly

You're right it is potentially an awkward situation. At least it will be for me. But people are different. Some are not perturb by things like that and it all depends on how truly the lady and the ex have both moved on me think.


The mugu had better wake up jor
This is not a normal way for a man to act.
What is it about him that rationalizes this as not a big deal?
Men do fall in love headlong but when it comes to their women they are extremely territorial,and that love will tanda small for corner and their heads take over.

Marriage is a serious commitment and I doubt that many people go into it without their head screwed in right and so is this guy I should think.

Vade Mecum
Feb 3, 2011, 07:55 AM
Right now, the lady is single. She is not anybody's wife. Meaning Bobo is not stealing her from anybody. At this point in time, dude is single. He is not anybody's husband. Meaning, the broad is not stealing him from anybody.

The girl tried her best to win the heart and minds of the prospective husband's kid brother and the parents thereof. Too bad, things did not play out, the way she originally wanted it. Then again, nature has a way of balancing things out.

As we can now see, with our koro koro eyes: For her previous unrewarded service to the ex's family, while she was trying to win the love of the ex and his family; providence has now rewarded her labor of love. Gold is given to those who know the value. Na this senior brother, know the true worth of this good lady. Go gurl. After marriage, if over sabee people nor allow una live jejele; make unu relocate to Sweden or Denmark, even Norway self.

The relationship between the lady and the ex, has now been thrown into the garbage dump of history. Inugo ? If the Bobo and the Lady are Christians, they should meditate upon and run with this scripture:

2 Corinthians 5:17 (King James Version)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

valteena
Feb 3, 2011, 09:47 AM
Val,

Should she marry her ex boyfriends older brother ? NO !!!

Now Val I have answered the question , Now to elaborate a bit more Val your friend has left a tiny bit of the story out or has been stingy with the truth. I do not know her so I will not say she is lying, however as FL said did the last name not ring a bell? do the two brothers not look alike abi wetin they dey say?

True Beamy you and others are absolutely right to question how possible it is for her not to have link the man to her ex. I did too. Let me be the devil's advocate here and say it is a possibility. It could be that the brothers do not look alike, yes brothers/sisters have been known not to look anywhere like each other.

The guy could be using a middle name or different surname here and the lady would have no reason to link them. They both live abroad and not in Naija so she is probably not in a position to meet the guy's family until they visit Naija. And unless they live together, it will be very difficult for the girl to be privy to his every contact and activities with his family. Their courting could be the old fashion type of not virtually living with each other but visiting each other and going back to their respective places at the end of the day especially if they are both religious. My point, it is possible that the lady genuinely did not know. She could be the victim if that is what this issue is all about which it isn't to me.


I cannot say what she should do regarding the baby to be honest that one pass me, however it is not a good idea for her to marry the guy, just to put it in laymans terms or break it down both men would of seen her naked in the bibilical way,how sure is your friend that when she sees the younger brother she will not still have feelings for him or he has feeling for her? This is too tricky. I just really wonder how she got herself in such a mess? I am kind of annoyed with the woman for messing up so much which includes her now wanting to bring a child into this sham also. [/FONT]

So what should she do with the baby Beamy?


[FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=3][B]Val, you can only be a friend for her this is one of the times you need to tell her na oyo she dey, in other words on her own she has to make the choice it has to be hers no one should have to deal with this mess execpt her, [COLOR="#8b0000"]the man who is willing to still marry her I feel wants a child and is not thinking of the future just of the present to be honest

Okay the baby is in the mix already and the man is going to be the father right?. So which shows thinking of the future more and the best for all concerned especially the baby? For the man to marry the woman he supposedly love who is having his baby and provide a stable and "loving" family environment for the child to grow up in. Or let them both become single parents, the woman a baby momma and him a deadbeat dad? I would have thought the earlier shows the man to be thinking of both the present and future.

valteena
Feb 3, 2011, 09:51 AM
They should go ahead and marry. Shikena. This palaver is neither tricky nor difficult.

This lady was never married to the kid brother. Her ex moved to the U.S. and the relationship broke up, thereafter. Despite the fact that the lady tried her very best to make things work, her relationship with her ex, just kaput. The lady even tried her best to make herself acceptable to the ex's family, after the ex travelled. When she discovered that her ex, has moved on for every intent and every purpose, she then moved on with her dear life. Then fate played a role. Providence is a masterful player you know.

We've not been told, that this lady messed up big time, after the ex travelled. We've not been told that she jilted the ex. What exactly is her offence ? Oh well, she got pregnant for her ex's, big brother, many years, after she broke up with her ex; with no knowledge whatsoever, that her new man was in anyway related to her ex ? So, what do we do now ? Drag her to the French guillotine and chop her neck off ? Abegy jor, make we leave matter. Nor be she get her life. Let the man without sin cast the first stone. Then again, the ex's big brother is not complaining. Bobo is satisfied with his new blessing, and is planning a big and befitting wedding. There you go. Who get issue nor see am as problem; him see am as blessing; na over sabee neighbours want to cry themselves out, say problem dey. Na wah

Last time, I checked, a marriage is between a husband and a wife. Others are cheer leaders. If the cheer leaders will not cheer, but choose to become toxic relatives; then the couple should move on. Well, I am sure the man's family will later understand. For now, they have allowed emotions and sentiments to becloud their reason. Come to think of it; both parties are fully grown adults, These are two adults, with the full capacity to freely consent to marriage

Finally, God has already blessed their union with a baby on the way. Abegy ? Bring the next palaver, make we advise, please.


Thank you for such dispassionate look at this issue based on available information VM. Mostly my sentiment too. I thought I was just being bias seeing it that way even though I know I would still see it same way if the person is unknown to me.

M. Akosa
Feb 3, 2011, 10:29 AM
But at what cost will this lady marry this man?
Get involved with all that hostility from the man's family, especially his mum and a very highly undesirable environment for her unborn child to arrive into?

I will advise any woman that uses a man for sperm donor purposes should absolutely under no circumstances compromise or over compensate. Otherwise the woman will authomaticaly risk losing the moral grounds in the future. Also inflict confusion and some serious damages into the life of her precious child, by expecting any obligations or love from people who should have no part to play in their life, other than child support. And preferably direct deposit only.

There ain't no love in that kind of shiit !
The man is obviously looking for some cheap and uncommitted sex and the woman is also looking for something that only comes from an irresponsible and wreckless man.
Shikena !

One must always call a spade a spade in those circumstances.

emeka008
Feb 3, 2011, 11:06 AM
She obviously is not comfortable with it hence the reservation she is having in going straight along with as her man would want. Agreed it does look ummm!!! But let me ask you girlfriend, would it look less spooky if it were the man that had gone out with one sister years back and later meet the other sister and wants to marry her? Just curious.




Let me show my ignorance here lol. Abeg Ph3y and emeka008 what exactly is this Okafor's law. I always assume the meaning based on the context within which it is used every time it is mentioned.


Lady V,
I have edited the contents from this link to illustrate Okafor's law:
I must admit I only read about Okafor's law on NVS last year. I can't remember the thread now.*

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Okafor's%20Law

1. Okafor's Law

This statement applies to guys mostly; if u have been involved with a girl for a period of time and did a good job in and out of the bedroom (mostly in..), the belief is that u can always go to the girl at any given time and sleep with her again no matter what situation arises (breakups, different lover, etc..)


After dating several years earlier, Your confidant *used "Okafor's Law" to restart a sexual relationship with Akin's brother.

NoLongThing
Feb 3, 2011, 11:17 AM
They should go ahead and marry. Shikena. This palaver is neither tricky nor difficult.

This lady was never married to the kid brother. Her ex moved to the U.S. and the relationship broke up, thereafter. Despite the fact that the lady tried her very best to make things work, her relationship with her ex, just kaput. The lady even tried her best to make herself acceptable to the ex's family, after the ex travelled. When she discovered that her ex, has moved on for every intent and every purpose, she then moved on with her dear life. Then fate played a role. Providence is a masterful player you know.

We've not been told, that this lady messed up big time, after the ex travelled. We've not been told that she jilted the ex. What exactly is her offence ? Oh well, she got pregnant for her ex's, big brother, many years, after she broke up with her ex; with no knowledge whatsoever, that her new man was in anyway related to her ex ? So, what do we do now ? Drag her to the French guillotine and chop her neck off ? Abegy jor, make we leave matter. Nor be she get her life. Let the man without sin cast the first stone. Then again, the ex's big brother is not complaining. Bobo is satisfied with his new blessing, and is planning a big and befitting wedding. There you go. Who get issue nor see am as problem; him see am as blessing; na over sabee neighbours want to cry themselves out, say problem dey. Na wah

Last time, I checked, a marriage is between a husband and a wife. Others are cheer leaders. If the cheer leaders will not cheer, but choose to become toxic relatives; then the couple should move on. Well, I am sure the man's family will later understand. For now, they have allowed emotions and sentiments to becloud their reason. Come to think of it; both parties are fully grown adults, These are two adults, with the full capacity to freely consent to marriage

Finally, God has already blessed their union with a baby on the way. Abegy ? Bring the next palaver, make we advise, please.

Thank you, Sir. I could not agree more - kini big deal?

City Girl
Feb 3, 2011, 11:25 AM
Lady V,
I have edited the contents from this link to illustrate Okafor's law:
I must admit I only read about Okafor's law on NVS last year. I can't remember the thread now.*

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Okafor's%20Law

1. Okafor's Law

This statement applies to guys mostly; if u have been involved with a girl for a period of time and did a good job in and out of the bedroom (mostly in..), the belief is that u can always go to the girl at any given time and sleep with her again no matter what situation arises (breakups, different lover, etc..)


After dating several years earlier, Your confidant *used "Okafor's Law" to restart a sexual relationship with Akin's brother.

I never knew what this meant as well, thanks for asking Valtee and thanks for obliging Emeka008.

Hmmmmmm, no wonder facebook is so popular, men are out to test the validity of Okafor's Law :D .

Ph3y
Feb 3, 2011, 01:38 PM
She obviously is not comfortable with it hence the reservation she is having in going straight along with as her man would want. Agreed it does look ummm!!! But let me ask you girlfriend, would it look less spooky if it were the man that had gone out with one sister years back and later meet the other sister and wants to marry her? Just curious.



If it had been the guy, i would have told the 2 sisters to run very far away from the guy.....How can sisters be rivals in the same house hold?

What if this babe still has feelings for her ex...feelings that could rear their heads again now or in the future...The Ex could even try his luck if he still remembers how to press her 'mumu' buttons well..

@ Vade Mecum,


18And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.
20And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
21And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.

It's not advisable to follow biblical examples blindly....We all need to follow it with a pinch of common sense...Jacob married Rachael and Leah but it was glaring that he preferred Rachael above Leah. As seen in the quotes above.

This resulted in Leah being an unloved second fiddle......And this was evidenced by the names she gave her kids.

Anonymous Villager
Feb 3, 2011, 02:25 PM
Umm!!! Ok o he is a mugu:p:)




You don't know that for sure F/L. It is an assumption which you're entitle to F/L but don't pass them of as fact.




If a situation is not clear to me I ask for clarification and if there is none, then I avoid commenting in absolutism and pouring invectives based on assumptions. Lets even admit she deliberately got pregnant, so that now makes her dangerous and mean? Na wa o. As if its today that women get pregnant to give their men the necessary push to make true their words or intent.

Women from time immemorial have used all kind of tactics to get the men they want and so also have men used all kinds of tactics to get the women they want.That is the nature of the game and all is fair in love lol. I don't think that makes them mean or dangerous. Almost everyone will be guilty of being mean and dangerous based on your reasoning here including your very self as we've most like gone out of our way to do what it takes to get something we want in life at one point or the other. Might not necessarily be in relation to men/women, but something in other areas of life.
You sure do have some imagination and they can run riot lol:) Try love and maybe that the lady ticks all the boxes of his ideal woman. I am a romantic and maybe the romantic in me is seeing this as love at play here.




You're right it is potentially an awkward situation. At least it will be for me. But people are different. Some are not perturb by things like that and it all depends on how truly the lady and the ex have both moved on me think.



Marriage is a serious commitment and I doubt that many people go into it without their head screwed in right and so is this guy I should think.


Biko forget that first lady of a woman bo
Always yarning rubbish
let Ify use what she gat to entrap the man of her choice jare,I agree with thee,it is a tough world out dia
Inshort by the powers invested in me ,I pronounce them wife and man
She may kiss her man (mugu):hail::hail::hail:

Vade Mecum
Feb 3, 2011, 03:13 PM
Actually, the Okafor voodoo logc, is not yet a law. It is actually a hypothesis of the streets that can never graduate into a law.

The statement, "a congo once shined can always be re-shined" is a statement ignorantly couched on the solid, definite and exact platform of pure science. We must always remember that any scientific study of the behavior of man is always classed as social science, and never as pure science. Man's behavior and reaction to events can never be compared to the exact nature of matter and energy in the hard science realm.

Therefore Okafor's law is a discredited hypothesis that belongs to the streets of the ghetto. Okafor's hypothesis based on a false premise, is doomed to remain just that, a voodo hypothesis, applicable only in the worst neighborhoods of the ghetto.

No sane man, would contemplate sleeping with his brother's wife.

Let's give these folks, who have found love, a break

Vade Mecum
Feb 3, 2011, 03:19 PM
@ Vade Mecum,

It's not advisable to follow biblical examples blindly....We all need to follow it with a pinch of common sense...Jacob married Rachael and Leah but it was glaring that he preferred Rachael above Leah. As seen in the quotes above.

This resulted in Leah being an unloved second fiddle......And this was evidenced by the names she gave her kids.

Nope, V.M. is not teaching the Bible story of Jacob and his two sibling wives as an example to follow.

V.M. is merely making clear that "nothing wey nefer happen b/4."

Therefore, life must continue. Make the in-laws and others move on and allow the lady and her lover to enjoy their prospective marital life.

Cheers

First-lady
Feb 3, 2011, 03:34 PM
Actually, the Okafor voodoo logc, is not yet a law. It is actually a hypothesis of the streets that can never graduate into a law.

The statement, "a congo once shined can always be re-shined" is a statement ignorantly couched on the solid, definite and exact platform of pure science. We must always remember that any scientific study of the behavior of man is always classed as social science, and never as pure science. Man's behavior and reaction to events can never be compared to the exact nature of matter and energy in the hard science realm.

Therefore Okafor's law is a discredited hypothesis that belongs to the streets of the ghetto.


My brother please do not under estimate the powers of Okafor's law.
It has turned many a face book innocent hook ups into catastophic damages when they least expected it.
I think the Bible even has it covered when it asks us to flee from all appearances of evil
Not all evil o but appearances of it so you see,it is real.
It is real o
Especially with a man or woman you had a deep affection for,it can happen.
It doesn't take time for a hello to turn into
"chai Ify,you still look just like 20 years ago,wow Ify that shape,wow Ify that silky voice of yours"
no do no do,wow Ify do you remember that day that we @#$%^ and it was so @#$% ,I never stopped loving you and the way you $%^&.
Before you know it,they are declaring love on a vono bed.

oluomo
Feb 3, 2011, 04:07 PM
Thank you, Sir. I could not agree more - kini big deal?

Simply put - Aye n she iru e :razz: (Trans: there's nothing new)

oluomo
Feb 3, 2011, 04:23 PM
My brother please do not under estimate the powers of Okafor's law.
It has turned many a face book innocent hook ups into catastophic damages when they least expected it.
I think the Bible even has it covered when it asks us to flee from all appearances of evil
Not all evil o but appearances of it.
It is real o
Especially with a man or woman you had a deep affection for,it can happen.
It doesn't take time for a hello to turn into
"chai Ify,you still look just like 20 years ago,wow Ify that shape,wow Ify that silky voice of yours"
no do no do,wow Ify do you remember that day that we @#$%^ and it was so @#$% ,I never stopped loving you and the way you $%^&.
Before you know it,they are declaring love on a vono bed.

Lo ba tan:biggrin: (end of...).

Bro VM, there you've heard it from the horse's mouth. You and I can never lay claim to veracity or otherwise of the modified Okafo's law (MOL) as much as the people on the receiving end (no pun intended) of the said law. So bros leave matter abeg.:biggrin:

First-lady
Feb 3, 2011, 04:57 PM
Lo ba tan:biggrin: (end of...).

Bro VM, there you've heard it from the horse's mouth. You and I can never lay claim to veracity or otherwise of the modified Okafo's law (MOL) as much as the people on the receiving end (no pun intended) of the said law. So bros leave matter abeg.:biggrin:

My dear, two ladies I know made the mistake of hooking up with their campus bobo on facebook,it almost cost one her marriage when her husband saw the PM's and the other struggled with the emotional tie for months.The only reason it didn't get physical was distance.
I also made the same mistake of becoming friends with a one time bobo and if you saw what this man sent to my in box plus wrote on my fb wall eh,I almost quenched for the wall post,thank God I saw it 10 mins after he posted it.
My kids,classmates,even church members are my fb friends and an ex bobo is writing amorous poetry on my wall.
Na how e dey take start.
Not my portion.

M. Akosa
Feb 3, 2011, 05:47 PM
Nope, V.M. is not teaching the Bible story of Jacob and his two sibling wives as an example to follow.

V.M. is merely making clear that "nothing wey nefer happen b/4."

Therefore, life must continue. Make the in-laws and others move on and allow the lady and her lover to enjoy their prospective marital life.

Cheers


Bros V.M,

This is exactly where I fundamentally disagree with you.
Please do not under estimate such sentiments or perceptions from other people.
Boundary issues is a big problem for many Nigerian families and communities !
I'm afraid they will always consider her as "their other son's wife" too. Not good at all if she has something to lose in the reputation/ credibility departments. Instead of her now to quickly call a spade a spade and move on..sam..sam.

And this is exactly why I am also saying that this lady better thread with caution. And ask herself if this man (exclusive of his extended family) alone is worth it? Maybe 5 to 10 years from today.
What is love? There is so much to do with marriage and raising a family than a perception of an ideal "love" between 2 people.

If she plays her card well, and not fall into the tempations of carrying this perverse baggage (hangover from a baby daddy/sperm dornor) then you will be surpised that she can turn it into a win win situation at the end of the day. Free to enjoy all the (financial and social) benefits of being a mother and also free to seek happiness elsewhere, without any guilts or self destructive obligations to this man and his family.
After all, polyandry or polygamy is not accepted in the western world where she resides and where the child will be born. Let them come near her and claim that she is "married" to 2 brothers. Who both never saw her break light near any church or registry. No be game both parties dey play here? Which kain better (well meaning person) human being go dey shine congo for 2 years and him no know whether you are both related ?
Na only original sperm donor dis man be oh... and from a confused and nasty family background. I swear.
Wetin concern dat kind man concern marriage?

Valtee, ah..begi naa from which ethnic group him come from sef ?
may be I fit do some match making here and introduce him to my single babes and girlfriends wey go fit like his services. Him don already prove say he is certified fit for work. Just use him only for his skills and talents, then detach and enstrange his pikin from him, make the poor child no go carry his family madness.
Shikena !

Beam
Feb 3, 2011, 06:31 PM
True Beamy you and others are absolutely right to question how possible it is for her not to have link the man to her ex. I did too. Let me be the devil's advocate here and say it is a possibility. It could be that the brothers do not look alike, yes brothers/sisters have been known not to look anywhere like each other.

The guy could be using a middle name or different surname here and the lady would have no reason to link them. They both live abroad and not in Naija so she is probably not in a position to meet the guy's family until they visit Naija. And unless they live together, it will be very difficult for the girl to be privy to his every contact and activities with his family. Their courting could be the old fashion type of not virtually living with each other but visiting each other and going back to their respective places at the end of the day especially if they are both religious. My point, it is possible that the lady genuinely did not know. She could be the victim if that is what this issue is all about which it isn't to me.





So what should she do with the baby Beamy?





Okay the baby is in the mix already and the man is going to be the father right?. So which shows thinking of the future more and the best for all concerned especially the baby? For the man to marry the woman he supposedly love who is having his baby and provide a stable and "loving" family environment for the child to grow up in. Or let them both become single parents, the woman a baby momma and him a deadbeat dad? I would have thought the earlier shows the man to be thinking of both the present and future.


Val,
Regarding the baby only she can knows the answer to that, Val I read you and understand your points. All anyone can really do is wish her luck, and pray the man's family come around. All you as a friend can do is be there for her. Val, however we look at it the two of them are bringing an innocent child into the world may they make it a better place for the child....as a couple married, or as parents married to different partners at the end of the day.

One of them messed up, we may be focussing on the wrong person I do not know what I do know is there is something not right with this story. As I said all we can do is wish them luck at the end of the day it is their cross to bare. I do hope the man's family come around I honestly do .

First-lady
Feb 3, 2011, 07:02 PM
Val,
Regarding the baby only she can knows the answer to that, Val I read you and understand your points. All anyone can really do is wish her luck, and pray the man's family come around. All you as a friend can do is be there for her. Val, however we look at it the two of them are bringing an innocent child into the world may they make it a better place for the child....as a couple married, or as parents married to different partners at the end of the day.

One of them messed up, we may be focussing on the wrong person I do not know what I do know is there is something not right in this story. As I said all we can do is wish them luck at the end of the day it is their cross to bare. I do hope the man's family come around I honestly do .

You're right something ain't right with this whole tale
Sounds more like a Nollywood piece of which if I were the writer I would include the following to make it an iron clad suspense.

1. Akin and Tunde are of different biological fathers such that Akin's last name didn't ring a bell to Ify

2. Ify took up the oyibo name Monica when she moved to London such that when Akin spoke with his younger brother in the USA about his woman,his younger brother Tunde and his siblings made no connection.
His mother also couldn't make that connection with Monica until they met in Akure and realized they knew each other.

3. Their mom divorced Akin's step father (Tunde's father) and moved from Lagos to Akure many years ago and reverted back to her maiden name so when Akin talked of his mom in Akure and she saw letters addressed to her,she had no clue that it was the same woman she visited several times in Lagos who regarded her as a daughter in law.

Is there an opening in Nollywood,I will make a good writer. lol

smartomoge
Feb 3, 2011, 08:00 PM
Actually, the story has been made several times by Nollywood. For a recent and very well made example,

see Private Storm (http://afrikcinepedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/movie-review-private-storm.html)


Thank me later.

LOL!


You're right something ain't right with this whole tale
Sounds more like a Nollywood piece of which if I were the writer I would include the following to make it an iron clad suspense.

1. Akin and Tunde are of different biological fathers such that Akin's last name didn't ring a bell to Ify

2. Ify took up the oyibo name Monica when she moved to London such that when Akin spoke with his younger brother in the USA about his woman,his younger brother Tunde and his siblings made no connection.
His mother also couldn't make that connection with Monica until they met in Akure and realized they knew each other.

3. Their mom divorced Akin's step father (Tunde's father) and moved from Lagos to Akure many years ago and reverted back to her maiden name so when Akin talked of his mom in Akure and she saw letters addressed to her,she had no clue that it was the same woman she visited several times in Lagos who regarded her as a daughter in law.

Is there an opening in Nollywood,I will make a good writer. lol

valteena
Feb 4, 2011, 11:50 AM
Lady V,
I have edited the contents from this link to illustrate Okafor's law:
I must admit I only read about Okafor's law on NVS last year. I can't remember the thread now.*

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Okafor's%20Law

1. Okafor's Law

This statement applies to guys mostly; if u have been involved with a girl for a period of time and did a good job in and out of the bedroom (mostly in..), the belief is that u can always go to the girl at any given time and sleep with her again no matter what situation arises (breakups, different lover, etc..)


After dating several years earlier, Your confidant *used "Okafor's Law" to restart a sexual relationship with Akin's brother.

Thanks emaka for the explanation of Okafor's law. But Akin's brother is not the same person as Akin now so I really don't see Okafor's law at play there yet from my understanding of your explanation of Okafor's law..

valteena
Feb 4, 2011, 12:14 PM
Actually, the Okafor voodoo logc, is not yet a law. It is actually a hypothesis of the streets that can never graduate into a law.

The statement, "a congo once shined can always be re-shined" is a statement ignorantly couched on the solid, definite and exact platform of pure science. We must always remember that any scientific study of the behavior of man is always classed as social science, and never as pure science. Man's behavior and reaction to events can never be compared to the exact nature of matter and energy in the hard science realm.

Therefore Okafor's law is a discredited hypothesis that belongs to the streets of the ghetto. Okafor's hypothesis based on a false premise, is doomed to remain just that, a voodo hypothesis, applicable only in the worst neighborhoods of the ghetto.

No sane man, would contemplate sleeping with his brother's wife.

Let's give these folks, who have found love, a break



You're right VM for it to be a law it must be applicable to all and I doubt if it will so work with everyone. For some once its over its over lol more so when they are in another committed relationship. Only dogs go back to their vomit.
Seriously though I am thinking that, that the relationship ended supposedly imply that it didn't agree with the person somehow. If that is the case, so why go back for more of something that didn't agree with you in the first place.

valteena
Feb 4, 2011, 12:26 PM
You're right something ain't right with this whole tale
Sounds more like a Nollywood piece of which if I were the writer I would include the following to make it an iron clad suspense.

1. Akin and Tunde are of different biological fathers such that Akin's last name didn't ring a bell to Ify

2. Ify took up the oyibo name Monica when she moved to London such that when Akin spoke with his younger brother in the USA about his woman,his younger brother Tunde and his siblings made no connection.
His mother also couldn't make that connection with Monica until they met in Akure and realized they knew each other.

3. Their mom divorced Akin's step father (Tunde's father) and moved from Lagos to Akure many years ago and reverted back to her maiden name so when Akin talked of his mom in Akure and she saw letters addressed to her,she had no clue that it was the same woman she visited several times in Lagos who regarded her as a daughter in law.

Is there an opening in Nollywood,I will make a good writer. lol


Naah!!! F/L you'll be short changing yourself behind the camera writing lol:wink:. With your penchant for drama and limelight, your full potential will be realised in front of the camera acting lol