Sorry guys, I know, I know. I promised. It’s not my fault, these issues  keep jumping onto my plate and I can’t refuse to address them because if I don’t, who will?

Last week, I had an intimate discussion with my friend and next-door neighbor, Uza (she will kill me if she sees this) she had issues with her boyfriend Chris. I am an inside authority on the love affair between this two; they fought all the time and I could not understand how two people, so passionately in love could dislike each other with an equal amount of passion.

I had proposed a separation to Uza but she rewarded my concern by telling on me to Chris who became my archenemy from that moment onwards.

 Uza had walked into my room on Friday morning after Chris went to work; she had dark circles around her eyes. I did not want to probe, but after a few minutes of silence on my part and shifting her weight from one foot to the other beside my bed, she finally sat down on the bed and announced almost immediately “Chris fought with me the whole night; I did not sleep a wink” I was quiet, waiting for her to tell her story, at least that way, nobody will say it came from my mouth.

“He wanted sex and I said no” Uza started on the details of the fight. The word sex got my attention. “Huh? I looked at her, waiting for further details. “He wanted to make love and I put my foot down and said, no way! “Why would you do that? I asked her, I was under the impression you can never get tired of Chris’ heat.

“I am not tired of him. She defended, I just feel the sex will shorten the lifespan of the relationship and I am scared of losing him,” this sounded ridiculous to my ears, how could you lose somebody because you are sexually compatible with him? “Chris has a problem, he has after sex complex” Uza explained. “What does that mean? I asked her.

“he is in the habit of becoming  detached and even nasty minutes after we have had sex” she informed me.

 He would pester me with gifts and tenderness when ever he wants to get down, then the moment I allow him.. He is super in bed; she chipped in the unsolicited piece of information. The moment he is done, he turns his back and refuses to cuddle; from that moment everything becomes impersonal until he is all set to go again.

Uza gave me food for thought with these revelations. Personally I am not fanatic about cuddles and hugs after sex but not that I would mind a continuation of the closeness till morning that is, if the guy enjoys the touch rather than trying to please me.

So let’s talk about this, er..,after sex complex. I know I have had men fall over themselves to get me into the hay. People always say women could use this as a very powerful tool of manipulation; they could enslave a man with their sexuality but if the guys have to turn their backs soon after, where then is the veracity in the theory? Why do the hugs, the kisses, the endless phone calls and text messages go away with the orgasm?.

I had a particularly handsome and sexually active boss once soon after my university education. I had taken on the job as a temporary one while waiting for my NYSC call up letter.

A friend had recommended me to him and to ensure that the interviewer did not turn me away, he made plenty of excuses for my lack of professional qualification “that’s nothing, she could learn on the job” he kept telling the interviewer in response to particular concerns about my areas of deficiencies.

A month later, I discovered that my boss was very popular among the female staff. Rumours soon started filtering into my ears; I heard that he took turns with them; had actually done all of them; my other colleagues derisively insinuated that it would only be a matter of time because he got me down. Well, at that news, he sounded cheaper than sexy I was not in a hurry to take on a man who could not wait to strip for all the female staff. He sounded like a character from a novel with the title psycho.

True to type and rumours, the boss started moving towards me; he did not come straight and say, “Anne, let’s do it” I am sure he was conscious of the reputation he had built for himself among the staff. He was nice; sweetly so.

He woke up to every need of mine. Became my beauty supervisor and reminded me to visit the salon every time my hair had stayed a day longer than necessary on my head, backing the reminder with cash. He was ready with his checkbook at the slightest excuse; the generosity had me bowled me over, men! I mean this guy was just good.

It was not long before my seeming expression of naivety and innocence at his bold generous gestures and even bolder attempt to catch my eyes got to him.

He came out then with the long feared but definitely anticipated request. “Would you spend tonight in my apartment? He stopped me along the corridor on my way to lunch. “I will cook for you, I cook very tasty meals”  “I am sorry sir, I have to be in church this evening” I politely declined. “Oh okay, tomorrow night then, he persisted. “Sorry again,’ I said. “Why? Don’t you like me? Am I not attractive enough for you? The impossible character asked me. “Oh, no. I assured him, of course you are very attractive” then let’s spend one night together he pushed on relentlessly. “Can I think about this? I asked, feeling crowded. “Okay, he resigned, allowing me to pass.

My boss gave me space after that. He never bothered me. He however continued to be generous and nice. Then one day, Grace, my colleague, one of the females he dated gave me a lowdown on their night together. “He was just so persistent I thought he was going to move mountain on top of me. As soon as we got into bed, he climbed on me, did a few jerks and rolled off moving to a very remote corner of the bed to snore till morning.

It was not a particularly juicy account, this sex life of my most aggressive suitor. I could not imagine how I would feel after all the attention if the man gets unto me for the sole purpose of using me as a pillow to act out his snoring trick.

I have always told myself that if I want to keep a particular man close for ever, I would refuse to have sex with him. That way, the relationship lasts longer. You could call him at any time of an ungodly hour and he would not feel compelled to ignore your call. You could also ask him for anything and he would not feel he is paying for last night. That way, you maintain a long, blissful and very reliable relationship. I have about ten friends in this category and they have been around forever. They could do anything for me and vice versa.

My boss however got tired of my lack of interest in his sex appeal and gave me the boot. Well I bid good riddance and proceeded to my school for my call up letter, which came out the same period.

My refusal to do anything with my boss added him to the list of my eternal friends. He calls me regularly and asks when he will see me again. I am sure if I had allowed him; he would have finished, turned his back and forgotten my name.

I still have a few people whom I respect, they rise to my aid with the speed of lightening and they have one purpose in mind, to get in between. I enjoy the attention and I keep them close to my heart, I also help them in ways that go to prove that I truly appreciate what they do for me, although they will be quick to make me know that they are not really interested in what my little hands can do, I pretend not to know what they really want even when they boldly make the request, I put on my good girl non compromise act and they in turn remain my friends, helpers and confidants for life.

Robot  Villager

# 1 ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 26.05.2008 09:56

Eye_Catcher  Villager

# 2 Thank you for re-affirming what some of us already know but tend to act like we dont know... Your article reminds so much of one of my girlfriends who just constantly falls prey to the same act. She always falls deaf to my advice not to "open the door to her pantry" Anyways little wonder she is still a tomato on the shelf, waiting to be picked up yet commits the same act with every new man that comes her way. Posted by Eye_Catcher| 26.05.2008 10:42

Rethots  JJC

# 3 Beautifully written. I relate it to friendship.....we are always weary of friends who when they call, 'tis for us to help sort out some (financial) issues but, with those we know never ask, we always seem willing to differ to them. It brings me to conclude that we can never have any meaningful affair (friendship or relationship) if we don't feel complete (& confident) in ourselves. Posted by Rethots| 26.05.2008 11:12

126Soldier  Villager

# 4 I agree with you in total. But there is this freind of mine who is exactly the opposite of this hypthesis. He is hardly fond of a lady untill there is some sex happening. To him sex is the least one can get from a woman who cares. At times am tempted to agree with him too. Am a bit confused here. Check out the dirty games that are abound across the sexes nowadays. Times have realy changed. Posted by 126Soldier| 26.05.2008 11:57

10Kobo  Villager

# 5 U dis woman sef, "sex-talk" no go kill you! :D Now, there are two sides to a coin, you and other 'responders' have given us the story, from the "female angle". Believe me, we men have our brains in our balls and we think with a different side of our medulla Oblangata :D Further reactions from other men on this NVS will bear me out. 1.) We see women that operate this type of "close door" policy as a challenge; to be conquered, even if heaven has to come down. 2.) Just like the "abunna" takes a brief rest after each round, it is normal and natural, that a man, after climbing that mountain, takes some time-out and like a Ram, "re-charge" for the next onslaught :D Life itself, comes in cycles. One can use that time to smooch and "taste" some other areas of interest :cool: If you ever watched Dogs, doing their thing, you will also notice this "time-out". Thats the time it takes for the swollen part of the 'Abunna' to divulge itself of the blood that rushed-in, to cause the hardness (minus those Viagra-induced or BuranTashie-induced hardness, that seems to linger for the whole day). 3.) There is no free-lunch in "Freetown". If you ever make the mistake of thinking that a man who dots over you, is another "Muggun", just watch-out. The day of reckoning will surely come and we will hear excuses like: "It happened so fast", the atmosphere just makes saying NO, impossible or l guess l was just in the mood and just wanted to be hammered. A worst excuse is to use it as a means of revenge for an unfaithful partner :confused1 4.) He who fights and run away, lives to fight another day. If l desire a woman so badly, my patience becomes unlimited (God forgive me), even if it takes twenty years, all the tumblers of the Padlock will "align"...... just once and believe me, l will be Ready to cash my chance. As long as l keep the "friendship" going (she thinks l have layed-off and l am just another sucker or "tamed" admirer!) one day, goat go-go market and im no go return O. And women seem to forget that most men "value" sex and can equate it to "commitment" as long as they are sure its just for him and him alone. Playing hard-to-get actually turns good relationships into a "game" of who blinks first and the looser always feels bad. U can only run, you cant Hide. Cheers. 10Kobo Posted by 10Kobo| 26.05.2008 14:50

kpekere  Villager

# 6 Good write up. Thought it was quite entertaining. I think you made a number of valid points. However, going by the current trend, I'd rather not keep any guy who has any such vested interest around for too long; especially one who can wait for 20 odd years just to 'conquer' a kingdom. I really don't know if it makes sense and methinks you're better safe than sorry. So in other words, I'd rather he kept his sex and ...his favours too! Posted by kpekere| 26.05.2008 15:57

Free Publius  Villager

# 7 Great write-up! I have always wondered about something on this issue though...why do some men get into a sudden "withdrawal" mode after finallly reaching the promised land when they begged, cajoled and moved mountains just to get there? Could it be that upon reaching the promised land they realized it is more or less identical to the other promised lands they have previously conquered? Could it be that they develop sort of a buyer's remorse when they realized that the elongated pursuit (imposed on them) probably outweighed the promised uniqueness of this "new" promised land, especially when it is so identical to the other previous conquests? But then, what's a girl to do? If she gives it up too soon, she's too loose; but if she waits too long, she's an undeserving tease who exagerrated the value of the prize? Posted by Free Publius| 26.05.2008 18:54

philipikita  Villager

# 8 =10Kobo;4295046644>U dis woman sef, "sex-talk" no go kill you! :D Now, there are two sides to a coin, you and other 'responders' have given us the story, from the "female angle". Believe me, we men have our brains in our balls and we think with a different side of our medulla Oblangata :D Further reactions from other men on this NVS will bear me out. 1.) We see women that operate this type of "close door" policy as a challenge; to be conquered, even if heaven has to come down. 2.) Just like the "abunna" takes a brief rest after each round, it is normal and natural, that a man, after climbing that mountain, takes some time-out and like a Ram, "re-charge" for the next onslaught :D Life itself, comes in cycles. One can use that time to smooch and "taste" some other areas of interest :cool: If you ever watched Dogs, doing their thing, you will also notice this "time-out". Thats the time it takes for the swollen part of the 'Abunna' to divulge itself of the blood that rushed-in, to cause the hardness (minus those Viagra-induced or BuranTashie-induced hardness, that seems to linger for the whole day). 3.) There is no free-lunch in "Freetown". If you ever make the mistake of thinking that a man who dots over you, is another "Muggun", just watch-out. The day of reckoning will surely come and we will hear excuses like: "It happened so fast", the atmosphere just makes saying NO, impossible or l guess l was just in the mood and just wanted to be hammered. A worst excuse is to use it as a means of revenge for an unfaithful partner :confused1 4.) He who fights and run away, lives to fight another day. If l desire a woman so badly, my patience becomes unlimited (God forgive me), even if it takes twenty years, all the tumblers of the Padlock will "align"...... just once and believe me, l will be Ready to cash my chance. As long as l keep the "friendship" going (she thinks l have layed-off and l am just another sucker or "tamed" admirer!) one day, goat go-go market and im no go return O. And women seem to forget that most men "value" sex and can equate it to "commitment" as long as they are sure its just for him and him alone. Playing hard-to-get actually turns good relationships into a "game" of who blinks first and the looser always feels bad. U can only run, you cant Hide. Cheers. 10Kobo 10Kobo, 10Kobo! It seems you have keely observed the dynamics of Naija men with regards to sexual relations with women. Yes, some men are not mugus and can never be, or at least cannot be mugus to all the girls all the time, one day, the babe will either be cornered to submit, or the generosity will cease. You talk my mind finish. One more observation in Anne's story, that womanizer boss is a dull toaster, all the women he has slept with in that office are cheap whores! How could he just confront a co-worker and bluntly ask her to come and "spend the night with me"? I score the man zero! Posted by philipikita| 26.05.2008 22:09

nuggetzman  JJC

# 9 U made a valid point cos I have seen this dynamic played out now and again. A close friend last wknd shared how he lost interest in a girl he thot he loved after they had sex...and he now tries to not go too far with the woman he wants to marry cos he's afraid of losing interest in the one he so much treasures and is fond of cos once you 'have been there', there might not be much to interest you again. While the lady had given a treasured part to him and wants to cling, the guy feels a bit awkward and wants to be let free to explore more territories again....And it's often said that most sexually-active couple may not get as much excited about honey moon than the two couple that kept the 'best for the last'. It may eb wrong but there's some truth in the Ibo maxim that you need not pinch at a parcel to taste of it before it's time to unwrap it...to see/eat the contents! Posted by nuggetzman| 27.05.2008 04:55

Akb  Villager

# 10 This only reiterates that it is all a game of Give-or-Not Give. The man is scheming to get what the lady is scheming to use as bargaining power for her own pruposes. The snag is only one of them can be fulfilled by the outcome. That your boss sef, if that is how he does it, how come he has been so succesful with your other female colleagues? Is there something missing or something the other lady is not totally divulging. Their is war even amongst the sexes you know! All the same, if one should stay until committed to find out that the partner is like that boss in actual performance, what would be the options open to her?? Just food for thought. Posted by Akb| 27.05.2008 06:21

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