Noblesse Oblige

[Count1]

"Hello Everyone,

To whom much is given much is expected". I would like to fulfill all righteousness by introducing myself properly on this forum. I am thrilled by this outlet for the expession of our inner thoughts and in some cases, of our angst against life, one another or simply, just angst. Thank you Big-K and other originators "Oludasile" of NVS for this opportunity to interract with Nigerians worldwide. I pledge to abide by the rules and mores of the forum.

Count 1

[emj]

Hmmm, Count1...hmmm, so u are ready to Fufill all righteousness...hmmm.
Okay, introduce yourself...start from why it took u so long to do so.
I dey go come:p

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJcamb

[calist]

Count1,

It’s nice to see that you have decided to voluntarily introduce yourself to the village elders considering the time you joined this forum. :D Or are you preparing to vie for any important position within our ogbonge village? If not what prompted this move and what advice do you have for other jjcs turned villagers without file or records within the VTT?

Respond to the above, while your visa interview questions are been prepared.

Calist
Chief of Staff

[Beam]

Count 1:):)

Welcome, will not be the right word since you have been around for over a year so I guess all I can say is nice introducing yourself,

this your location and avator gives me shivers up my spine:lol::lol: it reminds me of vampires and scary stuff well nice of you to introduce yourself, I am sure to bump into you in the village hopefully during the day:D:D:D:D

[Count1]

Hmmm, Count1...hmmm, so u are ready to Fufill all righteousness...hmmm.
Okay, introduce yourself...start from why it took u so long to do so.
I dey go come:p

EMJ
Chairperson Board of Trustees JJcamb

Your Eminence,

I was referred to an article on NVS about a year ago without any previous knowledge of the site. When I realised it could be an outlet for my writing, I registered and promptly forgot about it until recently. :o I recently had cause to be referred to the site by the same person and this time was sucked into the vortex and have not been able to leave ever since:exclaim: It is a CAPTIVE-ating site and I am ADDICT-ed and hardly sleep these days.

Other than that, If I had my choice, I would do nothing else but write. Writers in Nigeria have no infrastructure or reward system that compares with the Best-Sellers Lists abroad. Other than self-gratification, Nigerian writers have to be abroad to make any meaningful income from writing, save the occasional International Writer's prize. NLNG Award is a good start but barely a drop in the ocean. Scribero ergo sum "I write therefore I exist".

Count 1
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Count1,

... Or are you preparing to vie for any important position within our ogbonge village? ....and what advice do you have for other jjcs turned villagers without file or records within the VTT?
Calist
Chief of Staff

Calist

"Some are born notorious, some achieve notoriety and some have notoriety thrust upon them". Lest I be accused of espionage or intelligence-gathering activities, I hasten to represent my reasons for registering over a year ago but not visiting the village since. I seek no electoral post. I am simply a victim of passion whose indiscretions have thrust him into the spotlight.

I seek no post nor position other than to be a law-abiding villager. To other JJCs, please report yourselves here before the statutory transmutation to Villager so you are not considered an illegal alien.

Count 1
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[QUOTE=beambolla;
...well nice of you to introduce yourself, I am sure to bump into you in the village hopefully during the day [/QUOTE]

Beebee,

may I call you that? Vampires are a figment of some peoples' very fertile imagination, and highly overrated.

I am quite harmless. Slightly anaemic, indulgent when it comes to drinking Bloody Marys, hardly diurnal, but come alive at night. Some people have foot fetishes, mine is for soft necks. I love to nuzzle them and when not muzzled, might give a little nip now and then to get the blood racing.

Dizzying passion I can do but the feeling has to be mutual. Will I see you before the new moon?

Muuuaahhhhhhaaaaaaaahahahahahaaha!

[Celebr8]

Beebee,

may I call you that? Vampires are a figment of some peoples' very fertile imagination, and highly overrated.

I am quite harmless. Slightly anaemic, indulgent when it comes to drinking Bloody Marys, hardly diurnal, but come alive at night. Some people have foot fetishes, mine is for soft necks. I love to nuzzle them and when not muzzled, might give a little nip now and then to get the blood racing.

Dizzying passion I can do but the feeling has to be mutual. Will I see you before the new moon?

Muuuaahhhhhhaaaaaaaahahahahahaaha!


Wickedly exciting! :D

[Myne Whitman]

Villager Count1,

Welcome again to the square. I don't think I have read any articles of yours or maybe I have without knowing. Still I would that you put-up some more frivolous write-ups if you like as Count1 (Admin permitting) or in the Lounge area. I have said it somewhere and don't mind repeating that I love the way you write. See you around the village...

[E_Pluribus_Unum]

another latin speakin enligted fellow?
non prod qui?

E pluribus Unum

Caco Ethes Scriptum

[blooming_i]

Count1, you are formally welcome to the village. Please bring more of your entertaining and captivating articles. I sure say we go jam around the village. Cheers.

[sandylomo]

Hmmmmmmmm! Nice going there count1.

I Really enjoyed your reply above. Loaded with wisdom to say the least:cool:.

As you probably know, no ogbonge (original) naija person don complete without a proper knowledge of our working official language for VTT i.e Brokin english.....

To that effect I have been directed by HRH Don carlos Abraxas III a.k.a. His Eminence, Sheikh Sadiqq d’Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates) who, coincidentally is the visting Professor of Neurolinguistics at Ile-Ogbon school of Hard Knocks to tell you that your last challenge of your visa process will be to translate just one Paragraph Pere (only) from your reply above into original waffi Brokin english.

To help, I have requoted the required paragraph to be translated below.

No disapoint me o:wink::lol::wink:



Other than that, If I had my choice, I would do nothing else but write. Writers in Nigeria have no infrastructure or reward system that compares with the Best-Sellers Lists abroad. Other than self-gratification, Nigerian writers have to be abroad to make any meaningful income from writing, save the occasional International Writer's prize. NLNG Award is a good start but barely a drop in the ocean. Scribero ergo sum "I write therefore I exist".

[Count1]

Villager Count1,

Welcome again to the square. I don't think I have read any articles of yours or maybe I have without knowing. Still I would that you put-up some more frivolous write-ups if you like as Count1 (Admin permitting) or in the Lounge area. I have said it somewhere and don't mind repeating that I love the way you write. See you around the village...

Mulan,

I thank you for your kind words. I can and do write in different registers depending on the gravitas or volatility of the subject. I also do like to write once in a while in a racy style. I think its easiest to write in the pedantic style that impresses people quickly. It is harder to be simple and yet paint pictures with words. Here are excerpts from stuff I have published before.

Register 1 - Obscurantist and pedantic - requiring serious dictionary consultation
"As with any other patriotic Nationalist this columnist has unremittingly examined the numerous procacious and graveolent actions and recommendations of sponsored and itinerant martial energumens in the quest to resolve our National question. The social, structural and economic discombobulation that has characterized our search for this increasingly chimerical unity has resulted in a pullulating of psephologists of all pedigree. Rather than indulgence in cavillous ethnic discourse, this autodidact has through many hours of study, ..... Such study has revealed execrable levels of esurience on the part of both conqueror foreigners and autochthons through the centuries, resulting in a mass destruction and pervasive enslavement which pertains even today. "

Register 2 - International politics

"“The United Nations was founded, in the words of its Charter, in order ‘to save succeeding generations from the scourge of war.’ Meeting this challenge is the most important function of the Organisation, and to a very significant degree it is the yardstick with which the Organisation is judged by the peoples it exists to serve. Over the last decade, the United Nations has repeatedly failed to meet the challenge, and it can do no better today.”
- The Brahimi Report

The above quotation, from a Commission set up to examine the reasons behind the failures of UN Peacekeeping sets the tone for this discussion. This topic as you are all aware, could be the subject of a 7 day Seminar involving dozens of Papers presented from different perspectives of the issue of World Peace. We can therefore only treat it superficially in the time allotted to us. We will attempt to do so. In doing so, we will keep three main points in mind;

a) That the Balance of Power in the World has shifted from a Eurocentric point, through the bipolar nexus of the Cold War to a Unipolar or Monopolar one with the United States being the only remaining World Power. The United States of America has been a dominant player in world Politics from 1921, and generally has shaped international thinking since then. Most of the World Organs of International Cooperation are controlled by her directly or indirectly, and US interests are manifested through them.

b) That there is a systematic and intentional social and economic disparity between Countries of the West (the so-called Northern Hemisphere) and countries of the Third World (the So-called Southern hemisphere). That this disparity is sustained through the instruments of the United Nations Bretton-Woods Institutions and is the root cause of the sustained conflict in poverty–stricken Africa and Asia. The Forces of Globalization are threatening to devour a poverty-stricken Africa.

c) That since Africa contains 46 of the 63 most poverty-stricken countries in the world, most post-Cold War conflicts are taking place in Africa, and that HIV- AIDS is decimating African populations with only palliative action by world authorities, and therefore, Africa should be the focus of our discourse.

If we are agreed on this, then we will proceed on an Africentric view of World Peace and Unity. Are we agreed? In order to define Peace, we must highlight its apposite – War, or to use the common currency, Conflict. In times of conflict, there is genocide, lawlessness, hunger, disease, malnutrition, and general degradation of humanity. These days, the word “Conflict” is usually substituted for “War“ because it recognizes that there does not have to be a hegemonic or “Great” war before the peace is broken. Conversely, in defining peace in the World Context, we are not merely describing the absence of War. There may be no war, yet there is still an absence of peace due to tensions and hostility. "


Register 3 - Light stream-of-consciousness /humourous.
" ...I have observed with increasing consternation that the falling standard of manners and table etiquette is inversely proportional to the rising awareness of beauty, fashion and the catwalk culture. I recommend a visit to any of the world standard fast-food joints in Lagos to observe patrons for an hour. You will see world-class beauties walk into the world class joint with world-class catwalk ala Oluchi. But that is where it ends! While waiting in line, these paragons of beauty indulge in all manner of crass behaviour. Talking and laughing loudly, they snap chewing gum, clean wax from their ears, scratch their armpits, twang the guitar, (As nether-region scratching is euphemistically described in Yoruba language) and dig deep (the euphemism for scratching the other end – non biblical!). The misses order their food in the most impolite, and condescending manner, exchanging insults where necessary with a harassed service person, finally sashaying elegantly to their seats. And this is where the real show begins.
Attacking the food, knife in fist like a murder weapon and fork held like a gardening tool, the war begins. Amidst sounds of gulping, champing and teeth sucking, the young ladies devour their food voraciously. Suspended over the plate on one elbow, other elbow waving in the horizontal plane, they belabour huge plates of rice or pounded yam into flat submission in a matter of seconds, all the while chattering and spattering. The food dribbles from the cutlery as they shovel the overloaded item into gaping mouths, pursing their lips primly, after the astonishing magician’s disappearing act they have just performed! "

I haven't written much here but have published numerous articles and lectures in other places. If you look up my posts on this site, you will find one filibuster of an article that was my first ever post. It was on Fela. I will post some stuff later today. The major challenge is maintaining my privacy. So which Count 1 do you prefer? Pedantic, whimsical or graveolent?:D:D:D

C1
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another latin speakin enligted fellow?
non prod qui?

E pluribus Unum

Caco Ethes Scriptum

E Pluribus Baba!

Nor be the Motto wey dey US Great Shield you carry put for ya head so? You plenty full for ground oh.

As a former diplomat, I speak and have interpreted/translated in the past at Summit levels, French, Portuguese and Spanish and understand German . My knowledge of Latin is limited to my Secondary School Masters' exclamations, (In loco Parentis), interraction with lawyers and a little side study I do from time to time. The Black scholars of Roman imperialism are also my favourite.

If you're down this way, let's have a drink sometime! In vino veritas!
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@ Celebr8 and Blooming, thanks for the nice welcome. I look forward to interracting more with you all:cool:

Count 1
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ogbonge[/I] (original) naija person don complete without a proper knowledge of our working official language for VTT i.e Brokin english.....

To that effect I have been directed ...to tell you that your last challenge of your visa process will be to translate just one Paragraph Pere (only) from your reply above into original waffi Brokin english. [/COLOR]

To help, I have requoted the required paragraph to be translated below.

No disapoint me o:wink::lol::wink:

Sandylomo, please extend my highest regards to His Eminence, the Don for this challenge. I shall try to prove worthy. It is prpbably the hardest translation I have ever been faced with.

"Other than that, If I had my choice, I would do nothing else but write. Writers in Nigeria have no infrastructure or reward system that compares with the Best-Sellers Lists abroad. Other than self-gratification, Nigerian writers have to be abroad to make any meaningful income from writing, save the occasional International Writer's prize. NLNG Award is a good start but barely a drop in the ocean. Scribero ergo sum "I write therefore I exist".

Translation:

Asfor, If no be say yawa don gas, I for jus dey represent for writing. Hungry no gree person to dey write for Naija. Everytin don pafuka sotay water don pass garri. Obodo oyibo people fit dey take writing dey chop well well, but for Naija, Whoside? Instead to de promote ourself, na so we dey demote ourself to hungry. De only naija wey fit take writing take train im pickin and arrenje chop for him family na de one wey dey obodo oyibo. Ehnn, de NLNG people dey try for dash prize but one gallon pent nor reash to pent house finish. Scribero ergo sum "Na writing allow me dey kampe"

Above submitted for evaluation please.

Count 1

[Myne Whitman]

Mulan,

I thank you for your kind words. I can and do write in different registers depending on the gravitas or volatility of the subject. I also do like to write once in a while in a racy style. I think its easiest to write in the pedantic style that impresses people quickly. It is harder to be simple and yet paint pictures with words. Here are excerpts from stuff I have published before.

Register 3 - Light stream-of-consciousness /humourous.
" ... The food dribbles from the cutlery as they shovel the overloaded item into gaping mouths, pursing their lips primly, after the astonishing magician’s disappearing act they have just performed! "

I haven't written much here but have published numerous articles and lectures in other places. If you look up my posts on this site, you will find one filibuster of an article that was my first ever post. It was on Fela. I will post some stuff later today. The major challenge is maintaining my privacy. So which Count 1 do you prefer? Pedantic, whimsical or graveolent?:D:D:D

Count 1

The original count,

Your register 3 had me laughing out loud especially the bolded last lines, classic! The pedantic does have its place and uses depending on topic but personally, I would go with the whimsical and even a little raciness. Variety they say is the spice of life. So the dictionary for those who eat it, politics for those who live it and definitely humour for those of us who breathe it. I am sure Admin will oblige if you make your case or the lounge is always there for the more light-hearted where you can post under the usual handle. I'll look forward to the one currently in the oven:biggrin:...

[E_Pluribus_Unum]

I agree that once you start writing registers you have a hard time protecting your identity.

please indulge me as i rate your writing but only as a courtesy i expect you to extend to me in turn.

your writing is truly proffesional with a hint of the raically inclined here refering to opinions off a sort that if probed deeper will lead to your invitation to a 4 , I beg your pardon , 5 star detention facility for those who dare to be different, with beds with thick leather straps and padded walls.

I feel a kinship with you.

As for the drink, why not old boi?

Any time you free holla me, by the usual means either thru those smoke signals that we have perfected, or that loud infernal drum (i dont knw y them neva use am for fire wood)

As the sages say only the company of the wise will make you wiser.


Ps

If I had my way i would write for for my bread, but the 9ja setting requires that u=you go out and "sweat for your bread" which i find really annoying .

As an ember in the furnace of a new breed of writers waking up to grab their destiny and just write some amazing stuff, i hail u .

Ahuda

[sandylomo]

"Other than that, If I had my choice, I would do nothing else but write. Writers in Nigeria have no infrastructure or reward system that compares with the Best-Sellers Lists abroad. Other than self-gratification, Nigerian writers have to be abroad to make any meaningful income from writing, save the occasional International Writer's prize. NLNG Award is a good start but barely a drop in the ocean. Scribero ergo sum "I write therefore I exist".

Translation:

Asfor, If no be say yawa don gas, I for jus dey represent for writing. Hungry no gree person to dey write for Naija. Everytin don pafuka sotay water don pass garri. Obodo oyibo people fit dey take writing dey chop well well, but for Naija, Whoside? Instead to de promote ourself, na so we dey demote ourself to hungry. De only naija wey fit take writing take train im pickin and arrenje chop for him family na de one wey dey obodo oyibo. Ehnn, de NLNG people dey try for dash prize but one gallon pent nor reash to pent house finish. Scribero ergo sum "Na writing allow me dey kampe"

Above submitted for evaluation please.

Count 1

Hmmmmmmmm! ...............Hmmmmmmmmm!!. and Hmmmmmmmmmm!!! again.

I don't Know how I have missed your post/write-ups up before now, but you sir are a talented writer. Bravo! my brother Bravo!!

Bros, if no be say i must follow protocol, walahi na me go hammer your Kpali myself now now now. You are no doubt a proud asset to our Village.

Keep it up Bro.

I dey go come first make I go compile your List of partikolas:arrow::arrow::arrow:

[sandylomo]

Hi count 1,

You are welcome to the penultimate stage of your Visa Interview process.
Please find below, the list of "Partikolas":wink: that you must present to the Village elders before your Visa will be approved.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The List:

(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri


Simply make sure that the above list is included in your next post, thereafter, I will forward a final reccomendation to the Welcomer-In-Chief to approve your Visa request.

Remmember: Don't keep the elders waiting o!

[Djister]

"Hello Everyone,

To whom much is given much is expected". I would like to fulfill all righteousness by introducing myself properly on this forum. I am thrilled by this outlet for the expession of our inner thoughts and in some cases, of our angst against life, one another or simply, just angst. Thank you Big-K and other originators "Oludasile" of NVS for this opportunity to interract with Nigerians worldwide. I pledge to abide by the rules and mores of the forum.

Count 1

Count1 you worry me.

A white fellow who can ONLY count 1 and speaks big english with greetings in yoruba.

You worry me.

Welcome.

Djister

[Count1]

The original count,

Your register 3 had me laughing out loud especially the bolded last lines, classic! The pedantic does have its place and uses depending on topic but personally, I would go with the whimsical and even a little raciness. Variety they say is the spice of life. So the dictionary for those who eat it, politics for those who live it and definitely humour for those of us who breathe it. I am sure Admin will oblige if you make your case or the lounge is always there for the more light-hearted where you can post under the usual handle. I'll look forward to the one currently in the oven:biggrin:...

Mulan,

thanks for the equally witty repartee. As for the highlighted words, I no pregnate anybodi o! :eek::lol::rolleyes:

Count 1
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_________________________

I agree that once you start writing registers you have a hard time protecting your identity.

please indulge me as i rate your writing but only as a courtesy i expect you to extend to me in turn.

I feel a kinship with you.....

As the sages say only the company of the wise will make you wiser.

As an ember in the furnace of a new breed of writers waking up to grab their destiny and just write some amazing stuff, i hail u .

Ahuda


Primus inter pares Baba!

You and I are like two lions littered on the same day, and I, the elder and more terrible. (apologies Shakespeare). We no go see atols. :cool::D:wink:

Count 1
_________________________
_________________________

Hmmmmmmmm! ...............Hmmmmmmmmm!!. and Hmmmmmmmmmm!!! again.

I don't Know how I have missed your post/write-ups up before now, but you sir are a talented writer. Bravo! my brother Bravo!!

Bros, if no be say i must follow protocol, walahi na me go hammer your Kpali myself now now now. You are no doubt a proud asset to our Village.

Keep it up Bro.

I dey go come first make I go compile your List of partikolas:arrow::arrow::arrow:

Sandylomo,

I want to tank you for your commendashun on dis occashun of confamashun and recognishun. As I poise myself to receive this Passport, I want to first of all give all recognition to God for creating me, and who in his infinite wisdom chose my fadder and my mudder to born me. Tenk you, tenk you, tenk you everbodi.:):):)

C 1
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_________________________

Hi count 1,

You are welcome to the penultimate stage of your Visa Interview process.
Please find below, the list of "Partikolas":wink: that you must present to the Village elders before your Visa will be approved.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The List:

(1) One basket of GENUINE Igboid kola nuts (oji Igbo)

(2) One basket of Arewaesque kola nuts (goro/gworo).

(3) One tiny teaspoon (5ml. max) of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu (without this, you file remains open)

(4) 10 x 50 litres jerry-cans of palmie (pasteurized palm wine powerless).

(5) Isi ewu (with 2 eyes, 1 tongue, and 2 ears per goat head)

(6) Unlimited suyarized and tenderized beef and pork barbeque (for all Villagers and JJCs).

(7) Roasted cocoyam to serve 50 seasoned elders (maximum).

(8) Nigerian omelet (for 50 seasoned elders only.)

(9) 2 crates of Hennessey XO champagne brandy, for His Excellency, Oga Big-K.

(10) 13 crates of Dom Perignon (for 13 very seasoned, kunu-allergic elders).

(11) 100 strings of Jigida beads for the women

(12) 50 tins of Saturday Night powder

(13) 20 wraps of eko (for the toothless elders)

(14) Spicy goatmeat peppersoup

(15) 30 crates of Crush & Mirinda Orange

(16) 50 cartons of Guiness Odeku

(17) 30 cartons of Malta Guiness

(18) 15 bowls of freshly ground Lahli (African tatoo)---reserved for Chairperson, Board of Trustees (JJCAMB)

(19) 150 miniature jars of Tiro (African eyeliner)---reserved for the Chairperson, Board of Trustees(JJCAMB)

(20) 2 drums x 250 litres of high octane triple-distilled GENUINE 100 degrees proof ogogoro.

(21) Highly pepperized fresh fish pepper soup to serve all Villagers, JJCs, and their guests, including gatecrashers present.

(22) 50 plates of Salade Du Nigeriana (i.e. Ugba + okporoko, garnished with uziza/uda puree) for placating the hard-liners and hawks of the Elders' Forum.

(23) Unlimited supply of bitter kola, alligator pepper, and garden egg.

(24) 50 Coolers of Steaming hot Ajinomotoless jollof rice.

(25) 10 x 100 litres jerry-cans of superbly chilled, pasteurized kunu.

(26) 12 coolers of plantain pottage

(27) 25 foil pans of pepperized snail (exclusively reserved for the women)

(28) One dozen, full sheet, Birthday cakes (fondant icing)

(29) 500 Goodie bags

(30) 1 sackload of killishi

(31) 1 sackload of kulinkuli

(32) 10 Tins of Ijebu garri


Simply make sure that the above list is included in your next post, thereafter, I will forward a final reccomendation to the Welcomer-In-Chief to approve your Visa request.

Remmember: Don't keep the elders waiting o!

Sandylomo, O worthy herald of a great king,

When the Lion roars into the dusky sky, the whole jungle vibrates with trembling, for the animals know that it is the signal for the hunt.
When the impala sights the cheetah coming to him at full extension, his leaps into the air are a macabre dance of his last rites.
When the Elephant dances, antelopes stoop to drink from the rainwater gathered in his footprints.
When the buffalo trots backwards, it is to gather momentum and power for its crushing charge.
The Tiger's creeping crawl through the undergrowth has nothing at all to do with fear - except for his prey.

It is I Count 1 who speaks. I crave your indulgence for despite the forewarning I have delayed my response a little to give adequate consideraton to exactations levelled upon me. I was gratified to see that the site was shut down to give me more respite and time to revert. Following lenghty consultation with my advisers neccessitated by the long and exhaustive list above, I proclaim to the hearing of all as follow;

The intricacies of the list were eloquent that it was a mark of honour and recognition for the Warrior-king -in-waiting that I am. Consequently, I have had to make arrangements to ensure that my exile in your domain is an equally welcomed one. For has it not been recounted far and wide how the palace messenger that was sent to the old King to inform him of my birth played on the way and was beaten to the report by the messanger for my brother who was born after me? My brother occupies the throne now and thus I seek to wait out his days in your kind hospitality. There cannot be two kings in a kingdom.

To smoothen my way into your royal presence, I bring with me in addition to all that you have asked, ten nubile maidens undefiled by any man's touch and ten handsome strong warriors chaste until this day, for marriage into your kingdom. Thus may our blood be mixed in kinship. I also bring Indigos and dyes of a quality unseen before, untold spices from the Orient and one hundred white slaves. Yes white! The females are lean and angular and not as exciting as our girls, but will make excellent handmaidens to your princesses. I also bring two hundred guns for your armoury, the type that the white man calls Winchester Repeater rifles, for I hear there is much strife and dissent in here. The ammunition will suffice to put down ten uprisings and the guns have no rival for they are the most modern and do not require a second to muzzle-load.

Finally I bring with me, a little gold for your coffers, just enough to pile to the height of three men and cover the distance to which an able-bodied man can throw an assegai. I trust that it wll be enough to defray our expenses.

O wise ones , o great ones, gifted beyond measure, immovable and resilient, may my gifts find favour with you.:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

Count Vladimir the Impaler 1 and King-in-waiting of Transylvania,
_________________________
_________________________

Count1 you worry me.

A white fellow who can ONLY count 1 and speaks big english with greetings in yoruba.

You worry me.

Welcome.

Djister

Djister,

fret not thy soul. Only yoruba? What of dialectical Igbo?


Chei! Chei! Chei! Ndi NVS Unu ka... Hei! Unu ka... Hei! Mmammanu ! Hei, Hei Hei!

See you later.

C1

[valleygirl]

Hmmmmmmmm! Nice going there count1.

I Really enjoyed your reply above. Loaded with wisdom to say the least:cool:.

As you probably know, no ogbonge (original) naija person don complete without a proper knowledge of our working official language for VTT i.e Brokin english.....

To that effect I have been directed by HRH Don carlos Abraxas III a.k.a. His Eminence, Sheikh Sadiqq d’Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates) who, coincidentally is the visting Professor of Neurolinguistics at Ile-Ogbon school of Hard Knocks to tell you that your last challenge of your visa process will be to translate just one Paragraph Pere (only) from your reply above into original waffi Brokin english.

To help, I have requoted the required paragraph to be translated below.

No disapoint me o:wink::lol::wink:

:twisted: ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh am so waiting for this translation too! ha ha

[Tola Odejayi]

Count1,

If privacy is your only issue with publishing articles, please PM me and let's see what we can work out. I think it would be a shame if that was the only thing stopping visitors from NVS from enjoying the fruit of your creativity.

Cheers,

S.

[calist]

The count1, do make yourself very comfortable while your visa is been stamped. i hope you are ready for the jollification that will follow immediately.

Cheers in advance :D.
Calist
Chief of Staff

[E_Pluribus_Unum]

Again Great One i hail.

Primus inters pares,

scriberi ex machina.

The elder and more terrible,

hmmm well if you say so.


YOU are recognised.

[sandylomo]

:twisted: ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh am so waiting for this translation too! ha ha

Hi ValleyGirl, Count 1 don already translate . See last paragraph at post 11.
_________________________
_________________________
Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS(III)
Welcomer-In-Chief of all NVS-compliant JJCs Here andBeyond
Village Twin Towers Complex
NVS-Cyberspace


September, 16th 2008


Dear Oga,

This is Presenting......................................Co unt 1 (MGOEM):razz:

The above-named JJC has satisfactorily completed all aspects of the JJCAMB due process, including special packaging and delivery of elders 'partikolas',.

He has shown great character, outstanding interpersonal skills, unsurpassed level of humility and an indepth knowledge of our official working language.

Above all this erudite gentleman of no mean repute has demonstrated exemplary level of the noble art of Ego-massaging and will in due course be officially inducted into the Highly Esteemed Grand Order of Ego Massagers (GOEM) of NVS

Sir, by the power vested in me by the Board of Directors of JJCAMB, I hereby motion Count 1 forward and recommend that you, please, approve his request for the much coveted NVS Visa; and can I humbly request that you in your magnanimity, approve an extra Gbosa and an extra appendix for his outstanding performance


Thank you, Sir!

[Count1]

Again Great One i hail.

Primus inters pares,

scriberi ex machina.

The elder and more terrible,

hmmm well if you say so.


YOU are recognised.


E Pluribus Unum


You are very rugged!


Res ipsa locutor ... Noli me tangere.


Count 1

[Abraxas]

The Village High Commission









500th Floor, The Twin Tower Complex, The Square NV1SQ, Cyberspace.



Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com



Reference: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/CNT.8.002.Cap 90/12 Vol.4Q./61510227/.APPDX.LXXVIX(C)

Date: Sunday, 21 September 2008.


Hi, Count1 (JJC)!

Congratulations!

Three (3) nuclear GBOZAs to you for your excellent inter-personal skills, for voluntarily minimizing your ego, for conducting yourself very well, and successfully completing your visa interview.


http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpgTEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPROVED. http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpg


Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

APPENDIX 1:

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Ilorin, a woman and a man were involved in a ghastly car accident. Both of their cars were totally mangled up, but amazingly, neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said:

“So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replied:

"Oh yes, I agree with you completely: this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Remy Martin XO champagne brandy didn't break. Surely, God really wants us to drink this brandy and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she handed the bottle to the man.

The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it and drank half of the bottle, and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asked:

"Aren't you having any?"

The woman replied:

"No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:Women are clever, daughters of Eve. Don't mess with them!

That is the end of my first story for today.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 2:

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Abuja, three Americanized Nigerian beggars were sitting on a bench in a public park, blowing ‘tory.

1st Americanized beggar: “Ma wife sure is stupid! ... She bought an air conditioner.”

2nd Americanized beggar: “Why is that stupid?”

1st Americanized beggar: “We ain't got no NEPA for de past ten years, mieeeeeen!”

2nd Americanized beggar: “That ain’t nothin'! Ma wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled washing machines!”

1st Americanized beggar: “Why is that so stupid?”

2nd Americanized beggar: ‘‘Because we ain't got no plumbing!”

3rd Americanized beggar: “That ain't nothing! Ma wife is dumber than both ya wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day, lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in there.”

1st and 2nd Americanized beggar: “Well, what's so dumb about that?”

3rd Americanized beggar: “She ain't got no piriki.”

That is the end of my second story for today.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, folks!

There is a NEW limit of 10,000 characters imposed on the visa notification letter, and so, APPENDIX 3 will have to come latter!

DJ-CA (III)

[MsWoman]

This Count1 sef be like one intellectual! E be laik say una too sabi book joh! See how hin dey drop Igbo, Yoruba, English and Latin..e be laik say hin dey speak Italo sef! How you come take know all dese language? In short, I want to be your friend!

[Count1]

The Village High Commission









500th Floor, The Twin Tower Complex, The Square NV1SQ, Cyberspace.



Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com



Reference: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/CNT.8.002.Cap 90/12 Vol.4Q./61510227/.APPDX.LXXVIX(C)

Date: Sunday, 21 September 2008.


Hi, Count1 (JJC)!

Congratulations!

Three (3) nuclear GBOZAs to you for your excellent inter-personal skills, for voluntarily minimizing your ego, for conducting yourself very well, and successfully completing your visa interview.


http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpgTEMPORARY TRANSIT VISA APPROVED. http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpg


Muchas gracias.

Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

APPENDIX 1:

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Ilorin, a woman and a man were involved in a ghastly car accident. Both of their cars were totally mangled up, but amazingly, neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said:

“So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replied:

"Oh yes, I agree with you completely: this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Remy Martin XO champagne brandy didn't break. Surely, God really wants us to drink this brandy and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she handed the bottle to the man.

The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it and drank half of the bottle, and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman took the bottle, and immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asked:

"Aren't you having any?"

The woman replied:

"No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:Women are clever, daughters of Eve. Don't mess with them!

That is the end of my first story for today.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
APPENDIX 2:

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):
And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Abuja, three Americanized Nigerian beggars were sitting on a bench in a public park, blowing ‘tory.

1st Americanized beggar: “Ma wife sure is stupid! ... She bought an air conditioner.”

2nd Americanized beggar: “Why is that stupid?”

1st Americanized beggar: “We ain't got no NEPA for de past ten years, mieeeeeen!”

2nd Americanized beggar: “That ain’t nothin'! Ma wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled washing machines!”

1st Americanized beggar: “Why is that so stupid?”

2nd Americanized beggar: ‘‘Because we ain't got no plumbing!”

3rd Americanized beggar: “That ain't nothing! Ma wife is dumber than both ya wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day, lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in there.”

1st and 2nd Americanized beggar: “Well, what's so dumb about that?”

3rd Americanized beggar: “She ain't got no piriki.”

That is the end of my second story for today.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, folks!

There is a NEW limit of 10,000 characters imposed on the visa notification letter, and so, APPENDIX 3 will have to come latter!

DJ-CA (III)




Our Baale Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS, I salute you. Olorioko Sandylomo, I hail,

It is with the greatest of humility that I accept my induction into the Grand Order of Ego Massagers as a member (GOEM). I aspire to be a Fellow someday.

It is with an effervercence of emotion that I acknowledge my acceptance into the Village on TemTransit Visa. (Temporary?!!?:surprised)

I thank you all, and I promise to abide by village rules as perceived, viz

1. All Villagers are equal except those who are permanent members of the security council, the Secreteriat and the incumbent Village Head.
2. None interference in the internal matters of other huts.
3. Threatening Force-posture when provoked
4. Mutually assured destruction intent unless appeased
5. Mutual escalation of disputes to hegemonic levels
6. Positive Response to Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)
7. Romantic diplomacy and strategic intimate alliances
8. Conformity to sub-regional and regional policies
9. Auto-determinism, bilateral and multilateral cooperation
10. Striving for Village Peace.

The above are compiled from the interraction I have observed thus far between villagers. Please correct me if I am in error.

Once again, I thank you for this honour.

Count 1:D

[Count1]

This Count1 sef be like one intellectual! E be laik say una too sabi book joh! See how hin dey drop Igbo, Yoruba, English and Latin..e be laik say hin dey speak Italo sef! How you come take know all dese language? In short, I want to be your friend!

I dey hear French too. Make I talk am make you hear? Oya try this ..
NAKU PENDA. It means Chinaku, where is the Pen?.
And HAKUNA MATATA. Beware of Females!

Au Revoir!

[sandylomo]

Big Congrat Count 1, and please fel free to drop into the VTT @ anytime to lend in a sweet welcome to our JJC.

BTW how you take see Ms Woman's proposition?;)

See you around

[depirate]

Me sef a dey hear plenty languages o!, a dey hear french, shinese, garman, yoroba, eebo, howusa, latin, spanish etc etc, de wahala na say a no get any idea of wetin a dey hear

Count1 you are welcome and i am sure you know what the title of your intro implies (remember to he that much is given, much is expected)

[Count1]

Big Congrat Count 1, and please fel free to drop into the VTT @ anytime to lend in a sweet welcome to our JJC.

BTW how you take see Ms Woman's proposition?;)

See you around

Sandylomo,

thanks for the invite. I feel deeply honoured. That Ms Woman's Invitation to treat was exciting. I just posed first to buy time so I could do some background investigation. Wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes in this village, nor bite into... I mean bite off more than I can chew.

Count 1

[Abraxas]

The Village High Commission









500th Floor, The Twin Tower Complex, The Square NV1SQ, Cyberspace.



Official Website: http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com (http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/../)



Reference: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/CNT.8.002.Cap 90/42 Vol.4Q./61510227/.APPDX.LXXVIX(C)

Date: Wednesday, 24 September 2008.


Hi, Count1 (JJC)!

Please refer to our memorandum of deeper understanding (Ref: VTT/VHC/JJCAMB/CNT.8.002.Cap 90/42 Vol.4Q/61510227/APPDX.LXXVIX(C)), dated Sunday, 21 September 2008.

Further to the earlier release of two (2) nuclear GBOZAs, I hereby append the third and final nuclear GBOZA to you for your excellent inter-personal skills, for voluntarily minimizing your ego, for conducting yourself very well, and successfully completing your visa interview.

Muchas gracias.


http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpgDon Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III).http://i259.photobucket.com/albums/hh294/Komsykomsa/SealofthePresidentofNigeria.jpg
(a.k.a. His Eminence, Sheikh Sadiqq d’Fuqkk of Sakkwato Khalifate, Darfur & Dubai Emirates)


Out-going Welcomer-in-Chief & Village High Commissioner; Life President, Elders’ Forum (Bar & Discotheque); CEO, Global Alliance Against Neo-Racism in British Airways; Director of Propaganda & Enlightenment (D.O.P.E.), Special Task Force for the Demystification of OBJ, IBB, Murtala Mohammed, Mohammadu Buhari, Abdulsalami Abubakar, David Mark, et al; Director of Operations, Special Task Force for the Efficient Evacuation of OBJ from Aso Rock Villa, Abuja, to Ibogun (in the middle of Nowhere); Secretary General, Global Coalition for the Demilitarization of Nigerian Politics, post-OBJ.





cc: Department of Miscellaneous What-not-isms, Office of His Excellency, Oga Big-K (The Penthouse, 555th Floor)
cc: Chairperson, Board of Trustees, JJC Admission Matters Bureau (500th Floor)
cc: Out-going Adviser General, AG, JJCAMB. (500th Floor).
cc: In-coming Welcomer-in-Chief. (450th Floor)
cc: In-coming Adviser General, JJCAMB. (450th Floor
cc: Database Administrator, DA. (Basement Level 30)
cc: Director, Village Homeland Security Department (DD-VHS), (250th Floor)
cc: Director, Visa Interrogation Operations, D-VIO. (440th Floor)


APPENDIX 3:

Revised Standard Version (RSV) translated from the Original Brokin Edition (OBE) of the Gospel according to Deaconess (Senator) Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello (JP), the very beloved horny daughter of a randy former military despot.

Story, story, (story). Once upon a time, (time, time!):

And so, it came to pass that, in the good old olden days, in ancient Victoria Island, a man stumbled through, paralytically drunk, when he came upon a preacher baptising people at the Bar Beach. The drunk walked into the water and subsequently bumped into the preacher. The preacher turned around, and was almost overcome by the smell of Grade “A” 100 degrees proof ogogoro. Whereupon, he asked the drunk:

“Are you ready to find Jesus?”

“Yes I am” replied the drunk, so the preacher grabbed him, and dunked him in the Kuramo Beach of the Atlantic Ocean. He pulled the drunk up and asked him:

“Brother, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replied:

“No, I haven't”

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunked him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulled him out of the water, and asked again:

“Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The drunk again answered: “No, I have not found Jesus, yet.”

By this time the preacher was at his wit’s end, so he dunked the drunk in the water again, but this time he held him down for about 98 seconds.

When the drunk began kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulled him up. The preacher asked the drunk again:

“For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk wiped his eyes, and caught his breath, and said to the preacher:

“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

That is the end of my third and final story for today.

[Ph3y]

@ count1,

See i have no problems with your visa being granted but as soon as the elders hand your visa to you, they should immediately purchase dictionaries for all villagers or maybe admin should find a way of integrating wordweb or bookshelf into NVS boards and also on your profile page. If u were blowing that much grammar before you got your visa, by the time you get visa haaa!! will we be able to survive??

The above is my humble submission

[Dimaanu]

Count1

Nice intro!
Sorry that it took me so long to get to your Welcome party.
I went on a pilgrimage to the Vatican and I bring you greetings!

In addition:
Congratulazioni! Siete la maggior parte del benvenuto a NVS!:D

[Count1]

Count1

Nice intro!
Sorry that it took me so long to get to your Welcome party.
I went on a pilgrimage to the Vatican and I bring you greetings!

In addition:
Congratulazioni! Siete la maggior parte del benvenuto a NVS!:D

Agnus Dei! Quitolis pecatta mundi.Suacipe, suscipe deprecatsio nem nostrum. Miserere nobis. Domine Deus Rex Celestis filius patris. Domine Deus Agnus Dei, filius patris. Biko T'onu Chukwu, t'onu Chukwu. Biko were'onu t'onu Chukwu, t'onu Chukwu, bu Chukwu nez:lol::lol:ie!

Count 1

[Dimaanu]

Agnus Dei! Quitolis pecatta mundi.Suacipe, suscipe deprecatsio nem nostrum. Miserere nobis. Domine Deus Rex Celestis filius patris. Domine Deus Agnus Dei, filius patris. Biko T'onu Chukwu, t'onu Chukwu. Biko were'onu t'onu Chukwu, t'onu Chukwu, bu Chukwu nez:lol::lol:ie!
Count 1


What??? Ah don shout "Halleluia" taya!:lol:


Count1,

O gini?.....Did vos lucror lottery? Qua est meus partis of is?:p

[Count1]

No o I did not win lottery, Dimaanu. Therefore, your share of nothing is nothing. :) I was only rejoicing in my acceptance as a villager on NVS. I am trying my best to be unobtrusive without much success. I will try harder.

Count 1