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DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 11:28 AM
I have a question...mother is currently on a lot of medication for various ailments including diabetes,high blood pressure ect. She doesn't seem to understand her illness and often indulges in her favourite foods..eba, yam rice with loads of meat and she also has large portions. She will eat that and then lie down without any exertion all day. We advise her and she never listens.

I have suggested that we get a carer in and take care of her but she is a stubborn woman and doesn't like the idea of a stranger being in her house. We, her children all work full time and have our own lives and so it is impossible to for us to stay home and do these things for her even though we help out when we can. We live in Britain and as anyone knows here we have to work in order to maintain our lives. Staying at home 24 hours with my mother is just not an option.

My mum is 67 and has lived in England since she was in her early 20s. The last time she went back to Nigeria in 1997 she was attacked by armed robbers. My other siblings are now devsing a plan to send her back to Nigeria as they feel she will have a better life there with relatives and house help etc.

The plan is to sell her house which will bring in around 350k in order to buy a property in Nigeria where she can stay with my older sister....who also has her own life in Nigeria. Bring in housegirls ect but I am worried because if ever my mum has an emergency i.e her blood sugars are too high or low then we won't have the NHS to turn too, then there is the security , as I said before, armed robbers broke into the house she was staying in and nearly beat her to death...to date no one has been prosecuted for the crime.

Then there is the finances after paying for a house, getting the best Doctors in Nigeria to be on call which won't be cheap, then house help and the general costs of running the house...how much will 350k actually last?

I also posted this on NL to get their perspective too....Please advise

Vade Mecum
Sep 15, 2010, 11:45 AM
Sending your mother to Nigeria is not an option

At 67, she should not be forced to abandon the comfort of her home.

Her house should not be sold for any reason

She must be allowed to live out the last years of her life in a familiar, safe and comfortable environment

Her access to great medical opportunities remain the U.K.

Epileptic power and water supply in Nigeria, will make her yearn for a quick return to the U. K.

Sending her to Nigeria, after an armed robbery attack that subjected her to a serious beating at her age is not an option

The constant fear of a re-occurrence of an armed robbery attack in Nigeria, can trigger a traumatic emotional, mental and physical health condition. Please do not suggest re-location to Nigeria to her

You and your siblings must work out an arrangement to accommodate her in Britain

She worked out something to accommodate you folks back in the day; when you were too young to help yourselves. Now is payback time

Leave her in her own home in Britain and work something out among yourselves

You and your siblings know the nitty gritty of your schedules vis a vis your mum. Thus only you and your siblings can work out the details of how you will accommodate her

However, I wish to let you know, that it is only when you drop the idea of sending her back to Nigeria; that you will begin to see the options available to you in Britain

There is always a way if you are patient and look hard and deep enough

Come to think of it, your good mum is not an invalid

Your good mum is not complaining

Your good mum is not a liability to anybody

The real question could be why are you and your siblings trying to get rid of your self sufficient mum ?

Sometime down the line of time, she will be around no more. Then you and your siblings will all long to see her, but you will not be able to call her forth

Keep her close now that she is still alive and around you

Enjoy her now

Enjoy the NOW MOMENT, while she is still around.

Down the line of time, all you will have, are the memories, you and your siblings want to deny yourselves now

Just let her be and enjoy her

Oh ye shildren of nowadays. :biggrin:

A Word of Advice, from the Analects of V. M.

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 12:06 PM
When I read her post I had to do a double take.
I dont think this is a real post....Nobody can be that cold blooded and callous.
Next it will be if they should suffocate her with a pillow...Poor woman, I wonder what kind of roasting she gets from these her pikins dem.

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 12:39 PM
Sending your mother to Nigeria is not an option

At 67, she should not be forced to abandon the comfort of her home.

Her house should not be sold for any reason

She must be allowed to live out the last years of her life in a familiar, safe and comfortable environment

Her access to great medical opportunities remain the U.K.

Epileptic power and water supply in Nigeria, will make her yearn for a quick return to the U. K.

Sending her to Nigeria, after an armed robbery attack that subjected her to a serious beating at her age is not an option

The constant fear of a re-occurrence of an armed robbery attack in Nigeria, can trigger a traumatic emotional, mental and physical health condition. Please do not suggest re-location to Nigeria to her

You and your siblings must work out an arrangement to accommodate her in Britain

She worked out something to accommodate you folks back in the day; when you were too young to help yourselves. Now is payback time

Leave her in her own home in Britain and work something out among yourselves

You and your siblings know the nitty gritty of your schedules vis a vis your mum. Thus only you and your siblings can work out the details of how you will accommodate her

However, I wish to let you know, that it is only when you drop the idea of sending her back to Nigeria; that you will begin to see the options available to you in Britain

There is always a way if you are patient and look hard and deep enough

Come to think of it, your good mum is not an invalid

Your good mum is not complaining

Your good mum is not a liability to anybody

The real question could be why are you and your siblings trying to get rid of your self sufficient mum ?

Sometime down the line of time, she will be around no more. Then you and your siblings will all long to see her, but you will not be able to call her forth

Keep her close now that she is still alive and around you

Enjoy her now

Enjoy the NOW MOMENT, while she is still around.

Down the line of time, all you will have, are the memories, you and your siblings want to deny yourselves now

Just let her be and enjoy her

Oh ye Shildren of nowadays.

A Word of Advice from V. M., from the Analects of V. M.

Thanks.

I don't want her to send her back it is my siblings who are all for the idea. One of them seems to have this idea that Nigeria is the perfect place for my mum with all her relatives and grandchildren. And then there is the cheap house help. Come to think of it my mum doesn't like strangers here looking after her so why would she in Nigeria?

Here in England we try to encourage my mum to go out and do things for herself like cooking and even cleaning because as she doesn't work she needs to be active. As I said she is quite stubborn and doesn't feel she should be doing these things...in a way she thinks that if she was in Nigeria these things would get done for her but that is not necessarily a good thing. So my mum is not helping matters either as she is not an invalid but likes to betray herself as one. We have everal relatives in Nigeria have died at relatively young ages 50s because of diabetes, in fact one of my aunts sat around the house for years shouting orders to housegirls ect before she finally gave up the ghost and died.

My siblings have this romantic view of Nigeria whereas I think I am more realistic.

---------- Post added at 01:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:38 PM ----------


When I read her post I had to do a double take.
I dont think this is a real post....Nobody can be that cold blooded and callous.
Next it will be if they should suffocate her with a pillow...Poor woman, I wonder what kind of roasting she gets from these her pikins dem.

It is a real post of a real life situation. Thanks!

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 01:19 PM
When I read her post I had to do a double take.
I dont think this is a real post....Nobody can be that cold blooded and callous.
Next it will be if they should suffocate her with a pillow...Poor woman, I wonder what kind of roasting she gets from these her pikins dem.

Come on now don't be so brash, Pagan.

You read even more callous than the person you're talking about here.

I read her words up there and I immediately felt compassion for her dilemma.

It is not easy living in the West as a professional with the responsibilities of caring for another.

I have met elders in this country and I pity their isolation from what elders take for granted in Nigeria.

Like her Mom, these elders are set in their ways and often don't do things in their own best interest;

In fact I know a diabetic elderly person who, sometimes, I think should just go back home and enjoy it all.

But at other times, I wonder if such is the best idea for him - how will he cope, after 40 years plus over here?

Still, I know of diabetics in Nigeria who cope quite well - but I hate seeing him struggle on his own here, lonely.

In Nigeria, you have everybody watching out for you..oh gosh, who will enforce his diet for his health's sake?

Maybe he needs a wife, but like I said, he is ever-so-stubborn and set in his ways. And another wife @ 67???

It's a tough one, really. Please don't just think of the lady as callous if you haven't been in the same shoes.
--

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 02:54 PM
My initial reaction was " Why are suggestions being made, as if the Lady had dementia"...looks like everybody is talking above her head, trying to make decisions for her, like she is not there.
Im sorry if I appeared 'brash' as Auspy put it....but I felt strongly that this lady was not being consulted, but rather, what her Adult children think is best for her, is being shoved in her face.
Like any typical person, who is faced with being powerless in the face of people, who are intent on carrying out their own will...the purses her lips, puts her hand on her ears, and says NO NO NO to everything.

The woman is not stubborn, if you ask me....I believe they have stopped treating her like a valued family member, but see her as a burden and that is what she is reacting to.
Nobody likes strangers in their home sick or not..so she is perfectly normal.

Is she religious?..one can break the ice by having her church members that she is already comfortable with come round..that will break the ice and compel her to start taking better care of herself and her surroundings.

She could very well be depressed and her listlessness is now being mistaken for stubborness (Im not saying she is a walk in the park normally but this her intransigence to everything, could be depression from all the health challenges she is facing)

Communication is key here.
Get intouch with adult social services...there are so many fun things she could do, and it will not entail any of the busy family members to hang around.
Go to your local library and see what is on offer for folks in her area...you would be surprised at all the fun stuff they get to do.
Painting classes, cookery classes (including classes on diabetic cooking etc)
flower arranging classes. Dancing lessons....salsa lessons...

Selling her house and shipping her off to Nigeria will be a mistake...eventually she will need to come back here, Healthcare costs alone will drive her back sooner than you think. Where will she live then?
Nigeria is not cheap to live in, and the proceeds from the sale of her home will be wiped out by the exhorbitant cost of living.

Not easy but totally doable to get her to take an interest in her wellbeing.

emeka008
Sep 15, 2010, 03:12 PM
The above sounds very reasonable to me. The woman has lived here for a long time. She would be aware that her opinion counts as long as she has the capacity to make decisions. Nothing indicates she hasn't at the present time. Her children may worry all they can but if she chooses not to adhere to medical recommendations, there is very little they can do. She should be left to make decisions about her property. She may decide to sell it and get a smaller, cheaper retirement flat. Some of these flats have support workers and the residents can pick and choose what they need help with. It has already been mentioned that if she is suffering depression, she should go to her GP who will treat and arrange referrals if required. Just because she is ageing doesn't mean she couldn't be a difficult person who may choose passive aggression over common sense just to have her way. She may have all the village at her beck and call in Nigeria but forget about proper medical care no matter how much you are prepared to pay. Nigeria does not have an integrated medical system to ensure that kind of care. You often hear people saying they know a good doctor here and there but what realistically can one good doctor or nurse do in a broken system? The only place I had anything like proper care for my now late dad was at St Nicholas and that was very expensive.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 03:13 PM
I seem to understand where these kids are coming from.
My first job in the USA,I worked as a home health aide taking care of mostly elderly home bound patients,some of whom lived with their older kids and I saw the toll it took on the children caring for a sick parent.
It must be hard on these people,I empathize greatly.It's not easy.
The myriad of doctor's appointments,the often non compliance of the patients,the financial toll since medicare doesn't pay for everything.
Many of these family family members have to change their lifestyle,juggle their schedules,forego some dreams, put off vacations, deny their own kids and spouses things in order to care for mama.
It is not easy ,folks.
Let me add also that most of the time there's usually one pikin that bears majority of the load and they do come to a breaking point

To Dkokolette,as hard as you think it is for you all in the UK to care for your mom,it would be a million times worse in Nigeria.
You will get cheap labour as in househelps yes,but what about the medical care?
I promise you,if sent to Nigeria,her condition will quickly deteriorate and very soon you'll hear of leg and foot amputations ,blindness and eventually death.
Sorry I'm sounding morbid but that's the reality.
Your mom hasn't lived in Nigeria regularly since she was in her 20's and somehow someone thinks sending her home an ill woman at 67 would be a wise decision?

Please have a rethink

People fly their sick parents here for care and you want to send yours to Nigeria?

Vade Mecum
Sep 15, 2010, 03:14 PM
My initial reaction was " Why are suggestions being made, as if the Lady had dementia"...looks like everybody is talking above her head, trying to make decisions for her, like she is not there.
Im sorry if I appeared 'brash' as Auspy put it....but I felt strongly that this lady was not being consulted, but whather Adult childrent think is best for her, is being shoved in her face. Like any typical person, who is faced with being powerless in the face of people who are intent on carrying out their own will...the purses her lips, puts her hand on her ears, and says NO NO NO to everything.

The woman is not stubborn, if you ask me....I believe they have stopped treating her like a valued family member, but see her as a burden and that is what she is reacting to.
Nobody likes strangers in their home sick or not..so she is perfectly normal.

Is she religious?..one can break the ice by having her church members that she is already comfortable with come round..that will break the ice and compel her to start taking better care of herself and her surroundings.

She could very well be depressed and her listlessness is now being mistaken for stubborness (Im not saying she is a walk in the park normally but this her intransigence to everything, could be depression from all the health challenges she is facing)

Communication is key here.
Get intouch with adult social services...there are so many fun things she could do, and it will not entail any of the busy family members to hang around.
Go to your local library and see what is on offer for folks in her area...you would be surprised at all the fun stuff they get to do.
Painting classes, cookery classes (including classes on diabetic cooking etc)
flower arranging classes. Dancing lessons....salsa lessons...

Selling her house and shipping her off to Nigeria will be a mistake...eventually she will need to come back here, Healthcare costs alone will drive her back sooner than you think. Where will she live then?
Nigeria is not cheap to live in, and the proceeds from the sale of her home will be wiped out by the exhorbitant cost of living.

Not easy but totally doable to get her to take an interest in her wellbeing.


There you go,

Like true human nature, the very best in us comes out, when we are challenged

Now, please clap for yourself

Great piece of advice

We should thank Auspicious too for misunderstanding you.

His reaction to your earlier post, helped to bring out the genius in you.


Cheers and God bless

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 03:21 PM
-

Deleted on afterthought - out of (belated) respected for anothers' privacy.
--

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 03:36 PM
VM no too yab me :lol:
na hunger for egusi and Ukazi soup dey waya me.
Thanks all the same....sometimes I shoot from the hip, when I should show moderation.
shame on me....(yeah right):biggrin:

---------- Post added at 04:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:29 PM ----------

Auspy what is this..... portion size inflation?...haba
large portion in the original post, has now morphed into Massive portions by the time you posted the above post ..Have a heart meeen.
anyway continue shaa you make a lorra sense.

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 03:55 PM
My initial reaction was " Why are suggestions being made, as if the Lady had dementia"...looks like everybody is talking above her head, trying to make decisions for her, like she is not there.
Im sorry if I appeared 'brash' as Auspy put it....but I felt strongly that this lady was not being consulted, but whather Adult childrent think is best for her, is being shoved in her face. Like any typical person, who is faced with being powerless in the face of people who are intent on carrying out their own will...the purses her lips, puts her hand on her ears, and says NO NO NO to everything.

The woman is not stubborn, if you ask me....I believe they have stopped treating her like a valued family member, but see her as a burden and that is what she is reacting to.
Nobody likes strangers in their home sick or not..so she is perfectly normal.

Is she religious?..one can break the ice by having her church members that she is already comfortable with come round..that will break the ice and compel her to start taking better care of herself and her surroundings.

She could very well be depressed and her listlessness is now being mistaken for stubborness (Im not saying she is a walk in the park normally but this her intransigence to everything, could be depression from all the health challenges she is facing)

Communication is key here.
Get intouch with adult social services...there are so many fun things she could do, and it will not entail any of the busy family members to hang around.
Go to your local library and see what is on offer for folks in her area...you would be surprised at all the fun stuff they get to do.
Painting classes, cookery classes (including classes on diabetic cooking etc)
flower arranging classes. Dancing lessons....salsa lessons...

Selling her house and shipping her off to Nigeria will be a mistake...eventually she will need to come back here, Healthcare costs alone will drive her back sooner than you think. Where will she live then?
Nigeria is not cheap to live in, and the proceeds from the sale of her home will be wiped out by the exhorbitant cost of living.

Not easy but totally doable to get her to take an interest in her wellbeing.

I wish you would ask before making assumptions. My mother is stubborn and I know her better than no other, after all I am her daughter and while I understand my siblings frustrations and they wanting her shipped off, I don't agree with the decision. We are split on this at the moment. Two think it is a great and I don't, two others are yet to be consulted but they may think it is good or bad. The purpose of posting this here was to get opinions and views. My sister told earlier today that Nigeria was the best place for my mum and I disagreed.

First of all my mother can not read - Going to Libraries is not an option.
She has never been a sociable person so elderly social functions and activities are also not on.
We have had several Carers come to the house and she has 'driven them away' after they have worked there for a spell.
We arranged meals on wheels for her as she complained that she was unable to cook for herself during the day. This worked for a while then she stopped opening the door for them.
I have asked her several times if she wanted to come to a spa, go on holiday etc...she says no.
we have told her several times that if she eats heavy food like yam. eba...etc she should make an effort to do something around the house to burn it off. It falls on death ears because she wants to lie down. In her psyche she thinks lying down after a heavy meal is somehow helping her health or extending her life span.
She will hide and eat biscuits, cakes...all the bad things.
She is now blind in one eye because of her poor diet and lack of exercise. The other eye is threatening to go the same way.
Three of her kids are medical professionals and she doesn't even listen to them when advised.
The list is long.

I tire.

I don't think she should be sent back to Nigeria but I can see their point. Everybody is trying to move on with their lives and my mother seems to think that because she gave birth to us we must become her nursemaids. As I said even with her one eye she is not an invalid and perfectly capable of doing a lot of things herself...yet she chooses not too.

The other day I took her to hospital and because all the disabled parking places were full I asked one of the porters to help take her in. When I finally found somewhere to park and went in she was in a wheelchair. I asked her to get up and she started crying that her legs were weak. Fast forward, later on that morning we went to the market and she wanted to stock up on goat meat, sausages etc. She has already been advised to reduce her intake of red meat because her kidneys were having a hard time coping and we don't want it to get to a point where she needs dialysis three times a week. To cut a long story short, after I dropped her and drove off, she walked up the street to the bus stop which is about half a mile down the road, boarded the bus, walked into the market which is another few yards away and bought her meat and then came back home. This was the same person who was crying about her legs being weak that same morning...?

As I said she is stubborn and crafty at that.

Sometimes when you are trying to help someone and they make things difficult it is hard.

---------- Post added at 04:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:43 PM ----------


The above sounds very reasonable to me. The woman has lived here for a long time. She would be aware that her opinion counts as long as she has the capacity to make decisions. Nothing indicates she hasn't at the present time. Her children may worry all they can but if she chooses not to adhere to medical recommendations, there is very little they can do. She should be left to make decisions about her property. She may decide to sell it and get a smaller, cheaper retirement flat. Some of these flats have support workers and the residents can pick and choose what they need help with. It has already been mentioned that if she is suffering depression, she should go to her GP who will treat and arrange referrals if required. Just because she is ageing doesn't mean she couldn't be a difficult person who may choose passive aggression over common sense just to have her way. She may have all the village at her beck and call in Nigeria but forget about proper medical care no matter how much you are prepared to pay. Nigeria does not have an integrated medical system to ensure that kind of care. You often hear people saying they know a good doctor here and there but what realistically can one good doctor or nurse do in a broken system? The only place I had anything like proper care for my now late dad was at St Nicholas and that was very expensive.

You make a lot of sense and I agree that her opinion should count but this is someone who is not capable of making a wise decision when it comes to her health or wellbeing.
She has already been prescribed drugs to help cope with depression...she has been on those for years.

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 03:55 PM
Auspy what is this..... portion size inflation?

I ain't inflating nothing, Pagan. It is what it is.

You are the one who needs to have a heart and some patience, not me.

Your expressed thoughts are loaded with assumptions about the other lady.

Again, until you walk in her shoes, you cannot possibly understand her fully.

I experienced it at close quarters with the example I cited, even if he's not my parent.
--

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 03:55 PM
I wish you would ask before making assumptions. My mother is stubborn and I know her better than no other, after all I am her daughter and while I understand my siblings frustrations and they wanting her shipped off, I don't agree with the decision. We are split on this at the moment. Two think it is a great and I don't, two others are yet to be consulted but they may think it is good or bad. The purpose of posting this here was to get opinions and views. My sister told earlier today that Nigeria was the best place for my mum and I disagreed.

First of all my mother can not read - Going to Libraries is not an option.
She has never been a sociable person so elderly social functions and activities are also not on.
We have had several Carers come to the house and she has 'driven them away' after they have worked there for a spell.
We arranged meals on wheels for her as she complained that she was unable to cook for herself during the day. This worked for a while then she stopped opening the door for them.
I have asked her several times if she wanted to come to a spa, go on holiday etc...she says no.
we have told her several times that if she eats heavy food like yam. eba...etc she should make an effort to do something around the house to burn it off. It falls on death ears because she wants to lie down. In her psyche she thinks lying down after a heavy meal is somehow helping her health or extending her life span.
She will hide and eat biscuits, cakes...all the bad things.
She is now blind in one eye because of her poor diet and lack of exercise. The other eye is threatening to go the same way.
Three of her kids are medical professionals and she doesn't even listen to them when advised.
The list is long.

I tire.

I don't think she should be sent back to Nigeria but I can see their point. Everybody is trying to move on with their lives and my mother seems to think that because she gave birth to us we must become her nursemaids. As I said even with her one eye she is not an invalid and perfectly capable of doing a lot of things herself...yet she chooses not too.

The other day I took her to hospital and because all the disabled parking places were full I asked one of the porters to help take her in. When I finally found somewhere to park and went in she was in a wheelchair. I asked her to get up and she started crying that her legs were weak. Fast forward, later on that morning we went to the market and she wanted to stock up on goat meat, sausages etc. She has already been advised to reduce her intake of red meat because her kidneys were having a hard time coping and we don't want it to get to a point where she needs dialysis three times a week. To cut a long story short, after I dropped her and drove off, she walked up the street to the bus stop which is about half a mile down the road, boarded the bus, walked into the market which is another few yards away and bought her meat and then came back home. This was the same person who was crying about her legs being weak that same morning...?

As I said she is stubborn and crafty at that.

Sometimes when you are trying to help someone and they make things difficult it is hard.

Sorry... I seem to have an advanced case of "foot in mouth disease" today...bear with me.

No vex ahbeg...It cant be easy for you guys walahi.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 03:57 PM
I have a question...mother is currently on a lot of medication for various ailments including diabetes,high blood pressure ect. She doesn't seem to understand her illness and often indulges in her favourite foods..eba, yam rice with loads of meat and she also has large portions. She will eat that and then lie down without any exertion all day. We advise her and she never listens.



I am no psychologist or psychiatrist but the post above tells me your mom is in denial about her health condition.
It is not uncommon for patients to feel that way.
It is hard to come to the realization that your life as you once knew it is now over and that you need to make changes.
It's like auspicious here who (thanks to God) is in good health and enjoys his daily 2 pounds of eba and we pray he remains that way.
Imagine asking him suddenly to give it up for raw veggies, wouldn't it be an act of God for him to let go of something he's eaten since he was a teething infant:wink::wink::lol:

Here in the USA,diabetics and several other sufferers of chronic conditions undergo some classes/therapy sessions to learn about their condition and ways they can help prevent complications.
Your mother needs such classes.
She may even be depressed.
One of you should look for a class or group that she can attend ,go there with her.
If she sees other men and women living and thriving with diabetes and other illnesses,it may change her out look and let her see that her life is not over.
What she needs is encouragement not threats of bundling her to Naija.

______________________

auspy abeg o,I am ya sista:lol:

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 03:58 PM
I ain't inflating nothing, Pagan. It is what it is.

You are the one who needs to have a heart and some patience, not me.

Your expressed thoughts are loaded with assumptions about the other lady.

Again, until you walk in her shoes, you cannot possibly understand her fully.

I experienced it at close quarters with the example I cited, even if he's not my parent.
--
Looks like I got quite a bit to learn here. I had no idea... Thanks for sharing.

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 03:59 PM
I seem to understand where these kids are coming from.
My first job in the USA,I worked as a home health aide taking care of mostly elderly home bound patients,some of whom lived with their older kids and I saw the toll it took on the children caring for a sick parent.
It must be hard on these people,I empathize greatly.It's not easy.
The myriad of doctor's appointments,the often non compliance of the patients,the financial toll since medicare doesn't pay for everything.
Many of these family family members have to change their lifestyle,juggle their schedules,forego some dreams, put off vacations, deny their own kids and spouses things in order to care for mama.
It is not easy ,folks.
Let me add also that most of the time there's usually one pikin that bears majority of the load and they do come to a breaking point

To Dkokolette,as hard as you think it is for you all in the UK to care for your mom,it would be a million times worse in Nigeria.
You will get cheap labour as in househelps yes,but what about the medical care?
I promise you,if sent to Nigeria,her condition will quickly deteriorate and very soon you'll hear of leg and foot amputations ,blindness and eventually death.
Sorry I'm sounding morbid but that's the reality.
Your mom hasn't lived in Nigeria regularly since she was in her 20's and somehow someone thinks sending her home an ill woman at 67 would be a wise decision?

Please have a rethink

People fly their sick parents here for care and you want to send yours to Nigeria?

Thanks...You think like me but my siblings don't see it that way.

emeka008
Sep 15, 2010, 04:01 PM
Dkokolette,
You describe a difficult mother who makes unreasonable demands at times and now showing an abnormal illness behaviour.

You are not going to change her personality. So, define a limited objective to achieve.
1. Does your mother want to go back to Nigeria?
2. Is she consenting to medical treatment and does she understand what may happen if she decided not to?
3. Does she want to sell her house?
Sorry, if you find these questions are being repeated.
My experience with my own mother is that you get to the point where you read the riot act. She is alive and healthy now but there was a period a few years ago when we feared she was going to die largely because she was ignoring medical advice and putting herself in danger - going to quack doctors.
I essentially explained to her about her rights to make decisions that affect her, explained what I thought might happen if she carried on being difficult. Most importantly, I explained that I would miss her greatly if she died but would no longer tolerate abuse of my kind heartedness including going to Nigeria every other month to make sure she followed medical advice.

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 04:04 PM
I wish you would ask before making assumptions. My mother is stubborn and I know her better than no other, after all I am her daughter and while I understand my siblings frustrations and they wanting her shipped off, I don't agree with the decision. We are split on this at the moment. Two think it is a great and I don't, two others are yet to be consulted but they may think it is good or bad. The purpose of posting this here was to get opinions and views. My sister told earlier today that Nigeria was the best place for my mum and I disagreed.

First of all my mother can not read - Going to Libraries is not an option.
She has never been a sociable person so elderly social functions and activities are also not on.
We have had several Carers come to the house and she has 'driven them away' after they have worked there for a spell.
We arranged meals on wheels for her as she complained that she was unable to cook for herself during the day. This worked for a while then she stopped opening the door for them.
I have asked her several times if she wanted to come to a spa, go on holiday etc...she says no.
we have told her several times that if she eats heavy food like yam. eba...etc she should make an effort to do something around the house to burn it off. It falls on death ears because she wants to lie down. In her psyche she thinks lying down after a heavy meal is somehow helping her health or extending her life span.
She will hide and eat biscuits, cakes...all the bad things.
She is now blind in one eye because of her poor diet and lack of exercise. The other eye is threatening to go the same way.
Three of her kids are medical professionals and she doesn't even listen to them when advised.
The list is long.

I tire.

I don't think she should be sent back to Nigeria but I can see their point. Everybody is trying to move on with their lives and my mother seems to think that because she gave birth to us we must become her nursemaids. As I said even with her one eye she is not an invalid and perfectly capable of doing a lot of things herself...yet she chooses not too.

The other day I took her to hospital and because all the disabled parking places were full I asked one of the porters to help take her in. When I finally found somewhere to park and went in she was in a wheelchair. I asked her to get up and she started crying that her legs were weak. Fast forward, later on that morning we went to the market and she wanted to stock up on goat meat, sausages etc. She has already been advised to reduce her intake of red meat because her kidneys were having a hard time coping and we don't want it to get to a point where she needs dialysis three times a week. To cut a long story short, after I dropped her and drove off, she walked up the street to the bus stop which is about half a mile down the road, boarded the bus, walked into the market which is another few yards away and bought her meat and then came back home. This was the same person who was crying about her legs being weak that same morning...?

As I said she is stubborn and crafty at that.

Sometimes when you are trying to help someone and they make things difficult it is hard.

OMG, LoooooooooooooooooL! :lol:

Are you sure, DKokolette, that you don't wanna hook her up with my Old Buddy?

Everything - everything including the craftiness and the eye wahala - fits with the my guy's persona.

But then again I learned from high-school physics: like-charges repel. *sparks!* :lol:

PS: On a more somber note though: I wish all of you success with everything, including her health, too.

Vade Mecum
Sep 15, 2010, 04:13 PM
I wish you would ask before making assumptions. My mother is stubborn and I know her better than no other, after all I am her daughter and while I understand my siblings frustrations and they wanting her shipped off, I don't agree with the decision. We are split on this at the moment. Two think it is a great and I don't, two others are yet to be consulted but they may think it is good or bad. The purpose of posting this here was to get opinions and views. My sister told earlier today that Nigeria was the best place for my mum and I disagreed.

First of all my mother can not read - Going to Libraries is not an option.
She has never been a sociable person so elderly social functions and activities are also not on.
We have had several Carers come to the house and she has 'driven them away' after they have worked there for a spell.
We arranged meals on wheels for her as she complained that she was unable to cook for herself during the day. This worked for a while then she stopped opening the door for them.
I have asked her several times if she wanted to come to a spa, go on holiday etc...she says no.
we have told her several times that if she eats heavy food like yam. eba...etc she should make an effort to do something around the house to burn it off. It falls on death ears because she wants to lie down. In her psyche she thinks lying down after a heavy meal is somehow helping her health or extending her life span.
She will hide and eat biscuits, cakes...all the bad things.
She is now blind in one eye because of her poor diet and lack of exercise. The other eye is threatening to go the same way.
Three of her kids are medical professionals and she doesn't even listen to them when advised.
The list is long.

I tire.

I don't think she should be sent back to Nigeria but I can see their point. Everybody is trying to move on with their lives and my mother seems to think that because she gave birth to us we must become her nursemaids. As I said even with her one eye she is not an invalid and perfectly capable of doing a lot of things herself...yet she chooses not too.

The other day I took her to hospital and because all the disabled parking places were full I asked one of the porters to help take her in. When I finally found somewhere to park and went in she was in a wheelchair. I asked her to get up and she started crying that her legs were weak. Fast forward, later on that morning we went to the market and she wanted to stock up on goat meat, sausages etc. She has already been advised to reduce her intake of red meat because her kidneys were having a hard time coping and we don't want it to get to a point where she needs dialysis three times a week. To cut a long story short, after I dropped her and drove off, she walked up the street to the bus stop which is about half a mile down the road, boarded the bus, walked into the market which is another few yards away and bought her meat and then came back home. This was the same person who was crying about her legs being weak that same morning...?

As I said she is stubborn and crafty at that.

Sometimes when you are trying to help someone and they make things difficult it is hard.

For some reason that I cannot precisely identify, I am just blown away by your mum's conduct. I admire her for her cleverness, tactics and strategies :biggrin: As mama senior una for this world, na so she sabi tricks pass una. :biggrin: Shildren wey never know how far. Your mum's conduct, all the tricks, craftiness and refusal to co-operate with you all, points to one thing. She is trying to say something. She is determined to do things her way, and just her way. My impression is that your mum is saying "understand me, hear me, this is about me, just let me be me, love me, love me and love me, just as I am". Mama wants loving and caring attention.

Imagine, your mum had to hide to eat cookies. Make unu leave mummy alone O. Please tell your siblings not be too harsh nor strict when dealing with her. She is not a child and her ways are already formed. Her ways, especially eating habits, can no longer be reformed over night. That she chose to ride a wheel chair, rather than walk; would translate to a cry for love and care. Please, you all should endeavor to be more caring and overwhelm mama with love. That is what she expects, and that is what she deserves. She expect you all to listen to her and serve her as her children. Guess what, that is how it should be. That is how, it's gonna be. By her conducts and tricks, mama is speaking a language. You all must try to decode the language mama is speaking

I am very sure that your mama's condition will dramatically improve if you all will take time out to pay her all the attention she deserves and humbly crave to understand how she wants to be treated, cared for, loved, respected and honored; and proceed to treat her just the way, she wants to be treated. Mama must be treated like royalty, by her own children in the twilight of her life. Yes, she has earned it.

I am sure you all are doing so much for her; however, the rigors of daily life in the western world, could make one's actions too mechanical and devoid of the tender loving care that mama craves.Her emotional demands may bore you all to death, please just oblige her. She is probably in her last quarter in life. Just treat her like the Queen that she is. After all, na she born all of una :biggrin: I just love your mum, wish I could drop by to give her some extra ideas, how to make of all of you "fall in line" :lol:

Cheer and God bless

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 04:14 PM
I am no psychologist or psychiatrist but the post above tells me your mom is in denial about her health condition.
It is not uncommon for patients to feel that way.
It is hard to come to the realization that your life as you once knew it is now over and that you need to make changes.
It's like auspicious here who (thank to God) is in good health and enjoys his daily 2 pounds of eba and we pray he remains that way.
Imagine asking him suddenly to give it up for raw veggies, wouldn't it be an act of God for him to let go of something he's eaten since he was a teething infant:wink::wink::lol:

Here in the USA,diabetics and several other sufferers of chronic conditions undergo some classes/therapy sessions to learn about their condition and ways they can help prevent complications.
Your mother needs such classes.
She may even be depressed.
One of you should look for a class or group that she can attend and attend to go there with her.
If she sees other men and women living and thriving with diabetes and other illnesses,it may change her out look.
What she needs is encouragement no threats of bundling her to Naija.

______________________

auspy abeg o,I am ya sista:lol:

I think it is more a case of her not understanding. She indulges in self pity. She understands that she has a medical condition but she doesn't understand that she can overcome that condition if she follows a proper diet and exercise regime. It is like they have told she is sick and so that is it. The other day after a spell of high blood sugar readings in the 30s and the Doctor having to prescribe her a different type of insulin she had managed to get a average reading of 7 for a month. The Doctor told her that he was really pleased with her progress and that she was looking well. Her reply was; 'I don't look well, I am sick!"

I will look into those classes. I doubt she would take any thing in but it is worth a try. I know a man who lost the sight of his eye but after attending such classes and learning more about his condition he was able to adapt his diet and he can now see in that eye again. As I said my mother is uneducated and cannot read and so I am not sure how much she will take in in a class situation but I will give it a go.

Thanks again.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 04:18 PM
I wish you would ask before making assumptions. My mother is stubborn and I know her better than no other, after all I am her daughter and while I understand my siblings frustrations and they wanting her shipped off, I don't agree with the decision. We are split on this at the moment. Two think it is a great and I don't, two others are yet to be consulted but they may think it is good or bad. The purpose of posting this here was to get opinions and views. My sister told earlier today that Nigeria was the best place for my mum and I disagreed.

First of all my mother can not read - Going to Libraries is not an option.
She has never been a sociable person so elderly social functions and activities are also not on.
We have had several Carers come to the house and she has 'driven them away' after they have worked there for a spell.
We arranged meals on wheels for her as she complained that she was unable to cook for herself during the day. This worked for a while then she stopped opening the door for them.
I have asked her several times if she wanted to come to a spa, go on holiday etc...she says no.
we have told her several times that if she eats heavy food like yam. eba...etc she should make an effort to do something around the house to burn it off. It falls on death ears because she wants to lie down. In her psyche she thinks lying down after a heavy meal is somehow helping her health or extending her life span.
She will hide and eat biscuits, cakes...all the bad things.
She is now blind in one eye because of her poor diet and lack of exercise. The other eye is threatening to go the same way.
Three of her kids are medical professionals and she doesn't even listen to them when advised.
The list is long.

I tire.

I don't think she should be sent back to Nigeria but I can see their point. Everybody is trying to move on with their lives and my mother seems to think that because she gave birth to us we must become her nursemaids. As I said even with her one eye she is not an invalid and perfectly capable of doing a lot of things herself...yet she chooses not too.

The other day I took her to hospital and because all the disabled parking places were full I asked one of the porters to help take her in. When I finally found somewhere to park and went in she was in a wheelchair. I asked her to get up and she started crying that her legs were weak. Fast forward, later on that morning we went to the market and she wanted to stock up on goat meat, sausages etc. She has already been advised to reduce her intake of red meat because her kidneys were having a hard time coping and we don't want it to get to a point where she needs dialysis three times a week. To cut a long story short, after I dropped her and drove off, she walked up the street to the bus stop which is about half a mile down the road, boarded the bus, walked into the market which is another few yards away and bought her meat and then came back home. This was the same person who was crying about her legs being weak that same morning...?

As I said she is stubborn and crafty at that.

Sometimes when you are trying to help someone and they make things difficult it is hard.

---------- Post added at 04:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:43 PM ----------



You make a lot of sense and I agree that her opinion should count but this is someone who is not capable of making a wise decision when it comes to her health or wellbeing.
She has already been prescribed drugs to help cope with depression...she has been on those for years.

The woman is depressed pure and simple
She's given up.
People tend to be manipulative when ill,she's doing that too
I am surprised that a woman would live in the UK 40 odd years without an education.
I have never known a similar situation involving a Nigerian.
You folks do have an uphill task then
Of what use will the classes and stuff I earlier suggested be when she can't read.
Can she understand English?
This is tough
Illiterate parents are tougher to deal with than educated ones but please manage the situation in the UK
she's already blind in one eye with failing kidneys.
If she won't listen to the kids ,get family friends and other relatives involved quickly.

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 04:20 PM
-

Hey, To Dokolette and Everybody!

The Yoruba Elders would say after receiving great care from their Offspring: Omo a toju iwo na o.

Translated literally, it means: May Thou Also Enjoyeth the Care of Thy Own Offspring.

Hmm...Amin O. Agba Adura for all of una. (Ogbonge Prayer for all of Una!)
--

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 04:22 PM
Dkokolette,
You describe a difficult mother who makes unreasonable demands at times and now showing an abnormal illness behaviour.

You are not going to change her personality. So, define a limited objective to achieve.
1. Does your mother want to go back to Nigeria?
2. Is she consenting to medical treatment and does she understand what may happen if she decided not to?
3. Does she want to sell her house?
Sorry, if you find these questions are been repeated.

1.We haven't asked her yet.
2. She consents to medical treatment, what she doesn't understand is that there are things that she can also do to enhance her health. For instance she can't test her blood herself and so if her sugars are too low and she is feeling off she won't know to eat something to push them up instead she will grab the insulin and inject herself making them even lower and life threatening. Thankfully the law has changed and she is only allowed to have a week's supply of insulin in the house...before we had load of the stuff which she was using at the incorrect times.
3.My parents bought the house when they arrived in the 60s. My Dad is late now and so naturally it is hers but she doesn't behave like homeowner. All taxes, buildings insurance, bills etc are paid by us. She is on disabilty allowance.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 04:22 PM
I think it is more a case of her not understanding. She indulges in self pity. She understands that she has a medical condition but she doesn't understand that she can overcome that condition if she follows a proper diet and exercise regime. It is like they have told she is sick and so that is it. The other day after a spell of high blood sugar readings in the 30s and the Doctor having to prescribe her a different type of insulin she had managed to get a average reading of 7 for a month. The Doctor told her that he was really pleased with her progress and that she was looking well. Her reply was; 'I don't look well, I am sick!"

I will look into those classes. I doubt she would take any thing in but it is worth a try. I know a man who lost the sight of his eye but after attending such classes and learning more about his condition he was able to adapt his diet and he can now see in that eye again. As I said my mother is uneducated and cannot read and so I am not sure how much she will take in in a class situation but I will give it a go.

Thanks again.


Do you men A1c of 30?
Chineke meee
where is Dr Bunch?
Can someone live with that ?

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 04:30 PM
OMG, LoooooooooooooooooL! :lol:

Are you sure, DKokolette, that you don't wanna hook her up with my Old Buddy?

Everything - everything including the craftiness and the eye wahala - fits with the my guy's persona.

But then again I learned from high-school physics: like-charges repel. *sparks!* :lol:

PS: On a more somber note though: I wish all of you success with everything, including her health, too.


Its funny I know. I laughed myself when I heard but at the same time I was thinking 'this woman is too much!" I understand why my siblings are frustrated because she does things like this often.

It is bad to say that my 67 year old mum needs a boyfriend?....I mean a REAL boyfriend who will want to be with her in the Biblical sense?

---------- Post added at 05:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:26 PM ----------


Do you men A1c of 30?
Chineke meee
where is Dr Bunch?
Can someone live with that ?

yes she was rushed to hospital when that happened. My medical siblings gave the Doctor's grief too because they had changed her insulin dose and type and we thought that that was the reason for the high readings. The Docs and local Diabetic unit were however able to prove that it was her diet.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 04:39 PM
The saddest part of this story(,please kokolette allow me to digress) is that your mother came to the UK in the 60's had her kids,probably supported a husband through school and got no education herself.
That right there makes me very very sad.
This is a woman who sacrificed for her family,probably worked 2 and 3 jobs and neglected her own self-improvement.
Let this be a lesson to us women
Her husband (your dad) is late,she can't pay her bills and keep up with stuff,her kids have to do all that for her even though she's just 67.
67 is not that old at all.
Family is good,but let's not neglect ourselves while doing for everyone.
The biggest problem here is her illiteracy and that is just so sad.

It's like me trying to convince my grandma (RIP)that lived in the village all her life and never saw the 4 walls of a school that too much palm oil would clog up her arteries
That is the situation you folks are in,she doesn't get it.
I truly do empathize now

DKokolette
Sep 15, 2010, 04:49 PM
The woman is depressed pure and simple
She's given up.
People tend to be manipulative when ill,she's doing that too
I am surprised that a woman would live in the UK 40 odd years without an education.
I have never known a similar situation involving a Nigerian.
You folks do have an uphill task then
Of what use will the classes and stuff I earlier suggested be when she can't read.
Can she understand English?
This is tough
Illiterate parents are tougher to deal with than educated ones but please manage the situation in the UK
she's already blind in one eye with failing kidneys.
If she won't listen to the kids ,get family friends and other relatives involved quickly.

Well my mum was brought up in the village and married my Dad a highly educated man when she was 15. My Dad was older, highly educated, ambitious and wanted a wife and so he got my mum. By the time she was 20 she already had three kids and then my Dad moved to England to further his education. My mum followed, left the kids back in Nigeria and when she got here she was basically working in the factories while my Dad studied. This was in the 60s before you know it she was pregnant again and all of use started to pop out, then the other kids came over. She did try to go to adult education classes but she never picked up much with all those kids to look after. She can't read but she can sign her name. She is excellent with numbers and can count, multiply ect so you can't cheat her out of her change. She can read the clock and she does speak English...but here's the kicker when she is delerious because of her high blood sugars she often starts to speak her native language, Itsekiri and none of us understand what the heck she is on about....It is not our fault though. My Dad always insisted that they spoke English to us growing up but between themselves they communicated in their language.
There is a community of those Nigerians who came over in the late 50s and 60s and all of their kids are like us too in that we can't speak our parents language.

---------- Post added at 05:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:43 PM ----------


The saddest part of this story(,please kokolette allow me to digress) is that your mother came to the UK in the 60's had her kids,probably supported a husband through school and got no education herself.
That right there makes me very very sad.
This is a woman who sacrificed for her family,probably worked 2 and 3 jobs and neglected her own self-improvement.
Let this be a lesson to us women
Her husband (your dad) is late,she can't pay her bills and keep up with stuff,her kids have to do all that for her even though she's just 67.
67 is not that old at all.
Family is good,but let's not neglect ourselves while doing for everyone.
The biggest problem here is her illiteracy and that is just so sad.

It's like me trying to convince my grandma (RIP)that lived in the village all her life and never saw the 4 walls of a school that too much palm oil would clog up her arteries
That is the situation you folks are in,she doesn't get it.
I truly do empathize now
You have a gift. This is exactly what it is. She doesn't believe that the food she eats so can live is what can also kill her. You know in Nigeria how they always go on about 'chop' i.e. " If you dont chop bellyfull" then you won't be well.
67 is not old at all. The other day another elderly lady around the same age as my mum refererred to my mum as 'Mummy!" and my mum got pissed...lol!

Anyway thanks for listening. I am going to show this thread to my siblings...so nice being annonymous.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 04:58 PM
Well my mum was brought up in the village and married my Dad a highly educated man when she was 15. My Dad was older, highly educated, ambitious and wanted a wife and so he got my mum. By the time she was 20 she already had three kids and then my Dad moved to England to further his education. My mum followed, left the kids back in Nigeria and when she got here she was basically working in the factories while my Dad studied. This was in the 60s before you know it she was pregnant again and all of use started to pop out, then the other kids came over. She did try to go to adult education classes but she never picked up much with all those kids to look after. She can't read but she can sign her name. She is excellent with numbers and can count, multiply ect so you can't cheat her out of her change. She can read the clock and she does speak English...but here's the kicker when she is delerious because of her high blood sugars she often starts to speak her native language, Itsekiri and none of us understand what the heck she is on about....It is not our fault though. My Dad always insisted that they spoke English to us growing up but between themselves they communicated in their language.
There is a community of those Nigerians who came over in the late 50s and 60s and all of their kids are like us too in that we can't speak our parents language.

Thanks for sharing.
It's as though I read your post before my previous post.
May God help you all.
But whatever you do,please do not neglect her.
She's all you folks have now as a parent ,if you stop trying and she dies,you'll regret it for the rest of your lives and then think of the things you could or should have done.
Think of those alternatives now and do them.
I don't know if you're Christians but The Bible talks about honoring your parents and that command comes with blessings from God
You need the blessings of your mom too,God honors the blessings of a parent
When you treat her right,she blesses you in her heart


I would buy my mama gold necklaces that she points to with a credit card and pay it off in one year if I have to
I want to spoil her as much as I can while I have her here,she's been a good mother and I know she won't be here forever.
Tell your siblings not to see her as a burden.
I have friends who have lost their mothers and they all have some regrets of what they didn't do to show her more love when she was here.
Some say they didn't call enough.didn't visit enough,didn't buy some things she requested.
Once they are gone,that's it.
Love her
God will give you the grace to do so

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 04:58 PM
-

LOL @ Dkokolette's last post.

How dare that woman call your Mom ''Mummy'!? :lol:

As for lateesha being gifted, ah, opari, you done made her day!

Now we won't hear the end of her "advices", you just watch her..

Right, lateesha, right? Indeed, she is truly gifted in so many ways.

And she can talk a storm; you're falling asleep right before her and she's still talking..:twisted:

Oh wait she done started quoting the Bible already, aaaaaaaaaaargh my head, my head, my head..!!!
--

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 05:17 PM
Well my mum was brought up in the village and married my Dad a highly educated man when she was 15. My Dad was older, highly educated, ambitious and wanted a wife and so he got my mum. By the time she was 20 she already had three kids and then my Dad moved to England to further his education. My mum followed, left the kids back in Nigeria and when she got here she was basically working in the factories while my Dad studied. This was in the 60s before you know it she was pregnant again and all of use started to pop out, then the other kids came over. She did try to go to adult education classes but she never picked up much with all those kids to look after. She can't read but she can sign her name. She is excellent with numbers and can count, multiply ect so you can't cheat her out of her change. She can read the clock and she does speak English...but here's the kicker when she is delerious because of her high blood sugars she often starts to speak her native language, Itsekiri and none of us understand what the heck she is on about....It is not our fault though. My Dad always insisted that they spoke English to us growing up but between themselves they communicated in their language.
There is a community of those Nigerians who came over in the late 50s and 60s and all of their kids are like us too in that we can't speak our parents language.

---------- Post added at 05:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:43 PM ----------


You have a gift. This is exactly what it is. She doesn't believe that the food she eats so can live is what can also kill her. You know in Nigeria how they always go on about 'chop' i.e. " If you dont chop bellyfull" then you won't be well.
67 is not old at all. The other day another elderly lady around the same age as my mum refererred to my mum as 'Mummy!" and my mum got pissed...lol!

Anyway thanks for listening. I am going to show this thread to my siblings...so nice being annonymous.

Thank you but not so fast with the accolades though lol
If you hang around here a while,you'll see my other side,the crazy side of me that surfaces ever so often ROFL
This place can do that to someone lol
Wish you the best.

---------- Post added at 06:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:13 PM ----------


-

LOL @ Dkokolette's last post.

How dare that woman call your Mom ''Mummy'!? :lol:

As for lateesha being gifted, ah, opari, you done made her day!

Now we won't hear the end of her "advices", you just watch her..

Right, lateesha, right? Indeed, she is truly gifted in so many ways.

And she can talk a storm; you're falling asleep right before her and she's still talking..:twisted:

Oh wait she done started quoting the Bible already, aaaaaaaaaaargh my head, my head, my head..!!!
--

You have heard it from a new comer to the square
I am gifted ,as in I am smart
I am intelligent
I have it goin on!
Eat your heart out auspy
I am it!

_________________
they want to kill a gifted soul like me,God no go gree

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 05:23 PM
You have heard it from a new comer to the square
I am gifted ,as in I am smart
I am intelligent
I have it goin on!
Eat your heart out auspy
I am it!

Ahn-Ahn, dis African peepu sef. :lol:

Na so-so enehmey-enehmey den dey see.

I folo you rejoice, yu come dey cuss me, shuo.

Small time yu go carey my case go Mecum eim shursh.

Anyway, ah stick by my guns: lateesha na eim be Mos Gifted!

If yu like it or not, I "sed" it - take it to (Forshow's) bank!:evil:

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 05:41 PM
Ahn-Ahn, dis African peepu sef. :lol:

Na so-so enehmey-enehmey den dey see.

I folo you rejoice, yu come dey cuss me, shuo.

Small time yu go carey my case go Mecum eim shursh.

Anyway, ah stick by my guns: lateesha na eim be Mos Gifted!

If yu like it or not, I "sed" it - take it to (Forshow's) bank!:evil:

na jolosi badu belle dey worry you:razz::razz::razz:
From now on call be madam excellency sef
I have moved up higher,thanks to dkokolette

agensheku
Sep 15, 2010, 06:24 PM
Old age is the time to show love and affection to one s parents.if Dkokolette s mom is sent to Nija anytime soon,the woman will not last three months before she goes to meet her Maker.the Oyinbos are well organized...they have old peoples home where they are well catered for.but Nija,even if they start old peoples home,na daily the baba or mama go dey wire curses to her pikins say:"ya pikin go do same to you"!as for Granma Dkokolette,bear with her,the children.at 67 and with her diabetes,its a matter of time...!meanwhile,she must remain in Britain and let her enjoy her remaining days.as for feeding habits,i knew an Ijebu man with diabetes and they forbade him from eating eba!one day,he told his wife and pikins dat "na something go kill pesin,jare".from then on,he had his eba well well and within three months,he crossed over to be eating Heavenly eba and egusi soup,chikena!

Auspicious
Sep 15, 2010, 08:22 PM
na jolosi badu belle dey worry you
From now on call be madam excellency sef
I have moved up higher,thanks to dkokolette

Hi, lateesha (a.k.a. Mos' Gifted)!!! :lol:

How bodi? How weda for Whoostin, Tessas? Hope everytin dey cooleh-leh for inside jollility? Di pikins and gran' pikins nko? (Greet dem for me o!) Shay dem dey behave well-well like dieh Uncle Huspy? (Dem better!!!) And hope say dalla dey rein well-well boku for Bank of HAmerica and JP Morgan Shace?

If so, Chidozieology and Alhamdudulahi!

Di puro-puro-pose of dis my missive to una na say, me sef get "Palava" (Serious Wan!) for yu to solve: as ah siddon jejelly for insai Bans and Nobu di oda day, wey me, ah just dey jeje do like Oyibo (pepper!) dey sip my "Tazo Chai Latte", na ein I hieh wan kain man wey dey tohk for my back. As ah dey hear ram, ah begin wonda say, wish kain man dey talk like woman so, wey come get "lisp" join eim speech, sef.

Na ein I carey eye from book wey ah dey read ("Nomad", by Ayaan Hirsi Ali) (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/books/review/Kristof-t.html) look di guy. As I see am, my heart miss like tiri (3) beat!!! The guy wey ah see na all-man, yung guy with bieh-bieh, wey dey order sumtin for Starbuck dem counter, con dey do eim hand like woman (amongst other similarly feminine affectations!). Kia, ah switch my eye fiam! Ah tohk am for mind say koju ma ribi (see nor evil!),cross my heart circle snap round my head joun.

Eh~heee, Chukwu Juru Aju. :neutral:

But, becuz me na gbefilanow (a.k.a. Longneck), ah tune my ear to wetin eim dey yarn; I con know say na two-of-dem come di place, say di oda wan na woman. (I see am for reflection for glass wey dey for my front). Anyhoo, ah jejelly mind my business begin read my Somali friend Ayaan Hirsi Ali book go. (Ah, dat book don shange mai mind small o; das why ah dey knock superego well for head since ah don read am).

Hehniway, nah eim ah loss for inside di tori wey ah dey read again wen, suddenly (suddenly!), somebodi show for me side talk say "Hi!". Ah look up and my heart miss like 10-Beat: gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! Aaaah! Na di yung black guy tanda before me. Ah tohk say ah done die! Dem Rose and HolyPagan don set me hup! Me? Ah resembu gay? Yeeeeeh, mo gbe! Wetin ah go tell my Papa and Mama??!

Ah sha calm down - ah tell mysef for insai my mind: "notin do you, bro..be cool, no shakin". Na ein ah ansa ram back, bright-eyed and looking relassas possible: "Hey how are you?". Ein tohk say ein dey fine, say ein get kueshon for me. Na ein ah wan begin cry for insai, say God, why me? whaaaaai?!? Wetin ah do to deserve dis na? Say God, ah nor go folo talk for NVS again say me na Gay o. Godu please! Godu pleeeeeze!

Anyhoo, ah no show for face say me dey fear for hinside. Ah just smile, cooleh, say "Yeah wats up?" Na ein di guy axe weda me get gehfren. Ah, nne, na ein my belle turn again, say wish wans be all dis wahala now? Na jejelly I con read for cornah hieh, dey sip my Chai korokorously, wen dem con bring dis kain yawa con my way oh. Ah nor do o, ah talk for insai my belle. But I just smile for surface, laugh small, axe say "Why, wats going on?"

Na ein homeboi, smiling and doing eim hand like say eim na Snow-White (of the 7-Dwarf fame), talk: "Yeah my friend likes you" (Me ah think: Yeh, o'pari! dem don catch me today, dem wan take me do threesome!!!). He continues: "And she's a really nice girl" (Me, ah think: Hokay! So na woman taaaaaank God but still..ah nor like di sound of dis at-all, at-all, as pe mi na di shynest muthafcuka on Planet Earth:p)

As ah dey talk sha, homeboi, battlin' his eyes and smiling and all, sells his friend to me, askin if me - Emi, Emi Oko Yetunde (Me, Yetunde Hubby o) - was looking for a gehfren'. As me neva see dis wan before, ah just desperately search for word wey ah fit take wriggle masef out of dis kain Jerryyawa before me. Ah guess say di guy see say ah dey discomfort, ein con introduce einsef to me say ein na (say, Eric - African-American), na ein I extend hand shake ein hand - very manly, "for uffet" (according to N.A.R.)! :lol:

Ah sha tell homeboi Eric say, Guy, ah neva evin jam dis pesin wey yu dey talk eim torey to me, say make ah meet am ferst nah. Nah ein di guy talk say, yesso, correct yarns - but still axe "So are you looking for a gehfren". Ah tell am say "nna come on now". Na eim ein sef come laff, talk say eim dey go find di chick bring am come. As di guy commot "go find ein chick", ah see say time to close the store don reach 5-minute-to. Na ein ah look round small, nor see dem, jejelly pack my book and laptop and run! :twisted:

Abi wetin man go do? As ah dey drive dey go, ah see di guy for counter again dey folo di pesin wey dey dieh talk, dey wave ein hand again - this time nor be like Snow-White, but like Cinderella. I cross my heart and hit deh pedal vroooooooooooom!

Na so 'e dey be nawadays my peepo? Wai ah nor go run?

lateesha (Mos' Gifted!)? how yu see am na?

Don't bury ya talent o, hansa me!!!
--

PS@Admin: Feel Free to Move to Relevant Section.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 09:07 PM
Hi, lateesha (a.k.a. Mos' Gifted)!!! :lol:

How bodi? How weda for Whoostin, Tessas? Hope everytin dey cooleh-leh for inside jollility? Di pikins and gran' pikins nko? (Greet dem for me o!) Shay dem dey behave well-well like dieh Uncle Huspy? (Dem better!!!) And hope say dalla dey rein well-well boku for Bank of HAmerica and JP Morgan Shace?

If so, Chidozieology and Alhamdudulahi!

Di puro-puro-pose of dis my missive to una na say, me sef get "Palava" (Serious Wan!) for yu to solve: as ah siddon jejelly for insai Bans and Nobu di oda day, wey me, ah just dey jeje do like Oyibo (pepper!) dey sip my "Tazo Chai Latte", na ein I hieh wan kain man wey dey tohk for my back. As ah dey hear ram, ah begin wonda say, wish kain man dey talk like woman so, wey come get "lisp" join eim speech, sef.

Na ein I carey eye from book wey ah dey read ("Nomad", by Ayaan Hirsi Ali) (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/books/review/Kristof-t.html) look di guy. As I see am, my heart miss like tiri (3) beat!!! The guy wey ah see na all-man, yung guy with bieh-bieh, wey dey order sumtin for Starbuck dem counter, con dey do eim hand like woman (amongst other similarly feminine affectations!). Kia, ah switch my eye fiam! Ah tohk am for mind say koju ma ribi (see nor evil!),cross my heart circle snap round my head joun.

Eh~heee, Chukwu Juru Aju. :neutral:

But, becuz me na gbefilanow (a.k.a. Longneck), ah tune my ear to wetin eim dey yarn; I con know say na two-of-dem come di place, say di oda wan na woman. (I see am for reflection for glass wey dey for my front). Anyhoo, ah jejelly mind my business begin read my Somali friend Ayaan Hirsi Ali book go. (Ah, dat book don shange mai mind small o; das why ah dey knock superego well for head since ah don read am).

Hehniway, nah eim ah loss for inside di tori wey ah dey read again wen, suddenly (suddenly!), somebodi show for me side talk say "Hi!". Ah look up and my heart miss like 10-Beat: gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! Aaaah! Na di yung black guy tanda before me. Ah tohk say ah done die! Dem Rose and HolyPagan don set me hup! Me? Ah resembu gay? Yeeeeeh, mo gbe! Wetin ah go tell my Papa and Mama??!

Ah sha calm down - ah tell mysef for insai my mind: "notin do you, bro..be cool, no shakin". Na ein ah ansa ram back, bright-eyed and looking relassas possible: "Hey how are you?". Ein tohk say ein dey fine, say ein get kueshon for me. Na ein ah wan begin cry for insai, say God, why me? whaaaaai?!? Wetin ah do to deserve dis na? Say God, ah nor go folo talk for NVS again say me na Gay o. Godu please! Godu pleeeeeze!

Anyhoo, ah no show for face say me dey fear for hinside. Ah just smile, cooleh, say "Yeah wats up?" Na ein di guy axe weda me get gehfren. Ah, nne, na ein my belle turn again, say wish wans be all dis wahala now? Na jejelly I con read for cornah hieh, dey sip my Chai korokorously, wen dem con bring dis kain yawa con my way oh. Ah nor do o, ah talk for insai my belle. But I just smile for surface, laugh small, axe say "Why, wats going on?"

Na ein homeboi, smiling and doing eim hand like say eim na Snow-White (of the 7-Dwarf fame), talk: "Yeah my friend likes you" (Me ah think: Yeh, o'pari! dem don catch me today, dem wan take me do threesome!!!). He continues: "And she's a really nice girl" (Me, ah think: Hokay! So na woman taaaaaank God but still..ah nor like di sound of dis at-all, at-all, as pe mi na di shynest muthafcuka on Planet Earth:p)

As ah dey talk sha, homeboi, battlin' his eyes and smiling and all, sells his friend to me, askin if me - Emi, Emi Oko Yetunde (Me, Yetunde Hubby o) - was looking for a gehfren'. As me neva see dis wan before, ah just desperately search for word wey ah fit take wriggle masef out of dis kain Jerryyawa before me. Ah guess say di guy see say ah dey discomfort, ein con introduce einsef to me say ein na (say, Eric - African-American), na ein I extend hand shake ein hand - very manly, "for uffet" (according to N.A.R.)! :lol:

Ah sha tell homeboi Eric say, Guy, ah neva evin jam dis pesin wey yu dey talk eim torey to me, say make ah meet am ferst nah. Nah ein di guy talk say, yesso, correct yarns - but still axe "So are you looking for a gehfren". Ah tell am say "nna come on now". Na eim ein sef come laff, talk say eim dey go find di chick bring am come. As di guy commot "go find ein chick", ah see say time to close the store don reach 5-minute-to. Na ein ah look round small, nor see dem, jejelly pack my book and laptop and run! :twisted:

Abi wetin man go do? As ah dey drive dey go, ah see di guy for counter again dey folo di pesin wey dey dieh talk, dey wave ein hand again - this time nor be like Snow-White, but like Cinderella. I cross my heart and hit deh pedal vroooooooooooom!

Na so 'e dey be nawadays my peepo? Wai ah nor go run?

lateesha (Mos' Gifted!)? how yu see am na?

Don't bury ya talent o, hansa me!!!
--

PS@Admin: Feel Free to Move to Relevant Section.


I cannot stop laffing
OMG auspy you've totally lost it
Osanobua!!

when I first saw the post,the style and fonts et al looked like abraxas
I ask myself na wetin consine me and abraxas for dis thread again
then I looked at the poster
You for no run na
the story is now incomplete
I demand that you go back to that Barnes and noble and sit there until Cinderella reappears with her accomplice.
We need to get the full story

HolyPagan
Sep 15, 2010, 09:17 PM
Hi, lateesha (a.k.a. Mos' Gifted)!!! :lol:

How bodi? How weda for Whoostin, Tessas? Hope everytin dey cooleh-leh for inside jollility? Di pikins and gran' pikins nko? (Greet dem for me o!) Shay dem dey behave well-well like dieh Uncle Huspy? (Dem better!!!) And hope say dalla dey rein well-well boku for Bank of HAmerica and JP Morgan Shace?

If so, Chidozieology and Alhamdudulahi!

Di puro-puro-pose of dis my missive to una na say, me sef get "Palava" (Serious Wan!) for yu to solve: as ah siddon jejelly for insai Bans and Nobu di oda day, wey me, ah just dey jeje do like Oyibo (pepper!) dey sip my "Tazo Chai Latte", na ein I hieh wan kain man wey dey tohk for my back. As ah dey hear ram, ah begin wonda say, wish kain man dey talk like woman so, wey come get "lisp" join eim speech, sef.

Na ein I carey eye from book wey ah dey read ("Nomad", by Ayaan Hirsi Ali) (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/books/review/Kristof-t.html) look di guy. As I see am, my heart miss like tiri (3) beat!!! The guy wey ah see na all-man, yung guy with bieh-bieh, wey dey order sumtin for Starbuck dem counter, con dey do eim hand like woman (amongst other similarly feminine affectations!). Kia, ah switch my eye fiam! Ah tohk am for mind say koju ma ribi (see nor evil!),cross my heart circle snap round my head joun.

Eh~heee, Chukwu Juru Aju. :neutral:

But, becuz me na gbefilanow (a.k.a. Longneck), ah tune my ear to wetin eim dey yarn; I con know say na two-of-dem come di place, say di oda wan na woman. (I see am for reflection for glass wey dey for my front). Anyhoo, ah jejelly mind my business begin read my Somali friend Ayaan Hirsi Ali book go. (Ah, dat book don shange mai mind small o; das why ah dey knock superego well for head since ah don read am).

Hehniway, nah eim ah loss for inside di tori wey ah dey read again wen, suddenly (suddenly!), somebodi show for me side talk say "Hi!". Ah look up and my heart miss like 10-Beat: gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! gbim! Aaaah! Na di yung black guy tanda before me. Ah tohk say ah done die! Dem Rose and HolyPagan don set me hup! Me? Ah resembu gay? Yeeeeeh, mo gbe! Wetin ah go tell my Papa and Mama??!

Ah sha calm down - ah tell mysef for insai my mind: "notin do you, bro..be cool, no shakin". Na ein ah ansa ram back, bright-eyed and looking relassas possible: "Hey how are you?". Ein tohk say ein dey fine, say ein get kueshon for me. Na ein ah wan begin cry for insai, say God, why me? whaaaaai?!? Wetin ah do to deserve dis na? Say God, ah nor go folo talk for NVS again say me na Gay o. Godu please! Godu pleeeeeze!

Anyhoo, ah no show for face say me dey fear for hinside. Ah just smile, cooleh, say "Yeah wats up?" Na ein di guy axe weda me get gehfren. Ah, nne, na ein my belle turn again, say wish wans be all dis wahala now? Na jejelly I con read for cornah hieh, dey sip my Chai korokorously, wen dem con bring dis kain yawa con my way oh. Ah nor do o, ah talk for insai my belle. But I just smile for surface, laugh small, axe say "Why, wats going on?"

Na ein homeboi, smiling and doing eim hand like say eim na Snow-White (of the 7-Dwarf fame), talk: "Yeah my friend likes you" (Me ah think: Yeh, o'pari! dem don catch me today, dem wan take me do threesome!!!). He continues: "And she's a really nice girl" (Me, ah think: Hokay! So na woman taaaaaank God but still..ah nor like di sound of dis at-all, at-all, as pe mi na di shynest muthafcuka on Planet Earth:p)

As ah dey talk sha, homeboi, battlin' his eyes and smiling and all, sells his friend to me, askin if me - Emi, Emi Oko Yetunde (Me, Yetunde Hubby o) - was looking for a gehfren'. As me neva see dis wan before, ah just desperately search for word wey ah fit take wriggle masef out of dis kain Jerryyawa before me. Ah guess say di guy see say ah dey discomfort, ein con introduce einsef to me say ein na (say, Eric - African-American), na ein I extend hand shake ein hand - very manly, "for uffet" (according to N.A.R.)! :lol:

Ah sha tell homeboi Eric say, Guy, ah neva evin jam dis pesin wey yu dey talk eim torey to me, say make ah meet am ferst nah. Nah ein di guy talk say, yesso, correct yarns - but still axe "So are you looking for a gehfren". Ah tell am say "nna come on now". Na eim ein sef come laff, talk say eim dey go find di chick bring am come. As di guy commot "go find ein chick", ah see say time to close the store don reach 5-minute-to. Na ein ah look round small, nor see dem, jejelly pack my book and laptop and run! :twisted:

Abi wetin man go do? As ah dey drive dey go, ah see di guy for counter again dey folo di pesin wey dey dieh talk, dey wave ein hand again - this time nor be like Snow-White, but like Cinderella. I cross my heart and hit deh pedal vroooooooooooom!

Na so 'e dey be nawadays my peepo? Wai ah nor go run?

lateesha (Mos' Gifted!)? how yu see am na?

Don't bury ya talent o, hansa me!!!
--

PS@Admin: Feel Free to Move to Relevant Section.


a)Auspy...go buy the damn book
b)Stop seeing me in ya distress...tell dem say I still dey my fillage dey fine osband...(you no hia say I be old gagwo we no get osband)
Alls fair in roforofo jare natin do you.

First-lady
Sep 15, 2010, 09:18 PM
One of my strange " love stories" involved a cowboy, a patient at my place of employment
Tall lanky cowboy with correct boots and belt buckle ,the circumference of a neonate's head
The time it became obvious was my birthday ,the man showed up at my job with a dozen red roses.:eek::eek::eek:
Talk about putting it on a woman
I said to my self
I am a Christian
I am married
happily married
with kids sef
and more on the way
he has a foreskin
he is uncircumcised
run away

nna a I ran and didn't look back

Bunch17
Sep 15, 2010, 09:32 PM
My reading of this scenario is that we have a mentally competent lady who ignores medical advice (at least the diet and exercise bit). It is her right to tell her doctors to take a running jump. She also has no social ties to Nigeria and needs intensive medical care.

The option being discussed here is sending her to Nigeria.
I am not aware that MM Airport changes peoples reaction to medical advise.

So when she arrives Nigeria, she would still eat lots of eba, she would still not exercise but she would not have the NHS care, so in effect
she is being sent home to die.

Auspicious
Sep 16, 2010, 12:57 AM
-

Lateesha, Abraxas na my 'role model' for NVS - and Denker! :razz:

The day either of them quit this Forum, "in fact", I am leaving! :evil:

As for Cinderella and eim accomplice, eh, na waaaah for Ouagadogoau!

Truth is, I only only read about stuff like that until I literally walked into one!

'Pagan, I don by di book read am finish - plus di oda wan ("Infidel") sef.

By far one of the best books I ever read - I forced it on two of my closest people here already.

Infidel has it all; scenes of intrigue, suspense, pain and the hilarious - loved the book!

As for seeing yall in my distress, or say yu dey village dey find Osband, I leave in Edumare's hands.

Yes, yes, all is fair in roforofo. Una dish am my way, ah dish am back bucketloads berekete times five!
--

netotse
Sep 16, 2010, 09:53 AM
@auspy...
that you story was mad o...had me in stiches

@OP
i think all that needs to be said has been said(basically because i have nothing to say :biggrin:)