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A Dead Governor, Ten Million Naira, and Me. Print E-mail
Written by WayoGuy   
Saturday, 09 June 2007

 

A Dead Governor, Ten Million Naira, and Me

By WayoGuy

 

I was in Port Harcourt that Sunday morning, when my telephone rang in the middle of the night. My friend and school mate, Little Loof, from Naigawa state, was on the other line. He was frantic.

“Wayo”, he said frantically, “turn on your television and check out the news!”

The news was grim indeed. Every man and woman in Nigeria was in shock that morning.

 

Governor Lar Ceny of Naigawa state had been murdered the night before. He was found on the bedroom floor at his official residence, in a pool of blood, dead. As I watched the news, I recalled that Little Loof’s father, Chief Loof Taf, was the governor’s godfather. No wonder Little Loof was frantic.

 

Several federal law enforcement agencies, including the police, had spent several hours at the crime scene that Sunday, according to news reports. They took away cartons of pieces of evidence including the dead body.

Monday morning, all the major media outfits (newspapers, radio, and television) reported the crime as their lead stories.

That same Monday morning, the strangest spectacle that ever confronted the citizens of Nigeria made it on live television:

 

Nigerians watched in horror as Chief Loof Taf, the three-hundred-pound estranged godfather of the murdered governor, gave a news conference openly rejoicing at the murder:

 

 “He deserved to die” he intoned, derisively, “Everybody knows that Governor Ceny had too many enemies. I personally sponsored his campaign into the governor’s mansion and he repaid me with insults. He was an unreliable, backstabbing fool. I am happy and relieved that he his dead!”

 

A journalist asked “Is it true that you are the number one suspect for his murder?”

 

“If I had the opportunity” Chief Taf laughed, “I would have killed him myself”

 

Shaking his fist in the air, he continued. “To be honest with you, I was ready to pay my boys Ten Millions Naira to eliminate him. But some other enemies that he made for himself apparently got him before me. I am so happy that if I find the chap who killed that rat, I will pay him the Ten Million Naira. He and I should be friends because we had a common enemy. I will celebrate the death of the foolish governor Friday evening at my house at 419 Ige Street, here in Naigawa City, Naigawa. Everyone is invited. I will slaughter at least five cows….”

The entire country was in shock. People were shocked, not just because of the potent venom being spilled on the head of a dead man by the godfather. They were shocked not just because of the novelty of a murder suspect admitting that he had a desire to kill the victim on live television. They were shocked more because, at the news conference, Nigerian policemen and women flanked the godfather as his security. They were shocked that the godfather was not detained promptly for interrogation. They were shocked that it was the national television station that aired the news conference in prime time.

As if the shock was not enough, citizens watched with horror as the Minister of Justice and Minister of Information gave separate news conferences defending the right of Chief Loof Taf to air his views in, as they put it, ‘a democratic society’. Following the strange news conference, mouths began to wag among Nigerians and internationally.

 

I could barely sleep for four days, while waiting for that Friday so that I would join the celebration at Chief Loof Taf’s house. If you know my wayo ways, then you already know that I was not going there for the food and drink. I had plans to get the Ten Million Naira the chief had vowed to give the killer of the governor.

 

Thursday night, my friend Little Loof called me again and, very casually, told me that the killers of the governor had cut off his left ear and let index finger from the dead body. Again, very casually, he let me know that he would be out of town in Lagos on Friday. He would not be at his father’s house for the celebrations on Friday. In hindsight, I now see that Little Loof knew me better than myself as you too will see shortly.

 

Friday, I was at Chief Loof Taf’s house. I had not counted on other people having the same idea as me. I had forgotten that I was in Nigeria ! There were one hundred and fifty men who sat in the guest room waiting for an audience with the chief while thousands of other people enjoyed the music and food outside.

 

Those sitting in the guest room were silent but clearly dying to get their hands on Ten Million Naira. We regarded one another with angry rivalry but no one said a word. One by one, we were called into an inner room for a private one-on-one meeting with Chief Loof Taf.

 

But no one who went in ever came out again. This fact visibly caused enormous stress to those yet-to-be-called as we shifted uncomfortably in our seats. It occurred to me once or twice to bolt from that room. But the lure of money, such huge sum of money, was too much…

 

When my turn came, I was ushered into the inner room. As soon as I walked in, two things immediately caught my attention: Chief Loof Taf was sitting on a sofa alone with a glass of wine in his hand; and there was yet a second inner room past the one where the chief sat. Without wasting time, the chief asked me straight-forwardly “Are you here to collect the Ten Million Naira reward?”

 

I mumbled a nervous “Yes.”

 

“If you are the killer, then tell me what parts of the governor’s body was cut off after he was killed”.

 

The one minute it took me to answer the question was the longest minute of my life. I quickly recalled what Little Loof had told me and blurted it out: “One finger and one ear.”

 

“Which ear and which finger?” asked the chief.

 

“The left ear and the left index finger”

 

“Congratulations. You are the only person who has answered the questions correctly. Only the killer knows that information because it is not public knowledge. Did you kill the governor alone?”

 

“Yes”, I said.

 

The door to the second inner room flew open and four huge police officers came out, quickly snatched and dragged me into that room and closed it again. I saw, in that room, the other impostors who had been ushered in to see the chief before me, all quiet and dejectedly terrified. Everyone was told to leave, free to go home, as the officers handcuffed me. They led me through the crowd outside and forced me into a waiting police vehicle which would drive me to prison.

 

As the police vehicle drove off, I shuddered with fright, as I saw my friend, Little Loof, cheerfully looking into the vehicle to wave me goodbye, with a smile on his face.

 

The next day, both the electronic and print media, carried the following news:

 

The president, Umaru Yar’Adua, has commended members of his elite team of criminal investigators, for solving the murder of Governor Lar Ceny with the swift arrest of a suspect, one Mr. Nam Noc who may have dual American/Nigerian citizenship. The suspect was secretly videotaped while confessing to his role in the crime.

 

Addressing newsmen on the arrest yesterday, the president called it “the swiftest apprehension of a suspect in a murder case of this political significance”. He credited the ‘novel tactic’ of investigation by his crime team without specifying what the ‘tactic’ was.   

 

Due to ongoing investigations of numerous other homicides in the country by the new team of investigators, using the same methods applied in the case of Governor Ceny’s murder,  the government is withholding further forensic information until the suspect is arraigned in court.

  WayoGuy@aol.com

 




RobotRobot is offline 
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 # 1

The new president had a problem. A...Read the full article.

Posted by Robot| 10.06.2007 09:02

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akuluounoakuluouno is offline 
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 # 2

Wayoooooooooooo! Na you Bikooooooooo!

I doubt if another murder can be solved given the danger of this method. If we keep dangling an ear and an index finger plus a non-existent 10 million Naira for a murder, very soon human body spare part business will go plc, overtake car spare parts business and shares in them will become the most lucrative in our stock exchange making 9ger a grisly wayoland.
Well, knowing that it is the stuff wayotales are made of, I am not surprised. I hope UMY'A who is the only real person and name in this wayoepisode does not succumb to your style of police investigations. Okiro take note. Keep on with your Wayo treatures.
Never to worry, you will be discharged and acquitted just like the wife of a Polish immigrant mugu whose husband accused her of trying to kill him because she bought a Polish Remover:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

Posted by akuluouno| 10.06.2007 13:33

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emjemj is offline 
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 # 3

Eiya, sorry pele, how not to be Mugufied:biggrin::biggrin:

You juess fell yakata like dat phor da Set-Up, AKA Fat and Little Fools Russian-Roulette:eek::p

Seriously though, who do you think is in charge in Nigeria? What with Charlatans who shld be locked up being given full security, even when they are a threat to the security of life and well being of the citizenry..........decency gone to da dogs, QAS

Posted by emj| 10.06.2007 14:14

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presidencypresidency is offline 
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 # 4

WayoGuy:

God don catch you! All days for the thief, one day for the owner. Since all these days wey you don dey maga people, you sef don turn maga!:lol:

The only thing that can save you is for you to confess. The telephone conversations you had with Loof can be of help to exonerate you; just ask for those conversations to be played to everybody's hearing in court.

Hmmmn, you can hire me as your Lawyer...only on the condition that you will give me that your beautiful sister:D:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Posted by presidency| 10.06.2007 14:47

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WayoGuyWayoGuy is offline 
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=presidency;182728>WayoGuy:

God don catch you! All days for the thief, one day for the owner. Since all these days wey you don dey maga people, you sef don turn maga!:lol:

The only thing that can save you is for you to confess. The telephone conversations you had with Loof can be of help to exonerate you; just ask for those conversations to be played to everybody's hearing in court.

Hmmmn, you can hire me as your Lawyer...only on the condition that you will give me that your beautiful sister:D:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:



Brother presidency:
You see how them come finish me like Indian prostitutes take finish Sanni Abacha. I dey here for prison dey cry. I dey beg you with my knee for ground make you be my lawyer.
My sister no dey again. I get one aunt wey I go give you. She be only 64 years old. Abeg.

But bros, make I take style ask you one question wey dey trouble me: as my lawyer, you think say I fit sue that Chief Loof Taf for that Ten Million Naira? Some bobo wey dey here for prison with me say I fit do am under civil law. Abi na true?

Posted by WayoGuy| 10.06.2007 16:00

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nigeria we hail thee!nigeria we hail thee! is offline 
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 # 6

No be today i sabi wayoguy, I am sure he will wriggle out of this. i look forward to reading your follow-up.:neutral::neutral::neutral:

Posted by nigeria we hail thee!| 10.06.2007 17:08

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oguzie j.j.oguzie j.j. is offline 
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 # 7

Wayo na you biko u hia.

Suspence thats the logo with the NPF.

Overtake don overtake overtake(4x).

Posted by oguzie j.j.| 10.06.2007 17:38

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Bolaji AlukoBolaji Aluko is offline 
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 # 8

Superb story, simply stupendous!

I just did not know how the story would end....and the clincher was quite surprising!

I commot yanch for you, Wayo Guy!

When you get out of the pen, please tell us another story - or else tell us about your escapades while in solitary confinement!

Hmmm....

Posted by Bolaji Aluko| 10.06.2007 23:07

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Gen Sani AbachaGen Sani Abacha is offline 
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=WayoGuy;182747>Brother presidency:
You see how them come finish me like Indian prostitutes take finish Sanni Abacha. I dey here for prison dey cry. I dey beg you with my knee for ground make you be my lawyer.
My sister no dey again. I get one aunt wey I go give you. She be only 64 years old. Abeg.

But bros, make I take style ask you one question wey dey trouble me: as my lawyer, you think say I fit sue that Chief Loof Taf for that Ten Million Naira? Some bobo wey dey here for prison with me say I fit do am under civil law. Abi na true?

Maazi WayoGuy!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
As you can see, reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!!!
I am now sending you those two Indian ladies(they were not prostitutes by the way :p)
Enjoy yourself with them before your execution.
(psss little loof has arranged for a lil sumthin sumthin to be added to your gari and beans tonite...:D)

Sayonara WayoGuy..:lol:

Posted by Gen Sani Abacha| 11.06.2007 12:38

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ajis15ajis15 is offline 
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 # 10

Ole, oloju kokoro, Olorun mu e.

Posted by ajis15| 11.06.2007 13:06

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