For so long, I have stayed away from writing about this because I figured certain people might not take it the right way and it might strike some controversy, but now that I think about it, when has controversy ever been my enemy?  Never!  So I apologize, but I can no longer keep my peace.  Seriously speaking, all things being equal, how much should an engagement ring cost?

Let me make my stand known.  I, Vera Ezimora, do solemnly swear that I cannot and will not appreciate a cheap ring.  I will take it, but I cannot appreciate it.  Now, I do not expect him to rob a bank or remain in perpetual debt because he wants to buy my ring (unless he insists, of course), but common, cut me some slack. 

This is the way I think about it: if you can finance an eight hundred dollar camera and a one thousand dollar computer, then why not a six thousand dollar ring?  Seriously who says you have to pay everything at once?  Likewise, I do not want my husband wearing a cheap ring either.  I know men do not generally care too much for their bands, but I do. 

I have been in perpetual disagreement with my friends, Funmi and Busola.  Actually, Busola and I are on opposite ends; she does not care how much her ring costs while Funmi and I completely agree that the ring should cost a little something-something.  Know what I mean?  Funmi wants her ring to cost at least ten thousand dollars, but she will settle for nine (funny, I know).  I, on the other hand, do not have a particular amount, but I do know the ring I want, and I know it is at least five thousand dollars.  If it means anything to you, Uju is on our side.

I am glad that I have one Yoruba girl on our side because you know how we (Igbo girls) are famous for being famous gold diggers.  Needless to say, any gold digger that will accept a five thousand dollar ring cannot be a true gold digger; she needs some lessons.  That being said, I am removing myself from the list of gold diggers – just in case you have put me there.

I am not someone who is big on jewelry; in fact, my everyday life does not consist of me wearing any jewelry apart from my wrist watch.  If you were to run into me on the street, you would probably think I am a member of one of those churches that do not believe in wearing jewelry.  I need not mention any names.  I only have time for jewelry when I am actually going somewhere – as in attending a function.  And when I do attend those functions, the jewelries I wear do not put dents in my account.  Can you believe that at my age I do not have one single real diamond?  Do not be fooled by the sparkly things I wear; they are all fake, but I do not mind really…at least not yet.  Of course, if you are considering buying me a real diamond, I would be foolish to say no.  Speaking of things I do not have at my age, can you believe I have received flowers only twice?  And both times, I got them from the same guy (an admirer).  Do not let me bore you with my tales of woe. 

But when it comes to my engagement ring, I refuse to compromise.  I can wear my fake jewelries for a few hours and take them off, but my engagement ring stays on twenty-four-seven.  I get to meet a lot of brides-to-be on a daily basis, and some of them do not even have to say they are engaged before you know it.  The sparkle from their rings is enough to blind you.  Sadly, the brides with the sparkling rings are hardly Nigerians.  Or Africans.  Only a handful have been descendants from the Motherland.  For some other women, of course, you can hardly even notice they are engaged.  When they tell me they are engaged, I have to dilate my eyes to two hundred percent to find the rings.  Sometimes, I want to say something ignorant, like “Oh, is that your ring?  I thought that was just glitter from your lotion!”  The only reason I do not say it is because I am afraid of getting beaten up.  You know I cannot fight. 

I am not an inconsiderate person – at least not to my knowledge, so I do not expect a man who truly cannot even afford to make the monthly payments to buy me such a ring, so in such a case, I will most definitely compromise.  But I will do it in hopes of a better tomorrow.  In other words, I will do it in hopes that my ring will be upgraded in the nearest future.  However, if he can afford it, but simply thinks it is a waste of money, then we are going to have a problem.  Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well, right?  If my fiancé (whom I do not have right now) gets me a ring I do not want, I will be crying during the proposal, but they would not be tears of joy.  I bet you know what I will be crying for.

Am I asking for too much?  I do not think I am.  I am not asking that he buys me bracelets every month (although that will be good); I am not asking that he even goes to Jared every Valentine’s Day (although that will also be good); and I am most certainly not asking that my engagement ring be from Harry Winston (although the thought of it causes sweat beads of joy to form on my forehead).  All I am asking for is my engagement ring – the one I want – the one with the visible diamond, set on platinum (not gold, thank you!).  Will he not gloat and bask in the glory when other people praise him for my ring?  Will his head not get swollen when other women tell me how lucky I am to have him?  Have I asked for too much?  Will I not wear this ring everyday for the rest of my life?  Should I not be entitled to a ring that will not fade after a few months or years?  Is it so bad for me to adore the ring my husband has so beautifully adorned on my finger?  I know you know the answers to my questions.

So I ask again, is it just me?  Surely, there has to be someone else (apart from Funmi and Uju) who believes that an engagement ring should cost a pretty penny.  Of course, it is what the ring represents that truly counts, so why not make it count for a lot?  The weight of my big diamond is enough to remind me that I belong to someone.  But if I am forced to wear a light weight ring, I cannot be blamed for forgetting that I am engaged (or married).  And you know what will happen when I forget.

Diamonds are forever.  Heavy diamonds are forever and ever and ever…and then some!

You're welcome to reach me.

verastic@yahoo.com

http://verastic.blogspot.com

http://veraezimora.blogspot.com

443-834-7374

Robot  # 1 | 30.11.2007 09:31

For some other women...Read the full article.

Amy  # 2 | 30.11.2007 10:17

Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well, right? If my fiancé (whom I do not have right now) gets me a ring I do not want, I will be crying during the proposal, but they would not be tears of joy. I bet you know what I will be crying for. Of course, it is what the ring represents that truly counts, so why not make it count for a lot? The weight of my big diamond is enough to remind me that I belong to someone. But if I am forced to wear a light weight ring, I cannot be blamed for forgetting that I am engaged (or married). And you know what will happen when I forget. I am sure it is not just you as you will soon find out that you may very well have plenty of supporters everywhere in this our materialistic world. In a world that is crammed with thoughts of cost and cash value every where you look, it is not surprising that many today have bought into the mind-set that most things can be measured on the grid of monetary cost. Personally, and I speak for moi only, I will not encourage my man to finance a wedding ring under any circumstance as I think it is tantamount to living a life of make-belief. What the token(engagement ring) represents does not have to be determined in dollar terms, IMHO. I will be more inclined to respect a guy that is principled enough to save for things that matter to him and also spends within his means. The issue of how much should an engagement ring cost is so ambiguous and thus irrelevant because there's no recognizable standard for judging such items, given varied standards of living. A $500 engagement will mean the world if it is coming from a man that earns say $1800 a month. The same will probably seem ridiculous if the suitor is stupendously rich. Even at that, the fact that one can afford it does not justify spending horrendous indecent amounts on a ring with the level of deprivation in the world today. That said, a reasonable suitor knows to do his best to get his queen something decent and that is good enough for me. It's the love and element of surprise that counts the most to me personally. I didn't think I needed to pick out a ring for myself as it seemed to defeat the whole purpose of being presented with one. I am not in competition with anyone in this life and never will be and see no reason why I should lose sleep over whether friends and associates think the world or gutters of my engagement ring. Na my palaver and not anyone elses at the end of the day. Engagement ring is frankly not on my list of top investments in life and I don't fancy wearing one (actually do not wear any, BTW) that costs a bomb for even one day. It does not add or remove from his commitment or love for me. It is simply what it is- a token and not the real thing. He is the real thing and I guess if I am going to have him forever, it's just as good and even better than diamonds that last forever. I guess to each her own is what it boils down to. However, the priceless rule of MODERATION may be a good measuring tool sha. Later o.

mulan  # 3 | 30.11.2007 11:06

Funmi wants her ring to cost at least ten thousand dollars, but she will settle for nine (funny, I know). I, on the other hand, do not have a particular amount, but I do know the ring I want, and I know it is at least five thousand dollars. If it means anything to you, Uju is on our side. $10,000?! Do you know that is at least three times most people's salary in the US? And that is for those with averagely good pay? In naija terms that is over one million naira! Just for a ring? What would the wedding cost then or arent you planning to have one? Or are you planning that you and future hubby will continue credit payments for several years afterwards? This will be be in addition to mortgage, bills and children's expenses. Mbanu, nne think this thing twice now... I am not someone who is big on jewelry; in fact, my everyday life does not consist of me wearing any jewelry apart from my wrist watch. If you were to run into me on the street, you would probably think I am a member of one of those churches that do not believe in wearing jewelry. If you are not so big on jewelry and have not shelled out so much to deck yourself out in same then why the engagement ring? Keeping up with the joneses? And afterall it's from the guy's pocket not yours abi? I get to meet a lot of brides-to-be on a daily basis, and some of them do not even have to say they are engaged before you know it. The sparkle from their rings is enough to blind you. Sadly, the brides with the sparkling rings are hardly Nigerians. Or Africans. Only a handful have been descendants from the Motherland. For some other women, of course, you can hardly even notice they are engaged. When they tell me they are engaged, I have to dilate my eyes to two hundred percent to find the rings. And this is the crux of the matter it seems to me. You actually want to join the bandwagon and not just of our married sisters from naija but their American counterparts. It is very ga juu oooo:eek::rolleyes:

OverLoad  # 4 | 30.11.2007 11:54

Make una lef am..she go wake up soonest...:D Reality is that ppl are struggling just to marry sef or get someone to ask em make im marry dem, wetin cosain dem with engag what??..ehn?? ehn?? engagement ring....lol.... When she turns 39 and is unmarried..any man that comes along and says "will you ma...."" she will jump on him and take him efen without a cooper ring... Thats why una dey see that kinna bling bling for oyibo women and AA mostly. cos its their land plenty man boku, 9ja woman in diaspora just wanna get hooked up and move on with life, this one wey ppl just dey born pikin anyhow just to make man marry them una dey talk engagement ring....ppl be making desperate moves here and there to no avail, dis one wey ppl dey sleep untop mountain 40 nighst and days just to get man wey no go cheat on them beat them or siphon their bank accounts dry una dey focus on ring....u go dey ok I no yab u oo...its good to want good things and honestly if it was up to me a $10,000 engagement ring is cheap..(yahh thats how I roll :D)..... yah ...if I had my way , I want a proposal on the moon with 1 million dollar worth engagement ring....*kooko roo kooo" wake up.....its time for 9-5......average nkechis and bukolas should wash their face with water.....

crimsonbabe  # 5 | 30.11.2007 12:22

@Vera You have every right to want what you want and dont let anyone tell you its wrong. I think its about affordability and also culture. I'm sure you are referring to the US where having an engagement ring is pretty much part of the culture. I think its less important outside the US but since I live in the US, I can happily say that this is part of the culture that I have embraced and happy to:p.. I have read magazines that suggest 2 month - 3 months salary of the guy spent on your ring. For most men that get engaged, it takes then months of planning to get to that point, I dont see any problem if he can afford it and can save for it to buy you the ring that you feel you deserve. For me, an engagement ring is important and yes I know its a token but I want that token:biggrin: The cost of the ring has to do with how much the bobo can afford but I really dont see anything wrong with the bobo spending at least 1 month salary on my ring.. just like he can save for things important to him, he should be able to save for my ring over how ever many months that is needed... IMHO.. but should not go into debt for it Just my $0.2 CB

Nigerian  # 6 | 30.11.2007 12:52

:D:D:D:D:D I truly enjoyed that piece. You've got an excellent creative writing skills - I remember the last one you wrote on shiit. Ultimately, I think a man should be allowed to make up his mind on just how much he wants to spend on an engagement ring. He has to come out of pocket for the ring anyways, in other words, it really shouldn't be the woman's call. The last thing you want to do is to pressure or coax a man into getting you a ring he really does not want to get you. I recently got engaged and I paid a chunk (and I'm talking a real chunk) for the ring. I bought that ring not only because I can afford it, but also because I love her dearly and really wanted the engagement to be special. Now, does that makes me love my fiancee any more than someone who spent say $50 for a ring or chooses to slide an elastic rubber band into their fiancee's lazy finger as a symbol of love and commitment? I think not. Again, women should allow men the leverage on this one. Trust me, a dude that really wants to commit to you will most certainly make the right decision when picking an engagement ring.

Atomic Kitten  # 7 | 30.11.2007 13:39

I like the humor with which you wrote this topic. If a guy can and wants to buy a $10,000 ring then he should go ahead. If he can not then he shouldn't have to go into debt. In all seriousness though, the value of a man's love should be of more importance than the value of his ring to you.

tonsoyo  # 8 | 30.11.2007 13:40

Well Vera no doubt you are one heck of a resourceful writer with beautiful imaginations, I am taking this one as one of your ever fertile imaginations. But I think you should be more concern about getting the man first, before thinking about the ring. I have actually heard the story of a friend who was told by the girlfriend of many years that " you no go propose, abi make I borrow you the money for the ring?" You are only saying this because you have not met the right guy. When the right guy finally shows up, the ring will suddenly become symbolic to you that you will gladly accept a $50.00 Ross's On Sale ring. At that time you will be more worried about losing him to some other "smart" girl than to care about the value of the ring he would use. I'll be waiting to hear from you at the appropriate time. If tomorrow comes.

Showcase  # 9 | 30.11.2007 13:52

=Amy;4294968237>I am sure it is not just you as you will soon find out that you may very well have plenty of supporters everywhere in this our materialistic world. In a world that is crammed with thoughts of cost and cash value every where you look, it is not surprising that many today have bought into the mind-set that most things can be measured on the grid of monetary cost... You wrote this so well I have nothing to add. I just had to resist copying back the entire article. I'm watching to see the responses as they come in, especially from the women folks. My hypothesis is that the responses will be a reflection of age and experience (world outlook). Watching...

Showcase  # 10 | 30.11.2007 13:55

By the way, I'd wager Vera wrote this to gauge responses etc...or maybe for a research or something

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