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agensheku
Jun 29, 2010, 10:07 AM
My next-door neighbours,lets call them Mr and Mrs X are quarreling over the wife s newly acquired tokunbo car.she is a nursing sister and bobo is a cop.according to her,when she first bought a nissan sunny two years ago,Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!so,she decided to let him keep that and has just acquired a Honda bulldog through a cooperative loan.for a couple of weeks,she enjoyed the ride until bobo started making moves to handover the sunny and take over the Honda.the wife doesnt want any of that,but her resistance is weak as Mr X will make the home front uncomfortable for her if she refuses him.they have two kids and she is not too keen to abandon her marriage.she asked me for advice and i asked her to give me a couple of days to consult with those who are more knowledgeable.wetin make she do now?

HolyPagan
Jun 29, 2010, 02:07 PM
My next-door neighbours,lets call them Mr and Mrs X are quarreling over the wife s newly acquired tokunbo car.she is a nursing sister and bobo is a cop.according to her,when she first bought a nissan sunny two years ago,Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!so,she decided to let him keep that and has just acquired a Honda bulldog through a cooperative loan.for a couple of weeks,she enjoyed the ride until bobo started making moves to handover the sunny and take over the Honda.the wife doesnt want any of that,but her resistance is weak as Mr X will make the home front uncomfortable for her if she refuses him.they have two kids and she is not too keen to abandon her marriage.she asked me for advice and i asked her to give me a couple of days to consult with those who are more knowledgeable.wetin make she do now?

Negotiate, Negotiate, Negotiate.
If at the end of the day, He just wants Honda and narrin else will do, she should just go back to her Sunny..how for do?
She may have been training him on how to treat her thus, without realising it.

Agens...the thing is, we teach people how to treat us.
Hubby did not wake up one day and decided on the asset grab.
I bet she has never even told him how she feels about his behaviour.

She should talk with him, and find out what informs his behaviour, and tell him how she feels about being treated that way.
Depending on what he says, she will then, based on her knowledge of his personality, and history of conflict resolution,, decide how best to handle him, and still maintain peace and harmony in the home.

Dont forget that if the Man is free and generous with his own things, he is just assuming she would be same. So it may not be a case of over-lordship, per se.


If she is not happy she should talk to him....Talk is good...very very good.

Oluwato
Jun 29, 2010, 08:43 PM
She is not assertive! Are they Christians? Let her talk to her pastor to mediate if they are. If they are not Christians, let her go to his superiors...but most importantly, she MUST learn to be assertive...he is a leech and if she doesn't become assertive in putting her foot down and setting proper boundaries, he will most likely drain her to death!



My next-door neighbours,lets call them Mr and Mrs X are quarreling over the wife s newly acquired tokunbo car.she is a nursing sister and bobo is a cop.according to her,when she first bought a nissan sunny two years ago,Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!so,she decided to let him keep that and has just acquired a Honda bulldog through a cooperative loan.for a couple of weeks,she enjoyed the ride until bobo started making moves to handover the sunny and take over the Honda.the wife doesnt want any of that,but her resistance is weak as Mr X will make the home front uncomfortable for her if she refuses him.they have two kids and she is not too keen to abandon her marriage.she asked me for advice and i asked her to give me a couple of days to consult with those who are more knowledgeable.wetin make she do now?

Iye
Jun 29, 2010, 09:41 PM
Agens, the one wey dey vex me na this COP wey you write....do we have cops in 9ja?

Biko they are called olopa and he's acting true to his name – (madam watin you carry)

I think the guy knows how to tickle her fancy that's why she's asking you for advice.

Please, ask her to jejely give the guy the new car and go buy another one and give

it to him too.

Hot husband like that scarce for town.

Cop ko, tumbler ni:eek::D

Vade Mecum
Jun 29, 2010, 10:07 PM
My next-door neighbours,lets call them Mr and Mrs X are quarreling over the wife s newly acquired tokunbo car.she is a nursing sister and bobo is a cop.according to her,when she first bought a nissan sunny two years ago,Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!so,she decided to let him keep that and has just acquired a Honda bulldog through a cooperative loan.for a couple of weeks,she enjoyed the ride until bobo started making moves to handover the sunny and take over the Honda.the wife doesnt want any of that,but her resistance is weak as Mr X will make the home front uncomfortable for her if she refuses him.they have two kids and she is not too keen to abandon her marriage.she asked me for advice and i asked her to give me a couple of days to consult with those who are more knowledgeable.wetin make she do now?


Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

Women are encouraged to serve God in every aspect of their lives.

1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3. Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband's approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7. Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (New International Version)

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!


Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.


Proverbs 31:28

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:


Proverbs 12:4 (New International Version)

4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 18:22 (King James Version)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.


Proverbs 19:14(GOD'S WORD Translation)

14Home and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a sensible wife comes from the Lord

HolyPagan
Jun 29, 2010, 10:28 PM
10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

Women are encouraged to serve God in every aspect of their lives.

1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3. Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband's approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7. Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (New International Version)

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!


Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.


Proverbs 31:28

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:


Proverbs 12:4 (New International Version)

4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 18:22 (King James Version)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.


Proverbs 19:14(GOD'S WORD Translation)

14Home and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a sensible wife comes from the Lord

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9rWQGtznW0"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9rWQGtznW0

Soul Sista
Jun 29, 2010, 10:29 PM
What does the virtuous woman have to do with this palava, Vade Mecum?

This promises to be an interesting one.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

Myne Whitman
Jun 29, 2010, 10:46 PM
To keep the peace, she may have to hand over the Honda. But in the process, she should make it clear that whoever drives pays the bills for their car of choice. Policeman should also help her pay off the car loan from the co-op.

purple
Jun 30, 2010, 02:37 AM
Nonsense. She should not hand over her car to her husband. HP makes a lot of good points in her resopnse. This man is more of a leech than a husband. A husband provides and protects. This man seems to exploit and abuse.

Marriage is for men and not for boys. If this guy lacks maturity and the ability to provide, maybe he should not have gotten married in the first place. Where is his pride and dignity? How dare him intimidate his wife and force her to surrender the car to him. He is so shameless that he cannot even pay repair bills for the first car and lets his long suffering wife pick up the tab. What a wimp!

Mulan, you are saying she should let him have the car for peace to reign. What kind of peace will she have when she is brimming over with resentment, bitterness or even hatred? How can she respect a man who treats her so shabbily. Before we know it, things may degenerate to open warfare between them. Little things that are unresloved have a way of snowballing and becoming an avalanche.

She should stand her ground and not give him access to this car based on his history. If mutual respect can be restored in this marriage and the guy is rehabilitated and the woman gets some strength in her spinal column, then a car sharing arrangement can be reached.

VM, the Scriptures command that if a man does not work, he should not eat. We are also told that a man that does not provide (transportation included, yes ke) for his own household is worse than an infidel. An oyinbo man invented the automobile and placed his dear wife in it to protect her dainty feet from the trials of walking. Naija man who did not invent nada is now strong arming his wife to ride 'tokunbo' o ma se o What a shame!

agensheku
Jun 30, 2010, 06:28 PM
Iye,you got it right!why is someone dragging religion into this thing now.i am eagerly awaiting someone s advice to know whether i should talk to Mrs X or not...hello Dewdrops!are you home or away?my sister,First Lady,how now?when i mix the good,the bad and the ugly,some sense will come out.but a man who sulks when the wife BEGS to use the Nissan sunny when they only had a car,who can guess what he could do if she denies him the dominant use of the Honda?he could demand:"wey ya paticulass!"

agbonizuanghwe
Jun 30, 2010, 10:02 PM
The answer is fair exchange. What does he cheriish that she could take off him (even if she does not need said thing)? That would be her bargaining chip. She could also set a tough task for him to carry out (basically set him up to fail) before he gets the car.

All she has to be is be earnest about it, no faffing around. You give or do x to get car. notthing comes but easy. It would demonstrate to him that he should play more than receiver in that union, even if he does not win.

...and all that using children as an excuse for not leaving the marriage simply does not wash. Is the reason the guy can't buy his own car because he picks up all the other bills in house? then she should basically just give it up immediately since that is the opportunity cost.

The good side is if he gets to drive the newer car then the mechanic bills go down (unless ofcourse he is really bad with cars?) then she can handle the nisssan with care given that she does not ordinarily cruise around the town like the dude?

HolyPagan
Jun 30, 2010, 11:34 PM
My next-door neighbours,lets call them Mr and Mrs X are quarreling over the wife s newly acquired tokunbo car.she is a nursing sister and bobo is a cop.according to her,when she first bought a nissan sunny two years ago,Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!so,she decided to let him keep that and has just acquired a Honda bulldog through a cooperative loan.for a couple of weeks,she enjoyed the ride until bobo started making moves to handover the sunny and take over the Honda.the wife doesnt want any of that,but her resistance is weak as Mr X will make the home front uncomfortable for her if she refuses him.they have two kids and she is not too keen to abandon her marriage.she asked me for advice and i asked her to give me a couple of days to consult with those who are more knowledgeable.wetin make she do now?

Make una hear Oo..Agens don tok say im resistance weak..She is not going to be able to do all that strong woman stuff Oooo....
I think she should start 'talking' to him, and don't stop, until his ears start working...and he starts listening to her concerns.

netotse
Jul 1, 2010, 12:19 AM
@vade mecum
i say this respectfully...

scripture is living and active, there's nothing living and active in what you posted, you just downloaded scriptures there, it seemed as if you were moralizing, what OP was asking for was advice, we all know what the bible says concerning submission, it's the application that matters!

@oluwato
i dunno if it's me o, but if my wife(when i get one...hopefully soon:pray:...lol) calls a pastor to talk to me, that's the surest sign that she wont get what she wants, i dont buy all the pastor butting his head into my biz.

i'm very possesive of my faith and stuff like that so when anyone tries to influence/manipulate me and he/she even looks in the direction of my faith that's the surest sign that the person'll carry last!

@OP
i'm with HP on this issue...

valteena
Jul 1, 2010, 01:07 AM
First the wifey bought a Nissan and hubby commandeered it, cruise it around while wifey picked up the repair bills. Now wifey bought a Honda probably out of frustration and necessity from hubby's monopoly of the only car for the family and he now wants the Honda.

Ordinarily I would say if he wants to cruise in a Honda, let him get himself one. If he likes let him sulk from now till thy kingdom come, the wife should stand her ground and keep the Honda. Beggers can't be chosers lol.

But again this is marriage we're talking about here. A union in which two people are suppose to come together to become one in my view. Yours becomes mine and vice versa or ours. The woman seem to me to see her marriage in that light, whereas the hubby does not and seem to be taking advantage of the woman's commitment to their marriage.

If the above is not the case, I would suggest that the woman gets guarantee that the man will pick up the loan repayment and repair bills for the Honda, then she could give him the Honda. As for the Nissan, she can sell or use it as part exchange for another Honda for herself. Both of them owning same type of Honda each should resolve the "better car" palava which seem to the the issue here.

If it is the case that she is financially better off than hubby and he can't take ownership of the loan repayment, let her continue with the loan repayment arrangement if she can afford to, but at the least get the hubby to foot the repair bills for his own Honda.

Btw is there any reason why the man cannot buy his own car agens? What is his olopa rank? Does he not make enough from the toll they collect from motorist to share to be able to get himself a car?.

I am also wondering why the wife would confide her marital woes to you and seek your advice. You didn't say you're family friends with them and being neighbours does not necessarily translate into family friendship or is that the case here? Since she has come to you with this problem and you've already promised to advice her, you might as well keep your promise. I would be very careful if I were you, that the hubby does not accuse you of undermining his home/marriage or having affairs with his wife.

Agens I am curious to know what is your own take on this as a man? Forget the input of others here, on your own and going by your years of experience, what would you have adviced her.

Myne Whitman
Jul 1, 2010, 01:36 AM
Purple, I am going on the facts before us, and don't want to make rash judgments on the man or the marriage. I don't see why she shoulf hold hatred or resntment in her heart for having to hand over a car to the man if other aspects of the marriage are working. What is a car after all? Is that comparable to the love she had for the man when she married him? I believe in live and let live. If it will pain her too much to share the Honda, then she should not. But if it is something she can live with, the next best thing to negotiate a favorable compromise. If the man pays off the loan, is he not the buyer of the car then? I think proper communication between the couple is lacking sha.


Nonsense. She should not hand over her car to her husband. HP makes a lot of good points in her resopnse. This man is more of a leech than a husband. A husband provides and protects. This man seems to exploit and abuse.


Mulan, you are saying she should let him have the car for peace to reign. What kind of peace will she have when she is brimming over with resentment, bitterness or even hatred? How can she respect a man who treats her so shabbily. Before we know it, things may degenerate to open warfare between them. Little things that are unresloved have a way of snowballing and becoming an avalanche.

She should stand her ground and not give him access to this car based on his history. If mutual respect can be restored in this marriage and the guy is rehabilitated and the woman gets some strength in her spinal column, then a car sharing arrangement can be reached.

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 01:50 AM
-

Agens.

Is your friend christian?

If yes, tell her to PM me.

If not, she's on her own.

SHALLOM!
--

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 02:40 AM
Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

Women are encouraged to serve God in every aspect of their lives.

1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3. Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband's approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7. Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (New International Version)

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!


Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.


Proverbs 31:28

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:


Proverbs 12:4 (New International Version)

4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 18:22 (King James Version)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.


Proverbs 19:14(GOD'S WORD Translation)

14Home and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a sensible wife comes from the Lord

Ah, there goes Vade Mecum again.

And immo best him at this game meen...

Nebuchadnezzar was the king of the Chaldean (also known as the Neo-Babylonian) Empire (see Ancient Empires - Babylon). He was born about 630 B.C., and died around 562 B.C. at age 68. He was the most powerful monarch of his dynasty, and is best known for the magnificence of his capital, Babylon (the photo below shows a restored section of the city's Ishtar (pronounced "easter") Gate, his vast military conquests, and his role in Bible History and Prophecy. Perhaps surprisingly, his own words are directly recorded in The Bible (Daniel 4:4-18).

Lions On The Ishtar Gate Nebuchadnezzar was the oldest son of Nabopolassar, the founder of the Chaldean Empire. After serving as commander of the army, Nebuchadnezzar became king upon his father's death in August of 605 B.C. By marrying the daughter of Cyaxares, he united the Median and Babylonian dynasties. He wasn't just a warlord, he was also skilled in politics.

During Nebuchadnezzar's time, Babylon was the largest city of the world. It has been estimated to have covered over 2,500 acres / 1,000 hectares, with the Euphrates River flowing through it. The name of the city came to symbolize the entire empire.

Nebuchadnezzar is best known to students of the Bible for his defeat of the southern kingdom of Judah (the northern kingdom of Israel was by then long gone, having been conquered and deported over a century earlier by the Assyrians - see Ancient Empires - Assyria). By 586 B.C., the Babylonian forces conquered the land, devastated Jerusalem, looted and burned the original Temple that had been built by Solomon (see Temples and Temple Mount Treasures), and took the people away into what became known as the "Babylonian Exile." (2 Kings 25:1-17).

As powerful as Nebuchadnezzar was, he did not conquer the people of Judah of himself. God didn't just allow it to happen, He actually brought it about. (2 Chronicles 36:15-20). The people had become extremely corrupt and idolatrous. They ignored all of the Prophets that God had sent to warn them (2 Chronicles 36:15-16), and they refused to repent. They trusted in themselves, in the city of Jerusalem, even in the physical Temple, rather than in The Lord Himself. So, God, through Nebuchadnezzar, destroyed it all in order to make them realize, in no uncertain terms, that they had turned their backs on Him (see Why Babylon?).

Among the Jews who were deported from Judah to Babylon was a certain young man known as Daniel. From him, and the Bible book that carries his name, we get some of the most sensational prophecies for our time now. See Daniel's Statue

Fact Finder: Were the prophecies given to Daniel for his time, or the end-time?
Daniel 12:8-9

Oluwato
Jul 1, 2010, 03:55 AM
@oluwato
i dunno if it's me o, but if my wife(when i get one...hopefully soon:pray:...lol) calls a pastor to talk to me, that's the surest sign that she wont get what she wants, i dont buy all the pastor butting his head into my biz.

i'm very possesive of my faith and stuff like that so when anyone tries to influence/manipulate me and he/she even looks in the direction of my faith that's the surest sign that the person'll carry last!


The condition to call pastor is if the couple are Christians. Christians (at least mature ones) ALLOW their pastor to mediate if they have domestic problems. Non-Christians live by a different rule.

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 05:17 AM
-

Hi, Folks!

1. If you don't call your Pastor to help mediate in your marital problems, you're NOT a christian.

2. You are an immature christian if you do not allow your pastor to mediate in your marital problems.

SHALLOM!

agensheku
Jul 1, 2010, 09:14 AM
First the wifey bought a Nissan and hubby commandeered it, cruise it around while wifey picked up the repair bills. Now wifey bought a Honda probably out of frustration and necessity from hubby's monopoly of the only car for the family and he now wants the Honda.

Ordinarily I would say if he wants to cruise in a Honda, let him get himself one. If he likes let him sulk from now till thy kingdom come, the wife should stand her ground and keep the Honda. Beggers can't be chosers lol.

But again this is marriage we're talking about here. A union in which two people are suppose to come together to become one in my view. Yours becomes mine and vice versa or ours. The woman seem to me to see her marriage in that light, whereas the hubby does not and seem to be taking advantage of the woman's commitment to their marriage.

If the above is not the case, I would suggest that the woman gets guarantee that the man will pick up the loan repayment and repair bills for the Honda, then she could give him the Honda. As for the Nissan, she can sell or use it as part exchange for another Honda for herself. Both of them owning same type of Honda each should resolve the "better car" palava which seem to the the issue here.

If it is the case that she is financially better off than hubby and he can't take ownership of the loan repayment, let her continue with the loan repayment arrangement if she can afford to, but at the least get the hubby to foot the repair bills for his own Honda.

Btw is there any reason why the man cannot buy his own car agens? What is his olopa's rank? Does he not makes enough from the toll they collect from motorist to share to be able to get himself a car?.

I am also wondering why the wife would confide her marital woes to you and seek your advice. You didn't say you're family friends with them and being neighbours does not necessarily translate into family friendship or is that the case here? Since she has come to you with this problem and you've already promised to advice her, you might as well keep your promise. I would be very careful if I were you, that the hubby does not accuse you of undermining his home/marriage or having affairs with his wife.

Agens I am curious to know what is your own take on this as a man? Forget the input of others here, on your own and going by your years of experience, what would you have adviced her.I am like a father-figure to the couple.the cop rose thru the ranks and is in the habit of giving the wife a meagre house-keeping allowance in "shandy"notes everytime.so,she augments the bills.if i say too much now,i will influence the thread negatively.a loving woman would do anything to please her hubby.but love could get other meanings when you hear that your hubby even carries "opekes"in the car you sweated to buy.Ooops,havent i said too much already?(and soup is not supposed to shake in the belly of agbalagbi...elder!)if i had my way,she should sell the two cars,buy A grade shares with her cash and live her life in peace.but how would cop explain to his friends that he" has no car"again?the home front go hot sam sam.thats why two good heads are better than one in advising the nurse.

valteena
Jul 1, 2010, 10:18 AM
I am like a father-figure to the couple.the cop rose thru the ranks and is in the habit of giving the wife a meagre house-keeping allowance in "shandy"notes everytime.so,she augments the bills.if i say too much now,i will influence the thread negatively.a loving woman would do anything to please her hubby.but love could get other meanings when you hear that your hubby even carries "opekes"in the car you sweated to buy.Ooops,havent i said too much already?(and soup is not supposed to shake in the belly of agbalagbi...elder!)if i had my way,she should sell the two cars,buy A grade shares with her cash and live her life in peace.but how would cop explain to his friends that he" has no car"again?the home front go hot sam sam.thats why two good heads are better than one in advising the nurse.


Typical!!. You just confirmed what I thought would be the case but did not want to presume lol. That the man could even be using the car to boost his philandering ways. And that is why I initially said that she should stand her ground and not give him the Honda if that be the case.

jumpandpass
Jul 1, 2010, 11:01 AM
She should sell off both cars, secretly buy a car in conjunction with a female friend without a job (not a close one), park the car at that friend's house and pay the friend a modest amount to be her 'driver'. She can claim she hires the car from the friend. Case SOLVED!!! You can thank me later. :)

Soul Sista
Jul 1, 2010, 11:23 AM
Agens:

What exactly could Mr. X do to her if she refuses to give up the Honda? Do you mind telling us? It will help us to come up with some realistic options that she can consider. Further, we know that his record on house keeping allowance is not good. But, for example, does he pay the rent? How about school fees?

Also, knowing the kind of husband she has (and she intends to keep), why did she buy a better car? If you want to stay married to such a person, you need to know how to do it.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

Spicey
Jul 1, 2010, 11:38 AM
I would love to stand with HP on this issue, but so far it appears the lady has the option of completing the payment of the honda while she manages the nissan for the sake of peace.

Then again, if the honda issue pain am well well, she should keep off the honda car maintainance bill. The nissan should not be "over" maintained because chances are that he will come back for it (Nissan) when the chifs are down with the honda.

The idea of selling both cars is not in the interest of the family as it is obvious that will threaten their togetherness and that is far from the woman's wish.

MsWoman
Jul 1, 2010, 03:35 PM
Na wah oh! Meanwhile, I know a Naija man who bought a car much much better for his wife than he drives, and when she "forces" him to drive it, he can't wait to hand it back to her. There are men and there are men!

As GO of MFM will say, you will tailor your Christianity according to your environment.....No, don't get me wrong.....I am not bringing Christianity into it. What I am saying is that being that you get that kain husband, you sef nor go bring Honda to the house after he don kidnap the Nissan. On the contrary, you either don't bring at all, or you bring the one that "his eyes will push him" to be seen driving in. When nor be say there are no 1993 Peugeot 504's on the roads of Naija! Na dat wan gan gan wey MsWoman go no wo si (point at) at the used car lot! I beg I don't send! Who get time for someone wey nor get shame?

I will NEVER get my pastor involved in my marital affairs. I'd sooner pay a shrink/counselor first! Nor be me dem go come take preach!

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 04:21 PM
Na wah oh! Meanwhile, I know a Naija man who bought a car much much better for his wife than he drives, and when she "forces" him to drive it, he can't wait to hand it back to her. There are men and there are men!

Ohmegawd that reminds me of someone..*thinking*

Oh wait I think I remember who: ME! :p
--

valteena
Jul 1, 2010, 04:35 PM
Na wah oh! Meanwhile, I know a Naija man who bought a car much much better for his wife than he drives, and when she "forces" him to drive it, he can't wait to hand it back to her. There are men and there are men!

As GO of MFM will say, you will tailor your Christianity according to your environment.....No, don't get me wrong.....I am not bringing Christianity into it. What I am saying is that being that you get that kain husband, you sef nor go bring Honda to the house after he don kidnap the Nissan. On the contrary, you either don't bring at all, or you bring the one that "his eyes will push him" to be seen driving in. When nor be say there are no 1993 Peugeot 504's on the roads of Naija! Na dat wan gan gan wey MsWoman go no wo si (point at) at the used car lot! I beg I don't send! Who get time for someone wey nor get shame?


I will NEVER get my pastor involved in my marital affairs. I'd sooner pay a shrink/counselor first! Nor be me dem go come take preach!

Mswoman, to my mind there is something not quite right about their marriage set up already. As married couples, I would have thought that the woman would have consulted with the man before buying the new car and in the process would have found out that the man would want to own the car for himself. In which case she should have come to some sort of agreement on who keeps which car. And if she is the one meant to keep the Honda and the hubby is doing an about turn, then she should stick to her guns and keep the car of her choice.

As for why didn't the woman buy more rickety car, I don't think there is any reason why she shouldn't buy a Honda if that is what her heart desire just because of the way the husband is. Selfish and irresponsible. Its like saying that she should not eat good food or wear nice clothes or live in a comfortable environment that she deserves and can afford because her husband is the way he is. She seem to work hard for the money and it is only fair that she enjoys the fruit of her labour.

After all my sister you only live once, and its only what you've eaten or enjoyed while alive that is yours to take along. Whatever is left is for other and sometimes those who don't appreciate how hard you've worked for it to enjoy.

Iye
Jul 1, 2010, 04:42 PM
I think the person with problem here is the woman.

She's one of those who marry any man just to be mrs and think she can improve him with time.

By buying the new car, she's trying to improve the family status but forgetting that she's married to a man who does not share her vision.

Truth is, the earlier she counts are losses and move on with her life the better, if not the guy will ruin her physically, financially and mentally and still leave her in the end.

Next move of the guy would be to accuse her of sleeping around to buy car...

MsWoman
Jul 1, 2010, 05:11 PM
@Valtee:

I did think about it myself that na oran (crime) to buy car of one's choice after working hard and being able to afford it?? And it is a shame that this woman should not be able to enjoy her hard earned money! But like I said, at this point, the woman needs to pick her battles. If she tells herself that "woh (look), I am better off on my own with my nice Honda and my children with no husband," that's one choice. If she wants/prefers to stay married to a husband who go dey ranju/feju (eye) and dominate cars that she uses her hard-earned money to buy, then she has to face the music. She will in this case, have no choice but to be ready to give the car to the husband. The last choice is to yari (refuse) to give him the car and face the consequences when the husband starts making the house "hot" for her.

@Auspi:

You were exactly on my mind when I wrote that! Aren't you just so cute?! :lol: :razz:

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 05:28 PM
..Next move of the guy would be to accuse her of sleeping around to buy car...

LOL!

Ah done heard of men who like to 'wound' their women with such.

Still, I don't know if telling her to quit is the solution to her problems.

I think it's better to tell her to "get a back-bone and act smart, dammit!"

Quitting marriage is NOT a solution to marital problems, or we'd all be quitters already.
--

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 05:35 PM
@Auspi:

You were exactly on my mind when I wrote that! Aren't you just so cute?! :lol: :razz:

Abieeee, MsWoman!

You know how it is now:

Today Auspy na Teddy Bear

Tommorow, na Winnie the Pooh.

Day after, na Dauda the Sexy Guy! :lol:

MsWoman
Jul 1, 2010, 05:35 PM
The fourth option is when the husband starts making the house hot, she should turn around and show him pepper! As in, make the house "hotter" for even him. (This would mean developing backbone and acting smart per Auspi)! :wink:

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 09:03 PM
-

Why di Gyal nor tell di Hubby make eim lie-down collect serious bilala for nyansh?

Or, in the alternative, make eim kele di bobo well-well make am happy like eim chop Micky Dee Happy Meal.

Vade Mecum
Jul 1, 2010, 10:08 PM
What does the virtuous woman have to do with this palava, Vade Mecum?

This promises to be an interesting one.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling


Why do we prefer to shun Christian principles, when we believe, that our stand point on an issue will not be advanced by applicable Biblical standards.


2 Timothy 3:16-17 (New International Version)

16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.



Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Proverb 31: 11 "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

Proverb 31: 28: Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

The combined application of the Bible verses referred to above, dictates that a virtuous wife must strive to win the praise and confidence of her husband.

A virtuous wife must strive to be submissive and generally perceived as submissive to her husband.

In the present scenario, we do not have all the facts. However, a wise woman will not allow attachment to a car to start a chain of reactions that could eventually break up her home.

True, we do not have the full facts regarding the couple in this palaver, however, there is a reason or reasons, why the husband is feeling justified to have unfettered access to the use of the car. ARGUENDO, There are probably investments in the woman's life by the husband. Did he help finance her college education ? Is he responsible for the payment of 90% of the household bills ? etc etc

I know a guy, who rides a simple car, and the wife drives his Hummer. I know a woman who drives a very simple car, yet, she bought a very expensive SUV for her dear husband. She pays about 75 % of the household bills. The husband is currently striving hard to find his feet, as he only just relocated to the United states, not too long ago. she treats him like a King. She is extremely submissive to him, and in return, he is as loyal, faithful, loving and caring as can be.

They've been married for over 20 years, and she was also always loyal and submissive, even back in Nigeria; so I heard.

The wife's submissiveness is based on her Christian faith.

The fact of being husband and wife, a situation, which makes both parties one flesh; means the spouses, must learn to sacrifice for one another. Selflessness and sacrifice basd on faith, constitutes the twin engines that fires a successful marriage.

Dear Soul Sister, we must avoid selectively applying the word of God to our affairs. We must refrain from the narrow minded application of the scriptures to our affairs, only when it's favourable to our viewpoint on issues. Indeed the Bible's standard regarding the virtuous woman, is very much applicable to the present palaver.

Cheers and God bless.

Auspicious
Jul 1, 2010, 10:13 PM
-

I'm more familiar with christianity than any other faith.

In other words, I identify with the faith more than any other.

But each time I read Vade Mecum proselytizing around here,

I just feel like I want nothing to do with the faith alltogether.

I wonder why..:confused:
--

Vade Mecum
Jul 2, 2010, 12:29 AM
Purple;462393

Nonsense. She should not hand over her car to her husband. HP makes a lot of good points in her resopnse. This man is more of a leech than a husband. A husband provides and protects. This man seems to exploit and abuse.

leech (noun)
1. any bloodsucking or carnivorous aquatic or terrestrial worm of the class Hirudinea, certain freshwater species of which were formerly much used in medicine for bloodletting.

2. a person who clings to another for personal gain, esp. without giving anything in return, and usually with the implication or effect of exhausting the other's resources; parasite.

3. Archaic . an instrument used for drawing blood.
–verb (used with object)


This man is more of a leech than a husband.

Dear Purple,

Don't you think that your reaction or response to this palaver, is way out of proportion. This is a family issue between parties to a marriage. The man must be happpy and relieved that at least, his dear wife is not calling him a leech. Check out the meaning of leech, above.



A husband provides and protects. This man seems to exploit and abuse

I dear say, that you Purple, lack enough information on these persons, who are parties to a marriage, to allow you the latitude to use such harsh terms on the husband.

Do you Purple, know how deep and sacrificial that the husband has probably invested in his family in general and in his wife in particular ?

Do you purple, know whether the husband spent way beyond his pay grade, to rescue the wife's dad, mum or both from the fatal effect of some serious medical conditions ?

Do you know what percentage of the household bills of this family, the husband settles monthly ?

Do you know whether the husband is in some serious financial quagmire because of some financial rescue efforts, he engaged in to rescue the wife or the wife's family member(s) ? etc etc

I guess you know too little about this family to launch out on a verbal tirade on the husband, the way you did.

Marriage requires a more sober, reflective and solemn temperament


Proverbs 21:9 (New International Version)

9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.



Marriage is for men and not for boys. If this guy lacks maturity and the ability to provide, maybe he should not have gotten married in the first place. Where is his pride and dignity? How dare him intimidate his wife and force her to surrender the car to him. He is so shameless that he cannot even pay repair bills for the first car and lets his long suffering wife pick up the tab. What a wimp!


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (New International Version)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Dear Purple,

I wonder how you could denounce and trounce the husband so roughly and disrespectfully, when you obviously do not have the husband's perspective on this issue.

The much you have said so far is enough to break up a marriage, especially a marriage where both spouses have the easily inflamable temperament, that you have so far displayed on this thread.

Evidently, if the husband was a mere boy, immature, lacks pride, lacks dignity and shamelessly unable to provide for his family, as you have so off handedly dismissed him; I doubt whether his dear wife, would have married him, in the first place, out of all the millions of men out there.

I pray that no lady enters a marriage with the intolerant, abusive and lightening anger temperament and the me, me and me mind set, that you have liberally poured forth, so far, on this thread. Abeg, marriage na love, gentility, selflessness, jejelee and us, we, ours.

With all your verbal tsunami so far on this thread, what would you do, if your husband or prospective husband is suddenly fired from his job ?



VM, the Scriptures command that if a man does not work, he should not eat. We are also told that a man that does not provide (transportation included, yes ke) for his own household is worse than an infidel. An oyinbo man invented the automobile and placed his dear wife in it to protect her dainty feet from the trials of walking. Naija man who did not invent nada is now strong arming his wife to ride 'tokunbo' o ma se o What a shame!

Your fixation on material wealth as a separate property of the wife in contradistinction to the family community of the husband, wife and children, reminds me of the Words of Jesus Christ in the Holy Bible

Matthew 19:24 (New International Version)

24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a wife fixated on her separate property to remain in a marriage for long

Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a girl who cannot tolerate submissiveness to a man, to get a husband

Cheers and God bless

HolyPagan
Jul 2, 2010, 12:39 AM
A virtuous wife must strive to be submissive and generally perceived as submissive to her husband.

In the present scenario, we do not have all the facts. However, a wise woman will not allow attachment to a car to start a chain of reactions that could eventually break up her home.



Hehehe:lol: yeah!! so long as the wife has hubby's footprints on her forehead, I bet you will praise her to the high heavens.

Thank God...If I were married to a man with this evil kind of 'submissive wife is best ' mindset, he would have been buried a long time ago....I would have made damn sure of that, walahi.
Submissive indeed....how about I submit the blood sucking leech to his maker pretty damn quick.

God did not put anybody on earth to be long suffering because, some people will not be happy unless those closest and nearest to them, have their footprints on their forehead.

Vade Mecum
Jul 2, 2010, 12:51 AM
Hehehe:lol: yeah!! so long as the wife has hubby's footprints on her forehead, I bet you will praise her to the high heavens.

Thank God...If I were married to a man with this evil kind of 'submissive wife is best ' mindset, he would have been buried a long time ago....I would have made damn sure of that, walahi.
Submissive indeed....how about I submit the blood sucking leech to his maker pretty damn quick.

God did not put anybody on earth to be long suffering because, some people will not be happy unless those closest and nearest to them, have their footprints on their forehead.

Marriage is a union of equal partners

However, the Word of God made clear that the man is the head of the equal partnership

The wife must be submissive.

Then again, the man must treat his wife with love, respect and deep affection

The streets are full of women who have the mentality, you are trying so hard to preach on this thread

Truth is, wives who stubbornly reject submissiveness to their husbands, do not stay married for long; those same women finally become submissive to pimps and other shady sex industry characters

Majority of single ladies attempting to rudely overwhelm heaven with prayers and fasting for husbands, are usually women, who have refused to be submissive to the men, that have come their way, through the infinite mercy of God.

Your mindset reminds me of the story in the Bible, of Naaman the leprous Syrian army general, who was too proud to accept the cure for his sickness.

2 Kings 5:1-19 (New International Version)


2 Kings 5
Naaman Healed of Leprosy
1 Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the LORD had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy. [a]

2 Now bands from Aram had gone out and had taken captive a young girl from Israel, and she served Naaman's wife. 3 She said to her mistress, "If only my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy."

4 Naaman went to his master and told him what the girl from Israel had said. 5 "By all means, go," the king of Aram replied. "I will send a letter to the king of Israel." So Naaman left, taking with him ten talents [b] of silver, six thousand shekels [c] of gold and ten sets of clothing. 6 The letter that he took to the king of Israel read: "With this letter I am sending my servant Naaman to you so that you may cure him of his leprosy."

7 As soon as the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his robes and said, "Am I God? Can I kill and bring back to life? Why does this fellow send someone to me to be cured of his leprosy? See how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me!"

8 When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his robes, he sent him this message: "Why have you torn your robes? Have the man come to me and he will know that there is a prophet in Israel." 9 So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha's house. 10 Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed."

11 But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage.

13 Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" 14 So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

15 Then Naaman and all his attendants went back to the man of God. He stood before him and said, "Now I know that there is no God in all the world except in Israel. Please accept now a gift from your servant."

16 The prophet answered, "As surely as the LORD lives, whom I serve, I will not accept a thing." And even though Naaman urged him, he refused.

17 "If you will not," said Naaman, "please let me, your servant, be given as much earth as a pair of mules can carry, for your servant will never again make burnt offerings and sacrifices to any other god but the LORD. 18 But may the LORD forgive your servant for this one thing: When my master enters the temple of Rimmon to bow down and he is leaning on my arm and I bow there also - when I bow down in the temple of Rimmon, may the LORD forgive your servant for this."

19 "Go in peace," Elisha said.
After Naaman had traveled some distance,

Cheers and God bless

HolyPagan
Jul 2, 2010, 01:01 AM
Marriage is a union of equal partners

However, the Word of God made clear that the man is the head of the equal partnership

The wife must be submissive, then again the man treat the wife with love, respect and deep affection

The streets are full of women who have the mentality, you are trying so hard to preach on this thread

Truth is, wives who refuse to be submissive to their husbands, do not stay married for long

Majority of single ladies attempting to rudely overwhelm heaven with prayers and fasting for husbands, are usually women, who have refused to be submissive to the men, that have come their way, through the infinite mercy of God.

Your mindset remain me of the story in the Bible, of that Syrian army general, who was too proud to accept the cure for his sickness
Any union that will only work because one party is exploiting, dominating, intimidating, the other is not fit for purpose and should be confined to the bog where it rightfully belongs.

BTW you are mistaking a symptom for a cure...In Western Europe, North America, Australasia where women are equal and contributing members of society...you dont have this 'fasting for husband' nonsense.
Its only in Africa and such places where a husband is a 'meal ticket'.... 'roof over their heads'.....'Children's school fees gets paid'.... all rolled into one, due in large part to generations of misogynistic cultural practices, that women are praying for husbands.
Its not because of the 'almighty husband' but the utilitarian value that having one impacts...make no mistake about that.

Vade Mecum
Jul 2, 2010, 01:13 AM
@vade mecum
i say this respectfully...

scripture is living and active, there's nothing living and active in what you posted, you just downloaded scriptures there, it seemed as if you were moralizing, what OP was asking for was advice, we all know what the bible says concerning submission, it's the application that matters!



Dear Netotse,

With the greatest respect,

It is too bad that exhibited a gross lack of experience, maturity, and knowledge of real life issues to comprehend my post.

As you must have realised by now, this topic is a very sensitive one.

There are times, we must allow the Word of God to speak directly, to the readers, devoid of any analysis and or commentary.

There are times too, when we should analyse and comment.

Then again, we must know the proper time and the proper season to write, speak or be quiet.

My advise: Print the post and keep it, until you attain the proper age, then you will re-read the post and understand

Please no offense intended.

Cheers and God bless

agensheku
Jul 2, 2010, 08:58 AM
Agens:

What exactly could Mr. X do to her if she refuses to give up the Honda? Do you mind telling us? It will help us to come up with some realistic options that she can consider. Further, we know that his record on house keeping allowance is not good. But, for example, does he pay the rent? How about school fees?

Also, knowing the kind of husband she has (and she intends to keep), why did she buy a better car? If you want to stay married to such a person, you need to know how to do it.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul SizzlingThere are husbands and there are "husbands"!Yorubas call some men "oko dabe nyan eko"(meaning...if he buys raw meatshe must buy pepper and oil).and some women are so fanatical about the title MRS they will take any bloody nonsense to remain under the same roof with such men.so,they get emotinally blackmailed all the time.if she refuses him the use of the Honda,he may not go near her bed again.if she sells the cars and secretly buys another one and keeps it outside,when he gets to know,the car will always get into problems with "you know who".i can not possibly know all their expenditure details,but the wife certainly picks a lot.at times,Dewdrops views may sound outlandish or out-of-this world,but some men deserve what she recommends.Nurse bought a better car in frustration when she virtually had no access to Nissan again,except he gives her a ride to her workplace.

agensheku
Jul 2, 2010, 09:11 AM
Iye,i love your candour!i have seen a drunken neighbour whose well-to-do wife bought land,built a fine bungalow and when the house was ready,she told the man her achievements.initially,he refused to move from the rented apartment until he saw all the kids voting to follow their mum,he now reluctantly joined them in the new house.at the house-warming,come and see bobo beaming like a cat that stole milk!again,there are husbands...and there are "husbands".

Soul Sista
Jul 2, 2010, 03:23 PM
Agens:
I had suspected the state of affairs you described to be the case but did not want to pre-empt your response. Your neighbour is an adult woman. She chooses to be married to a man who can rightly be described as a leech. I am happy that she has made a choice with full knowledge of all relevant information. That is an adult thing to do. But, with that choice comes certain consequences. And, as an adult, she should know that and take her decisions in that knowledge.

Just in case she does not know, there are three (3) possible consequences. One, she can spend a lot of time duking it out with the leech-husband and ensuring that she puts in pepper whenever he turns on the heat. But, for this, she has to pick up her self esteem wherever she buried it, develop a spinal cord and unlearn the behaviour of always pleasing him at her own expense. Two, she could always kowtow to him. She has handed over her Nissan. Now, she should hand over her Honda as well. She should continue picking up more than her fair shares of bills in the house without complaint. In short, she should act out Vade Mecum's script. After all, peace [of the graveyard] will reign supreme in her home. Like all graveyards, death is present, only it will be a death of emotions, hers that is.

Three, she could attempt to have a little of each of the above as a consequence of her decision. She won't be the first woman to be married to a leech-husband! So, first, she needs to lose the woe is me attitude. Even her seeking your advice is a sign of not wanting to live with the decision she made. There is something my mother always says whenever any of us, her female relatives, complains about a husband that does not pull his weight in the provider department. She says: do you have male colleagues? If you answer yes, she then says do you know those male colleagues provide for their families on that your same salary? If you know that, why are you complaining? Men are umbrellas, when it is raining you too you can say you have one! Obviously, this is not true in most situations. But, I would recommend that your neighbour listens to my mother's admonition. There are many marriages worse than hers just as many are better.

Assuming that consequence three is fine by her, in my opinion, she needs to be wiser. Na wayo dem dey take catch monkey. First, she needs to sell the Honda, pay back the loan and find a car that is round about the same look and feel as the Nissan. That way, "his eyes will not enter" the car. Moreover, if he wants the car, she may not feel too cheated because its round about the same thing. Second, she should spend her money wisely and try and get some investments for herself. If the house they live in is not theirs (or her name is not on it) this is the time to start putting up a structure. A car will lose value the minute it leaves the dealer's lot. But real estate; that is the security her children need. I know she wants to drive a car, but remind her: my dear, there are consequences. She should invest in Blue chip shares. And, like many Nigerian women, she should engage in buying and selling. She should keep her ears open for investment opportunities.

Every month, she should put aside some money that will go towards servicing both cars. My people say: t'eniyan ba ran aso f'ole, akuku ba pa l'aro (if you sew a cloth for a lazy person, you might as well dye it for him). The price of servicing both cars is what she will pay for her peace of mind to focus on securing her future, and his, since she chooses to stay married to him. But, beyond that, she should develop a back bone. If I were her, my decisions regarding whether to comply with his demands will depend on what I foresee that he can do if I don't. She always has to be strategic. So, if, for example, she wants to buy a fancy phone, she should consider whether she can afford one for him or whether to buy one that he won't want. If I were her, I would buy one that he won't want. Also, there is no need bringing money home or behaving affluent. Unfortunately, her husband does not appear to be one that sees his wife's progress to be anything more than advancement for him. So, she needs to be careful.

Having done all, again, she needs to develop a back bone! She was not sent to the world to be his foot mat. Sometimes, she should shock him by saying no and damning the consequences. So what if he decides not to sleep with her anymore? Is it the sex she wants or the feeling of being desired? Is she a prostitute? If someone can only desire you on the condition that he must have his way no matter your feelings and however unfairly he treats you, is he really worth it? If all she wants is sex, she can learn to pleasure herself; she is a nurse; that should not be too difficult. It is certainly better than the feeling of being used, IMHO. But, what do I know, right?

She also has to become more confident. What is all this about filtering her decisions through the prism of marriage abandonment? Does she think he is ready to abandon the marriage so easily too? For how long will her decision making process be undermined by that fear? So, she will rather give in to anything because of fear of the marriage breaking? She cannot force the man to stay with her. Upon all she is doing, he is still running around town with other women in the car she "gave" him. So, she can only do her best and leave the rest. Everybody has to have an Ebenezer point and she should not let hers be after she has been dragged all over a gutter. In other words, once in a while, let the pepper meet his hot!

She has made her bed, she should lie in it.

Soul Sista a/k/a Soul Sizzling

emj
Jul 2, 2010, 06:05 PM
Agens......this is a simple and straight forward palava.....she should not hand over the keys to the new car.
She might allow him to drive it once a while...but should not give it away like the Nissan.
She also has to discuss modalities of repairs with him if she's never done so before, that is if she allows him to use it at all.
Also if he wants it to be a commonwealth then all bills including loan payments that accrues must be shared..there is no shugbon tabi there...no shifting......add some fire prayers to that please.(annoint the seats in the vehicle and decree no strange bums(holy ghost fire burn dem)...am not kidding)

Above all, i wont advice she sells the car becos of her spouse attitude..she only has now and the future, cannot relive yesterday...enjoy what she deisres and not forgo it just becos it will cause trouble. She got the loan to buy this car....and her well earned monies will be used to repay it.

And like SS said(though a different twist), she can if she want going forward invest in buying shares...or .invest in real-estate.

Lastly, she's got to develop some back bone like yesterday.......she's got to change her attitudinal denomination(to kickazz, no nonsense loaded with a lot of wisdom)



PS>>..Consultation fees for this palava should be paid to the Heart& Stroke Foundation of my choice......nexttttt:)

Oluwato
Jul 2, 2010, 06:14 PM
There are husbands and there are "husbands"!Yorubas call some men "oko dabe nyan eko"(meaning...if he buys raw meatshe must buy pepper and oil).and some women are so fanatical about the title MRS they will take any bloody nonsense to remain under the same roof with such men.so,they get emotinally blackmailed all the time.if she refuses him the use of the Honda,he may not go near her bed again.if she sells the cars and secretly buys another one and keeps it outside,when he gets to know,the car will always get into problems with "you know who".i can not possibly know all their expenditure details,but the wife certainly picks a lot.at times,Dewdrops views may sound outlandish or out-of-this world,but some men deserve what she recommends.Nurse bought a better car in frustration when she virtually had no access to Nissan again,except he gives her a ride to her workplace.

Agens, I'd like to know more of this your Yoruba proverb, sorry, I couldn't make out the Yoruba sentence itself (:) but I like the meaning).... this case reminds me of the cultural interpretations of the bible. For many, especially in Africa, because of her patriarchal, chauvinistic norms, subservience is mistaken for submission, and greed, for equality or "God's blessing". It's very easy for the husband to acquire the wife's Nissan car when she paid for it from her sweat, and that precedence encourages him to desire her Honda too. If she doesn't break the circle of stupidity, it will continue and most likely cost her, her health. The man is not a husband, he's a leech!

Agens, please tell the lady to go and get saved (assuming she isn't already), she needs God's saving power for the future "evil" the man will bring. If she's already saved, let her start believing God's word that she's complete in Christ and stop expecting some form of "mythical completion" from an African marriage institution which is already perverted!

Vade Mecum
Jul 2, 2010, 08:02 PM
Iye,i love your candour!

i have seen a drunken neighbour whose well-to-do wife bought land,

built a fine bungalow

and when the house was ready,

she told the man her achievements.

initially,he refused to move from the rented apartment until he saw all the kids voting to follow their mum,he now reluctantly joined them in the new house.at the house-warming,come and see bobo beaming like a cat that stole milk!again,there are husbands...and there are "husbands".

Dear Agens.,

Would you call the woman in your tale above, an ideal wife ?

Put yourself in that husband's position and analyse, and see if the woman's conduct is as funny and or interesting as you presently deem it ?

A wife bought a land and built a house on it, without the husband's knowledge

Why did she buy the land and build the house without the husband's knowledge ?

Who are the persons (men) that secretly aided and abetted her conduct ? Yes, I am sure that she did not act alone ?

How many other things, is the wife doing in secret ?

If a wife could buy a land and build a house secretly, devoid of the husband's knowledge, what is the guarantee, that there are no alternative secret husbands in the wife's life ?

While the wife was saving and acquiring the land and developing same, who was responsible for the regular settlement of the family's bills ? Of course, the husband

Who was paying the children's school fees ? Of course, the husband

Did you find out, whether as is often the case, the husband helped financed the wife's college education ?

Did you find out, whether she delevoped the property secretely, to fixate the husband's attention and resources on paying the family's bills, while she attains 'success' ?

Would you not be scared to death to live in the same house, as the husband of the venomous cobra, I mean wife in your story ?

Don't you think the wife in your story is an extremely dangerous monster, coldly calculating vampire, who is only out to acquire real estate in her separate name, while the husband spends his hard earned resources on settling the family's regular financial needs ?

In the light of the above, would you really identify the land and house as belonging to the wife or the couple ?

Agens., I observe that your narratives are usually told from the wife's perspective; however, for once, see your current narrative from the husband's perspective

Don't you think that the husband in your latest narrative is a victim of gross betrayal of trust, by a woman, who has no right to be endowed with the title of MRS (husband's name) ?

Don't you think that this woman is more dangerous than Jezebel and Delilah combined ?

Imagine a man's so called wife, playing 419 on him, right while they are living under the same roof ?

Who is that man, that will not happily labour and accept the co-operation of his wife to build a home for the family ?

Why must some women come up with these cock and bull stories to justify their anti-Christ conducts ?

Na wah

The husband must pray for God's protection

The husband needs protection, no doubt.

Hmmn, na wah for dangerous enemies camouflaging as wives.

Wife indeed

Just like the old saying : Give a dog a bad name and hang it : They have now labelled the poor husband a drunk

Was the husband a drunk, when the so-called wife married him ?

If he was a drunk then, wh did she marry a drunk ?

If he was not a drunk then, whose activities turned the poor husband into a drunk ?

Is the so called wife now labelling the poor man a drunk, merely to justify her unwifely conducts ?

Na wa

Weteen this world wan turn to self ? Abee na weten I nor go read for this NVS ?

Hmmmnnn....

HolyPagan
Jul 2, 2010, 08:09 PM
Dear Agens.,

Would you call the woman in your tale above, an ideal wife ?

Put yourself in that husband's position and analyse, and see if the woman's conduct is as funny and or interesting as you presently deem it ?

A wife bought a land and built a house on it, without the husband's knowledge

Why did she buy the land and build the house without the husband's knowledge ?

Who are the persons (men) that secretly aided and abetted her conduct ? Yes, I am sure that she did not act alone ?

How many other things, is the wife doing in secret ?

If a wife could buy a land and build a house secretly, devoid of the husband's knowledge, what is the guarantee, that there are no alternative secret husbands in the wife's life ?

While the wife was saving and acquiring the land and developing same, who was responsible for the regular settlement of the family's bills ?

Who was paying the children's school fees ?

Did you find out, whether as is ofte the case, the husband helped financed the wife's college education ?

Did you find out, whether she delevoped the property secretely, to fixate the husband's attention and resources on paying the family's bills, while she attains 'success'

Would you not be scared to death to live in the same house, as the husband of the woman in your story

Don't you think the wife in your story is an extremely dangerous monster, coldly calculating vampire, who is only out to acquire real estate in her separate name, while the husband spends his hard earned resources on settling the family's regular financial needs ?

In the light of the above, would you really identify the land and house as belonging to the wife or the couple ?

Agens., I observe that your narratives are usually told from the wife's perspective; however, for once, see your current narrative from the husband's perspective

Don't you think that the husband in your latest narrative is a victim of gross betrayal of trust, by a woman, who has no right to be endowed with the title of MRS (husband's name) ?

Don't you think that this woman is the more dangerous than Jezebel and Delilah combined ?

No luvvy he was a drunk, whose only concern was drinking the family resources away...read Agens again ahbeg.

I hope to God our man VM na only hinternet NVS pastor im be...fancy a couple taking their marital wahala to him as naijas often do...the woman don chew nail be dat.

Biina
Jul 3, 2010, 05:51 AM
Think there is more to the issue than just driving a honda

UncleTisha
Jul 3, 2010, 09:37 AM
Quick question please. if the roles were reversed and it was the husband who bought the nissan and the wife used it more, ati be be lo, would the wife be called a leech?

@Oluwato,
When are you going to forgive African men as the Lord requires of you and stop putting him down at every opportunity?

agensheku
Jul 3, 2010, 12:09 PM
Agens, I'd like to know more of this your Yoruba proverb, sorry, I couldn't make out the Yoruba sentence itself (:) but I like the meaning).... this case reminds me of the cultural interpretations of the bible. For many, especially in Africa, because of her patriarchal, chauvinistic norms, subservience is mistaken for submission, and greed, for equality or "God's blessing". It's very easy for the husband to acquire the wife's Nissan car when she paid for it from her sweat, and that precedence encourages him to desire her Honda too. If she doesn't break the circle of stupidity, it will continue and most likely cost her, her health. The man is not a husband, he's a leech!

Agens, please tell the lady to go and get saved (assuming she isn't already), she needs God's saving power for the future "evil" the man will bring. If she's already saved, let her start believing God's word that she's complete in Christ and stop expecting some form of "mythical completion" from an African marriage institution which is already perverted!Actually,its a figurative expression.literally it means a husband who says since i bought the soup,you too buy the akamu with which we shall eat it.or those who after leaving food allowance for the month,if they see plantain or new yam on the road,the will refuse to buy.if madam says "pl help us to buy kerosine from fuel station",they will deduct the money from her housekeep allowance next month.etc.got the full meaning now?they cant blow dust out of their wife s eyes for free!

agensheku
Jul 3, 2010, 12:20 PM
Dear Agens.,

Would you call the woman in your tale above, an ideal wife ?

Put yourself in that husband's position and analyse, and see if the woman's conduct is as funny and or interesting as you presently deem it ?

A wife bought a land and built a house on it, without the husband's knowledge

Why did she buy the land and build the house without the husband's knowledge ?

Who are the persons (men) that secretly aided and abetted her conduct ? Yes, I am sure that she did not act alone ?

How many other things, is the wife doing in secret ?

If a wife could buy a land and build a house secretly, devoid of the husband's knowledge, what is the guarantee, that there are no alternative secret husbands in the wife's life ?

While the wife was saving and acquiring the land and developing same, who was responsible for the regular settlement of the family's bills ? Of course, the husband

Who was paying the children's school fees ? Of course, the husband

Did you find out, whether as is often the case, the husband helped financed the wife's college education ?

Did you find out, whether she delevoped the property secretely, to fixate the husband's attention and resources on paying the family's bills, while she attains 'success' ?

Would you not be scared to death to live in the same house, as the husband of the venomous cobra, I mean wife in your story ?

Don't you think the wife in your story is an extremely dangerous monster, coldly calculating vampire, who is only out to acquire real estate in her separate name, while the husband spends his hard earned resources on settling the family's regular financial needs ?

In the light of the above, would you really identify the land and house as belonging to the wife or the couple ?

Agens., I observe that your narratives are usually told from the wife's perspective; however, for once, see your current narrative from the husband's perspective

Don't you think that the husband in your latest narrative is a victim of gross betrayal of trust, by a woman, who has no right to be endowed with the title of MRS (husband's name) ?

Don't you think that this woman is more dangerous than Jezebel and Delilah combined ?

Imagine a man's so called wife, playing 419 on him, right while they are living under the same roof ?

Who is that man, that will not happily labour and accept the co-operation of his wife to build a home for the family ?

Why must some women come up with these cock and bull stories to justify their anti-Christ conducts ?

Na wah

The husband must pray for God's protection

The husband needs protection, no doubt.

Hmmn, na wah for dangerous enemies camouflaging as wives.

Wife indeed

Just like the old saying : Give a dog a bad name and hang it : They have now labelled the poor husband a drunk

Was the husband a drunk, when the so-called wife married him ?

If he was a drunk then, wh did she marry a drunk ?

If he was not a drunk then, whose activities turned the poor husband into a drunk ?

Is the so called wife now labelling the poor man a drunk, merely to justify her unwifely conducts ?

Na wa

Weteen this world wan turn to self ? Abee na weten I nor go read for this NVS ?

Hmmmnnn....My dear VM,when an old man says he sees burning water,ask him for the ashes!our women go thru a lot.the drunk in that story also GAMBLED with his paltry income leaving the woman who earned better wages and was able to make some extra "family support"from her position to virtually pick ALL bills.i saw them at close quarters and can vouch for the woman s integrity that she does not cut show as you assumed.women are the weaker sex and that places them at a great disadvantage,particularly those fixated on hanging the signboard (MRS) on their necks even when the union is cranky.probably if she did not build the house without his knowledge,he would have helped her fritter away her money,gambling and drinking away his and their future.

agensheku
Jul 3, 2010, 12:36 PM
Quick question please. if the roles were reversed and it was the husband who bought the nissan and the wife used it more, ati be be lo, would the wife be called a leech?

@Oluwato,
When are you going to forgive African men as the Lord requires of you and stop putting him down at every opportunity?If men can hire maids for their wives,clothe and feed the maid on top of her salary,what is the big deal if the wife cruises her husband s car everywhere,so long as she is not carrying men friends in it?

katampe
Jul 3, 2010, 01:56 PM
I am just curious, curious that if she becomes disabled today would she still crave the said Honda or having her husband around? Who is going to take care of her? Is it the people that she is complaining to that her husband is using her car or the new car?

This idea that something is mine and the other is yours shows an "I" concept, instead of a "we" concept. She is blessed with family and she knows she owns what her husband drives around town, and deep down, no matter what kind of bravado the man has, he knows on whose generousity he shows off around town. If she wants kids, security and family is it a wasting asset that is most important? Why is she not putting heads together with the husband to start a family business that can safely get them to a place where they won't both have to struggle over cars, I mean the idea that they can have any car of their dreams than using her co-operative savings to purchase a car that has become a source of heartache?

I think she should spend more time to plan for the whole family and also learn to see the big picture. Life is like a scene in the movie, the fact that the husband seems less off now does not mean that things won't change later. I am sometimes amazed by people that dwell in the now of an issue, instead of working towards a more fulfilling life style where everyone is seen to be satisfied and it is a win-win. Can't women manage success without getting carried away?

As a guy, if I was in her position (if roles were reversed), I would give the woman the better car and drive a battered car because so far she is my wife it does not really matter, and I would want her satisfied more than anything else, especially if it is a woman that is pulling her weight. I would derive more psychological satisfaction from seeing her happy than the car.

I think it is someone with low self esteem that would not want the husband to drive the so called new car if she owns it. Is she trying to belong with the Joneses ni?

I remember one of my friends when in his early twenties was married to an older woman, I think about 3/4 years older that he was. And for some reason he did not like the material competition in the house, I think he felt intimidated to an extent.

Back then in Nigeria (he lived overseas), we jointly (together with other friends) leased a duplex were everyone hung out away from family - just friends alone and used it as a nest to catch boy's fun. Some of us were still stuck back home (Nigeria). There was this particular an argument broke over the use of one of the cars, apparently the married one wanted to use the another friend's convertible but other guy refused because he also had runs. This led to a huge quarrel.

When wahala burst out, na so we hear all the stori behind the convertible. The history was that married one's wife was supposed to have bought the convertible. Only for the fellow to invite the other friend (the one now refusing to allow use) that was looking for a convertible to quickly go and buy it before the wife got her hands on it.
When we heard we all laughed, we no even fit recover from the jist. The whole thing looked so ridiculous then. But we later and over the years we came to understand: this guy was married to a very beautiful woman that in her single life had offers from military officers, although she never bulged, since she was as straight as a pencil, yet she still posed a great deal of intimidation for my main man even though he would never admit it. To now hear this seemed childish thing and very desperate thing to do.

But you know what, 2/3 years after this incident, I remember the wife telling me how Oyinbo eye's sef dey pop out each time she drove her new shape Range Rover to work (my friend, her husband bought the jeep for her), by then he was no longer fascinated with competition and cars, other things had taken over in their lives and they had moved on.

What I will advise most women to do most times is not to take an adversarial stand when it comes to men. All this talk about catching a monkey and someone is being leech in my opinion is taking the matter too far o! It shows a lack of understanding of most men.
When it comes to family matters, a woman should be strategic and show some maturity and not claim my own , my own. Men remember good women that are genuinely accommodating and nice to them when things are rough, when tides of things change, men never forget the memories.

She should never let women that don't understand a man's psyche lead her astray. Not only the women, but funny men that would want to use excuses like this to ignite a relationship no matter the level of intimacy, to the extent that when the husband finds out it becomes another huge issue between them. When a woman starts becoming intimate with another man on the goings –on in her in marital life when she is not on her way out, it is the beginning of trouble be dat. Let her discuss the issue with an older relative (man or woman), successfully married woman, or well known and trusted man.

VM's suggestion(even though extreme) has a practical ring to it, but that is when you strip it of the Bible rule oriented format and make it more of a principle to strive for. That I think removes the doomsday and heavy handedness. If she understands her reality and seeks to operate with an all inclusive mentality of husband as family and not as a separate other, she stands a better future of enjoying husband, children, security and whatever car she desires. She should see this as a way to adjust her behaviour and also see this aspect as a scene in the movie of life that has many scenes.

morenike
Jul 3, 2010, 04:18 PM
@ UNCLE TISHA, nice question, but do you feel "a spouse using a car more" is the same as what the OP said;

"Mr X virtually took over the keys.he dropped her at work and cruised about all day long.when the car has a fault,bobo phones the mechanic and asks her to pick the bills!"

The OP also mentioned in a later post that mr X takes his girlfriends around in the same car, ???

And to answer your question, obviously, if a man bought a car and his wife uses it more, she cannot be called a leech, as long as he can also use the car whenever he wants to. But, if she wants to be the only one using the said car, and it is the family's only car, and she would rather drop him at work than allow him drive himself to work, so that she can have the car to herself to cruise around town with her girlfriends( not men friends o), and after all of this, God forbids that she will be mugu enough to pay the mechanic when the car develops a fault, then we would be doing leeches an injustice if we call her one.

@katampe, I can't believe you wrote

"I think it is someone with low self esteem that would not want the husband to drive the so called new car if she owns it. Is she trying to belong with the Joneses ni?"

When it was clearly stated that the husband wants to take over the new car that she had to buy with a loan because her husband would not allow her use the first car(that she also bought herself). Who is talking about driving each others car here for God's sake. Is there any one here who does not know a family in which the wife drives the husband's car and vice versa sometimes and for any reason?




_______________________

emj
Jul 3, 2010, 05:02 PM
Nice try Katamps...mennn, u miss the real gist in this matter walahi.....some of what u postulated is good and ideal for marriages/relationships....but not practical in this wise sir.




PS>>>>.nothing wrong in the car being made available for household use....but for just the guy to hug it..aint happening.

DeepThought
Jul 3, 2010, 06:21 PM
Ah, so na here you people dey?


When are you going to forgive African men as the Lord requires of you and stop putting him down at every opportunity?

Ah so Uncle T, so you need forgiveness?

Na only moto the bobo dey drive wey dem dey complain? If say na me, as I dey drive moto , I go dey also drive moto driver sef. Eyaaa, I 'm out of here!

HolyPagan
Jul 3, 2010, 06:54 PM
I am just curious, curious that if she becomes disabled today would she still crave the said Honda or having her husband around? Who is going to take care of her? Is it the people that she is complaining to that her husband is using her car or the new car?

This idea that something is mine and the other is yours shows an "I" concept, instead of a "we" concept. She is blessed with family and she knows she owns what her husband drives around town, and deep down, no matter what kind of bravado the man has, he knows on whose generousity he shows off around town. If she wants kids, security and family is it a wasting asset that is most important? Why is she not putting heads together with the husband to start a family business that can safely get them to a place where they won't both have to struggle over cars, I mean the idea that they can have any car of their dreams than using her co-operative savings to purchase a car that has become a source of heartache?

I think she should spend more time to plan for the whole family and also learn to see the big picture. Life is like a scene in the movie, the fact that the husband seems less off now does not mean that things won't change later. I am sometimes amazed by people that dwell in the now of an issue, instead of working towards a more fulfilling life style where everyone is seen to be satisfied and it is a win-win. Can't women manage success without getting carried away?

As a guy, if I was in her position (if roles were reversed), I would give the woman the better car and drive a battered car because so far she is my wife it does not really matter, and I would want her satisfied more than anything else, especially if it is a woman that is pulling her weight. I would derive more psychological satisfaction from seeing her happy than the car.

I think it is someone with low self esteem that would not want the husband to drive the so called new car if she owns it. Is she trying to belong with the Joneses ni?

I remember one of my friends when in his early twenties was married to an older woman, I think about 3/4 years older that he was. And for some reason he did not like the material competition in the house, I think he felt intimidated to an extent.

Back then in Nigeria (he lived overseas), we jointly (together with other friends) leased a duplex were everyone hung out away from family - just friends alone and used it as a nest to catch boy's fun. Some of us were still stuck back home (Nigeria). There was this particular an argument broke over the use of one of the cars, apparently the married one wanted to use the another friend's convertible but other guy refused because he also had runs. This led to a huge quarrel.

When wahala burst out, na so we hear all the stori behind the convertible. The history was that married one's wife was supposed to have bought the convertible. Only for the fellow to invite the other friend (the one now refusing to allow use) that was looking for a convertible to quickly go and buy it before the wife got her hands on it.
When we heard we all laughed, we no even fit recover from the jist. The whole thing looked so ridiculous then. But we later and over the years we came to understand: this guy was married to a very beautiful woman that in her single life had offers from military officers, although she never bulged, since she was as straight as a pencil, yet she still posed a great deal of intimidation for my main man even though he would never admit it. To now hear this seemed childish thing and very desperate thing to do.

But you know what, 2/3 years after this incident, I remember the wife telling me how Oyinbo eye's sef dey pop out each time she drove her new shape Range Rover to work (my friend, her husband bought the jeep for her), by then he was no longer fascinated with competition and cars, other things had taken over in their lives and they had moved on.

What I will advise most women to do most times is not to take an adversarial stand when it comes to men. All this talk about catching a monkey and someone is being leech in my opinion is taking the matter too far o! It shows a lack of understanding of most men.
When it comes to family matters, a woman should be strategic and show some maturity and not claim my own , my own. Men remember good women that are genuinely accommodating and nice to them when things are rough, when tides of things change, men never forget the memories.

She should never let women that don't understand a man's psyche lead her astray. Not only the women, but funny men that would want to use excuses like this to ignite a relationship no matter the level of intimacy, to the extent that when the husband finds out it becomes another huge issue between them. When a woman starts becoming intimate with another man on the goings –on in her in marital life when she is not on her way out, it is the beginning of trouble be dat. Let her discuss the issue with an older relative (man or woman), successfully married woman, or well known and trusted man.

VM's suggestion(even though extreme) has a practical ring to it, but that is when you strip it of the Bible rule oriented format and make it more of a principle to strive for. That I think removes the doomsday and heavy handedness. If she understands her reality and seeks to operate with an all inclusive mentality of husband as family and not as a separate other, she stands a better future of enjoying husband, children, security and whatever car she desires. She should see this as a way to adjust her behaviour and also see this aspect as a scene in the movie of life that has many scenes.
Sadly this is not about not understanding a man's psyche. Or operating as a separate other.
This is about a man, whose sense of what is right and fair seems to be completely out of synch with such notions.
Would anybody be happy for their sister or daughter, to be with a man who would deny her the use of a car she paid for, only to ask her to pick up the repair bills when the car needs fixing?
Did she not allow him to exclusively take over the use of the Sunny?
Would anybody be happy to be with a man, who has a sense of entiltlement, so much so that he would make life uncomfortable for his spouse, if he does not have his way, no matter how unreasonable he appears?

This is not about refusing to be a supportive sharing wife, this is about not allowing oneself to become a door mat, to a selfish man, with an unfair concept about what sharing marital assets mean.

M. Akosa
Jul 3, 2010, 07:04 PM
This is exactly where the good old fashioned prenuptual has to come in. In scenarios like these, where there may be squables with future earnings, ownership / rights and reponsibilities to communal or shared family properties.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with women who marry down, or becomes the breadwinners of their family, as long as they are not rubbished (spiritual & psychological) as in this case, by the husband.
This woman clearly must have some serious issues of low self esteem, to remain subjected to such disrespectful treatments / attitude from the husband.

Oluwato
Jul 3, 2010, 11:50 PM
@Oluwato,
When are you going to forgive African men as the Lord requires of you and stop putting him down at every opportunity?

First of all, your question is laden with wrong presumptions and false accusations. How do you know that I have not forgiven African men? Have you now become Adonai who sees the heart? You appear unlearned regarding the definition of forgiveness. I hope this link can be enlightening; http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce_and_infidelity/forgiveness_and_restoration.aspx

You're also wrong with your presumption/accusation that I put African men down at every opportunity. I disagree and I will not entertain future presumptuous/accusatory questions. Lastly, I don't recall ever reading a declaration of your faith so declare which "Lord" you refer to in your write up. We may well be referring to different "Lords".

For the records, I am a worshipper of Adonai; the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and the God of Jesus Christ. I boldly declare that the Nigerian marriage institution is perverted. The perversion is the legalization of polygyny and polyandry under the machinery of culture and tradition with the resulting evil of spousal abuse, FGM, absent fathers, overworked mothers, emotionally deprived children, etc., just to name a few!

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 12:51 AM
..let her start believing God's word that she's complete in Christ and stop expecting some form of "mythical completion" from an African marriage institution which is already perverted!

Thank God for (imported) Christianity, we now fit begin persecute our own culture and tradition with 'perverted' abandon. 'E nor matter say Christian marriages dey fail everywhere today like say na latest fad for town; 'e nor matter say christians dey divorce front, rear and center as if say na pesin wen nor divorce na eim be 'abnormor'. As long as 'we' get to disrespect our culture, come take 'Blood of Jesus' sanctify am, no shakings! Somebody gimme a Shallom! Another one? Say it louda, ahbeg! Thank You.:lol:

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 01:54 AM
She is not assertive! Are they Christians? Let her talk to her pastor to mediate if they are. If they are not Christians, let her go to his superiors...but most importantly, she MUST learn to be assertive...he is a leech and if she doesn't become assertive in putting her foot down and setting proper boundaries, he will most likely drain her to death!

Heavens forbid her having any such problems ever, but..

I wouldn't want anybody who opines like this to advice my little sister who got married recently.

Hell No Bloody Way. God Forbid!
--

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 02:11 AM
This woman clearly must have some serious issues of low self esteem, to remain subjected to such disrespectful treatments / attitude from the husband.

That's a very rash assumption to make, my dear, as you folks like to say.

Many a woman who act that way may not necessarily suffer low esteem. Indeed, such women often are the wisest, employing a rare form of diplomacy such that even their closest associates won't have a clue about what is going on, so much so they'd admire her marriage and wish for a marriage like hers.

Alas, Oluwa ni n l'esisin fun Malu ti ko n'iru - meaning, for the tailless cow, God is the defense against flies. Many a marriage are strong only because of the deepest of women; I speak of women who aren't rash to action - women who hesitate to look at the 'big-picture' and think well before they 'unleash their dragon'.

It's not always about being a 'no-nonsense' woman that makes one a strong woman; it is, rather, a calm, dignified resolute that is not quick to revenge or retort - even in the face of undeserved abuse of privilege. And the same goes for the man who maintains a steady head in the face of similar provocations.

Aimoye iwosi laarin Oko ati Iyawo. Privileges will always be abused between married folks; some abuses will be absolutely 'unpardonable', while others will be the usual everyday stuff. The rule is to work to sustain one's marriage (with dignity intact) rather than abandon it, for it rarely looks good on you when it fails.
--

M. Akosa
Jul 4, 2010, 04:15 AM
That's a very rash assumption to make, my dear, as you folks like to say.

Many a woman who act that way may not necessarily suffer low esteem. Indeed, such women often are the wisest, employing a rare form of diplomacy such that even their closest associates won't have a clue about what is going on, so much so they'd admire her marriage and wish for a marriage like hers.

Alas, Oluwa ni n l'esisin fun Malu ti ko n'iru - meaning, for the tailless cow, God is the defense against flies. Many a marriage are strong only because of the deepest of women; I speak of women who aren't rash to action - women who hesitate to look at the 'big-picture' and think well before they 'unleash their dragon'.

It's not always about being a 'no-nonsense' woman that makes one a strong woman; it is, rather, a calm, dignified resolute that is not quick to revenge or retort - even in the face of undeserved abuse of privilege. And the same goes for the man who maintains a steady head in the face of similar provocations.

Aimoye iwosi laarin Oko ati Iyawo. Privileges will always be abused between married folks; some abuses will be absolutely 'unpardonable', while others will be the usual everyday stuff. The rule is to work to sustain one's marriage (with dignity intact) rather than abandon it, for it rarely looks good on you when it fails.
--

Cut the crap !!!

No one has gone to, or seen heaven. Therefore life has no duplicates. It is really pathetic and very unfortunate to read you preaching about making this poor, long suffering "wife" an indefinite beast of burden.
As fellow bloggers have said onthis thread, "there are husbands, and then there are husbands too"
I doubt if you truly comprehend about the later category of husbands in that quote. The types who cares less about a wife's paycheck or incomes. The types who can pay off any household bills even in 5 years advance. The types who make a effort on monogamy, having a dignity with responsibilty to protect, let alone berate themselves by using their wife's resources to go and run after other women.

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 04:41 AM
Cut the crap !!!

After you, Girl.

The previous bloggers whom you referenced hardly compare to you in their expressed views. Unlike yours, their views were far more realistic and balanced. Yours reflects your trademark rash approach when it comes to things pertaining to marriage and marriage issues, all thanks to the unfortunately nasty experience you had while married to a man whom you had us believe treated you like a prisoner - a one-side story.

What more, nobody - not Agensheku, at least - said anything about a threat to the woman's life. So your attempt at upping the ante to give the impression of imminent danger (to her life) is dead on arrival. Because your husband beat you all the time and locked you in the house while he goes to wherever does not mean you have to see every marital issue from a violent "Man Ogre" prism. Come on, shake it off already!
--

M. Akosa
Jul 4, 2010, 04:52 AM
After you, Girl.

The previous bloggers whom you referenced hardly compare to you in their expressed views. Unlike yours, their views were far more realistic and balanced. Yours reflects your trademark rash approach when it comes to things pertaining to marriage and marriage issues, all thanks to the unfortunately nasty experience you had while married to a man whom you had us believe treated you like a prisoner - a one-side story.

What more, nobody - not Agensheku, at least - said anything about a threat to the woman's life. So your attempt at upping the ante to give the impression of imminent danger (to her life) is dead on arrival. Because your husband beat you all the time and locked you in the house while he goes to wherever does not mean you have to see every marital issue from a violent "Man Ogre" prism. Come on, shake it off already!
--

I don't know know your age, but I believe you are still too young for any cataract surgeries. For you to be having problems with reading.
Where in my reply to you did you find any connotations of threat to this woman's life???

What has my own family or personal private life got to do with an entirely different scenario like this one???
Or are you a closet obsessive character or border line psycho, Mr Auspicious ?

I wonder what a woman who is selflessly toiling away her life for a stated leech of husband is ? other than a beast of burden.
Worst, the man is also exploiting his wife's resources for immoral activities, lazy habits and unholy past times.

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 05:25 AM
Where in my reply to you did you find any connotations of threat to this woman's life???

Your reference to how nobody's been to heaven and how "life has no duplicates" are subtle ways of inserting the notion of a threat to the woman's life by, oh my God, a man! [This is where you obey the cue to shriek: aaaaarh!] It has NOT been stated that her life is threatened, so there is no need to impute same.


What has my own family or personal private life got to do with an entirely different scenario like this one??? Or are you a closet obsessive character or border line psycho, Mr Auspicious ?

No I am no psycho - I don't know if YOU need some counseling though, given your occasional unnerving dramatics around here. You made your personal life public, not me. And it is expected that people will draw inferences from this to explain some of your expressed views around here, including the recent ones.


I wonder what a woman who is selflessly toiling away her life for a stated leech of husband is ? other than a beast of burden.

You won't understand it. You can't understand it. Not unless you have met mothers who, though married to men who are ordinarily expected to provide for the home, had to toil desperately to provide for their kids' needs while staying married to these same men to give the kids a home as opposed to house.

Pray for understanding, Girl. Pray for resilience. Pray for the kind of stoic dignity that ultimately guarantees long-lasting peace of mind and joy that aren't comparable to the immediate but temporary satisfaction that comes with the very many rash decisions that we are all prone in our lifetimes.


Worst, the man is also exploiting his wife's resources for immoral activities, lazy habits and unholy past times.

Not good at all. Disgusting, as a matter of fact.

M. Akosa
Jul 4, 2010, 05:53 AM
Your reference to how nobody's been to heaven and how "life has no duplicates" are subtle ways of inserting the notion of a threat to the woman's life by, oh my God, a man! [This is where you obey the cue to shriek: aaaaarh!] It has NOT been stated that her life is threatened, so there is no need to impute same.



No I am no psycho - I don't know if YOU need some counseling though, given your occasional unnerving dramatics around here. You made your personal life public, not me. And it is expected that people will draw inferences from this to explain some of your expressed views around here, including the recent ones.



You won't understand it. You can't understand it. Not unless you have met mothers who, though married to men who are ordinarily expected to provide for the home, had to toil desperately to provide for their kids' needs while staying married to these same men to give the kids a home as opposed to house.

Pray for understanding, Girl. Pray for resilience. Pray for the kind of stoic dignity that ultimately guarantees long-lasting peace of mind and joy that aren't comparable to the immediate but temporary satisfaction that comes with the very many rash decisions that we are all prone in our lifetimes.



Not good at all. Disgusting, as a matter of fact.

You should know better that what I mean by "life has no duplicates" is in qualitative terms, rather than a threat to her life as you have twisted it to. Please free to interprete what ever you read to please your own mind. But do not formulate a clear black and white lies.

Again, I don't know what you mean by this blah..blah...blah..imagine other women's life, and whatever not. And please save that your pity party something.
Again, I don't wish to live other people's (long suffering women or those married to gigolos and pimps) lives, and I also do not wish any one else to have a minute of my own life, whether good or bad. As we say in Igbo "ihem na amaghi amaghi..m" meaning "what I do not know, does not know me"
Shikena...

Auspicious
Jul 4, 2010, 06:25 AM
You should know better that what I mean by "life has no duplicates"..

I may suffer some deficiency of proficiency in the English Language, but I don't think it is as bad as not to recognize the obvious meaning behind your statement. However, if you are now saying that that isn't what you meant, I can only take you at your word. This is not to say that any of us here owe anyone any apologies for our views though. You made your point, I made my point. To each, his own.
--

Biina
Jul 4, 2010, 07:49 AM
For the records, I am a worshipper of Adonai; the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and the God of Jesus Christ. I boldly declare that the Nigerian marriage institution is perverted. The perversion is the legalization of polygyny and polyandry under the machinery of culture and tradition with the resulting evil of spousal abuse, FGM, absent fathers, overworked mothers, emotionally deprived children, etc., just to name a few!You have simply boldly declared nonsense!

The Nigerian marriage institution is perverted by legalizing polygyny and polyandry, yet I dont recollect Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David etc being monogamists.

"Spousal abuse, absent fathers, overworked mothers, emotionally deprived children, etc., just to name a few!" are common in the US society, yet I doubt their society is dominated by Nigerian couples.

People like you irritate me; you hide behind religion (and Christianity in particular) to take veiled shots at the African and Nigerian society, culture and/or tradition. You are a prime example of the house slave, whose only desire is for imported goods and ever fails to appreciate that which is ingenious.

While you are entitled to your own views on any issue, I would rather your qualify them as such, and not try to sell it as if it was some tenet from a holy book.

UncleTisha
Jul 4, 2010, 03:01 PM
@Biina, thank you. Nothing more to add.

@Oluwato, i can boldy tell you that i am neither Pharisee nor Sadduccee. And You can continue to profess your faith from the rooftops. as for me, i am the chief of sinners.

agensheku
Jul 4, 2010, 03:11 PM
Thanks to you all for your pieces of advice.to cut a long story short,the nurse s dad came visiting.the husband was out of town so she poured out her heart to her dad.in conclusion,honda will be retained and used equally by Mr and Mrs X while the Nissan is to be withdrawn and sold.her dad also told her to look at better investments than buying cars.when the husband arrives,the dad is to pay a return visit to put his feet down on the matter.if the husband does not like it,then there may be in-laws enlarged meeting.again,my duty to her is concluded and i appreciate you all for your inputs.i was able to know the resolutions because the dad is my age contemporary and we had our own tete-a-tete.have a nice week ahead,everyone.

Oluwato
Jul 5, 2010, 05:39 PM
You have simply boldly declared nonsense!

Nonsense in your opinion is God's truth and what I have written stands. Deal with it!



The Nigerian marriage institution is perverted by legalizing polygyny and polyandry, yet I dont recollect Abraham, Jacob, Moses, David etc being monogamists.

So? When is your recollection a litmus test of God's truth! Deal with your presumption. When God created marriage, He made one man and one woman not two men and a woman nor one man and two women. If your preference if polygyny or polyandry, at least be honest enough to declare it as such and do not "become a wannabe prophet of God".


"Spousal abuse, absent fathers, overworked mothers, emotionally deprived children, etc., just to name a few!" are common in the US society, yet I doubt their society is dominated by Nigerian couples.

And those with such in the US are also cared for by the US society, and cared for adequately! I notice you carefully removed FGM from the list. Nigeria promotes dysfunction at an alarming rate with little or no therapy for victims.



People like you irritate me;

Too bad, deal with it. I will not be perverting God's word because of your self-inflicted irritation.



you hide behind religion (and Christianity in particular) to take veiled shots at the African and Nigerian society, culture and/or tradition.


Your premise is wrong! I hide ONLY under the BLOOD of Jesus Christ. I don't need to take shots or veil them. I am direct and consistent in my declaration. Perhaps your newness to the board explains your ignorance and/irritation. Do a search on polygamy on the board and you'll have a good read. God's word is clear on polygamy, only the ignorant and rebellious appear confused. If you consider yourself a bible scholar, present here facts from the Bible stating God's approval of polygamy. If you can't do that, then manage your emotions and leave Christians alone. Also declare your faith - I boldly declared mine.



You are a prime example of the house slave, whose only desire is for imported goods and ever fails to appreciate that which is ingenious.

Wrong again! Let me give you a rule to walk by when addressing my post, keep it civil! I will not tolerate bad labellings, insults and abuses. If I wrote that to you, irritation is not the only thing you'll be dealing with. Polygamy is NOT ingenuity, MONOGAMY is! Also, for the records, I am ONLY a SLAVE of Jesus Christ, meditate on that:).



While you are entitled to your own views on any issue, I would rather your qualify them as such, and not try to sell it as if it was some tenet from a holy book.

Unfortunately, your preference is that, yours alone. My master, Jesus Christ, empowers me to declare His law, whether you prefer it or not.

Oluwato
Jul 5, 2010, 06:02 PM
@Oluwato, i can boldy tell you that i am neither Pharisee nor Sadduccee. And You can continue to profess your faith from the rooftops. as for me, i am the chief of sinners.

So let the chief of sinners manage his sin/sins and leave God's righteousness in Yeshua alone. This "unnecessary discourse" began because the chief of sinners, in his presumption and unfounded accusations, made a wrong statement. Don't disturb me again!

Biina
Jul 5, 2010, 08:28 PM
Nonsense in your opinion is God's truth and what I have written stands. Deal with it!

So? When is your recollection a litmus test of God's truth! Deal with your presumption. When God created marriage, He made one man and one woman not two men and a woman nor one man and two women. If your preference if polygyny or polyandry, at least be honest enough to declare it as such and do not "become a wannabe prophet of God".
I have no preference for polygamy or polyandry, nor do I see it as a peculiar construct of Nigerian marriages. If God's truth is one man one woman as you declare it, then the likes of Abraham, Jacob, David etc must have been grave sinners after all they had multiple wives and some even had concubines.


And those with such in the US are also cared for by the US society, and cared for adequately! I notice you carefully removed FGM from the list. Nigeria promotes dysfunction at an alarming rate with little or no therapy for victims. I dont know what you abbreviated as FGM and thus excluded it. Dont know what you mean or the relevance of 'cared for by the US society' when the point was that such is not peculiar to (and likely less prevalent in) the Nigerian society


Too bad, deal with it. I will not be perverting God's word because of your self-inflicted irritation.but you are. Just like the pharisee, you are extending your personal preferences into God's word. If you feel polygamy is against God's truth, then please support it with a simple declarative verse from the bible (and not some inferences). That A is better than B, does not mean that B is bad.

BTW I am expecting something more concrete and not inferences from tenses like in Mark 10 or elsewhere. For example "thou shall not have more than one wife" or something along such lines.


Your premise is wrong! I hide ONLY under the BLOOD of Jesus Christ. I don't need to take shots or veil them. I am direct and consistent in my declaration. Perhaps your newness to the board explains your ignorance and/irritation. Do a search on polygamy on the board and you'll have a good read. God's word is clear on polygamy, only the ignorant and rebellious appear confused. If you consider yourself a bible scholar, present here facts from the Bible stating God's approval of polygamy. If you can't do that, then manage your emotions and leave Christians alone. Also declare your faith - I boldly declared mine. Like I said before, provide a verse where God condemned having more than one wife, and not one where one wife is recommended. I have given examples of several people that walked with God that had more than one wife, and that is enough evidence that polygamy is not condemned in the sense you claim. Polygamy (like drinking/getting drunk) is not in your best interest, nor is it the ticket to hell as you proclaim it.



Wrong again! Let me give you a rule to walk by when addressing my post, keep it civil! I will not tolerate bad labellings, insults and abuses. If I wrote that to you, irritation is not the only thing you'll be dealing with. Polygamy is NOT ingenuity, MONOGAMY is! Also, for the records, I am ONLY a SLAVE of Jesus Christ, meditate on that:). you label others (or what do you think you are doing when you sweepingly condemn an entire society) and yet do not want to be labeled - pure hypocrisy. You gave your opinion of a society/group to which I belong and I simply returned the favor.


Unfortunately, your preference is that, yours alone. My master, Jesus Christ, empowers me to declare His law, whether you prefer it or not.declare his law? interesting. so condemning the Nigerian marriage institution is equivalent to declaring God's laws? How many souls have you won by such a declaration?
I advise you get your objectives and priorities straight.

If you really want to make a go of it, feel free to open a new thread and I will oblige you my attendance, as I dont want to derail this one too far off topic.

emj
Jul 5, 2010, 11:17 PM
Thanks to you all for your pieces of advice.to cut a long story short,the nurse s dad came visiting.the husband was out of town so she poured out her heart to her dad.in conclusion,honda will be retained and used equally by Mr and Mrs X while the Nissan is to be withdrawn and sold.her dad also told her to look at better investments than buying cars.when the husband arrives,the dad is to pay a return visit to put his feet down on the matter.if the husband does not like it,then there may be in-laws enlarged meeting.again,my duty to her is concluded and i appreciate you all for your inputs.i was able to know the resolutions because the dad is my age contemporary and we had our own tete-a-tete.have a nice week ahead,everyone.

Congrats and good advice...but, eherm, is her dad a retired Army General?(cos the put his foot down thingy...hmmm...una wan muscle dis dude be dat o or water board him gan self)

UncleTisha
Jul 5, 2010, 11:34 PM
@Oluwato, you really could do with a lesson on what it means to be a proper Yoruba man/woman - an Omoluwabi. but what do i know? you are no longer Yoruba. So let me use your language to remind you that your likes don't have exclusive claim to Jesus. -

Faithful is the Word and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.

And please don't forget to read and meditate on Proverbs 13:10. Knowledge/wisdom go hand in hand with humility.


Shalom.

Vade Mecum
Jul 6, 2010, 07:06 PM
Just Fun : Please Enjoy

From the Humour Book:

LIFE SENTENCE

The Guy's Survival Guide To Getting Engaged & Married.

By J. D Smith

"A husband is man who has lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness."

"A husband is a man who has made one mistake but keeps learning from it all his life."

"Marriage is a feminist plot to add to a man's responsibilities and subtract from his rights."

"A woman worries about her future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife." - Anon

If women didn't exist , all the money in the world would have no meaning." - Aristotle Onassis

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy; and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher." - Socrates

"Marriage is the price men pay for sex. Sex is the price women pay for marriage." - Anon

'Marriage is the way a man finds out what kind of husband his wife would have preferred." - Anon

"A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The best part of marriage is the fights. The rest is merely so-so - Thornton Wilder

"If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers." - Anon.

"A man should never let his wife visit his mother unattended." - Honore De Balzac

"When a man marries, dies, or turns Hindu, his best friends hear no more of him." - Percy Byshe shelley

"If you ladies knew what we were really thinking you'd never stop slapping us." - Richard Jenning.

"Bigamy is having one woman too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar wilde

A man finds himself seven years older the day after his marriage." - Francis Bacon

"When I said 'till death do us part', I never dreamt I'd live so long." - Postcard

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny youngman

"Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married , too." - H. L. Mencken

"Every woman should marry-and no man." Benjamin Disreali

"A diamond is the hardest substance known to man, especially if he is trying to get it back."

"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock"

"I was married by a Judge, I should have asked for a jury." - George Burns

"Marriage is a partnership, where no matter how good a husband is, his wife is still the better half."

"A married man is a bachelor, whose luck has run out."

"Men differ from women, you never see young men sitting around talking about their dream weddings." - Charles Cosart

Never impress a woman, because if you do, she'll expect you to keep up to the standard for the rest of your life." - W. C. Fields

Question: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist ?

Answer: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Rose
Jul 6, 2010, 09:27 PM
First the wifey bought a Nissan and hubby commandeered it, cruise it around while wifey picked up the repair bills. Now wifey bought a Honda probably out of frustration and necessity from hubby's monopoly of the only car for the family and he now wants the Honda.

Ordinarily I would say if he wants to cruise in a Honda, let him get himself one. If he likes let him sulk from now till thy kingdom come, the wife should stand her ground and keep the Honda. Beggers can't be chosers lol.

But again this is marriage we're talking about here. A union in which two people are suppose to come together to become one in my view. Yours becomes mine and vice versa or ours. The woman seem to me to see her marriage in that light, whereas the hubby does not and seem to be taking advantage of the woman's commitment to their marriage.

If the above is not the case, I would suggest that the woman gets guarantee that the man will pick up the loan repayment and repair bills for the Honda, then she could give him the Honda. As for the Nissan, she can sell or use it as part exchange for another Honda for herself. Both of them owning same type of Honda each should resolve the "better car" palava which seem to the the issue here.

If it is the case that she is financially better off than hubby and he can't take ownership of the loan repayment, let her continue with the loan repayment arrangement if she can afford to, but at the least get the hubby to foot the repair bills for his own Honda.

Btw is there any reason why the man cannot buy his own car agens? What is his olopa rank? Does he not make enough from the toll they collect from motorist to share to be able to get himself a car?.

I am also wondering why the wife would confide her marital woes to you and seek your advice. You didn't say you're family friends with them and being neighbours does not necessarily translate into family friendship or is that the case here? Since she has come to you with this problem and you've already promised to advice her, you might as well keep your promise. I would be very careful if I were you, that the hubby does not accuse you of undermining his home/marriage or having affairs with his wife.

Agens I am curious to know what is your own take on this as a man? Forget the input of others here, on your own and going by your years of experience, what would you have adviced her.
My friend's husband used to remove parts from her car if he couldn't commandeer it.

agensheku
Jul 7, 2010, 09:07 AM
My friend's husband used to remove parts from her car if he couldn't commandeer it.Rose,you have not seen anything!i know couples where husband will "borrow"the wife s car to go to the club in the evenings and come home with Reserve fuel in the tank!i also know of wives who although they own cars will prefer to always borrow the hubby s car so that he will have no option but to fill their own fuel tanks,particularly if Oga earns better than madam.

valteena
Jul 7, 2010, 02:21 PM
My friend's husband used to remove parts from her car if he couldn't commandeer it.

Rosy that is the height of vindictiveness if you ask me. Let the man come jam a friend of mine who use to have similar problem with her man, he wil sit up kia kia. She will sweetly hand him the keys but not before she has soaked every single clothes he has in water and make it look like an accident. Her reasoning is that if he has nothing to wear out, how he will go out with the car. And it worked for her.


Rose,you have not seen anything!i know couples where husband will "borrow"the wife s car to go to the club in the evenings and come home with Reserve fuel in the tank!i also know of wives who although they own cars will prefer to always borrow the hubby s car so that he will have no option but to fill their own fuel tanks,particularly if Oga earns better than madam.

Agens this your own scenario different from Rosy's o. This one na wetin I go describe in Yoruba as "won yo si ra won lorun ni". It's a harmless loving chancing between couples to me. Me sef I fit do am lol

Mikky jaga
Jul 7, 2010, 03:57 PM
I will NEVER get my pastor involved in my marital affairs. I'd sooner pay a shrink/counselor first! Nor be me dem go come take preach!

I bet if your pastor was a nice, caring, bible loving pastor like Vade Mecum, I bet you will change your stance above.

He must surely find a way of quoting so much scriptures that you will not know when you will feel that without him your problems remains unsolved. Thank God for such pastors.

MsWoman
Jul 7, 2010, 05:48 PM
I bet if your pastor was a nice, caring, bible loving pastor like Vade Mecum, I bet you will change your stance above.

He must surely find a way of quoting so much scriptures that you will not know when you will feel that without him your problems remains unsolved. Thank God for such pastors.

MJ:

Despite the fact that me sef thank God for Bros VM oh, trust me, I am an ardent believer of: If wall nor open, lizard nor fit enta! I don't want anybaga and I mean anybaga to add their own 0.02 cents to my marriage. See that VM's caricature of marriage above, who said the woman does not feel the same way at times? See women like Baba Agens' neighbor need to come to me for advice. I will teach her one or few things! When nor be say me sef nor dey read Bible? There is nothing pastor wan teach me wey me sef never or cannot learn. If pastor sef nor kiaful, na me go dey correct am! Let me and the husband slowly dey discover awaselves now then we can be taking it from there.

We will be like the two squirrels in the cartoon movie - "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur" Those squirrels made that movie really worth watching for me for real!

Vade Mecum
Jul 8, 2010, 01:19 AM
How You Can Make Your Marriage A Success
Thursday, 08 July 2010

http://www.tribune.com.ng/index.php/heartcopy/7911-how-you-can-make-your-marriage-a-success

IT takes two to tango, so it is with issues of the heart and marriage. Many people erroneously believe that it is the duty of the woman to make her marriage work and for her to keep her home. This is not so. Both men and women have the responsibilities of building their homes together.

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, there are some little things some men do which affect their marriage. Though some of these things seem so small and sometimes inconsequential, they are important. If you are one of those men who would do anything to have a happy home, you can look at these few points and guide against them.

•Do not leave her alone in the marriage: One of the easiest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. The majority of men spend long hours at work, followed by a time out with your friends for a bottle of beer afterwards.

When they get home, they don't bother to find out about their wives' well being and that of their children, Women do not enjoy being abandoned emotionally and otherwise. Make it a point of duty, to be a part of your wife's life, show her you care.

•Get close to her: You wife feels alive when she feels close to you. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to your marriage. While you strive to keep your independence, she longs to connect with you. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive when you want sex.

Affection and closeness ought to be an end in themselves, not a means to a different end.

Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. Simple ways to fulfill your wife in this area are to hug her often, hold her hand, spend some time alone with her. When her need for closeness is met, she will be more inclined to respect your need for independence.

•Closing yourself off to her:
Women exist as an integrated circuit. Mind, body and soul are closely linked so that hurt feelings affect the entire system. A wife whose spirit is crushed may suffer from fatigue and confusion. Like a strand of Christmas lights, when one light goes out, they all go dark. Men are able to fully function when one area of their lives is not working properly.

Your wife does not understand the closed off, mysterious way you operate. Things don't seem to bother you, you never want to talk to her. She knows you are stressed about work, but you don't show it. She wonders how you can even function. Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-mans land. She simply wants you to be open; she feels loved when you share your fears, worries and troubles, she won't try to fix you, she will listen.

• Always trying to fix her: Even when she doesn't always say it, your wife sees you as her strength; the bearer of her burdens. When she comes to you to off load the weight of her world, it is a compliment; she knows you can handle it. Rather than try to resolve and repair every issue, try to just listen to her. You might even ask if she needs a solution or just an ear.

It will be a relief for both of you when you realise that sometimes you don't have to fix all the problems. And when you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don't!).

• Never say, "I'm sorry.": All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologise is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward, through the conflict and is now seeking peace. Many husbands see apologising as a sure sign of weakness.

They think, "If I apologise, she won't respect me." On the contrary, if you humbly apologise and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, a healing balm over her heart.

•Taking her insecurity too lightly: Your wife knows she is highly committed to you. When she sees you looking at other women, in town, on television, on the computer, she fears that you may be unfaithful. She is insecure and needs your reassurance, not belittling, joking, or teasing. Your wife is motivated by your love and loyalty. She has committed her life to you, and wants to feel secure that you are equally committed to her. A big symbol of your loyalty to your wife is a wedding ring. For a woman, this is a sign of your fidelity.

A married man without a ring seems to be trying to hide something. It requires not a lot from you, to reassure your wife in this way, and her peace of mind ought to be worth the cost of an inexpensive outward expression of your fidelity. When your wife feels insecure, she may ask if you still think she is pretty. She may ask if you love her. She may ask if you think someone else is more attractive.

This is not a trap. She feels she is moving toward you by asking a question and starting a conversation. Talking is how women feel close. She is seeking your assurance of love and loyalty. Rather than make light of the moment, look at her. No, really look at her. Tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind.

•Ignoring the importance of simple gestures: Your wife does not require fancy jewellery or expensive meals. Those things are nice, and you like to treat your wife, but they are not always necessary. She feels loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation.

When you neglect the small things, it may feel to her like you are trying to buy her affection, or ease your own guilt, with the big things. Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day.

The most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it.

(Courtesy askmen.com)

DeepThought
Jul 8, 2010, 02:38 AM
And this thing is still paining me. You people still dey ?

The tin dat is paining me most be this:
I rarely go for gossip but sometimes out of boredom I sometimes do. So on the front page, after jejelly minding my own buisness and logging in, I saw the sensational "My neighbour's husband wants..."

My eyes almost popped out of my head! Na im I come run like jaki to see beta gossip, only to find the ending to the sentence is "her new car"

Shioooo!
Nonsense and ingredent.
Shame on you O thread starter.

Vade Mecum
Jul 8, 2010, 06:33 PM
MsWoman;

MJ:

Despite the fact that me sef thank God for Bros VM oh,

Thank you Mswoman, for your kind words.


trust me, I am an ardent believer of: If wall nor open, lizard nor fit enta! I don't want anybaga and I mean anybaga to add their own 0.02 cents to my marriage. See that VM's caricature of marriage above, who said the woman does not feel the same way at times ?

My post is merely a compilation of jokes. I even provided my source. Nobody, I mean, I am not sure any man sees marriage, husbands and or wives, in the way and manner depicted in those jokes. Then again, they are mere jokes

C'mmon now, if you have jokes that are related to or would be relevant to the topic of this thread, please for Christ's sake, share 'em jokes. Jokes are mere baloney for us to enjoy and not attach any seriousness of thought to.


See women like Baba Agens' neighbor need to come to me for advice. I will teach her one or few things! When nor be say me sef nor dey read Bible? There is nothing pastor wan teach me wey me sef never or cannot learn. If pastor sef nor kiaful, na me go dey correct am!

Be careful, there are things we say or do regarding men of God, that could ricochet back on us with very serious consequences. I know for a fact, that you are a daughter of God. However, you must watch it that you do not make careless, but very costly comments, especially, outside cyber space and specifically, in your local home church.

Numbers 12 (New International Version)

Miriam and Aaron Oppose Moses

1 Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cu****e wife, for he had married a Cu****e.

2 "Has the LORD spoken only through Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?"

And the LORD heard this.

3 (Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)

4 At once the LORD said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, "Come out to the Tent of Meeting, all three of you." So the three of them came out.

5 Then the LORD came down in a pillar of cloud; he stood at the entrance to the Tent and summoned Aaron and Miriam. When both of them stepped forward,

6 he said, "Listen to my words:
"When a prophet of the LORD is among you,
I reveal myself to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.

7 But this is not true of my servant Moses;
he is faithful in all my house.

8 With him I speak face to face,
clearly and not in riddles;
he sees the form of the LORD.
Why then were you not afraid
to speak against my servant Moses?"

9 The anger of the LORD burned against them, and he left them.

10 When the cloud lifted from above the Tent, there stood Miriam - leprous, [a] like snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had leprosy;

11 and he said to Moses, "Please, my lord, do not hold against us the sin we have so foolishly committed.

12 Do not let her be like a stillborn infant coming from its mother's womb with its flesh half eaten away."

13 So Moses cried out to the LORD, "O God, please heal her!"

14 The LORD replied to Moses, "If her father had spit in her face, would she not have been in disgrace for seven days? Confine her outside the camp for seven days; after that she can be brought back."

15 So Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on till she was brought back.

16 After that, the people left Hazeroth and encamped in the Desert of Paran.


Let me and the husband slowly dey discover awaselves now then we can be taking it from there

The above is your prerogative, however, that should not warrant any unsavoury comments.

You must realize that I love you with God's love, as you have never hidden your christian faith; true reason, that I've gone this far, to help put you on the right path.

Cheers and God bless.

emj
Jul 8, 2010, 07:27 PM
Ahem.....hmmmm

HolyPagan
Jul 8, 2010, 07:35 PM
The wife of moses was a cushaite...Numbers 12:1
funny how the 'rude word' police apps on NVS is unable to distinguish between the ****e in crap, and ****e after cu

MsWoman
Jul 8, 2010, 08:38 PM
See me see trouble Oga VM oh! :cool:

Which unsavory comments did I make? :wink: I made a blanket statement about not revealing my marital affairs to any pastor you come talk say I make unsavory comment? (MsWoman looking left and right and behind)……where is the comment? Just because I said I refuse to do something, it is unsavory? Or is it the part about saying me too can learn what the pastor has learned? But Bros/Oga VM, what is unsavory about that? The last time I checked, na to strive to perfection keh? Everyday of my life, I strive to know more and more about my God. When I don't know I ask and I get my answers from a willing pastor. Just because I don't go crying to pastor about any marital problems does not mean I can't ask a pastor about things that I am not clear about.

Oga VM I referred to the funny post as caricature simply because I found it extremely funny as in LOL funny and none other and believe it or not, I can identify with some of those things as a woman married to a fellow man.

You highlighted some parts about God speaking to his prophet via dreams and visions? Please Pastor VM, how do you know God does not speak to me, emi gan-gan, MsWoman via visions and dreams? :lol: :pray: I have done nothing wrong oh, and I know God will not strike me with leprosy because I said me sef fit teach pastor a few things. I pride myself in being someone who abides in the word and who does most things accordingly. I am certainly not perfect, but know enough to be able to say I have come across some teachings by some pastors and I was like h-to-the-no! This information will not be making it to my home. With my small fry self, even I knew that the teaching was off! I pull information as long as it is good information from everywhere I can find it. For example, the info you shared with us yesterday about successful marriages was further shared with other married friends. Tips and pointers to success in marriage is great, and I encourage it, but I refuse to indulge my pastor in any marital problems. Period! Not because I know more, but because I don't think it is something I want to ever do. I know my husband will not even welcome it naa so already put a line across it! (I.e. fa gi le)!

Mikky jaga
Jul 9, 2010, 08:51 AM
See me see trouble Oga VM oh! :cool:

because I said me sef fit teach pastor a few things.

There is no doubt many women can teach pastors a "few things". The prayer is that our pastors should refuse to learn the "few things". I know my dear sister does not mean any harm but when members begin teach pastors some "few things" e get as e be.

agensheku
Jul 9, 2010, 09:34 AM
Rosy that is the height of vindictiveness if you ask me. Let the man come jam a friend of mine who use to have similar problem with her man, he wil sit up kia kia. She will sweetly hand him the keys but not before she has soaked every single clothes he has in water and make it look like an accident. Her reasoning is that if he has nothing to wear out, how he will go out with the car. And it worked for her.



Agens this your own scenario different from Rosy's o. This one na wetin I go describe in Yoruba as "won yo si ra won lorun ni". It's a harmless loving chancing between couples to me. Me sef I fit do am lolAyokayo niyen joo!i call it indirect cheating.if i use worigida s car,she is happy because she knows i will come back with her fuel tank filled,at least to half.she feels mine is too dangerous to drive,as she dey fear armed robbers...so she hardly touches the "White horse!"

MsWoman
Jul 9, 2010, 05:18 PM
Ayokayo niyen joo!

Ayokayo.....oruko ti won ma fi nsa mi......that was the name given to me by one of the elf drivers back in the day....! When asked why he called me "Ayokayo", he said because I just used to commandeer elf drivers for my personal and personal business trips as if o ti oh, na me dey pay dem salary. :razz: Meanwhile, every time he saw me and his "oyibo oga" was not going to need him for a while (away on travel), he would always ask if I wanted him to carry me out. :icon_ques elf drivers knew if they carried MsWoman out, na to enjoy be dat. We go go chop behind Eko hotel and I go tip dem well well at the end of the day! Aaah! Good ol' days! :smile:

Oluwato
Jul 10, 2010, 01:05 AM
I have no preference for polygamy or polyandry, nor do I see it as a peculiar construct of Nigerian marriages. If God's truth is one man one woman as you declare it, then the likes of Abraham, Jacob, David etc must have been grave sinners after all they had multiple wives and some even had concubines.

There you have it, they were grave sinners!



I dont know what you abbreviated as FGM and thus excluded it.

Be therefore enlightened, FGM means female genital mutilation.



Dont know what you mean or the relevance of 'cared for by the US society' when the point was that such is not peculiar to (and likely less prevalent in) the Nigerian society

That point is irrelevant. My point was the direct consequence(s) of polygamy which you did not address but tried to circumvent.



but you are. Just like the pharisee, you are extending your personal preferences into God's word.

No I am not. Rather, you are the Pharisee and perhaps a Sadducee too, ...declare your faith, let's know where you stand. This "discourse" began because you disagreed with monogamy being God's choice of marriage style and your "evidence" is the mercy of God towards grave sinners? Do you understand God's way at all?

When Jesus quoted from Genesis, He emphasized the holiness of marriage and the purpose why it was created. Read this article and get some insight; http://www.enduringword.com/commentaries/4019.htm I reiterate that MONOGAMY is God's PERFECT WILL and every other form of "marriage" is PERVERSION, once again, deal with it.



If you feel polygamy is against God's truth, then please support it with a simple declarative verse from the bible (and not some inferences). That A is better than B, does not mean that B is bad.

A and B and the comparisons depends on what A and B is. Read the article above and let that suffice. If it doesn't then it doesn't. I truly care less what you believe or how you live your life, but as a minister of Adonai, I will NOT let HIS WORD be proclaimed deceitfully.



BTW I am expecting something more concrete and not inferences from tenses like in Mark 10 or elsewhere. For example "thou shall not have more than one wife" or something along such lines.

Your expectations are not guaranteed, I made no such promise. To the pure all things are pure, also, let the ignorant be ignorant still. I will not be unnecessarily disturbed. If what I have written above does not assist, then too bad!



Like I said before, provide a verse where God condemned having more than one wife, and not one where one wife is recommended. I have given examples of several people that walked with God that had more than one wife, and that is enough evidence that polygamy is not condemned in the sense you claim.

First of all, what sense did I claim? Perhaps there is some miscommunication going on? Explain this "sense", what does it mean?



Polygamy (like drinking/getting drunk) is not in your best interest,

Now we're getting a little closer to reality...



nor is it the ticket to hell as you proclaim it.

Where did you read that in my post? Is this the "sense" you're referring to? You are somewhat amusing. Really, declare what faith you belong to, I'd rather know the spiritual convictions of the person I'm discussing with. Just for the records, no sin, however grave, like abortion, murder, hatred and so on sends one to hell... the only sin that sends one to hell is the sin of the rejection of Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world. Don't get it mixed up. Human sins separate from God's holiness but only rejection of the vicarious sacrifice of Yeshua prevents eternal life.

Having read what you've posted so far, let me attempt to assist you, Abraham and Jacob did not graciously become polygynists, they were pressured by others, Abraham, by his barren wife, and Jacob by his father-in-law, then, later on by his two wives. Isaac, on the other hand was not a polygynist. He did the right thing when his wife was barren, he prayed to God. He did not try to condone sin, nor promote iniquity. These patriarchs fell but they were forgiven. That does not make their sins, holiness.

A wise scholar of the word, learns from the mistake of others, he/she does not repeat them, nor proclaim the faults of others as license to sin.



you label others (or what do you think you are doing when you sweepingly condemn an entire society) and yet do not want to be labeled - pure hypocrisy. You gave your opinion of a society/group to which I belong and I simply returned the favor.

Now that I know the "definition" of labeling that you're working with, expect to be "labeled" all your life as long as polygamy is legal in Nigeria! Your society, into which I was born, in which I was raised, and which produced the ethnic group I associate with, and speak the language fluently, is PERVERTED. Nigeria's marriage institution IS PERVERTED and polygamy is PERVERSION. Deal with it.



declare his law? interesting. so condemning the Nigerian marriage institution is equivalent to declaring God's laws? How many souls have you won by such a declaration? I advise you get your objectives and priorities straight.

Yes, Monogamy is God's law. I have won a lot of souls and I have also created boundary lines. God's word states that righteousness EXALTS a nation but sin is a reproach to everyone. Let Nigeria choose righteousness. Enough of the reproach!



If you really want to make a go of it, feel free to open a new thread and I will oblige you my attendance, as I dont want to derail this one too far off topic.

I'm not making any "go" of it. We don't have to agree, it's a free world. Enjoy your perversion, I'm relishing the holiness God's law provides. Shalom.

Mikky jaga
Jul 10, 2010, 09:21 AM
Shalom means "End of Discussion".

Rose
Jul 22, 2010, 08:23 PM
Rosy that is the height of vindictiveness if you ask me. Let the man come jam a friend of mine who use to have similar problem with her man, he wil sit up kia kia. She will sweetly hand him the keys but not before she has soaked every single clothes he has in water and make it look like an accident. Her reasoning is that if he has nothing to wear out, how he will go out with the car. And it worked for her.
Val, this is the second time I've heard of this clothes soaking business and find it hilarious...but still a good tactic.

Auspicious
Jul 22, 2010, 08:47 PM
Shalom means "End of Discussion".

You think?

Reads more like something you wanna send back to the Owner, if you 'axe' me.

But then again, nobody axed me. And if they did, I will answer them. Or not.
--

Auspicious
Jul 22, 2010, 08:51 PM
My friend's husband used to remove parts from her car if he couldn't commandeer it.

And you, how come all your friends are evil like that anyways?It is either you know someone who soaks Hubby's cloths in Acid or another one that put pepper on Hubby's Kpirikey. And now, you have a friend who is 'The Evil Mecho'. Ah dey fear you o; show me ya friend and ah tell you who you be'. No wondaaaa..
--

Rose
Jul 22, 2010, 09:09 PM
And you, how come all your friends are evil like that anyways?It is either you know someone who soaks Hubby's cloths in Acid or another one that put pepper on Hubby's Kpirikey. And now, you have a friend who is 'The Evil Mecho'. Ah dey fear you o; show me ya friend and ah tell you who you be'. No wondaaaa..
--
Naw, I learned about the clothes soaking on NVS but plan on passing that tip to my friends in need tho. Some of them fell in the clutches of some evil mofos and I'm amazed at their stories. Luckily, I've never had any horrific experiences cause I drop 'em like it hot at the first sign of trouble. I say it's a good thing I'm with you to stave off feelings of desperation ya know!

Auspicious
Jul 22, 2010, 09:14 PM
...(I) plan on passing that tip to my friends in need tho. Some of them fell in the clutches of some evil mofos and I'm amazed at their stories.

How come you have so many of these victim-friends, Rosey?

Anyway, with 'Daddy Auspy', yo lyfe is a whole lot better than theirs, Praise Gawd!
--