06 Nov 2008 |
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From the moment he saw the Umuahian team he knew that he had bitten off too much and that this was going to be much much harder that he had anticipated. Up till that moment when he saw them prance unto the field, he actually had thought he was going to pull everything off and had already wisely invested his “advance” after sitting on it for 2 whole days. His wife had gotten a brand new Singer sewing machine and had shown her appreciation by doing what he had been trying in vain to get her to do years after they watched their first Blue Movie during their honey moon. Later while she drooled over such functions as the ability to now double stitch and sew around buttons in one fluid motion, he had snuck a nice piece of lace to his neighbors latest wife all while she allowed him to fondle her ample backyard through the fence. Add to that carefully researched and placed bets on both Manchester United and Liverpool for the weekend – and he felt smug and like a million Naira. That feeling burst like a “Blom Blo” blown into a cacti field when the Umuahian Captain- a 7 foot Brontosaurus Rex of a human being – virtually pulverized his hand during the preliminary hand shake while flashing a Pepsodent smile despite a missing front tooth. “Who and what Army was going to stop this Hercules that even blocked out the Sun?” he asked himself silently only to realize that the MCU players were looking at him. His stomach suddenly gurgled and tied itself into a web of tangled knots. Some how he got the game off with what must have sounded like and asthmatic wheeze but really was shell shock, and instantly the slaughter started. GCU hate them as you might - simply operated like a vicious school of barracuda circling a shoal of tuna - constantly probing and looking for a weakness or breech in their line . Well it took them less than 5 mins to find it. In fact except for the errant Uzuakoli header that created the Umuahian corner kick, the team from MCU failed to touch the ball one single time. His vision obstructed by the now entangled .crowd that rose to control the lobed ball he almost swallowed his whistle in shock when he saw the ball spin past everyone into the empty net “Where was the stupid Goal Keeper – he almost asked aloud?” And then he saw him still lying like a sack of beans at the feet of the GCU team that were now dancing some absurd version of Antilogu. Fuming he prodded the GK with his Bata boot. “ Old Boy Get Up” He almost fainted when the boot came back with a smear of blood on it. “Hallelujah – The guy was seriously hurt” – “Maybe he could call off the whole match?” . Frantically he looked to the sideline for help. “ Please don’t tell me one of the linesmen is sucking an Orange !!!” The Goal Keeper moaned and spat up a tooth. Damm the guy was regaining consciousness and to make matters worse the replacement GK was already performing some form of calenstetics. “The game would have to go on” ! A meek Piooooom! Kick off Uzuakoli. They held the ball for all of 1 minute and seemingly unsure of what to do with it they amazingly gave it right back to Umuahia who didn’t seem to have that same problem. In fact far from it. Owoh’s volley was very similar to how Oliseh years later would introduce himself the World against Spain and can be summated in 2 words. Flying Ogbunigwe.
The MCU guys now had the “deer caught in the headlights look” and rather than compose themselves, were actually looking at him in the “what’s up way” as if he was some type of Father Christmas . Some of their students on the sidelines were actually now slitting their throats imaginarily with their fingers all while looking at him, so he decided to venture down that flank only in very rare occasions. The goals kept coming despite the heroic efforts of the MCU number 5 who just seemed to everywhere. Except for the difference in complexion he looked just like an Okocha playing 4 goals down to Denmark and yet chasing down each ball as if his very life depended on it. Anyway he stopped counting after the 5th goal - his mind now focused on how he was going to return the Singer, and praying that that tramp next door had not yet cut up his material. The finest play of the game came deep into the 1st half. The Umuahians had commenced another sneaky excursion down the Uzuakoli left flank an area the Ref now seemed to avoid as if it was electrocuting him each time he came there. Repeatedly they had used the game line on that side to advantage forcing the MCU defenders into a corner, and then shooting up the open front up the 18 and to score. This time though the Uzuakoli 5 sprung the trap and chased down the unsuspecting Umuahian forward caught up in deciding what part of the net to tag with the ball. He took 3 giant steps leaping over one defenders leg, and uprooted the Red Eagle the way a cutlass fells wet Elephant grass all while sending the ball to the high heavens with one vicious clearance. To add to the complexity of the move he dropped back to his feet like as spry antelope and crossed his hands on his chest in the classic “Kool Mo Dee” stance ala “How you like me now?” Like ke? We loved it ! It was simply put World Cup quality and even the GCU student body -who like most Nigerians appreciate great soccer regardless if it comes at their expense – rose to their feet shouting phrases like “Ewoooooooo” and “ Stability - Na U Bikooooo” The intermission was absolutely horrible and Donatus sought refuge under the shade of the Frangipani tree surrounded by the 2 policemen who had now replaced their whips with their Mark IV rifles. That still did not stop a solitary sucked out orange or empty fan ice container to be lobbed in his direction from the MCU crowd. They were simply beyond control - fueled into a raging sea of annoyance by a combination of anger, disappointment and supposedly now being cheated by both Ref and Juju man together. The 2nd half started where the first half had ended…with Umuahia scoring again, but this time it was how they scored that broke the camels back. It started with one of the few Goal Kicks for MCU. The Goal keeper angry at been beaten repeatedly hit the ball with all the pent up fury that had been gathering steam for circa 50 minutes. It was a solid kick that hit the ball like a locomotive. Unfortunately what it had in velocity it lacked in precision. The ball hit an unsuspecting MCU defender squarely in the back of the head knocking him over. Well he must have had a concaved skull because the ball bounced right back to where it came from but with an evil spin. End result? The Umuahians were again hugging each other and celebrating another goal. And then Kataka burst. The first Maltex bottle with a pinch of ignited gun powder inside exploded like a scud over the Umuahian Goal and the Goal Keeper dove for cover as only a true Biafran could. Then another arrived and another and soon the place was like The Racecourse in Victoria Island on October 1st. Fireworks galore.
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The ball flew past Donatuses’ ear emitting enough heat to fry an egg in the process so that even before he heard the feedback from the GCU crowd – a thunderous “Inside the Net O !!!” - he knew it would be 2-0. 
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