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Olaide Omideyi
Dec 31, 2008, 01:41 AM
<p><strong><u>MY PREDICTIONS FOR YEAR 2009 </u></strong></p> <p><strong><u> </u></strong></p> <p><u>In the Beginning </u></p> <p>Fellow Nigerians, please lend me your eyes and later on, I shall request the facility of your pockets when all you are about to read here start coming true. Do not worry yourselves about how I am going to get into your purses, wallets, pockets and under your pillows, just believe in the ‘words' you are about to read here because those words were ‘inspired' by (I am still trying to decide who inspired me but it will most likely be the ‘holy ghost'). I have been communicating with the gods and they have kindly released the predictions for the New Year to me. Any other predictions you might read somewhere else or even on NVS are all imitations because I am the only genuine article when it comes to yearly predictions. Remember to give me credit when you start seeing the manifestations of the power of the gods.</p> <p><u>Was the Word </u></p> <p>I received the accurate predictions from the gods in 2005, 2006, 2007 and even 2008 but refused to make them public because of embarrassment. For example, no one predicted that UMYA, our ‘servant-leader' would win at the Supreme Court because they did not see it but I saw it and even attended the special Jumat service in Abuja ahead of the time and in my dream where we congratulated him on his ‘well-deserved' victory. Now that you are sure you are dealing with the only authentic messenger of the gods of Naija, read on and contact me if any of these predictions relates to you in any way. For those who are supposed to die in 2009, it will take more than prayers alone to change it. As a matter of fact, special prayers for ‘oyeku' (Yoruba medicine for changing day of death) will be going for a <strong>paltry 5 Million naira or its equivalent in any foreign currency but preferably in Pounds Sterling or Euros. </strong>No dollars will be accepted until the American economy stabilizes. Here are the Predictions (Believe at your own Risk).</p> <p><strong><u>Federal Legislators </u></strong></p> <p>We shall start with the legislative arm of the government. The gods say the already potted and over-sized bellies of our Senators and honorable members of the House of Representatives will grow physically bigger in 2009. Most of them will grow other layers of rings around their already ‘ringed' necks. Our Federal Lawmakers should also smile; the gods have favored them with a big improvement in their already fat salaries and allowances. 2009 shall be their ‘Year of Close-Up Smiles' but they are advised to ensure they spend the allowances immediately they got paid because some of them will be removed from&nbsp;office. Two Senators will be seen running naked in <city> <place>Abuja from the cutlasses of the husbands of their concubines but the Senators should not worry, the embarrassment will be attributed to the ‘opposition parties' and all shall be well. Two female Senators will have their faces destroyed by acid thrown by enraged wives of the men they are presently sleeping with. Not to worry ladies, cosmetic surgery will be approved by the President at public expense to reconstruct your faces and you shall become more beautiful. That is to say, ile oba to jo, ewa lo bu si meaning, a more beautiful house has replaced the one destroyed by fire. A plane crash that will be caused by overloading should be averted in the third quarter of 2009 by ensuring that all lawmakers do not travel inside the same plane throughout the year. A word as they say is enough for the wise.</p> <p><strong><u>First Ladies </u></strong></p> <p>The Nigerian Union of First Ladies will go on strike in the second quarter of 2009 to press for improved conditions of service. It will be a disaster since all the union members will withdraw and withhold their services (day and night) until their demands are met. The concerned persons (President, governors, local government chairmen and councilors) are advised to treat the matter with the urgency it deserves. More police escorts should be allocated to the wives of governors and local government chairmen and better sounding sirens should be procured from the excess crude account to ensure they are noticed by their ‘people'. Those contesting for position of first ladies should take it easy in 2009 as there are no vacancies in any of the states and local governments for now. Wait for your time, young ladies, but with fasting and special prayers, all things are possible.</p> <p><strong><u>Outstanding cases against sitting and former Governors </u></strong></p> <p>All Governors (sitting and former) should start smiling because 2009 is their year. The miracle of <place>Edo is the last in a very long time. No other Governor shall be impeached, removed by any court or sent to prison for any offences committed while in office. The gods have granted you immunity and as you know, the immunity of the gods is stronger than the immunity of the constitution because it cannot be challenged. Sack your lawyers and walk around freely, so says the gods. The candidate of a political party who is waiting for a court decision in the South West is hereby warned to withdraw his case and accept the olive branch (cash actually) being extended by the Governor of his state because he is going to lose his case in court. You can be 'Mahogany' if you like or papaya, e no concern me. A Governor in one of the South-Western states should stop using the powder given to him by his Pastor/herbalist and reduce the number of gold rings on his fingers. The same Governor is also advised to start using ‘Dudu Osun' soap to avoid his bleached body catching fire in the second quarter of 2009 due to fake ‘Tura' soap. No Governor will die in 2009 but all should pray against constipation and jedijedi (what is the English word jare?) as a result of the free food they have been consuming. All Governors are also advised to include some funds for Viagra in their 2009 budgets to avoid being disgraced by their First Ladies.</p> <p><strong><u>Traditional Rulers </u></strong></p> <p>In the name of rule of law and federal character, equal numbers (three each) of very important and high-flying traditional rulers from each geo-political zone of Nigeria will die in 2009. The best part of their death is that all will happen in European and American hospitals and their corpses shall be received with pomp and pageantry at the airports by their Governors who will deliver rousing speeches to speed them on their way to their graves. Other traditional rulers are safe with the exception of one in the south-west region who will suffer heart attack on top of his wife in the third quarter of the New Year. </p> <p><strong><u>Year of Safe Skies </u></strong></p> <p>There will be no plane crashes in 2009 not because our domestic airlines are going to improve but because the gods have decreed it that way. All air travelers are asked to travel without fear and eat their snacks. Also stop calling your Pastors anytime you are about boarding planes within <country-region> <place>Nigeria since your Pastors will always request you to help him buy one thing or the other on your way from Jos, <city> <place>Abuja and Port-Harcourt. </p> <p><strong><u>Emergency Contractors </u></strong></p> <p>This is your year of abundance. All emergency contractors are advised to relocate to <city> <place>Abuja because it will be happening again this year. The ‘Local content' policy if the federal government will favor all of you and all you have to do is to be present when they are sharing the loot.</p> <p><strong><u>Armed Robbers and Area Boys </u></strong></p> <p>This is also the year of recognition for armed robbers and Area boys. Their official organizations will be approved and the CAC will register their various unions in 2009. Armed robbers will become more civil in their approach to their victims and establish regular working hours for their operations.</p> <p><strong><u>Power Supply </u></strong></p> <p>Help me out here. I cannot see anything but darkness. Generator dealers will continue to smile to the banks while lots of small children including the children of the big ogas will gradually start going deaf as a result of the assault on their ears from huge generating sets. A consolation though, there will be regular power supply in 2045.</p> <p> <city> <place><strong><u>Lagos</u></strong><strong><u> Traffic </u></strong></p> <p>Traffic will not get better in <city> <place>Lagos in 2009. Some Lagosians will return to their villages and start prospering. State Governors are advised to pay for the voluntary repatriation of their citizens from <city> <place>Lagos. Each state should withdraw two hundred thousand indigenes of their states and open farms for them.</p> <p><strong><u>Foreign Investors </u></strong></p> <p>Lots of Chinese peasants, Lebanese Ice Cream sellers and Indian sweepers will come to <country-region> <place>Nigeria to take advantage of our investor-friendly policies. The federal government is advised to grant audience to them and give them tax breaks (20 years), credit guarantees, land for agriculture and free labor but should deny same to Nigerians.</p> <p><strong><u>Police </u></strong></p> <p>Our Naija police will kill more female ‘gang leaders' sent to purchase petrol for generators in 2009. Good news for those that will have occasion to visit police stations in the New Year. Payment for bail will be standardized, thereby eliminating the need for lengthy negotiations with Police Officers. Junior Police officers will become stupendously rich and some will buy their private jets from Check (cash) point operations. </p> <p><strong><u>Niger-Delta Militants </u></strong></p> <p>Four gangs of ‘militants' will go PLC in 2009 and be quoted on the Nigerian Stock Exchange. Investors are advised to put their money in these corporate militancy firms and reap bounty profits. All the refineries in the swamps of the Niger Delta will be legalized this year and kidnapping will reduce as a result of the fact that the kingpins will be too busy running their public liability companies and refineries to bother about kidnapping. Aspiring kidnappers are advised to import&nbsp;Somalian experts to <country-region> <place>Nigeria to proffer technical assistance and build their capacities to perform better. </p> <p><strong><u>Marriages </u></strong></p> <p>Fewer young men will be proposing marriage this year to young ladies because of the cash crunch. For young women, 2009 is their year of plentiful donations and random sampling. The marriage situation will improve by 2035, Insha Allah. Bachelors are advised to read ‘Thing Fall Apart' by Chinua Achebe and take good note of the proverb of the bird ‘eneke nti oba' ( As men have learn to shoot without missing ………) when dealing with young ladies.</p> <p><strong><u>Music </u></strong></p> <p>Lots of Nigerian musicians will shine again in 2009. Two popular <city> <place>Fuji musicians should pray very hard to survive the accidents (falling from the top of a woman and drunk driving) they will have in the third quarter of 2009. Aspiring Igbo musicians should avoid the all-out war they are planning over the successors to late Oliver de Coque and Osita Osadebe. The crown prince of highlife music in the East shall be crowned at the Okija shrine. Hausa music will get better. The Gurmi genre will boom so much the exponent will marry three new wives and change his old car.</p> <p><strong><u>The Masses </u></strong></p> <p>Better no dey o. The masses will remain just that in 2009. They will be ‘consulted' by their various senators and honorable members but the decisions that will be taken will not reflect their collective wills. Just keep quiet and say ‘Allah ya i sah) (God will judge).</p> <p><strong><u>Roads </u></strong></p> <p>Roads will get worse but it will be a year of bumper harvest for road side food sellers and Paracetamol manufacturers as more of their drugs will be required by Nigerians after each journey on the road.</p> <p><strong><u>Petrol Prices </u></strong></p> <p>The government has promised not to increase the prices of petroleum products in 2009 but I see a small ‘adjustment' and ‘slight upward review' to reflect ‘market trends' and reduce government subsidies during the last quarter of 2009. Do not bother to interpret the technical jargon used in this paragraph, remember someone once said something like ‘we do not know those that will succeed us but we know those that will not succeed us'? If you get the meaning of this double-talk, understanding my simple English should not be a problem, chikena!</p> <p><strong><u>Last word </u></strong></p> <p>All the predictions mentioned here will come true and you can contact me for consultations of any of these predictions affects or likely to affect you. Poor students not encouraged to come and waste my time please. </p><br><br><a target="_blank" href=http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=11077><b>..Read the full article</b></a><br>

Tiger
Dec 31, 2008, 05:35 PM
Dear Soothsayer,

Your "revealing" predictions failed to touch on many pertinent areas of our existence in Nigeria.

What is the fate of the poor, suffering masses in 2009? What would be the fate of the death traps called roads in Nigeria? Will the Power Holding Company of Nigeria further hold or release power for the poor masses? How many more buildings would be demolished by the enigmatic government in Lagos State? What would be the fate of our poor, battered currency called Naira?.......

I shall continue to tick the passing of your predictions. By the way, did you use a crystal ball or simply consulted with the Orishas?

Have a Happy New Year!

Danmeka
Dec 31, 2008, 09:46 PM
Nice one Omideyi Olaide,

At least you are better than some Penterascal Pastors in Nigeria who will never speak the truth,they would rather eat,dine and get favour from the devils we call leaders.

Danmeka
Jan 1, 2009, 04:14 PM
Tougher times ahead, says Fawehinmi
By Akpo Esajere, Group Political Editor

LEFT to prominent lawyer and human rights activist, Chief Gani Fawehinmi (SAN), Nigerians might as well put on their sackcloth and begin to mourn as the New Year is ushered in.

Sounding like a Prophet of Doom on Tuesday, he issued a damning prediction that "Nigeria is going to be in total mess in 2009. The year will be one of the most gruelling for the people. In 2009, the country will not be very rich. Corruption may even be upgraded and we will see less of electricity from Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN)."

Speaking to The Guardian at his Lagos home on Tuesday, he said that things would be so bad in the energy sector that Nigeria will be worse than even countries at war like Israel and Palestine, which enjoy more stable access to electricity than the country.

"Those who are at war like the Israelis and Palestinians have more electricity than Nigeria. Israel has 10 times more electricity than Nigeria. Even the Palestinians enjoy more than five times the electricity we have in Nigeria and they are at war. We are not at war. The money is flowing but there is no good manager," he said.

According to him: "In 2009, we will see more poverty, more bad roads, decrepit medical institutions and incomes will be substantially reduced. The revenue that the government would have will be substantially reduced. We will have more crises because I don't see how the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) will not pursue its minimum wage crusade.

"The government may attempt to increase the price of petroleum products because of the loss it is sustaining from low revenue from oil."

Despite the picture of gloom, he said that "there are some people in this country who can virtually turn stone into water. It is not only Israel that we have Jews. We have Jews in Nigeria too. In the East, the easterners are extremely hardworking and also some people in parts of the West and North."

In the face of the depression, Fawehinmi said that "we need a very strong President in our country. We need a man who will do what is right for the nation as an entity and for the people. We need a man who will put programmes and policies that will lift the ordinary man from the doldrums of poverty to happiness. We need a man who will stand against all forms of social injustices; the most paramount is corruption.

"We need a man who will deal with corruption with his life. We need a man who will put God first. You put God first when you think of the interest of the man in the street. If you say you are a religious man and you want to put God first, you have to do what Prophet Mohammed did; you have to do what Jesus Christ did. Christ and Mohammed worked for the poor and died for the poor."

Adding further to the gloom, Fawehinmi said that the present leadership of "Yar'Adua is far from all those qualities and characteristics I have put forward. He is not putting God first. To put God first, a President should look at how the people are living, how families are dying from the fumes coming out from generators because there is no electricity.

"You should look at God first by ensuring that people don't die of hunger. You look at God first when you come to the hospital and every hospital is equipped with modern equipment that can diagnose problems and the people have access to the most modern treatment on earth. You look at God first when you don't pick dead bodies on the road as a result of accidents caused by potholes on our bad roads.

"You look at God first when people who want education will get education. You look at God first when you go to the universities, secondary schools and so on and you can say 'I am proud of these institutions. You put God first when the wealth of the nation is used to promote the interest and welfare of the people.

"You put God first from the way you behave and how people around you live. Nigerians are dying from poverty. Their children cannot get access to institutions they want to get to. The country is not being run. We are retrogressing; our country is retrogressing daily."

He noted that the country has found itself in these dire straits because of poor management and lack of foresight.

"A year ago, our major source of income, oil, was selling for $147 per barrel. A good President should have harnessed the proceeds to look at areas he can invest them to combat the poverty of our people. Nothing was done.

"Today, the price of oil is below $40 per barrel. When you cannot perform when oil was $147 per barrel, when money was streaming in and pouring in, will you perform when the stream is drying up? When resources are drying up, you cannot. If I did not perform when I was very strong in health, when I was 30, 40 years, what will I be living on now at 70? When we translate it to governance, it is more serious. There is no governance," he asserted.

According to Fawehinmi, "the country is retrogressing daily."

Citing examples from various sectors, he said that there was nothing to cheer the people about. He said that the government got its fight on corruption on a wrong footing when it sacked and has continued to hound the former Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Nuhu Ribadu.

He said: "This country has been very bad in terms of corruption and for the first time in many years, one man came, Ribadu came for the first time in the history of Nigeria and dealt with the corrupt people. You could accuse him of anything, but you cannot accuse him of corruption.

"When Ribadu was there, the fear of the EFCC was the beginning of wisdom. Nobody cares about the EFCC now. What is EFCC under Mrs. Farida Waziri? EFCC has lost its custom under Waziri. Ribadu's EFCC should not be treated like Waziri's EFCC. One was focussed, determined, courageous and ready to fight against the big shots. The other, which is Waziri, is prepared to wear the soft gloves: 'well, you know, our position is rule of law.'

"I don't know what they mean by the rule of law. There is something about the rule of law they are parroting. When they get stuck about doing what is right for the people and they don't know what next to do, then they need rule of law.

"Rule of law means the law must rule. The law rules when you have the courts and you have a system, you have the laws that are made, that will give the people hope about solving their problems and so on and so forth.

"But you are talking about rule of law and the President is not giving the workers hope. People have to queue for their pension and some die along the way; people don't have a living wage; people don't have access to good education or good health system. It is provided in sections 16 and 17 of our Constitution that you must give the people these things and you say you are practising rule of law."

The activist, who is fighting lung cancer and rejected the national award of Order of the Federal Republic (OFR) given to him by the Federal Government last month, said that he has no regret in turning down the award.

"All they do is to try to put you into their circle by offering you what they call Ole Federal Republic (OFR). I don't want to be Ole Federal Republic or take any honour from a government that has no honour. Honestly, we are in deep crisis. We will see the crisis more in 2009," he stressed.