Indeed, times have changed. While my wife and I are getting worried about and musing over the best age our daughters should be allowed access to certain information or go on a date, we just realized that the world has left us behind. In other words, my wife and I do not seem to really belong to this generation. We ought to have lived in the Stone Age or sometime in the fifth century.

By the way, the little girls we are worried about are just two and four years old. I have been told by many people that, considering the cuteness of these little girls God has blessed us with, we would have to start rearing cubs to keep guys at a reasonable distance when this twosome are of age. Sometimes, I consider that a joke but, at other times, I consider it the reality of what lies ahead.

An elderly woman told me recently, as we were trying to sort out an issue involving my older daughter: “That is one reason I have never prayed to have a female child.” Surprisingly, I have always prayed to have one or two of them. In fact, my wife and I had a fight over that when we were expecting our first child and she had to surrender, albeit reluctantly, when it turned out to be a girl. But I am just coming to terms with the reality of raising children, especially the female gender, in today’s world.   

Well, if such irrelevant issues are already giving me some jitters, long before their time comes, you can imagine my shock this morning when my wife showed me the invitation card the four-year-old brought home from school yesterday. It was addressed to Mummy (my wife, that is), asking her to please release Lisette (our daughter) for a sleep-over party on the eleventh of this month.

By the way, the said party is not holding in their school. Neither is it holding in a church or a mosque. According to the information on the card, it will be holding at the residence of the parents of one of my daughter’s classmates. And it is to celebrate the birthday of their daughter who will be four on the seventh of this month, which is a Monday. But the sleep-over party will not be holding until the following Friday. There is a request to parents to drop the children any time from 6.00pm that day with their swimsuit, pajamas, underwear, toiletries and a day wear for the following morning. 

Okay, what do they intend to do with or for children in a night party that cannot be done in the day time? The information on the card states that the children will “stay up late and have lots of fun.” They will watch “all-night movies and have their nails done.” Then the pick-up time the following morning is 10.00am.

As archaic and as bush as I think I am, I know that a sleep-over party is not strange to some adults and those who reside abroad. Again, I do not mind teenagers doing a sleep-over party, if their parents consent. But a night party in Lagos for four-year-olds? I definitely find everything wrong with that.

The unfortunate thing is that I do not know most of the parents of my children’s classmates. Even if I knew the parents of this particular child, I still would not consent to my daughter attending a sleep-over party at age four.

And I find everything wrong with that kind of invitation being distributed in a school. Yes, I know every child would love to have fun with his or her classmates, but what about restricting the invitation to a sleep-over party to parents who know you and with whom you have a rapport? And to think there are as many as 24 children in the class. If all of them get dropped off for a night party (without their parents), how will their security be guaranteed?

I have done some stupid things in life, but dropping off my four-year-old daughter for a sleep-over party, in a place I know next to nothing about and with people I have never met or spoken with, will definitely not be one of them.

I thought of calling up the proprietor of the school to find out why she allowed the invitation to be distributed in her school, but on second thoughts, I realized I may just be the only one who feels this way about this. At least, nobody is holding a whip over anybody to release his or her child for a sleep-over party.     

Robot  # 1 | 03.07.2008 09:45

Indeed, times have changed. While my wife and...Read the full article.

delemajek  # 2 | 03.07.2008 11:41

Wonders shall never end! Beware of Paedos in Lagos ooo!!!

Uwaa Sef  # 3 | 03.07.2008 11:58

If you don't feel comfortable with it, just don't do it. At least, nobody is holding a whip over anybody to release his or her child for a sleep-over party. Even at that, I wouldn't, and I live abroad. Later

Oru-Ama  # 4 | 03.07.2008 12:12

My brother, abeg hold your child. Night party ko, night party ni. The couple that sent out such invitation ought to be questioned by the police. What is this world turning into?

allaccess  # 5 | 03.07.2008 12:14

Nigerians and their mentality - a sad way of thinking A Nigerian man who beat his daughter black and blue was last year sentenced to 3 months in prison, according to him... my parent beat me up while growing up and that is why I became a decent human being. the judge asked him "decent as in a bus driver who beats little kids up in 21st century? A Nigerian in America refused to give his children enough meat, eggs and milk because he thought "it will spoil them". Social services investigated him for child abuse and almost took the kids away from him Then there was a Nigerian professor in America who put fresh pepper (scotch bonnet) on his young daughters private part. One fool in Germany put serious Yoruba tribal marks on the faces of his twin children, he was arrested for physical assault. Bottom line, Many Nigerians may be educated people and have more university degrees in many parts of the world where black people live BUT THEY ARE STILL ONE OF THE MOST BACKWARDLY-TRADITIONAL people you will find anywhere in the western hemisphere. Try having a conversation with some Nigerians abroad! Bush people with no semblance of civilization that actually impacts how they relate to social changes in the societies they live in. What is in a sleep over party for kids as long as you trust the family they are staying with? How many of us leave our kids with child minders, what is the difference? With all the beating and pepper for yansh, Nigerian girls openly parade themselves for sex in most corners of the country. The men claim to have been disciplined yet many of them are naturally corrupt and have criminal traits. what has the "our fathers' old ways" of doing things helped anyone?

Atomic Kitten  # 6 | 03.07.2008 12:59

A sleep-over party for four-year-old children or children who have not reached the age of discernment is inapropriate. It makes no sense that these children will "watch movies all night and have their nails done". They should be having a good night's sleep.

k k kazinsky  # 7 | 03.07.2008 13:17

Hmmm. Phew!!!!!

surulere007  # 8 | 03.07.2008 13:23

Modernity, civilization or globalization should all be moderated when it concerns impacting morals & values upon our children. Train up a child in ways to go and such a child will not depart. Granted that the child is allowed now, will the parents be justified for not releasing the child in future for a repeat performance? If the child is injured or the worst happens, how will the parent live/cope with the reason(s)? Will the parent sleep soundly not knowing if the kid(s) are? What moral discipline is the parent instilling upon the mindset of the child, that the parent is liberal to the extent of allowing a four years old kid to go with total strangers? What kind of movies do they want to show that the kids cannot watch in their homes? Child minder are registered organization and are necessary evil ..sleep over is not! You have taken the right decision. Your kid stays at home.

Rhemaman  # 9 | 03.07.2008 13:30

@Allaccess, Every culture has its good and bad side. There is nothing wrong with being "traditional". US, UK, France etc all have their traditions, which they are very proud of. Most tradition and culture is suited to the people that live in, and developed the culture. The problem arises when you take Nigerian culture totally and try to apply it while living say in the USA. You must adapt to your host culture, while still not losing your cultural identity. Its something of a tight rope to walk. I must say that Africans outside Africa are often accused of not adapting to the host culture/tradition. Tell me, how many Americans and Europeans living in Africa have adapted to African culture? Do they speak like Africans, do they like African food, do they appreciate African culture? I think not. So, dont be in a hurry to judge Africans living in Europe and America. I have lived in Africa and in the western world, so i have seen what i am talking about firsthand As for the night party for 4 year olds, only a fool will release his underage child to a night party with people he does'nt know VERY VERY well. Call it traditional or whatever. I'd rather be traditional than have a messed up 4 year old child.

Uwaa Sef  # 10 | 03.07.2008 14:01

=allaccess;4295064794>A Nigerian man who beat his daughter black and blue....A Nigerian in America refused to give his children enough meat, eggs and milk....Then there was a Nigerian professor in America who put fresh pepper (scotch bonnet) on his young daughters private part....One fool in Germany put serious Yoruba tribal marks on the faces of his twin children... ...and you think a sleep-over party is not a perfect setting for perpetrating the above? Read you: What is in a sleep over party for kids as long as you trust the family they are staying with? and Read the writer (emphasis, mine): The unfortunate thing is that I do not know most of the parents of my children’s classmates. Even if I knew the parents of this particular child, I still would not consent to my daughter attending a sleep-over party at age four. Duh. Your take on this so far, is a classic case of what my people call "Ọ mụta ọ ka" (to be more western than the westerners) mentality. Put another way, "to be more catholic than the Pope". Later

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