The dramatic and mysterious escape of DSPAlams to freedom has dominated the news lately and may remain so for a while because of its implications. Casting off civility and the ethos of governance the political leaders of Nigeria derive great pleasure in strangling the people they were supposed to protect, as they embark on great adventures of treasury looting. One of the infamous "thieves" who lost his head during one of his adventures in London is now headhunting at the tiny state of Bayelsa. Chief D.S.P. Alamieyeseigha was one of the fiercest pirates who ever lived in the area. He was huge with protruding stomach, but lost a lot of weight after a fat-sucking surgery in Germany and his ordeal in London where he was arrested for money laundering.

DSPAlams fraudulent activities started off in the Nigerian army where he quickly learned to attack and plunder state treasury. After a stint in the army he became the governor of Bayelsa through fraudulent elections arranged by the People’s Democratic Party (PDP). That made him a sacred pirate in Yenagoa with the privilege of sailing out of the country at will to offload his loots. And in an effort to burnish his image and frighten off his political enemies he bought a bogus Ph.D. from a non-accredited university during one of his adventures overseas.

One of his favorite hideouts was Germany and London but the "thief" found it easy to lurk out there in Yenagoa and would often sneak out to the sea to prey on passing cargo ships carrying state treasury. With the assistance of some dubious bank directors and businessmen and women he was able to launder what he stole through foreign banks and real estate companies in Abuja. There are rumors that the god at Aso Rock ignored his criminal activities in exchange for his support for the third term agenda and part of the loots as donation to the PDP.

But Bayelsa and Abuja eventually grew tired of DSPAlams’ criminal activities when he started to plot against the third term agenda being organized by the anti-democratic group within the PDP and other sycophants at Abuja. When the god at Aso Rock could not silence the Pirate because of the immunity Clause, he asked Britain for help, and it did. The British Police arrested DSPAlams in London with cash-stuffed Ghana-must-go and locked him up. A legal battle ensued and Aso Rock dispatched the Minister for Justice to London to confront DSPAlams and he began to sense some danger. After his legal team fired a few feeble legal cannons in court DSPAlams was decapitated and his headless body was thrown into the police custody.

Some swore it was all over for the Pirate, as the ships that were carrying his loots and supporters were sinking. His gruesome headless body was removed from the police custody and deposited in his house in London. That was a good warning for other pirates sailing around the world with their loot; but because the British police was not watching the "Damn Smart-but-stupid Politician" bought his ticket to freedom and set out on the great adventure to freedom through the sea. At least that’s what the news says. But how exactly DSPAlams got back to Bayelsa remains a mystery because the security team in London is yet to figure out how the headless body slipped through the border. Was it through the sea or by air? There were some innuendoes.

One story has it that the headless body transformed into an ugly bulky woman wearing messy cosmetics and ferried across the Atlantic to France. Another story has it that the headless body was seen aboard a train to France disguising as a woman, from where it was transferred to an Air Afrique flight to Cote d’Ivoire. Yet another story has it that God brought the "thief" back to Nigeria to continue his operation. As the Bayelsa Commissioner for Information, Oronto Douglas notes in the Daily Independent (Nov 22, 2005), "We woke up this morning and he was here... He said that God brought him here." And the headless body that miraculously started to talk on resurfacing in Yenagoa gave glory to the Lord for bringing it to freedom. "Let me tell you this, apart from the God we serve, I want to tell you my dear brothers and sisters that I do not know how I got to Bayelsa state. We give God the glory." How could God do something like that? In fact, it is really by God’s infinite goodness and divine permission that most of the rogue- governors that tell atrocious lies hold their sacred offices.

The whole episode would make a good movie script that could be called "How to escape a short-term trap." And without wasting a minute the sycophants gave him a tumultuous welcome and now everything is topsy turvy in Bayelsa -the port of freedom. Nigeria seems a free country for high profile criminals where they are often applauded for enriching themselves by stealing public funds. It is a society where high profile criminals are given a slap on the wrist as prison sentence for defrauding the state of millions of dollars. The "thief" tried to protect his sacred office with personal security of hungry-looking youths tucking pistols and cutlasses and daggers under their belts, but they all disappeared in the thin air when some fierce-looking mobile police officers landed in Yanegoa. Then unprotected the ghost of DSPAlams is now all over Bayelsa, as it comes and disappears in a flash.

And some people are already dreaming about it. One person reported that he heard in a dream when a British police officer sternly asked his ghost "Where are you going, boy?" And it replied, "I am not a boy, or do I look like one?" The officer looked at the ghost in suspicion and left. The ghost stood silent for a little and said "Good heavens, it is possible I could be sent back to London." And transfixed with apprehension the heart was beating furiously! An old lady reported that she saw the "he-she ghost" in a dream carrying a lantern wandering around after dark and whispering "where is my head?" How could a headless ghost whisper?

The atmosphere in Nigeria has for long been so poisoned with fraud and acrimony, rancor and barbarism that nothing is working, but this great escape to freedom has worsened the situation. The former IG Mustafa Adebayo Balogun is now in jail for stealing and the god at Aso Rock has conspired with some members of the National Assembly and the herd of shameless sycophants for a sit-tight third term plot against the Constitution. What is wrong with Nigeria? It is only in this society that fugitives are governors and the President is flouting the Constitution with impunity.

Shhh, yes Shhh! There is rumor going around that DSPAlams could be impeached. But part of the problem is that most of the people calling for his head are also thieves and lawbreakers. And they do not have the moral courage to tell the "Dumb Politician" that the party is over. In view of what is happening in the society who will blame DSPAlams for escaping to freedom? You are amazing, DSPAlams! Where and how did you learn to beat the British police? It was a perfect escape! But how come your dumb head couldn’t remember how you left London?

But can DSPAlams survive the political trial in Bayelsa? Yenagoa, which was his most hospitable terrain, now appears like an enemy territory. The fear, however, is that the impeachment hammer being dangled over his head could be tossed away when some Ghana-must-go bags are smuggled into the bedroom of those that are asking for his head. It is pretty difficult for a thief to catch a thief and that becomes much more difficult when the thief is a Nigerian politician. Recently, "Saint" DSPAlams declared that he is not afraid of impeachment, insisting that he has not committed any crime. But why did he embark on the adventure to freedom? Nigerian politicians are known to be corrupt but none of them is guilty of any crime. Can any of the supporters of this "holy-thief" vouch for his innocence? And how far can this adventure to freedom take DSPAlams? Let’s watch and see how God’s goodness can protect the "thief." Many of the politicians are funny and pretty stupid, sometimes! Isn’t it?

Robot  Villager

# 1 The dramatic and mysterious escape of DSPAlams to freedom has dominated the news lately and may remain so for a while because of its implications. Casting off civility and the ethos of governance the political leaders of Nigeria derive great pleasure in strangling the people they wer...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 04.12.2005 04:41

Abraxas  Villager

# 2 For those Nigerians who still need to indulge in the national distraction of Alamieyeseigha-bashing, it might interest them to know that a high-level PDP king-making caucus met and resolved that Alamsco must be brought back from London to Yenagoa, by any means necessary, and with maximum dispatch, based on the following logic: (A) If Baba Iyabo’s megalomania for a third term in office succeeds, as a matter of PDP FAMILY AFFAIR, all 36 State Governors (including Alamsco, Dariye, Ngige, Tinubu, Ibori, Igbinedion, etc), and all 774 local government Chairmen will enjoy an additional SIX (6) years in office after 29 May 2007, under immunity. (Let bye-gone be bye-gone). (B) However, in the unlikely event that Plan (A) above fails, then the PDP FAMILY would like Chief (General) Baba Iyabo to graciously accept to be a Senator-for-Life (like General Augusto Pinochet of Chile did), and for Governor-General Alamsco to also graciously accept their clarion call to serve Nigeria for two (2) more SIX (6) YEAR terms, in a higher capacity, either as the President and Commander-in-Chief, or as the Vice President and Minister of Petroleum and Solid Mineral Resources of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, with effect from 29 May 2007, under immunity. (C) Note that if Plan (A) succeeds, then Plan (B) will be resurrected in 2013, when Baba Iyabo claims he would be 76 years old. (D) If Plan either (B) or (C) has to be, and Governor-General Alamsco humbly accepts to be the Vice President and Minister of Petroleum and Solid Mineral Resources for twelve (12) years, then he (Alamsco) will be eminently qualified to be the President and Commander-in-Chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria for a further twelve (12) years, under immunity, after the completion of his mandate as the Vice President. To God Be the Glory! Posted by Abraxas| 04.12.2005 07:38