Today’s realities make having a maid a necessity, especially in Lagos. What with both husband and wife constantly on the move? Even where there are no children, keeping up with household chores is often a burden. The case is worse where children are involved. This often plays up the need to employ someone on a full-time or part-time basis to help with some responsibilities at home. The problem is that, most of the time, those who employ domestic servants end up with some tales of the unexpected.

I am not talking here about the many marriages that have been wrecked by maids who fell in love with or were raped by the ‘oga’ of the house. Some have had the uncanny record of totally displacing the real ‘madam’ of the house and even having children for the ‘oga’. Three weeks ago, my brother’s wife told me of two separate incidents in GRA Benin where the houseboys killed their ‘madams’. In one, which happened about a month ago, the young man killed the 29-year-old ophthalmologist and slept with the dead body.    

It is therefore not difficult to understand why my wife and I agreed when we were getting married that we would never entertain the idea of having a help. That was over four years ago. Today, with two little girls, a husband and a business to take care of, my wife definitely needs all the help she can get on the home front. So, do not bother to ask her if we need a domestic servant. Needless to say, she is no longer averse to getting a housemaid. In fact, she has actually been mulling over getting one. Yes, a housemaid, not a houseboy! She definitely cannot afford to have our two little daughters exposed to the randy behaviours of today’s young men who cannot be trusted to keep their eyes off anything in skirt, irrespective of the age or size.

We had experimented with a close relative after our first child was born but the experience left a sour taste in our mouths. Even when we did not want her anymore - because she was a burden rather than a help - sending her away became a Herculean task. As her mother counselled us, “She has become your cross, please bear it with joy.” I could not but wonder how our request for a help got interpreted as a request for a cross. The whole idea of bringing someone into the house who you cannot send away (as if she is an elected public office holder in Nigeria) is totally repugnant.

But I got home not too long ago to meet a young man and a young lady in my sitting room. My wife must have seen the surprise on my face, so she quickly made one of her usual moves: she quickly followed me straight into the bedroom.

“Darling,” she said, “that is the house help my friend got for us.”

“House help?” I pretended to be shocked. “But we did not discuss it before.”

She apologised and assured me she would do whatever I wanted her to do. But, first, I must speak with the lady and her ‘uncle’ who brought her straight from Ogoja before deciding what to do.

I did not want any house help. Worse still, I could not fathom the idea of someone I had never met bringing someone from Ogoja or anywhere to live in my house. But I had to interview them, just to please my wife.

The first thing that really put me off when I got back into the sitting room was that the lady could not as much as open her mouth to greet. She was sitting there, chewing gum. I asked the so-called uncle his profession but, from everything he said, I suspected that was all he was doing: going to his village from Benin to bring young boys and girls for people in Lagos who needed domestic servants. That looked to me like child trafficking. Some people actually bring under-aged children from the neighbouring countries and let them out them out as domestic servants.    

Then I called up my pastor friend who is a deliverance minister. Maybe, we should first certify her spiritually alright. Good enough, they were having a programme in his church that evening. He asked that we bring her immediately. I called aside my brother-in-law who was on holidays with us at the time and his opinion was that we should not take the risk of employing a help.

Suddenly, I realised that saying ‘no’ to my wife could be the best way to protect her and us. So, I told her point blank: the lady had to go. Gladly, she accepted my verdict without raising any dust. And the young lady cried her eyes out as her ‘uncle’ took her out of my home and life.

Three months down the line, I have not stopped wondering how life would have been with a domestic servant I did not know from Adam. It has been tough, alright, without one, but how would it have been with one?                    

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