Last week was okay. The responses to my one hundred husband requirements were very encouraging.  I expected you guys to at least take advantage of the help in times of need and ask me the all important question, “Please, how can I be a wizard in the bedroom? Then I would have posted a manual on ways and means. But as it is, nobody asked and so nobody got. I must then conclude that all my brothers are just fine and have no need of an extra tutorial in what WE WOMEN REALLY WANT.

Aringaranso, I was about to respond to your question when the page suddenly published itself.  The bible says, ask and you will receive. The proviso is that you must ask in faith. Faith is an invaluable virtue that is unfortunately lacking in this era of depravity and falling standards.

Faith means good, honest, sincere, open and consistent intention. When a partner in a relationship has an affair, she/ he is often said to be unfaithful. It means she/ he has broken the covenant and shifted the foundation where the love was built on. When Adam and Eve committed adultery in the garden, they started keeping secrets. God was heartbroken. You become heartbroken when somebody you love is not faithful. You feel like a fool when you stumble on a secret that proves the person treats your love with levity. It is saddening; the world is already saturated with suffering and pain, while we try to struggle through it all, we unconsciously try to ward off extraneous elements that would intensify the pain. I have had my own share of pain; I am constantly trying to ward off any additional pain.

To answer your question my hero, you sound just okay. All you need is faith. Forget about all those requirements, I will relax all of them to accommodate you. So said, I hope I have made you smile.

This week, I am back in my father’s village, Anai okpo where I spent my childhood with my grandmother; the last time I visited our ancestral homestead I went straight to where she had been buried. They had constructed a house on the spot. As I stood starring at the house, I could not help thinking that it must be dishonuoring to her spirit to build a house on top of her head.

She would not have allowed it; this woman who was so strong that she literally fought the opponents to a stand still. If she could not fight physically, she was sure to bring the opponent down with her acid tongue. I loved watching her fights with my grandfather who would often tell her, “I will twist that your small mouth if you are not careful and she would in turn reply, “come and twist it now” from a good distance away.

As the story goes, granddad was not her first husband. Her husband died when she was just a few years old in the marriage. Granddad was her late husband’s brother. She had found herself in a very hostile environment. Her children were perfect; eight strong boys and two girls. The eight operated like one strong unit; her farmlands were among the first to be cultivated, her barns, the earliest to be filled with the farm produce. She kept a warm house. She was very wealthy and the house never lacked food and meat.

My grandmother however started suffering the loss of her children. One by one the enemy started snatching them away. Some died in their twenties; some were not bedridden. One particularly painful incidence involved the last one who came back from the farm and slumped after dropping the bunch of yam tendrils he had gone to cut for her. I think that was when her blood pressure problem started.

The spate of death ceased when an attempt was made on my dad’s life. The two men who were responsible for the wicked act confessed then and died; my dad’s life was spared, and so were the lives of my two aunties and my uncle. But my grand mum never recovered from the hypertension.

She wept for her children until the day she died. She wept for them when she would sit on the veranda and a young man would pass carrying a bunch of yam tendrils on his head; she would weep when one of the young men in the village talked to her in an unkind manner.

In spite of her health, she worked like a bull. She would rise up before cock crow and prepare food, I would often stumble on her grating cassava on my way to the backyard loo and when I attempt to sit down and chat she would say “go back to sleep, the day has not broken yet.

 
In the morning, she would wake everybody up with steaming ekpan, (local cassava cake) and draw soup garnished with garden beans.

Grandma taught me how to get the best water out of the local stream; before 5 am, we would sneak out of the house with our oil lamps to start on the two miles journey to the stream. My teeth chattering with the cold, I would attempt to cover myself with my small one yard wrapper and she would mock me, “look at you, with young blood flowing inside you, you are shivering, what will happen if you grew to be as old as I am, I wonder? So you will not go to the stream early enough to prepare food for your household. My friend, remove that wrapper and tie it around your waist!

The decision to set out for the stream that early in the day has always proved to be a wise one. When we get to the stream at that time, the water will be very calm and clean while the crickets and frogs compete in the art of melody making. Grandma made me bathe in the cold, cold water every morning. “Dip yourself, she would instruct me, the moment the water touches your body, the cold will be gone” and just like she said, the cold usually disappears when my body enters the cold stream.

She had an earthen pot in the house where the water was stored. The pot served a dual purpose; it kept the water cold and lent it a fresh earthy taste. I could drink two liters of water from that pot at a spot.  No water in Lagos or anywhere else tastes as good as water from that earthen pot.

When I traveled to the village, I contemplated buying an earthen pot from the village market but the thought of what water to store inside prevented me from buying it. Township water is not quite like stream water; township water is only suitable for township storage system which is the refrigerator. Each time I drink water from my refrigerator, I cannot help feeling that like everything the town has to offer, the water tastes mechanical.

I visited the stream and had a refreshing skin dip. I went with my cousin, she did not find it funny when I had to wake her so early for the purpose, but she shared the fun when we got to the stream. A lot has changed. All my friends grew up and left for the city. I played with the few ones I met in the village; I made them take me to the farms and we just had fun, jumping and shrieking like crazy teenagers.

I have also discussed the possibility of erecting a monument for granny with my siblings. She was a great woman; she died in the farm where she had gone to harvest cassava. She died because somebody offended her and she had to quarrel with the person. Her blood pressure shot up as a result of the confrontation. She collapsed as soon as she came back from the farm.

Robot  Villager

# 1 Last week was okay. ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 17.05.2008 17:25

okenikpoto  Villager

# 2 Anne, I don't understand you at all; you seem to be masturbating our emotions here-one day your article is hot and will mke one on the look out for the next Canary series and then, you take us back to your village where you fetch water in the morning without any action. Na waooo Posted by okenikpoto| 17.05.2008 17:53

aringaranso  Villager

# 3 To answer your question my hero, you sound just okay. All you need is faith. Forget about all those requirements, I will relax all of them to accommodate you. So said, I hope I have made you smile. Oh Yea,you haven't only made me to smile but to smile all day. This week, I am back in my father’s village, Anai okpo where I spent my childhood with my grandmother; I'm having this sneaky feeling that Anai Okpo is somewhere in Cross-river state? I love Erikaikon soup a lot,and I should trust a "village babe"like you to be a wonderful chef. Still talking of Cross-river,Calabar comes to mind,and I've heard that babes from the region are so good in bedmatics.Ooooopssssssssss,I'm beginning to understand your last article very very well.LOL. She would not have allowed it; this woman who was so strong that she literally fought the opponents to a stand still. If she could not fight physically, she was sure to bring the opponent down with her acid tongue. I loved watching her fights with my grandfather who would often tell her, “I will twist that your small mouth if you are not careful and she would in turn reply, “come and twist it now” from a good distance away. Oh Anne,pls, tell me you won't be fighting with me!!!!! Posted by aringaranso| 18.05.2008 03:10

TEchi  Villager

# 4 “My grandmother however started suffering the loss of her children. One by one the enemy started snatching them away. Some died in their twenties; some were not bedridden. One particularly painful incidence involved the last one who came back from the farm and slumped after dropping the bunch of yam tendrils he had gone to cut for her. I think that was when her blood pressure problem started.” “The spate of death ceased when an attempt was made on my dad’s life. The two men who were responsible for the wicked act confessed then and died; my dad’s life was spared, and so were the lives of my two aunties and my uncle. But my grand mum never recovered from the hypertension.” http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/board/images/smilies/icon_idea.gif :idea: Annie, I really enjoyed this article. You took us back with you to the creek, your village. I see your youthful exuberance in the village, your growing up years as though it was yesterday. Sorry for your grandmother’s loss. Annie, I have always wandered about our old age suspicions of someone killing other people with the power of “juju” or black magic. How does it work? I have always suspected poison being used when one is not looking or paying attention to them, what do you think? The two men you described in your write-up, what was their confession? I know quite often people in the village think some people possess wicked evil powers to hurt others. But I am of the opinion that it is generally people with good knowledge of various poisonous herbs. Please notice, I am not saying this diminishes the wickedness of the act in taking someone’s life out of jealousy, but just to hear your take on the issue. You must miss your Grandma a lot after all those years you spent with her, as she drills you to become what you are today. I think an edifice in that location to her memory as you opined will be great. Visiting Nigeria is always one of the pleasures many of us who live abroad look forward to every year or sometimes every other year. My point is that one should never desist from going to the village as I have seen a good number of my friends do. It seems when they are home from USA or other European countries they stay in their big houses in the city. I believe one must build in both the city and village, no matter how harsh the memories may have been. Posted by TEchi| 19.05.2008 05:12

mulan  Villager

# 5 Anne, This was another good article. I love how you string your words together and are able to paint your stories in our imagination. I can just imagine your grandmums little mouth and how she will say, "come and twist it now". I said that same thing a lot in those days to those much older and bigger than myself...LOL...How time flies. May your grannys soul rest in peace. I am not a big fan of building burial monuments especially in residential areas but I guess you'll do what you have to do. About water from earthenware pots, please don't remind me. The ones in my house didn't come from streams but still the taste was glorious especiallly after a few days. The feel of the chilled drink as it slipped down the throat after a hard afternoon playing in the sands of the village square was enough to make me drink till I couldn't eat. The thoughts made my thoughts roam during dry mathematics classes under the harsh glare of my city teacher. And made me look forward to christmas and maybe the odd easter back in the village. Those were the days... Thanks again Anne for the nice memories from your article... Don't mind Okeni, he is just jealous you mentioned only Arin in your article. Please mention him next time OK? LOL... Posted by mulan| 19.05.2008 06:16

anneoboho  Villager

# 6 =okenikpoto;4295018949>Anne, I don't understand you at all; you seem to be masturbating our emotions here-one day your article is hot and will mke one on the look out for the next Canary series and then, you take us back to your village where you fetch water in the morning without any action. Na waooo Hmmm...I want to believe I have a very faint idea of what you are really trying to imply. If what I think you are saying is what you are saying, I have an explanation for suspending the tide of my last article. You see, Chief Kalu wisely admonished me to stop not caring about marriage and start a serious considration of that noble institution. Well, I think I want to heed the wise man's advice. For an "about to consider marriage" woman, I doubt if the job of crotch teasing is the best one. However, if my expected husband finally ties the knot with me, I promise with his permission to post you a minute by minute account of our steamy moments. I might just title it "Dairy of my bedroom moments" Till then, I'll try to tone down on the canary heat. Posted by anneoboho| 19.05.2008 10:33

anneoboho  Villager

# 7 =aringaranso;4295019023>Oh Yea,you haven't only made me to smile but to smile all day. I'm having this sneaky feeling that Anai Okpo is somewhere in Cross-river state? I love Erikaikon soup a lot,and I should trust a "village babe"like you to be a wonderful chef. Still talking of Cross-river,Calabar comes to mind,and I've heard that babes from the region are so good in bedmatics.Ooooopssssssssss,I'm beginning to understand your last article very very well.LOL. Oh Anne,pls, tell me you won't be fighting with me!!!!! The bedmatic myth is an old age myth that we unfortunately find difficult to shake off. I will go this the traditional way. No shu shu before marriage. I won't fight ypu honey, but I think I have a special gift for making fights mouth watering. You will actually look forward to my fights when I have given you a dose. I cook edikang ikong naturally, If I could, I would even send a plate accros. My part of Calabar is actually the Oron, riverine part. It is a fun place, where people are real and tangible. Keep smilling baby and don't forget to let me know when I make you happy. Posted by anneoboho| 19.05.2008 10:52

anneoboho  Villager

# 8 =TEchi;4295044153>“My grandmother however started suffering the loss of her children. One by one the enemy started snatching them away. Some died in their twenties; some were not bedridden. One particularly painful incidence involved the last one who came back from the farm and slumped after dropping the bunch of yam tendrils he had gone to cut for her. I think that was when her blood pressure problem started.” “The spate of death ceased when an attempt was made on my dad’s life. The two men who were responsible for the wicked act confessed then and died; my dad’s life was spared, and so were the lives of my two aunties and my uncle. But my grand mum never recovered from the hypertension.” http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/board/images/smilies/icon_idea.gif :idea: Annie, I really enjoyed this article. You took us back with you to the creek, your village. I see your youthful exuberance in the village, your growing up years as though it was yesterday. Sorry for your grandmother’s loss. Annie, I have always wandered about our old age suspicions of someone killing other people with the power of “juju” or black magic. How does it work? I have always suspected poison being used when one is not looking or paying attention to them, what do you think? The two men you described in your write-up, what was their confession? I know quite often people in the village think some people possess wicked evil powers to hurt others. But I am of the opinion that it is generally people with good knowledge of various poisonous herbs. Please notice, I am not saying this diminishes the wickedness of the act in taking someone’s life out of jealousy, but just to hear your take on the issue. You must miss your Grandma a lot after all those years you spent with her, as she drills you to become what you are today. I think an edifice in that location to her memory as you opined will be great. Visiting Nigeria is always one of the pleasures many of us who live abroad look forward to every year or sometimes every other year. My point is that one should never desist from going to the village as I have seen a good number of my friends do. It seems when they are home from USA or other European countries they stay in their big houses in the city. I believe one must build in both the city and village, no matter how harsh the memories may have been. According to the story, (the event took place before we were born) the two men actually confessed in the presence of all the villagers to being responsible for grandma's calamities. They went round the village shouting their secretss like demented men. I do miss her, she was a very strong woman. I qm jut realizing that I have nver quite met a woman like her. Posted by anneoboho| 19.05.2008 11:10

Chief Kalu  Villager

# 9 =anneoboho;4295044272>Hmmm...I want to believe I have a very faint idea of what you are really trying to imply. If what I think you are saying is what you are saying, I have an explanation for suspending the tide of my last article. You see, Chief Kalu wisely admonished me to stop not caring about marriage and start a serious considration of that noble institution. Well, I think I want to heed the wise man's advice. For an "about to consider marriage" woman, I doubt if the job of crotch teasing is the best one. However, if my expected husband finally ties the knot with me, I promise with his permission to post you a minute by minute account of our steamy moments. I might just title it "Dairy of my bedroom moments" Till then, I'll try to tone down on the canary heat. Good to see my name Anne oboho, not that I seek recognition but methinks that sincere thoughts should not be shoved aside. In our imagery and imagination on the cyberspace, it is difficult to differentiate between sincere talk and acting. But I just say what I have to say, it might not make sence today, might make sence tommorrow or may never make sence at all. But I just say my heart most of the time. I appreciate your writeups, I can identify with all, being a village boy with no apologies, but still, tell me you are real. I prefer reality to fiction, though nothing wrong with the latter. I almost became your inlaw, but the lady absconded after three years of hot sizzling friendship to the diaspora as you people call it. Maybe the reason I have a stiched heart, So do not care any more obout it being broken. Will tell you more as the need arises. No hard feelings meant in my last reaction to your article. Just said what I wanted to say! However, if you are considering marrying a chief.... Remember, in my palace, there is no first or second, bliss is what we share! believe!:D:D I am not an egg head o!! I no know book o!!:D:D Posted by Chief Kalu| 19.05.2008 12:08

anneoboho  Villager

# 10 = Chief Kalu>Good to see my name Anne oboho, not that I seek recognition but methinks that sincere thoughts should not be shoved aside. In our imagery and imagination on the cyberspace, it is difficult to differentiate between sincere talk and acting. But I just say what I have to say, it might not make sence today, might make sence tommorrow or may never make sence at all. But I just say my heart most of the time. I appreciate your writeups, I can identify with all, being a village boy with no apologies, but still, tell me you are real. I prefer reality to fiction, though nothing wrong with the latter. I almost became your inlaw, but the lady absconded after three years of hot sizzling friendship to the diaspora as you people call it. Maybe the reason I have a stiched heart, So do not care any more obout it being broken. Will tell you more as the need arises. No hard feelings meant in my last reaction to your article. Just said what I wanted to say! However, if you are considering marrying a chief.... Remember, in my palace, there is no first or second, bliss is what we share! believe! I am not an egg head o!! I no know book o!! I am sorry about my sister and her jandedness. Don't believe me, she must be missing you by now. There is nowhere like home sha. I actually don't have any thing against what you said in reaction to my article. I am serious about its positive effect on me. Thanks for the advice. I have nothing against marrying a chief. I am not a prude, one does not have to know oyibo book; if you know African book, its okay. Thanks once again for your advice chief. Posted by anneoboho| 20.05.2008 11:22

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