18 Jan 2007 |
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These
women are every woman: Jasmine, the 30 year old single Pharmacist;
Anthonia, the 28 year old unmarried nurse; Moremi, the 31 year old
engaged social worker (and occasional tailor); Offiong, the 30 year old
wife, mother, and Lawyer; and Ebele, the 31 year old wife, mother, and
bank manager. Individually, they’ve got their own issues in their homes, but collectively, they are every woman.
Today, it’s Offiong’s turn to share.
‘Offy,
you’re so lucky’, ‘Offy, you’ve got the best husband’, ‘Offy, you’re
blessed’, ‘Offy, I wish I had a man like yours’, ‘Offy, Austin makes
you so happy’…give me a freaking break! These heifers don’t know what I am going through. I am so sick and tired of hearing everyone telling me how lucky I am to have
Before I get all carried away, let me tell you a little about myself. I’m pretty sure you have met my friends, and they have all described me as bubbly. Indeed, I am bubbly, but most times, I only appear to be bubbly. Austin and I have been married for less than two years. He proposed to me after we found out I was pregnant with our daughter, Ekanem. He
claims that he would have proposed even if I wasn’t pregnant; I don’t
know how true that is, of course, but I know I only accepted his
proposal because I was pregnant. Don’t get confused; I’m not saying I don’t love
Is
I had just put Ekky to bed and walked into our bedroom to change into my nightgown when
“
“Common, you’ve been saying that for the past few days, Baby.” He said, planting wet kisses on my neck.
The kisses were getting to me, but I was not about to budge, so I pushed him away.
“
His face changed. “Offiong, what the hell is wrong with you? I have been putting up with this foolishness for the past few days. You are my wife for crying out loud. Why do I have to beg for affection from my own wife?”
“The same reason I have to beg you to listen to me, Austin.” I spat back at him.
“Oh God! Are we back on this?”
“We never got off it! Why should I have to beg you to listen to me, huh? When there is a problem in our marriage, who am I supposed to tell it to? You
don’t want me to talk to you about it, you don’t want me to tell my
friends about it, and you don’t want me to bottle it up inside either. So what the hell am I supposed to do,
“I see you’re going through one of your moods, so I’m just gonna leave you alone. Let me know when you get out of your funk.” He said and walked out of the room.
Aarrgghhhh! I just wanted to scream! The only thing that stopped me was Ekky. I
may have been angry, but I wasn’t crazy enough to wake a two year old
from sleep…especially when I had to be up at six AM the following day. I cannot tell you how many times I have had this kind of discussion with
My first instinct was to follow him and give him a peace of my mind, but instead I broke down and started crying. All I wanted was for him to hear me out and actually listen to me. If I cannot talk to
I didn’t have a care in the world about where
The first one was to Jazz. She picked up after one ring. “Hey girl!”
“Jazz, you got a minute?” I asked her; I was not in the mood to play bubbly Offy.
“Offy, you okay? What’s wrong?” She had genuine concern in her voice.
“Not really. What time do you get off work tomorrow? I need to talk to you in person.”
“Actually, I’m off tomorrow. I switched with a co-worker last week because she couldn’t come in. What’s wrong?”
“I just wanna talk to you. Will you be home at about seven PM?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“You don’t mind if I bring Ekky along, do you?”
“Of course not! I’ll buy her some of those cookies she cannot get enough of.”
“Thanks, Jazz. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Alright bye.”
My second call was the one that I’m sure everyone would say I shouldn’t have ever made, but I made it anyway. I was too far gone to reason rationally – not that I was being irrational. Whatever I was doing, I was doing it because I was pushed to the wall. I’m not a bad person, so I did not need that validation. I was and still am a good person. After the call, I turned off my bedside lamp and went to bed with a huge grin on my face. Who says the grass cannot be greener on the other side?
The following day I couldn’t wait to get off work. I had so much on my mind that I needed to get off. I felt like I was about to burst open, and possibly hurt
“Offy, as much as I would love to accommodate you while you stall, I don’t have all day, sweetie, so spill.”
I tried to play ignorant, so I said, “Huh? What are you talking about?”
“You’re also a very bad actress.” She said, sounding a little too happy to disclose that information.
“Alright fine.” I gave up. “I will tell you, but don’t judge me, Jazz. I just need you to tell me the truth and set me straight. Don’t sugar-coat the truth, please.”
“So why aren’t you talking to Nia? We all know she will curse you out with pleasure.”
We both laughed when she said that because she was right. Nia would readily and happily curse me back to my ancestors.
“I really don’t know, Jazz. I just felt more comfortable coming to you.”
“Alright, well shoot!”
Before I spoke, I gave
Jazz sat down patiently with both her ears standing at attention. I guess she was eager to know what I was about to say, but I knew there was no way she was ready to hear what I was about to say.
“I think I’m having an affair.” I said casually as if I was talking about the flavor of my coffee creamer.
“What?!” Jazz sprang up from the couch to give me a you-better-be-joking look.
“Don’t judge me, please.” I reminded her.
“Offy, there has to be a mistake. What exactly is going on?”
I took a deep breathe and decided to tell her. “I have been talking to and having lunch with a supposed-to-be client. He knows I’m married, but we are starting to get a little too comfortable with each other.”
“Did you sleep with him?” Her voice sounded like she was going to have a heart attack if I told her I had.
“No!” I told her the truth. I had not had sex with him.
“But why would you do a thing like this, Offy? What is really going on? This is so unlike you!”
“
“That’s why we’re here, Offy. Why can’t you talk to us? We’re your friends!” Jazz sounded pissed.
Without thinking, I said, “Jazz, you don’t understand. Wes and I have---”
“Wes?? You call him Wes?”
“Wesley.”
“Offy, seriously, why are you doing this? Do you ever think of what
I
wanted to come up with an excuse, but I realized I couldn’t come up
with any plausible reason for confiding in a man other than my husband. I was so consumed with anger than I never stopped to think about the repercussions of my actions. What have I been thinking? I am a married woman for God’s sake! If
With all the thoughts running through my mind, I broke down in tears. For a while, Jazz just sat there looking at me if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to console me or not; as if I was perhaps too dirty for her to touch me. But after a few seconds of watching me, she decided to give me her shoulder to cry on.
“Offy, you know what you have to do, right?”
I nodded my head in between sobs. I had to break it off with Wesley. I had to tell him that whatever we had or whatever we were doing could not go on anymore. I had to give him a call to let him know we could no longer see each other.
“When will you tell him?” Jazz asked while stroking my hair.
“I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow. I gotta get home before
“Okay, but make sure you do so, okay? Don’t waste any more time; this could end your marriage if it ever gets out.” She sounded genuinely afraid.
“Thanks, Jazz.” I said as I got up and wiped my face with my palms. “You know I don’t want the girls to know of this, right?”
“Yeah, I know. Your secret is safe with me.” She said reassuringly.
I went into the bedroom and picked Ekky up. She was still sound asleep although she did open her eyes for a few seconds when I lifted her up. On my way home, I thought about
Even
though I would have eventually accepted his proposal, at the time he
proposed, I only accepted it because I did not want to have a child out
of wedlock. While I drove home to my husband, I reflected on our relationship, and I realized that even though I had always complained about
“Did I forget something?” I asked her as I picked up the phone.
“No. You home yet?”
“Nope. Almost there though.”
“I just wanted to ask, where is Wes from?”
I hesitated. I thought about lying, but what was the point? I had already told her the worst part of it. “He’s African American.”
She let out a deep breathe of disappointment. “Offy, I hope he does not decide to make it difficult for you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, concerned.
“I don’t know. African Americans are not Africans. Just be careful, okay? And call me when you get home, so I know you’re home.”
“Okay, I will.”
I hung up and thought about what Jazz had said. Indeed, African Americans are not Africans, but what difference does it make? Besides, Wesley did not seem like the kind of man who would give me a tough time. When I got home, I called Jazz to let her know I was home. Ekky
woke up and wanted something to eat, so I gave her some food, went over
some documents from work, watched some news on the television – they
never have anything exciting to say.
I waited for him to go to bed before I took a shower and lavished myself with some buttermilk lotion – the one he loved so much. He was lying in bed and pretending to be asleep, but I knew my man was watching me as I strutted my stuff in my see-through lingerie. Once I got into bed and ran my hands on his body, the rest was history. Before I knew it, he was speaking to me again – in a language that I did not even understand. We spooned for the rest of the night, with my back to his front. Now, all I had to do was break things off with Wesley tomorrow.
As soon as I got to work the following day, I called Wesley on his cell phone to tell him I had to talk to him, but he did not pick up, so I called his house phone and a woman picked up and told me she was his sister. She gave him the phone, and I spoke to him; he told me he was down with a cold. He wanted us to talk over the phone, but I told him I wanted us to meet in person as soon as possible. Of course, that was not an option since he was not feeling fine. He suggested I come over to his house, which I immediately declined, but then he convinced me that he was no harm; besides, his sister was there.
Long story short, I decided to meet him at home after work. His sister seemed nice; she made small talk with me while I waited for Wesley to get out of the bathroom. When he got out, his sister suddenly had to run an errand. I did not need supernatural powers to know that Wesley sent her out of the house. He sat next to me on the couch, and my God, the man smelt absolutely scrumptious! It was hard focusing and organizing my thoughts. I had it all figured out before I got to his house, but somehow it was too hard speaking.
“Uhm, Wes, I really need to talk to you.”
“I’m listening, baby. What’s wrong? You don’t sound so good.” He said tenderly.
I was a little lost for words when he said this. This was the reaction I always hoped to get from
“It’s about us.” I managed to say.
“What about us?” He asked, with his eyebrows arched high on his forehead. His smooth, glowing forehead. Focus Offiong!
Stammering, I said, “Wesley, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m a married woman and mother, and if my husband hears of this, he will skin me alive.” I had tears running down my eyes; I don’t know why.
He looked stunned; more like confused. Finally, he said, “Baby, I don’t know what you mean. I am not a child. I know you need someone to listen to you the way your husband ought to; I’m just trying to be that listening ear. We are not a couple, so how are we supposed to stop seeing each other?” He asked, sincerely.
I guess he was right. In retrospect, we never talked about being a couple. Why did I feel the need to break up a relationship that was not there in the first place? It was not like he had actually made a move on me or anything like that. However, I was attracted to him, so keeping him as a listening ear would be a dangerous game to play.
“I know, Wesley, but the thing is that I’m attracted to you, and that’s not right. I feel like I am emotionally cheating on my husband. I should not have these feelings for you.”
He took my right hand in both his hands, and said, “I like you too, Offiong, but I am not a child. Like I said, I know you’re a married woman, so I expect absolutely nothing from you. You are a good company to have, and I enjoy being around you, but I know that’s as far as it will ever go.”
I took a deep breathe. I was glad the confusion had been straightened out. I looked at him and smiled, happy that he was not misunderstanding our situation – if at all we had a situation. In the twinkle of an eye, Wesley moved closer to me. Before I had a chance to react, his lips were on mine. It was not just a peck. His lips were so soft. He parted my lips and slipped his warm tongue inside my mouth. At first I froze, but then I reciprocated. I returned the kiss. His breath was so fresh. His right hand was on my left breast, feeling me up. I was not supposed to, but I liked it. The hardness of my nipples testified to this. He started unbuttoning my shirt; I should have stopped him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. He kissed my neck. A moan accidentally escaped my mouth. He kissed my neck and made a wet trail with his tongue down my chest.
Shiiit! This was not part of the plan.
...Feedback is highly anticipated.
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