Knock, knock...

[Juno]

Esteemed villagers, I greet you all.

Stumbled on this site, got hooked and thought to do the honourable thing and apply for a visa. I'm female, an avid reader and a crossword puzzle junkie.

I hope my request is considered as I'm already in love with some minds on this forum.

Thank you and good evening.

[peterosa]

Thank you for being in love with this great village hope your love will be shared abroad to us all in this great village of no regret and expecially to peterosa you are welcome SIGN SENIOR PREFECT.

[Rose]

Welcome, Juno!

[Juno]

Thank you for being in love with this great village hope your love will be shared abroad to us all in this great village of no regret and expecially to peterosa you are welcome SIGN SENIOR PREFECT.

Oga Peterosa, thank you. I assure you there's enough love to go round:biggrin:

[Juno]

Welcome, Juno!

Thank you, Rose. Happy to be here...

[Auspicious]

+

Howdy Juno!

Again, Welcome Aboard.

Please fasten your seat-belt and enjoy the ride.

Oh, and by the way, have you seen that movie "Juno", too?

That one was just..maaad Hilarious - and touching, as well. :)

Auspicious.

[blooming_i]

Juno, you are welcome.

[Juno]

+

Howdy Juno!

Again, Welcome Aboard.

Please fasten your seat-belt and enjoy the ride.

Oh, and by the way, have you seen that movie "Juno", too?

That one was just..maaad Hilarious - and touching, as well. :)

Auspicious.

Hiya, thnx again for the warm welcome. I fully intend to have fun:biggrin:

Enjoyed "Juno"...brilliant and witty (all things Canadian:D). But my 'Juno' is a Roman goddess. I've always loved Greek and Roman mythology.

[Juno]

Juno, you are welcome.

Thank you, blooming_i. You are very kind.

[MsMak]

Welcome Juno!

[elgaxton]

hi Juno (JJC),

welcome to NVS! :)

so how u dey?

pls can u pls tell us more about how u got to know NVS...


This one wey u don dey typre with yellow ink, hope sey u no be.....


Just wait a lil for ur Visa review questions!

elgaxton

director village homeland security

[Juno]

@ MsMak, thank you plenty plenty

@ Director, Homeland Security

I'm good, thank you. Hope you are too.

Got here through a comment I saw on Nairaland. I've been an observer for a while, enjoying forum discussions (heated and light-hearted) from the sidelines.

I eagerly await my visa questions, kind Sir.

Juno

[heart-thief]

Welcome Juno.:shake:

[valteena]

Hello Juno we've crossed path in the village already but all the same you're very welcome:shake::shake:. Look forward to seeing more of you around.

[Bill Carson]

Juno,
Do you believe In reincarnation?

[Juno]

Juno,
Do you believe In reincarnation?

Rather uncanny that you would ask if I believe in reincarnation. I’m currently reading Shogun and part of the Bhuddist belief is reincarnation and karma.

To the extent that I was a travel writer in a former life, I would be more than happy to relive experiences in my past life, such as beautiful places I’d have visited or wonderful people I’d have met on my journeys.

But I’m torn on the idea of reincarnation. There have been ‘déjà vu’ feelings when I do certain things or visit certain places. You just get a sense that you’ve been in that particular situation before. Oftentimes, I shrug off the feeling and attribute it to past dreams that I had forgotten about. Also, there are people I meet and I have a feeling that I’ve known them forever.

I’m Yoruba and I remember telling my mum when I was much younger that I would name my child Yewande. She told me it’s a special name reserved for a girl child born after a beloved and [elderly] female family member had died. It is believed that the soul of the departed returned to the family through the newborn. Such belief is further reinforced by the fact that some of these ‘returnees’ bear quite a striking resemblance to the departed. Incidentally, my mum is a classic example. She’s an ‘Iyabo’ (Mother has come back), named after a departed grandmother. That was my first lesson in reincarnation and the end of my love for the name Yewande and all its variations:D.

However, a firm belief in reincarnation raises a lot of questions that I would like answered: Who/what determines how many times an individual is reborn? Otherwise, life becomes like a vicious cycle with that constant feeling of being on a roller coaster. Who/what determines HOW an individual is re-birthed? I for one would not want to come back as an ant…or a squid…or a donkey, etc. The mere thought of the many possibilities is so very scary.

So, until my questions are answered, I take refuge in my Christian belief which says ‘It is appointed to man to die once, and after that the judgement’. And, believe me, I think once is more than enough as far as this life is concerned:lol:.

Thank you and keep well.

[Juno]

Thanks so much, Heart-thief and Valteena. Here's hoping our paths will cross again and again:D

[Bill Carson]

Rather uncanny that you would ask if I believe in reincarnation. I’m currently reading Shogun and part of the Bhuddist belief is reincarnation and karma.

To the extent that I was a travel writer in a former life, I would be more than happy to relive experiences in my past life, such as beautiful places I’d have visited or wonderful people I’d have met on my journeys.

.


A very popular Villager went missing and I was not sure If she came back reincarnated as JUNO:confused1:confused1:confused1

[Juno]

A very popular Villager went missing and I was not sure If she came back reincarnated as JUNO:confused1:confused1:confused1

Oops...guess I can't help your confused state. Sorry oh:rose:

[Myne Whitman]

Juno,

Welcome to the village square. I have seen you around the paths and liked what I read including your take on re-incarnation. Hope to read more from you...

[Miss Tee]

Agree with mulan...Welcome Juno, although you seem to have found your way around pretty well.:) Hope you'll be sticking around for a while.
See you round the Square.:shake:

[calist]

Hello Juno and welcome to the Village Square.

To facilitate the immediate procurement of your visa; here are your visa interview questions

a) what do you do for a living
b) What are your hobbies
c) Which forum(s) interest you the most on NVS
d) State 3 reasons for (c)
e) Do not cry over split milk true or false?
f) Provide 3 instances on your take in (e)
g) Complete this “ Love is …

Abeg tender all necessary papers as requested and answer all your interview questions properly, so that nothing go delay your visa application.

Lastly no forget provide with the best of your ability, all the required items for your welcoming in ceremony.

I look forward to reading your responses on the questions asked and meeting more of you on the square.

Good luck

Calist
Chief of Staff

[Juno]

Juno,

Welcome to the village square. I have seen you around the paths and liked what I read including your take on re-incarnation. Hope to read more from you...

Thank you, Mulan. You are kind. I'm enjoying your book very much, so you liking what I write is high praise indeed.

Juno

[Juno]

Agree with mulan...Welcome Juno, although you seem to have found your way around pretty well.:) Hope you'll be sticking around for a while.
See you round the Square.:shake:

Miss Tee, thnx for your warm welcome. Been lurking in the shadows for a while, so it feels good to be here finally. See ya...

[Juno]

Hello Juno and welcome to the Village Square.

To facilitate the immediate procurement of your visa; here are your visa interview questions

a) what do you do for a living
b) What are your hobbies
c) Which forum(s) interest you the most on NVS
d) State 3 reasons for (c)
e) Do not cry over split milk true or false?
f) Provide 3 instances on your take in (e)
g) Complete this “ Love is …

Abeg tender all necessary papers as requested and answer all your interview questions properly, so that nothing go delay your visa application.

Lastly no forget provide with the best of your ability, all the required items for your welcoming in ceremony.

I look forward to reading your responses on the questions asked and meeting more of you on the square.

Good luck

Calist
Chief of Staff

Oga Madam,

Thanks very much for your warm welcome.

Please find below my answers to the interview questions:

a) What do you do for a living?
I’m a human capital consultant

b) What are your hobbies
-Reading – I read anything and everything
-Crossword puzzles – Can solve them in my sleep
-Music

c) Which forum(s) interest you the most on NVS
The Lounge, Town Hall and Palava Hut

d) State 3 reasons for (c)
I see them as a place to learn from other villagers, enjoy light-hearted banter and contribute my views on whatever issues

e) Do not cry over split milk true or false?
True

f) Provide 3 instances on your take in (e)
1. If a relationship has expired, move on. There’s no point rehashing all the details of what went wrong or what could have been different.

2. Your favourite team in the British Premiership league loses to mine in a match. I know some people who would go on and on about the unfairness of the referee, the game, etc. I feel ‘get over it already!’ It’s over. It’s done. It’s finished.

3. A business decision that goes sour should be learnt from. But from experience, more time is spent on the whys and how it happened than the lessons to be learnt.

g) Complete this “ Love is …

Love is peaceful.
Love is honourable.
Love is humble.
To love is to be hopeful.

Love is respect.
Love is persistent.
Love is trust.
To love is to be like a child.

Love is pure.
Love is kind.
Love is gentle.
Like a mother’s love…unchanging.

Thank you and have a good evening.

Juno

[calist]

Waoooooh!!! and double waoooooh!!! :D

This is the kind of applicant that brings out the very best of the officials of the VTT (Village Twin Towers) :)

Prompt and direct responses to the questions asked.

Keep it up Juno and continue to keep the fire burning on this your thread, as i organise to motion you forward to the next stage of your visa interview also known as due process.

Cheers
Calist
Chief of Staff

[emj]

Hmmmm........Oh Canada, our dear own native land.....hmmm.
Juno welcome to our village of no regrets.
Good interpersonal skills i see you have there, you did not shy away from the questions.....carry on.;)

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJCamb

[elgaxton]

Oga Madam,

Thanks very much for your warm welcome.

Please find below my answers to the interview questions:

a) What do you do for a living?
I’m a human capital consultant

b) What are your hobbies
-Reading – I read anything and everything
-Crossword puzzles – Can solve them in my sleep
-Music

c) Which forum(s) interest you the most on NVS
The Lounge, Town Hall and Palava Hut

d) State 3 reasons for (c)
I see them as a place to learn from other villagers, enjoy light-hearted banter and contribute my views on whatever issues

e) Do not cry over split milk true or false?
True

f) Provide 3 instances on your take in (e)
1. If a relationship has expired, move on. There’s no point rehashing all the details of what went wrong or what could have been different.

2. Your favourite team in the British Premiership league loses to mine in a match. I know some people who would go on and on about the unfairness of the referee, the game, etc. I feel ‘get over it already!’ It’s over. It’s done. It’s finished.

3. A business decision that goes sour should be learnt from. But from experience, more time is spent on the whys and how it happened than the lessons to be learnt.

g) Complete this “ Love is …

Love is peaceful.
Love is honourable.
Love is humble.
To love is to be hopeful.

Love is respect.
Love is persistent.
Love is trust.
To love is to be like a child.

Love is pure.
Love is kind.
Love is gentle.
Like a mother’s love…unchanging.

Thank you and have a good evening.

Juno


Yes u are a true one!

[Abraxas]

Hi, Ms. Juno!

Ahemmmm .... Hmmmm! Make I clear my t'roat, small, {yoo hear?}

By the way, how fluent are you in oral and written Brokin?

Why am I asking you this question? Well, because, {enhen?}, 'e be like sey de 'gbaladun and de gyration for de day wey yoo go get ya visa go make me make I forget to lie down, brekete, sleep finish, then go shop all de partykoas go wey jaburata for ya washing down party.

Anyway, sha, me sef, I 'gree sey yoo dey kampe. In fact, yoo dey nyafun-nyafun.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS (III)

[Juno]

Waoooooh!!! and double waoooooh!!! :D

This is the kind of applicant that brings out the very best of the officials of the VTT (Village Twin Towers) :)

Prompt and direct responses to the questions asked.

Keep it up Juno and continue to keep the fire burning on this your thread, as i organise to motion you forward to the next stage of your visa interview also known as due process.

Cheers
Calist
Chief of Staff

Oga Madam,

My head is swelling oh:D. You are indeed very kind.

Looking forward to the next step of my visa interview.

Thank you and have a good evening.

[Juno]

Hmmmm........Oh Canada, our dear own native land.....hmmm.
Juno welcome to our village of no regrets.
Good interpersonal skills i see you have there, you did not shy away from the questions.....carry on.;)

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJCamb

Oh my goodness! A whole Countess on my thread! I'm floating on cloud nine and won't be landing anytime soon:D

Thank you for your warm welcome.

Hope I meet you well, Countess.

Juno

[Juno]

Yes u are a true one!

Oga Sir!

I dey try small small:D

[Juno]

Hi, Ms. Juno!

Ahemmmm .... Hmmmm! Make I clear my t'roat, small, {yoo hear?}

By the way, how fluent are you in oral and written Brokin?

Why am I asking you this question? Well, because, {enhen?}, 'e be like sey de 'gbaladun and de gyration for de day wey yoo go get ya visa go make me make I forget to lie down, brekete, sleep finish, then go shop all de partykoas go wey jaburata for ya washing down party.

Anyway, sha, me sef, I 'gree sey yoo dey kampe. In fact, yoo dey nyafun-nyafun.

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS (III)


Oga Abraxas,

Make ah first tank you for your post befor I answer your kweshion.

I sure say I no fit get pass mark for brokin english exam; I jus dey try kadankada (small small). Bet I be very good student sha oh.

Make I begin prepare for all the jollofing wey go happen when I receive my visa, many tanks to ogbonge fillage elders who talk say na the right track I dey so.

I tank una once again and hope I never give persin headache wit any bullet for inside this post:D

Juno

[Auspicious]

Hmmmm........Oh Canada, our dear own native land.....hmmm..

Ah, abi O EMJ wa!

Na real O Canada!

Infact, 'e be like say I wan visit Canada now O!

Nor axe me why; I juess wan come sing "Oooh Ca-Na-Da! :p

I hope say Juno nor go min' if I land for eim dormot..:neutral::eek::neutral:

Auspicious.

[Auspicious]

Oga Abraxas,

Make ah first tank you for your post befor I answer your kweshion.

I sure say I no fit get pass mark for brokin english exam; I jus dey try kadankada (small small). Bet I be very good student sha oh.

Make I begin prepare for all the jollofing wey go happen when I receive my visa, many tanks to ogbonge fillage elders who talk say na the right track I dey so.

I tank una once again and hope I never give persin headache wit any bullet for inside this post:D

Juno

Ehn-heeeeeeen! :clap:

Na now yu dey yurn koret.

All dis tam wen yu dey yurn Grama,

I begin tink say yu na wan kain Ajeburra.

Now, ah done know say, Pako sef, yu fit use.

Or yu fitn't? Neeeh, I shuor say yu fit!

Oya faya to second-base, make Oga score ya Pigin.

AuspY.

[Juno]

Ah, abi O EMJ wa!

Na real O Canada!

Infact, 'e be like say I wan visit Canada now O!

Nor axe me why; I juess wan come sing "Oooh Ca-Na-Da! :p

I hope say Juno nor go min' if I land for eim dormot..:neutral::eek::neutral:

Auspicious.

Ehnnnnnn! Auspy in Ca-na-da!

We go do welcome parreee for you and do your alejo (entertain you) with maple syrup and Kraft dinner:D

We dey wait oh...signed Welcome Party Committee

[netotse]

from one JJC to another WELCOME! lets have a blast!

[Abraxas]

from one JJC to another WELCOME! lets have a blast!
Hi, my pikin, Netotse (JJC)!

Let's have a blast, ko: let's smoke a joint, ni! Nonsense, ingridients, and conconmbility! Mxschteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

For your information, general enlightenment, and necessary memory upgrade, you are in the office of the Chief of Staff, Due Process, located at the 450th Floor of the Village Twin Towers Complex.

Now, use the rear emergency exit staircase, and proceed IMMEDIATELY to the gate house at Ground Zero, ask the oyibo mai-guardi (watch-night) to show you the way to the reception lobby, and collect your biometrically authenticated visitors' identification card, first, before you open your lips to say any thing anymore in the vicinity of the Village Twin Towers Complex, please.

Then, proceed, with maximum alacrity, to the office of the Director, Homeland Security, for thorough screenining, in line with due process, the rule of law, and the sustenance of civilization in our very beloved Village of origin (of no regrets whatsoever).

Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III)
Village High Commissioner & Life Presiident, Village Elders' Forum (Bar, Casino & Discotheque)

[calist]

from one JJC to another WELCOME! lets have a blast!

In other words what Oga Abraxas is trying to say , is that you should start your own thread where you will voluntarily introduce yourself and your visa interview questions will be presented to you, while you will be officially and duly welcomed by villagers and elders without the interruption of any jjc in that thread. :biggrin:

Until you comply with the above piece of information, endeavour to desist from welcoming any jjc until you have obtained your temporary or permanent visa to this ogbonge village of no regret. :shake:

Thanks as I look out for your thread. :D

Calist
Chief of Staff

[calist]

Hello Juno,

In other not to waste much of your time, here is welcoming you to the final stage of your visa interview process. I hope your wallet is loaded and that you are ready for the task?

Please find below, the "Partikolas" that you must present to the Village elders before your Visa will be approved.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The List:

(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri

Simply make sure that the above list is included in your next post, thereafter, I will forward a final reccomendation to the Welcomer-In-Chief to approve your Visa request.

Remmember: Don't keep the elders waiting o!

NB: Should you decide to add to the list, its all welcome.

[Juno]

Oga Madam,

Please find below The List of partikolas for the express enjoyment of the Village Elders:

The List:

(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri

(33) 50 plates of authentic Pounded Yam and Efo riro for the Elders Forum (from a bonafide Ekiti woman)

Please enjoy and have a good evening.

Juno

[calist]

Dear Sir,

This is presenting the jjc Juno’s file for your final validation. The jjc has proved beyond reasonable thoughts that she is ready to belong to this our village of no regret and by that has minimized her ego, responded to all visa interview questions truthfully and promptly too and above all presented the elders partikolas with a lot of abilities.

Kindly motion her forward to receive the much sort after NVS visa with three solid gbosa. :D

Regards,
Calist
Chief of Staff
VTTC-NVS

[Abraxas]

The Village High Commission




500th Floor, The Village Twin Towers Complex, The Square NV1SQ, Cyberspace.




Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com


Reference: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/JUN.9.002.Cap 40/02 Vol.4Q./94843550/.APPDX.LXXVIII(J)

Date: Tuesday, 21 April 2009.


Hi, Ms. Juno!http://forums.vault9.net/style_emoticons/default/wine.gif


Congratulations!http://forums.vault9.net/style_emoticons/default/winkiss.gif


Three (3) solid GBOZAs to you for your excellent inter-personal skills, for voluntarily minimizing your ego, for conducting yourself very well, and successfully completing your visa interview.



By the powers conferred upon me, on behalf of all Villagers and JJCs, I do hereby cordially, and very wholeheartedly, welcome you on board the Nigerian Village Square, the flagship of Nigeria in cyberspace, as a fully authenticated citizen of this Village.


We also expect that you show some level-headedness, objectivity, consistency, maturity, and good interpersonal skills in your interactions with others, whenever YOU are on the Square.
Once more, welcome on board the Nigerian Village Square, the default home page of the Nigerian cyber-literati, worldwide.


http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpgTEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPROVED.http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpg


Muchas gracias.


http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/MadScientist.gif

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
(a.k.a. His Eminence, Ambassador Sheikh Sadiqq d’Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)
Village High Commissioner Emeritus & Life President, Elders’ Forum (Bar, Casino & Discotheque)


cc: Department of Miscellaneous What-not-isms, Office of His Excellency, Oga Big-K (The Penthouse, 555th Floor)
cc: Chairperson, Board of Trustees & CEO, JJC Admission Matters Bureau (500th Floor)
cc: Special ExecutiveAdviser, SExA, JJCAMB. (500th Floor).
cc: Chief of Staff to the CEO. (450th Floor)
cc: Database Administrator, DA. (Basement Level 30)
cc: Director, Village Homeland Security Department (DD-VHS), (250th Floor)
cc: Director, Visa Interrogation Operations, D-VIO. (440th Floor)
cc: Chief of Staff Due Process Office, COS-DPO. (440th Floor)
cc: Chief Visa Review Officer, CVRO. (400th Floor)
cc: Assistant Chief Special Assistant to the SExA. (450th Floor)
cc: Senior Special Assistant to the COS-DPO. 450th Floor)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 1:

Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Gospel according to Apostle (General) Okikiolakan Oni’ranu Olusegun Igbochukwu Alakori Aremu Matthew Obasanjo (JP), a very randy former military despot, and the incumbent Balogun of Abule-Obo.


Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!)

And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Los Angeles, a man decided to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spent US$9,000 and felt really good about the results. On his way home, he stopped at a news stand, and bought a newspaper.


Before leaving, he said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"


"About 35," was the reply.


"I'm actually 67," the man said, feeling really happy.


After that, he went into McDonalds for lunch, and asked the clerk the same question.


The reply was, "Oh, you look about 24".


"I am actually 67."


Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asked an old woman the same question.


She replied, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thought, “What the hell”, and lets her slip her hand down his pants.


Ten minutes later, the old lady said, "Okay, it's done. You are 67."

Stunned, the man inquired, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"


The old lady replied, "I was behind you at McDonalds."


That is the end of my first story for today.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 2:


Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Holy Book of Psychedelic Lies according to General Overseer Ibrahim Gbadamosi (Evil Spirit) Babangida (GCFR).

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Nigeria, a mother and her son were flying Nigeria Airways from Abuja to Port Harcourt. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked:


"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess:



"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"


The stewardess responded: "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"


The boy admitted that this was the case.


"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Nigeria Airways ALWAYS pulls out on time. Your mother can explain it to you.”


That is the end of my second story for today.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 3:


Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Gospel according to Deaconess (Senator) Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello (JP), the very beloved horny daughter of a randy former military despot.

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!)

And so, it came to pass, in the good old olden days, at a farm in a village called Barkin Ladi, located just outside ancient Jos, there lived a chicken and a donkey that loved to play together. One day, the donkey fell into a pit latrine, and began to sink. The donkey begged the chicken to quickly go and get the farmer for help.


The chicken ran to the farm. He searched, and searched, and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to Jos with the only tractor in the farm. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's brand new Range Rover Sports SUV. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his best friend's life.


Back at the pit latrine, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny Range Rover. He managed to get a hold of the rope that the chicken threw to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the Range Rover, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful jeep, rescued his best friend, the donkey!


Happy and proud, the chicken drove the Range Rover Sports SUV back to the farm house, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the animals was solidly cemented: best buddies; best friends.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink, and cried out to the donkey to save his life. The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "wetin call": his "kini kan-kini kan"; his "piriki"; his "instrument of power"!



The donkey assured the chicken that he would lift him out of the mud pit. And so, the chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him out, thus saving his life.


MORAL OF THE STORY: When you are well endowed like a donkey, you do not need a Range Rover Sports SUV to pick up chicks!!


That is the end of my third and final story for today.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[E_Pluribus_Unum]

if u are well endowed like the donkey...........

kai i don die oooooooooooooooooo