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Parallax Snap[ed]
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The title of this entry is dedicated to Dele Giwa. Yes, the same Dele Giwa who died twenty years ago on October 19, 1986. Dele Giwa wrote a column in Newswatch entitled Parallax Snaps. Before that, he had Parallax World at the Daily Times and Press Snaps at the
Concord
. Well, parallax snap[ed] on October 19, 1986. Dele Giwa was one of the first Nigerian journalists that I identified with as I was growing up. For older villagers, you may have fonder memories of the likes of Aiyekoto (Chief Bisi Onabanjo who later became Governor of Ogun State), Allah-Dey (Alhaji Alade Odunewu), or Peter Pan (Peter Enahoro) or the trio of Segun Osoba, Felix Adenaike, and Peter Ajayi. For those in my not-yet-old-yet-not-young generation, your weeks might have been incomplete without Stanley Macebuh, Olatunji Dare, Sonala Olumhense, Bunmi Sofola, Helen Ovbiagele, Pini Jason, Mohammed Haruna, and May-Ellen Ezekiel. And all these people were good. But, for me, my fond memories are reserved for Dele Giwa.
Dele Giwa was the man. First, the brotha was fine. Can I have an Amen??? Have you ever seen a moustache as luxuriant as that? I bet not, I bet not although TLC Beatrice whiz kid, Reginald Lewis’ came close. Both fine brothas, both died too young, Giwa and Lewis. I will never forget Giwa’s 'fro rocking the passport picture as his column moved from Daily Times to
Concord
and to its final resting place in Newswatch. So, I won’t even lie: The first attraction was Giwa’s looks. Then, I started reading his column. I was attracted to the way that he employed the English language. I was intrigued by the fact that my father, MKK, whom I looked up to, always spoke of Giwa with respect. Often I would overhear MKK telling his visiting friends that “awon boys Newswatch yen, they are changing the face of journalism” He would always advice his friends to read Giwa to judge the “the military boys.” Giwa’s written English was just superb. He expressed himself clearly, succinctly, and took you with him as he wrote. He and his colleagues, Ray Ekpu, Dan Agbese and Yakubu Mohammed were trail blazers, establishing Newswatch as a major scoop house.
His battles with the authorities (e.g., IBB and Maryam re: Gloria Okon - I hope you have not forgotten) only made him more attractive to me. Here was this fine, fearless man, one single man with a cute 'fro and sexy moustache, taking on the powers that be with only one weapon: his pen. It was the stuff that the dreams of teenage girls like me were made of. I read Giwa’s column religiously. I won’t lie, a little for the picture and a little for the written content. But, my dream was shattered on October 19, 1986. Finally, they got Dele Giwa, the man of my dreams. They killed him with a letter bomb! I was extremely upset when Giwa was killed. Looking back now, I am surprised at how deep my feelings ran for this man; he did not know of my existence, I was more than likely one of a fair number of infatuated teenagers reading his column.
I followed the news like a hound. I read everything I could find out about him. I cried with his first son, Billy, who suddenly appeared to have so much on his young shoulders. I cried with his wife, Funmi and their daughter, Aisha. I cried with his mother, Madam Elekia as she wondered why anyone would take away her joy. I cried with the people of Ugbeke-Ekperi, his hometown, as they buried him amidst rituals, which they claimed would lead to the confession and eventual death of his killers. I cried with Ray Ekpu and the others at Newswatch. I applauded them when they included on the cover of each subsequent edition, a picture of the slain and bloodied Giwa on a hospital gurney after the attack with the question: “Who killed Dele Giwa?” And, then, I felt very, very betrayed by them when they bowed to pressure and removed that picture. I have not forgiven them. Yes, I know they had a business to run. I know they wanted to move on. But Giwa gave his life for that magazine. I think he deserved more. I felt even more betrayed in 1989, watching Ekpu apologize and beg IBB’s Government to re-open Newswatch, which had been illegally proscribed for, if my memory serves me right, publishing the Cookey Committee’s recommendations on the Political Bureau. Yes, I know they had a business to run. But beg IBB? Now, I don’t buy Newswatch whenever I am in
Nigeria
. I will confess that sometimes, I succumb to the temptation to read it on the NET. I am sure Giwa won’t mind that J Hell, none of these guys know me. But, I took it personal because Giwa is my man. Rest in peace Dele Giwa for your ideas live on: Your protégé, Dele Olojede won the Pulitzer just last year. Rest in peace!!
So, I took the challenge that Kevin issued to us all, yes, plus including you feeling tight with yourself as you read this. You that you are believing your own hype and getting high on your own supply. Take a minute to read Kevin, please. He empowered us to speak truth to power by providing us with the phone numbers of a number of
Anambra
State
legislators involved in the impeachment saga with Governor Peter Obi. So, I said I cannot just sit down and do nothing upon all my speeches and ‘hala about empowerment of different sorts. J. I will ensure that I show that I have been empowered. Abi, no be so? So, I now called one of the legislators, Mrs. Ezeigwe (803 580 7095). O yes, I did. You know say ah crace small and dis our democracy, na demo wey don crace. Na so me too ah follow crace call Mrs. Ezeigwe. I called her on Friday afternoon, i.e., yesterday, October 20. She picked up her phone herself. I introduced myself as (Won’t you like to know?) and I said, you know, I am calling from the Diaspora. You know people have been spending too much time on the WWW when they call
Nigeria
and claim to be calling from the Diaspora. Abeg, where in the world is the freaking Diaspora? How pretentious! I know, I know. But the point is, you know I was not really expecting her to pick up the phone.
So, I said, my sister, bia nweru (which I think is hello in Igbo). I am calling to ask you about this whole impeachment thing because I hear that you are one of the people behind it. I told her that I am not from
Anambra
State
, but I think that the people of Anambra have suffered enough. They had Mbadinuju, then dealt with all the drama of Ngige and now, Obi drama again. I told her that I called her because I felt a “special connection” to her as a woman (yeah, yeah
). Special connection sha??? That we are the mothers of the nation so we should always think of the way that these things that we do will affect our children. Because the nation is drifting apart and there is no legacy for them.
So, she said that she liked the way that I spoke to her. You see, I told you, I am a very polite person now. MKK and Pinky taught me well. She now said that there are others from the Diaspora who just call to insult people because they think they know it all. That I should tell those in the Diaspora that you cannot just be calling to insult people like that. So, you people in the Diaspora, I have delivered the message o. Dem talk say make you clean your mouth of all abuse before you call any honorable. J Look your yeye mouth, you know no say dem be honorable??? She now stated that she is a person of integrity and she will not do anything to "derail the democratic process." Yes, I took notes, o. That, in fact, she always picks up her own phone because she has to be accessible to her people. She now proceeded to give me some information about the situation from her own perspective. This is what she said:
She said that Peter Obi needs to be told that some of the things that he is doing are wrong and that this impeachment threat is the only thing that he will listen to. She said that since the President has called some of them to meet with him, she is almost certain that Peter Obi will not be impeached. But, that this will teach him a lesson that he will not forget in a hurry. She said that there are many things that he has done that require 2/3 majority of the House consent, but Obi did them without even bothering to tell the House. These things according to her include:
Disbanding the Judicial Service Commission
Dissolving the
Anambra
State
Independent Electoral Commission
Prohibiting Street Trading
She said that he also directed the police to shoot at sight, anyone that is caught trading in violation of the prohibition against street trading. She said that several young people have been caught by police who don’t shoot at sight, but lock them up in police cells. According to Mrs. Ezeigwe, “many of our young people have been in cell for months.” Moreover, she said that when Obi became governor, he moved all
Anambra
State
’s funds to Fidelity Bank, a bank with which he is associated. She said
Anambra
State
has had six banks for a long time, but Obi decided in his wisdom to move everything to Fidelity “as if it is a secret that he was chairman of Fidelity before he became governor.”
I said, but Madam, if you were dissatisfied with all these things he did, why did you not talk to him? Why must everything get to the level of impeachment? Is there no room for dialogue? Little did I know that I was just about to hear Mrs. Ezeigwe’s real tori. She said, my sista, Obi does not listen to anybody. He does not listen to anybody. Can you imagine, even “Dim Odimegwu Ojukwu” called Obi to talk to him, he did not listen. She said, everybody knows me in Ogbaru (I believe that is what I heard.), I was Peter Obi’s person on the ground when he was fighting for his mandate with Ngige. Everyone knows me in the House, I was always giving Peter Obi reports of what was going on when he was fighting for his mandate. But, immediately he became governor, once you call him, he will say, I will call you, but you will not see his brake light again. So, my sista, I believe he needs this impeachment to let him know that he has to carry us along. He has to listen to people when we are talking to him.
Then, she told me that she was formerly in APGA, but she has now decamped to PDP because Obi was doing everything to frustrate APGA in the State. She said everything he does is with PDP. He does not listen to APGA people. So, let the PDP show him how strong they are now. In fact, he does not listen to anybody. She told me that even the lawyers that fought for his mandate for him, Obi is now fighting with them. From what she told me, it appears that the last straw for her was when Obi decided to impose a Local Government Chairman from ANPP in her local government. She explained: I fought for him, held on to my local government while he was fighting for his mandate and then when it is time to bring chairman, he cannot find anybody in APGA, he went to ANPP. I tell you, Obi does not listen. He thinks he alone is wise, so this impeachment will show him that he has to listen.
Going further on this interesting conversation with my new found sista, I told her that I did not think that all that she had said warranted impeachment. She said that the offences were impeachable but that it is very unlikely that he will be impeached. She said the impeachment notice was helpful because already, Obi has recalled the Judicial Service Commission, which he disbanded unilaterally. She asked, so “did he need impeachment notice to do that?” The man is too arrogant. Small time, when you talk to him, he will tell you that you can impeach me all you want. She said that Obi was always boasting that he does not care about impeachment because he is getting 150 million from Fidelity and 900 million from another of his businesses so he does not need to be governor. She then asked rhetorically, so why has he now recalled the Judicial Service Commission? You see the man is too arrogant. So, this is what will get to him.
So, I asked her, what is the way forward? She repeated that it is unlikely that he will not be impeached because the legislators have met with the president. She said that first, Obi needs to stop trying to destroy Ngige’s legacy. I explained to her that from the news that I had had, Ngige did a lot of things that touched the lives of ordinary people. She agreed. She said that there is no single local government in the state that was not touched by Ngige. She explained that Ngige’s road construction project touched every local government. But that can I believe that Obi stopped the work? He abandoned the projects. She said Ngige was not in my party but I am an honorable person, I will not lie that he did not do anything good. And, she said, Obi has to be made to understand that he will NOT replace Ngige in the good books of ordinary Anambrans by maligning him as he does on TV and stopping the road construction. Instead, he should build on the legacy. She said it was annoying to watch Obi maligning Ngige on TV and wondered whether a politician of his level needed to be told that he should leave such a dirty job to his aides? I tell you, the conversation was really interesting.
We could have gone on and on because Mrs. Ezeigwe was quite ready to speak. But, I had just a little time between this and that during my day so we wrapped it up. I told her again, that whatever she does she should think of the legacy of her children. And, that her children deserve a peaceful
Anambra
State
. I also told her that they should look to dialogue, rather than impeachment as an immediate remedy to attract Obi’s attention. I repeated that I did not think that all she had said was enough to impeach a governor. Again, she assured me that she did not believe that Obi will be impeached but that this exercise was necessary to get him to start thinking of working with “the legislature as an arm of government.” She thanked me and reiterated that she will not be a party to “the derailment of the democratic process” because of her “integrity.”
Mrs. Ezeigwe and I also spoke about some other things that I will not share with you now. They were things from one woman to another, not related to the impeachment. But they gave me real food for thought about the Nigerian democratic process and the thought process of those that rule us.
So, my dear tatafo reader, why not do your citizen’s duty and take up Kevin’s challenge?
Ehen o, see, see trouble o! That is how I went to MD last week Friday night. You know, my mumsie is around as per pe, my sister and her hubby's 'hala. So, na so I go o make ah go support my mama in her mission of ensuring that my sister's home does not break even though her husband has a 10 year old son that my sister has just gotten to know about in the last couple of weeks! While I was there, na so Ngo called me that I have to come to her house. I said, Ngo, I dey for MD now, ah no fit come. Na so she begin cry say she get problem, that I get to come. So, I said, Ngo wetin? Where is Okey, where are the boys? She said the boys are fine. Okay, what of your husband? Na so she begin cry. Say Okey leave house since Wednesday of last week, no return as of Saturday when she was calling me. I said, what? Where is he? She does not know.
So, I said, Ngo, calm down. Repeat what you just told me. So she repeated. I said, Ngo so what happened? Na so she begin cry, say make ah just dey come. Ngo, wetin happen? Where is Okey? Say make ah just dey come. I said, Ngo, you cannot tell me where Okey is over the phone? What happened? Na so Ngo tell me say she no no where Okey dey o. As in her husband has been absent from the home since Wednesday and she has no clue where he is. I said Ngo, you don't know where he is? What happened? She was just crying that I have to come, that she needs to see me because she is at breaking point. You people, no be joke o. And you know Ngo is my real
Aruba
now, so I said, Ngo, I will come on Sunday because you know say na one fire we dey put out for MD.
So on Sunday, I now carried my kangara (self and baggages) to Ngo’s house o. Before that, Boo brought his own ‘hala o. After I spoke to Ngo, I called him from MD to say I will now be coming in on Sunday o, but I will sleep in Ngo’s house. You know, good wife and all, let me tell my hubby about my movements. Initially, the plan was to spend Saturday and Sunday in MD and come back with the first shuttle into LaGuardia on Monday morning and go straight to work. But with Ngo’s ‘hala now, I said, I will go see her and stay with her and still come back to our house on Monday evening after work. Do you know that Boo said no? Honestly! This my Boo ehen, he is really showing me o! I thought we were getting back on track. In fact, we had mind blowing sex in the wee hours of Friday morning as a suitable end to our fight that has been on since I got back from
Paris
. So, please help me to explain why he will order that I cannot stay in Ngo’s house? Help me to understand it. If not, just to prove that he is my hubby, he is the head of the home, he can put his foot down with me? Tell me, please!! Before you start taking his side, bring something to this discussion, my friend!
So, I now said Boo, why? He goes, why are you going to her house. I said, Boo, I don’t know. I just know that she is in a state and she does not know where her husband is. What will Boo respond: “Beyen lo she ma lo t’oju bo ile onile. (That is how you want to go and put your hand in someone else’s marriage.) I don’t like it. If you are leaving MD, you come back home.” Now, that statement was unfair for many reasons. When did I go and put hand in anybody’s marriage? Honestly, I am the last person to start poking my nose into other people’s marriages. Because a lot of the time, it stinks and I am not ready to involve myself in any “you said, I said” accusations. But, Ngo is different. Ngo is like a sista to me. And, Boo knows that. But, he expects me to abandon her at her time of need? So, I said, Boo, she does not know where Okey is, she needs me. She needs to talk to someone. He said, well, I am not saying you cannot talk to her. But, I am telling you now, if you spend the night there, you are on your own. Go, talk to her and leave. Let them solve whatever problems they have without you. I have told you, I don’t want you involved in other people’s marital disputes. What has she done to the man that he is afraid to come home?
My dears, can you see that he was just looking for my trouble? Later some people will say it is women that like to look for trouble. Who told him Ngo did anything? Who told him that Okey is afraid to come home? All sorts of conjecture that he put together; just so that he can control where I went and what I did. But, I knew he was still feeling sore about the whole Naija trip fight so, I said okay, my dear, I will come back home. I will leave my friend in her time of need since that is your “command.” Do you know what he said? Yes, that is my command, ko to lo da ile onile ru (before you go and bring confusion into someone else’s home). My people, can you see? Is this fair? But, I just zipped my mouth because I knew he was just looking for trouble. Before, was I not supposed to be in MD? So, why all the ‘hala of I must come back home? I am the person that puts my hand in another person’s marriage but who’s friend is the wife beater, Folarin, that has taken temporary residence in our basement? Why is he in our basement if you don’t know anything about the state or lack thereof of his marriage? I am the person that puts my hand in somebody else’s marriage, but who is the person that was put on standby as a possible witness in Jamil’s acrimonious divorce case? Is it me that is Jamil’s friend? See me o? Has anybody ever even suggested that I be a witness in a family case? It is me that is putting hand in other people’s marriage but who is it that Tolani keeps calling to help her to plot her return to
North Carolina
to go back to her supposed husband? Anyway, you know, sometimes the best characteristic that one can have in marriage is the ability to "shut up." So, I zipped it up.
But, it is so unfair. Ngo is my friend. She is always there for me. And, just because I am married to you, you decide for some trumped up imaginary reasons that I will not be available to her in her time of her need. Okay, keep doing it to massage your fragile ego as the man of the home! The big kahunna that I have to report to!! What would he do if he were President Bush? But, every day is for the thief, one day is for the owner of the house. You can mess around with anything, but not with my friendship with Ngo and you should know better than that. Not Ngo who is always nice to you. Not Ngo who saved your sorry arse from starvation when I had my surgery. Not, Ngo whom I always accuse of taking your side when I discuss stuff with her. Not, Ngo who always asks what the effect will be on you of anything I am planning to do. Some other friend; but, if you want to massage your fragile ego, not Ngo. But, my dears, marriage is for better for worse, so I complied with the command o. Let me not lie to you. I complied with it, resenting Boo all the way, but I complied. I went home to sleep on Sunday night.
Anyway, back to Ngo, so, I got to her house o. And, she truly was a mess. She had been keeping herself together for the sake of the boys. But, once we got to her bedroom, she just broke down. Ngo and Okey had an argument about his older child, a boy that Ngo had no knowledge of until after their wedding. Her situation was only slightly better than my sister’s. She found out about the child about a year after they got married. The baby mother has always had custody. A couple of years ago, Ngo encouraged Okey to get visitation through a proper court order, rather than as he had been doing just at the mother’s discretion. I remember at that time, Sasu, Ngo’s sisters, Egondu and Erinma, and I tried to dissuade her. Our position was that let the man decide if he wants to have a more involved relationship with his son. Wetin concern you to engineer the relationship? Were you there when they were creating the son? So what is your own now to create a relationship? But Ngo was like the boy is her husband’s eldest son. She too has two sons, there is no day that the three sons will not have to interact, even if it is at their father’s funeral. So, let them start knowing each other. That is the type of good heart that my friend has o because the Lord knows, I don’t see myself thinking in that kind of charitable manner in a similar situation.
Anyway, so the boy started visiting with them. But, it became apparent that his mother is not doing a good job of raising him or he was not accepting to be raised properly. May be she cannot do it because she has the wrong values or she is not doing it for other reasons. The boy is as rude as a verb, he is doing very poorly in school and he seems headed for the way of the Black male statistic in
America
. Faced with all this, Okey now decided that he wants to take custody from the mother because his eldest son cannot turn out badly. Of course, Ngo said no. That is not how she thought of this thing. She never intended to help a single Black mother to raise her child when she has her hands full with two of her own. No way. She should know that her son is not turning out right and she should be prepared to do the right things to make sure that he succeeds in life. So, anyway, Okey and Ngo have been having this problem between them for about a year now. You know, it has been a strain, but not something that erupted. And, the boy is getting worse and worse. Anyway, the last time the boy came to visit, Okey told Ngo that whether she likes it or not, he is going to file for custody of his son and that the son is going to come and live in their house.
Ngo thought he would not seriously go ahead with it without her consent. But, man mi, he did o. Luckily, his mother is challenging it big time so there is still hope. When Ngo found out, they had a big argument. Okey told her that she should be ready to help him. That if she loves him, she will see why he cannot abandon his son to fail when he, the father can do something to help. He told her that he wanted her to help him to raise the boy the way she is doing with their own two sons. But, Ngo was like no way. You and this boy’s mother deceived me. You guys have a problem, you created it so deal with it. I will not raise a child for a woman who is in perfectly good health. You should have thought of whether she had the qualities to raise your child the way you wanted before you got butt naked and slept with her. Apparently, it was a really big argument in the middle of the night. Indeed, their younger son, Kosi, was awakened by his parents raised voices. Long and short, Okey packed a couple of things, and stormed out of the house in the wee hours of the morning that Wednesday. He told her he will be back when she is willing to have a husband that she will listen to. He has not been back since then. He has been calling. But, he refuses to tell her where he is. As at today, he still not back home, over a week later.
I mean, what was I say? Ngo is always the sensible one, always the one with the good, solid advice. It feels strange that she is the one in this kind of position. My first instinct was to do an “I told you so.” But I quickly got a hold of myself. I have no idea why she allowed this boy into their lives anyway. Okey was quite fine with just sending money to his mother and perfunctory visits. It was Ngo that insisted in something more meaningful; now, she has a problem on her hands. Luckily, Ngo was not really looking for advice. She was just looking for someone to talk through the situation with. So, we talked and talked and talked. We evaluated her options, including what would happen if Okey never came back home. We also spoke about what would happen if the child does come and live with them. Apart from just being unwilling to raise a child whose mother is perfectly healthy and should raise him herself, Ngo is very concerned about the boy having a negative influence on her boys. Okey discounts that concern, saying that the boy is his son too and does she expect him to abandon his flesh and blood? This is flesh and blood that he was not willing to let his wife know initially, o! Ngo was particularly angry that he has been arguing that the boy is just a son of his like her sons are too. And, she is like since when? This is a boy that you denied, you did not make any great attempt to get to know. And, now, he is suddenly your beloved son in whom you are mighty pleased? So pleased that you will throw away your marriage?
So, we talked sha and then, we prayed for God to just take control because Ngo and Okey are so far apart on this issue. They have to compromise, but, first, he has to come back home, no? Before we knew it, I had to leave for my long journey back to his Majesty, King Boo. I was sad that I had to leave her but Ngo is such a good person. She was like go home to your husband; we don’t need two broken marriages. J. She dropped me at Newark Penn Station so I could take the train to NYC and from there on to my ‘hood.
On Tuesday, the 17th, Hilary, Natalie, and I went to watch Lady Smith Black Mambazo and their friends perform at the Carnegie Hall. It was fantastic. Lady Smith performed on their own and they also performed different songs from their latest CD, “Long Walk to Freedom” with Natalie Merchant, Vusi Mahlasela, and Sarah McLachlan. Mahlasela too performed on his own. His voice is very powerful and those South African languages are just so melodious. I must confess that my very, very first kiss was with a South African boy in
Lagos
so I do have a fondness for South Africans. No, tatafo, gossip, I am not telling you about the boy. He is not important. Mahlasela also performed a duet with Natalie Merchant of Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song.” It was really good. Some mean talent on display. We really enjoyed ourselves. We went for a quick drink afterwards before heading off in separate directions. At drinks, Hilary proceeded to give us blow-by-blow details of her love making experiences with her new beau, a widowed but young partner at our firm, Curt. He is her first White man since she declared to anyone who would listen that she was done with brown chocolate earlier this year. I don’t really want to hear intimate details about how Curt grunts like a pig when he is coming or likes sucking on her fingers when she is going down on him. I work with the guy and I am not sure I will ever be able to watch him in court or on a conference call without thinking, you pig!!! But, there is no stopping Hilary when she is in her Jamo mode with her gals. She is in our firm’s derivatives and structured products group so she does not work with him.
On so many levels, it is unbelievable that they are together. Hilary was so anti inter racial dating so it is really interesting to watch her like a kid figure out that the only barrier is in her mind and she needs to be with the man that makes her happy. Curt seems to be doing that so. He has asked her to come to the firm’s annual ball in December with him. Talk about an official announcement. She is very excited about that because it shows that he is taking the relationship seriously to be thinking as far as December and to be willing to let the entire firm know of it. Curt has two kids, both teenagers. They are in boarding school so she has not met them yet but she is looking forward to taking their relationship to that level of meeting family. She has not told her parents. Her parents are divorced. Her father left her mother for a White woman whom he eventually left for a Black woman whom he has now left for a White man. Let us just say, it is a tricky thing to talk about with her mother. I hope this relationship works out for Hilary. She has dated (not slept with!!!) every kind of available brotha in NYC and nothing worked – Blue collar, White collar, divorced, single, separated, rich, stinking rich, poor, steeped in poverty, student. It was like Teflon, nothing stuck!! Hell, she even went on a date once with Boo’s friend, R. And, you know I think R is a dog so I was like Hilary, are you for real? Luckily, she was not.
I went into the city today to do some shopping. Yes, o, I needed to get me some new warm clothing. I was so tired, with my bags and all and the subway was just crowded. So, hustler like me now, I sha hustled into the train that I wanted to get into and one woman was trying to hustle with me. She did not know say abi original Naija gal! So da mo (you recognize). Na so, I sha got to the empty seat before her and balance my yansh on it, jare. So, this woman gave me serious bad eye. I was like eyes cannot kuku kill, na my tax Dollars dey pay for the seat wey ah use siddon jo. She now proceeded to stand in front of me. My dears, all through the train ride, about five stops, this woman was emitting serious gaseous weapons of mass destruction into my nose. My dears, na so she placed her borrom, right in the line of smell of my poor nose. And the train was crowded so it was not like I could stand or do anything. She kept looking back at me and she had a wicked smirk all through. I was so pissed but I had to sit there and bear it. I have no idea what she ate, but the smell was terrible. Even now, I can still conjure up a whiff of it so many hours later. So, when you struggle for something with somebody, be careful. You never know what you will get. As if that was not bad enough, there was one guy sitting by me who proceeded to keep digging his nose. Orrr!! It was disgusting. He will dig, look and clean it on his jeans. The worst part was that he was there with his girlfriend or whatever. She was sitting with him and he had one hand on her lap and the other digging his nose. I thought to myself, how can she just sit there are pretend that she does not see how disgusting this man is? How can she? Every so often, he would kiss her and then return to digging. Let us just say, I was happy to get off at my destination. I took a cab to the next place I wanted to go and shortly after, called it a day.
Here is the excerpt of Arin’s gist, which is on hold till further notice.
* * *
What of my cousin, Arin, my mother's sister, Aunty Shile's daughter that is dating the Lebanese guy in
Lagos
? And, her mother is about to bring down the roof. Ehen, yes. I tell you, too much drama in that my mother's family. Those my mother's sisters? They are something else. You don't want to mess with them. Aunty Shile called me earlier this week. The first thing she said: Oshe mi, Ah, oshe mi gidi gan (You offended me, you wronged me big time). This is the first thing she says o. If not that I can tell her mobile phone number from the caller ID, I would not even have known who was speaking to me. Then she goes,
iwo
o mope Korah ni aburo e gbe kiri Eko bayi? (You don't know that your younger sister is carrying on all over
Lagos
with a Korah (derogatory word for Lebanese, Indians and any non-White person that Yoruba do not particularly like)? So, I was like, Aunty, Korah? Who is Korah? She said I should stop pretending, that she knows that Arin tells me everything. That it will be over her dead body that Korah alakori (Korah whose head is not correct) will spoil her daughter. In my mind, I was like, Aunty, are you sure your daughter never spoil before, but I dared not say a word. So I tried to calm her down just to understand what was happening. I said, Aunty kilo shele exactly? (What happened exactly?) Honestly, I did not know that Arin's boyfriend was Lebanese. She always tells me about her boyfriend, Mosky. But, I thought that was a nick name for a Nigerian guy. I never, in my wildest dreams knew that my sweet baby, Arin, her parents’ only daughter, was dating a Lebanese man o. Na so my aunt begin give me the tori.
* * *
Ah dey go. Sai da safen ki my peeps.
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Posted by Robot| 22.10.2006 00:57