Tuesday, June 19, 2007 

 

So, my peeps, how far now? Me, ah dey like Dele.  Woman no die, woman no rotten.  I am doing fine. You nko? I am in a happy place now.  BB is doing well.  He just finished polishing off a meal of amala and ewedu.  The boy just loves amala and ewedu. You should see the way he looks at the small okele (ball) of amala as it is coming into his mouth. It the same look a woman has when she sees that piece of jewellery that is a must have.  Ewedu is very good for him, full of iron and other minerals and vitamins.  He is teething too, which is not very nice for him.  He is sometimes irritable and runs a slight temperature. But, between me and Boo's mumsie, he is having the time of his life. Have I ever told you about Boo's mum? Yes, I have. Duh, that was a rhetorical question!!  The woman is such a mother. My goodness.  It is as if she had nothing to do before BB landed in the house.  Her life totally revolves around him now. It is amazing.  I mean, Boo always told me what a devoted and nurturing mother she was when they were kids and even now, I know she is.  But, seeing her with BB brings it home to me in a very different way. I don't have to do a thing for BB if I don't want to. I want to so I do. But, left to Boo's mum, she is like just hand the baby over to me, this is what I have been waiting for.  It is a real answered prayer. I am very glad that I just agreed with Boo that we should move here.  His parents are bonding so well with BB.  Truly, when they say a baby's smile can do wonders, they are not joking.  Anyway, sha, so BB is enjoying being the apple of his grandma's eyes. He is totally enjoying all the attention. He gets new outfits regularly because any little ankara or adire that Boo's mumsie sews o, she has make my son the cutest dungarees or shorts or danshiki with the left over material.  Even me sef, I am feeling a new feeling of being a part of Boo's family. Na wah o.  Our culture and children sha. I feel relaxed around his parents in a way that I have not done in years.  What can I say other than Chineke, I thank you? Ehen, what else can I say?  

 

{mosgoogle}Boo is coming into town tomorrow, only for a week but, it will be wonderful to see him.  Did I tell you I miss the man like crazy? Okay, I did. But, I am telling you again, I do.  What? No be my diary?  If to say ah miss my husband, wetin wrong inside? At least no be your husband that I miss or worse, still, your wife.  You know some of you will pose sotay, you will be dying inside, yet to confess how your heart is doing gizz-gizz for your babee or your bobo, na lie. Na lie. I don't know who you are posing for. You know me, now. Ah no too pose. Why lie? Why lie?  If you are missing the bobo, let him know.  Show it. If you are missing the babee, no need to lie.  I want us to visit Tinapa with Boo's parents.  Boo's parents are game, especially his mumsie, but Boo says he just wants to hang at home. I don't think there is much point trying to convince him. Look, he is only here for one week. No need getting into a big to do about going to Tinapa by force. Akin and Laide went and Laide won't let me rest now so I would love to go and see for myself. Ah no know weda Liyel Imoke fit maintain like Donald Duke so make person go before anoda tin go shele for dia. But, this one that I am not earning any money, let me be considerate, abi? Ehey, this life of not earning my own income is not easy for me o. You know, it makes me less inclined to stress Boo. Before, when I was working, big deal.  If I want to do something, at least Boo and I know behind our minds that if I ask him for it, it is because I want to ask him, as per pe, my husband and head of the home. But bottom line, my money dey dia to do as ah want. But, now, ah dey very under control. Chai! This BB really wan change my life ehen, but it is all good. I would not have it any other way.  Look, let me leave matter for Matias. Go and force the man to go to Tinapa now and when I ask for money now, it will be long tori about Tinapa.  You know men now? Abeg, anything Boo does not want to do now, let me just leave him o. Or, by force go to Tinapa now and that is when something will go and yikwoli (turn upside down) with the plane.  Abeg, ah no know book. 

 

BTW, did I tell you that Pinky is not happy with this my decision, which Boo does not yet know, to be a stay at home mum? That my mumsie is something, ehen!  So, I brought it up with her. You know mum, this is what I am thinking o. And, she now said that which woman in my family have I seen that does not work? That it is only lazy women that don't do anything.  That a woman has to have her own income. That she has told me o, a woman must have money that is her own, not the one you will be asking your man for money to buy pant and sanitary products.  So, I said mum, yes I have heard. In Naija, I would have you and Boo's mum to help with my child, but in America, nothing.  There is no support system so I want to take some time out of work to focus on him.  For where, my mama talk say ah no be American woman that I am Naija, that she has told me, only a lazy person does not work.  And, that I should find a job that is not as stressful as the one I am in now.  Shay I told you that Boo's mum is not my mumsie's favorite person? I did now.  Okay, let me remind you.  You see, when we were about to get married, na so my popsie said that for the letter writing, intro and all that, that awon Boo's family had to come to our house in Omi Adio for the events, not Lagos, not Ibadan but Omi.  Na so Boo's mama come being hala that they don't want to go there. Can you imagine?  So, if my MKK talk say na Fiditi, wetin she wan do? That they would rather do anything in Lagos because them get this one and that one for their family wey no fit travel and all dat jazz. Na so my mama hala gidi gan dat na dem come marry wife, na dem go dictate where they will bring letter to? That which kind yeye nonsense be dat?

 

In fact she vex for me, that how I present myself for Boo mama before the woman go dey make that kind stinking suggestion. Na so ah talk say ah no present am anyhow o. I mean, I was all into Boo's mum before we got married.  But not in any kind wa that would make her think she could just make any kind of yeye suggestion.  Well, whatever.  It is just in the last couple of years with the child issue that our relationship has one kind undercurrent of strain.  Anyway, sha, na so my mama come go do investigation into Boo's mama background. My mumsie and her sistas, don't joke with them! You know say my mama na real snob? And, she dey down to earth o. But, if you vex her, na den you go know say she be Lagos-Egba woman of good lineage, as she likes to say it.  Say, who you be? My momsie get original two sides. And, one side dey wey she dey only commot when she get to commot it for the people wey need that side. But, to psychoanalyze her, I think my mum is very sensitive to slights like this to my father's origins because she got so much grief about marrying from a "lower" class from her parents so she does not take any slight to my popsie's background from anyone lying low.  It is strange, I mean you would think that 40+ years later (at the time of our wedding), things like that won't bother her but I guess each human being has his/her own thing.  And, I think when Boo's mum suggested Lagos, to her that was the same sort of suggestion as saying my Popsie's Omi Adio was not good enough. And, you know what, she had had enough of that from her parents. She was not going to have it from someone who wanted to marry her daughter. This is my own psycho-analysis.

 

{mosgoogle}Na so she and her sistas investigate say who Boo mama be sef wey she dey talk say she and some nonsense family members no fit go to hinterland like Omi Adio? Na so them come see say Boo mama sef na daughter of washman we dey Lagos.  Her papa na washman so very humble background.  My husband no tell me say im grandpa na washman o, but between my mother's sistas, they came back with that one! I don't even know where to tell this story reach. Anyway, sha, dey pulled and pulled di matter and of course, my parents won because na dem get daughter so na where dem tell you to come marry iyawo you must come.  But, since then, my mumsie has always been a bit wreary of Boo's mum that she is pretentious for nothing. And, if you meet Boo's mum you might actually get that impression. I don't know how to describe her but she is wan kind naive about the world in a way that kind of rings like she is too good to be bothered about the holloi-polloi.  But, when you get to know her, she is actually very, very nice and down to earth. It is just a front I think.  Her world just revolves around her kids and her husband, Boo's popsie, who is much older. And, between you and me, I think she uses the aloofness as a cover for her naivete.  Certainly, a very different kettle of fish from my mother and her sistas. She is a dark beauty.  She don cut her hair now and it is a nice salt and pepper. She sef still fit turn heads.  And my father in law dotes on her. According to my mumsie's investigation before we married, na her older sister wey marry person wey be like mentor to Boo's papa help Boo's papa to arrange the younger sista when den see say e don de old and e never marry. Boo popsie na very quiet man so may be e no fit toast woman!  Ah no know o, abeg! Anyway, all this one na diversion so that all of you wey tink say to winch person, na you write the manual. O gal, O boy, to winch person don dey from time imo river.

 

Don't get me wrong, o. If you see both my mumsie and Boo mama like this, you no go know say my mama no too send.  And that no too send, no be say my mama will condone any attempt by me not to do the right thing by Boo's mum.  My mumsie na real Yoruba woman.  Anyway, back to the matter at hand, so no so my mama come talk say, ehen, ah done become like Boo mama wey no work. That can I not learn from the experience she had with my father when she too she went to do the whole stay at home mum in the early seventies?  That she never knew my father could change as he did. But, that even the best man will take you for granted if you sef no get work for hand and stand well, well.  Say, all the things wey ah fit learn from awon Boo's family na how woman no dey work ah go learn!!  Can you imagine? My decision has nothing to do with Boo's mum! But will Pinky listen? No o! It is not Boo pressurizing me o! The man does not even know that this is what I have decided. I know it is what he wants, but my Boo is not the type to put direct pressure on me for this kind of thing. Subtle pressure? Yes, but not direct. But, given his mother, this is the kind of thing he would want.  So, I know he will be pleased by it, very much.  But, bottom line, it is what I want to do. So, I am not listening to my mama on this issue.  I will do what is best for Boo and BB and for now, it is best for me to be a stay at home mum when I come back, for a while.  No be Bible talk say make we leave and cleave? Abeg, ah don tell my mama say make she leave me make ah cleave to my Boo on top this matter o! Abi?  Ehen, then, when I get back into the work force, I will do it at a level that takes BB and Boo into account.  But, my mama, she still want to dey talk say this daughter na lawyer, dat wan, i.e., my sister, na doctor!!  She forgets that life in America is strictly on your own. In Naija, I can do break dance small with both my mother and mother-in-law on hand.  But, in America, who will be there for my son?  So, right now, sha, Pinky is not feeling me too much.  When Boo comes, I will tell him. I know it will be a wonderful surprise for him. But, we will have to tighten our financial seat belts a bit.  It will be well.

 

So, it did not work out between Alali and Nanpon o.  They went on a couple of dates so I was hopeful. But, how for do?  Alali said he just did not seem that interested in her.  From Akin, I learnt that Nanpon thought Alali was moving too fast. That silly Akin, na so he come dey talk say a man can sense desperation from a mile off, your friend smells desperate! Fool! No mind that Nanpon sef. At almost 40, I don't know whether he thinks she should be looking for sweet dreams romance!  We will see who he will finally marry whether she will be better than Alali. Yeye!  I know, I know, it is not by force abi! I know jo. But, it is just the way Akin was saying it that just got me a bit irritated.  Sitting there and eating his eba and between mouthfuls saying my friend smells desperate! Who is the Nanpon sef? With his small pot belly. He sef don become person wey dey pick and choose. No be di same Nanpon wey no fit talk di wan wey dey im mouth when im and Akin dey for high school? The same Nanpon with his thick glasses. E sef don become beta person now, na im go dey pick and choose who is desperate!  Yeye!! Wanders will never seize!  Yes, I spelt deliberately like that, pele o, English major!  Okay, so I am just having bad belle for him. Could he not find another excuse:  She is desperate! He would be too if he has a mother like Aunty Furo!! So, my Alali is a bit depressed because she thought things were going smoothly. I told her what he said. I felt that she should know, not to pick up the pieces with him, but for future reference. It is not easy to be in her position, but she just has to stay calm and not get too clingly or move too fast.  Well, her toyboy is still there. He is actually a pretty nice boy.  But, I cannot get over his age.  He is pretty mature and I am sure by the time he is done with B-School in the States, he will be ripe for the picking by the lucky babe that gets him.

 

Sasu is fine. Shay I told you that she is pregnant? I did now. It is a boy. Kefe is so, so excited. He is like a kid in a toy store. He has been doing quite a bit of travelling to Europe. Kefe wey no dey like to shop, na so, so baby toys everytime he is coming back. Sasu is doing okay. In fact, we went to do "beauty contest" for some contracts  with one multinational that she was looking for together.  It was fun for me.  Me sef, we talk say ah be COO of her company. She na CEO.  Na so, ah come dey blow grammar in the power point presentation for the di three Oyinbos and one Naija man wey judge the beauty contest. The Naija man na di one wey Yoruba will call Alantako - person wey just see you begin find your trouble/ find how im go kobalize you.  Na him ask question pass, na him talk say e no understand pass. Weda na like dat e want make di Oyinbo gree say e know im job ah no know.  But, when we sef turn on the charm begin answer the question and pump Sasu company like say, say wetin, di Oyinbo wey dey make di decision sef get to gree.  The thing dey always pain me sha. Why our broda like to be like dat? Why na us e want to use to shine in front of im oga? And, some of the questions he was asking sef, it is was so obvious that he did not understand the issues abeg! It was pleasant thing to learn that she won two of the six contracts on offer. Can I hear it for my gal? And, even sef, for me too!  Say wetin? BTW, o, all the firms present at the beauty contest were female owned or run. Looks like the HR consulting market in Naija is a women's mafia. Abeg, about time the sistas got their own mafia too jare, abi wetin?

 

To thank me, Sasu bought BB a beautiful Urhobo outfit. You know Sasu don become Urhobo wife now so she get to represent!. BB is not doing badly with his traditional outfits o! Don't joke with my son jo. He now has one agbada aso-oke that Boo's mum sewed for him and the Urhobo outfit. Hey, my son o!  He will so shine on his first birthday because I will wear both for him to take photo. You people are laughing at me? Do you know how long I have been waiting? Be laughing there!  Na you saka. The birthday sef, we are not really sure of the date.  We just know saw na August and as per pe Boo sef, his birthday is in August, I just said, Boo let us make it the same day.  We are not doing anything big o. I don't really think there is any point having a party for a kid's first couple of birthdays.  The celebrant does not know what is happening anyway.  So, why the party?  Boo does not mind.  We plan to just have some close friends and their kids round to the house to celebrate BB and Boo. That is all. By God's Grace, I will be back in the U.S.  So, at least, we will all be together, Amen!  Abeg, say di Amen for me, please. 

 

So where am I going with this long, disjointed story? Even I know it is disjointed. You see, this entry is kind of different. You know warra ah mean?  You know, ah cana, wana, sorra, gorra tell you something.  Okay, let me stop beating around the bush. I am done.  I am done. I really am.  This is my last entry in this diary as you know it. Yes, it is. Oh please, stop being such a drama queen. Let out the big guffaw. Yeah, go for it! I know you! You were like when the hell is she going to stop? Who cares what is going on in her life? Yeah, yeah, playa-hata, I know you. Don't be coming with any crocodile tears. Gal, rejoice, I am shutting my trap up! He, he, he! No be you talk say what a poor guy, that Boo. He deserves to be booed for marrying such a woman. I didn't make that up. Do you know someone said that in response to one of my entries? I tell you, someone did!  Yes, someone did say that once.  So, yes, I know. I know.  I might behave pretty clueless but I am not that dim.  And, yes, I know some of you were like I cannot wait for her hubby to find out and for something terrible to happen to her so she can stop behaving so unNigerian on the Web.  Yeah, and some of you wrote PMs that weren't really nice.  But, in the spirit of leaving, I forgive you. I really do, gal. I do!  He, he, he, he!!  What I choose to remember instead are the very moving PMs that some of you sent to me just out of the blues, always, always so unexpectedly.  I still cannot believe the showing of affection, friendship, concern, and camaraderie contained in some. Thank you, thank you so much.  Some of you wrote me for advice by PM.  I am sorry that I did not give it. In each case, I tried to explain that I am not really one to be relied upon to give advice on a one-on-one basis. I am no better than anyone else, just that I put my life on the NET so you might get the (wrong) impression that I have some stuff in my life together.  Nothing is further than the truth and I did not want to betray my craft by feeding into that impression that I could give advice.  I am sorry. I hope all concerned understand. And, if you don't, just forgive me all the same.  That is one reason why I batted so favorably for the Palava Hut in the village and I am pleased that it is really an active place where people share and take what applies to them from everybody. Sugar and Spice, you know yourself, thank you!

 

So, now that I am done with my Oscar losing speech, can I move on? I take myself too seriously abi? Mrs Rolling Eyes! No, Boo has not found out. Indeed, I am closing this door in part because he does not know about the diary.  Well, you know being away from Boo and having BB come into my life has brought me to this point.  I don't want to keep a diary like this that my husband does not know about any longer.  I am sure that my writing the diary has served its purpose that is why I  feel this way.  Also, having BB, I just don't want to share his life with anyone apart from family and friends anymore. Yeah, I know we all are friends, yeah, right so I am waiting to hear your own secrets and thoughts. Yes, I didn't think so, friend!! Okay, serious, you know what I mean.  I don't know how to explain it.  BB is so, so, so special to me. And, I want to be very intimate about his life as he grows up. Basically, I don't want to share about him with anyone but Boo.  And, that is the truth.  And, these days, he is all that I want to talk about so the diary does not make sense anymore. I am not sure that I am articulating myself well. I hope you understand.  This is how I feel.

 

Actually, I have been feeling like closing down for a little while. Over the last couple of months, I have been telling Big K (yes, Big K, actually does exist) that I think that I am getting to the point where I just don't feel like writing this diary anymore in the form of a no holds barred look into my life and what is up with me and mine. And, if you know Big K, you know that he is such a gracious guy. So, he was like SS you write well, yada, yada and other nice things. Are you sure? And, I was like, yeah. I am sure. So, we did the are you sure back and forth for a while.  Big K is such a sweet heart.  He has the heart of a leader, really, he does.  Give it up for my broda, Big K.  Anyway, then, he said do whatever you want but I think you should keep writing. And, I agree with him. I have enjoyed the writing. And, I have realized that I don't want to stop doing that, whether I am good at it or not. So, a while back, I decided that I was going to set up Radio Tafia as a division of Soul Sista's Diary.  Radio Tafia is exactly as its name implies.  It is a tafia station.  It is an amebo station.  It is a tatafo station. You know, what is happening? Who is happening, that kind of thing?  Among its first projects is to conduct interviews, with real life people and with certain villagers of interest.  Real life people is kind of difficult because how do you get someone to interview with you when you are an Internet character that is trying to remain masked? Well, it is actually only as difficult as your determination permits it to be.  So, watch this space. Radio Tafia may be good.  It may fail. We will see.

 

So long, farewell!  My BB gives you a slobbery, smile and a tiny fisted bye-bye. And, Boo says bye-bye too.  Okay, I am saying it for him. Kilode?  Thank you.  Thank you so, so, much for reading this.  It will be well. 

 

What can I truly, truly say:  IT'S BEEN EMOTIONAL.