Baba mi Owon (My Highly Cherished Father)

January 30, 2007

MKK is 77 today. We are in Ibadan. We, as in Baboos and I. The fostering came through so Baboos is with me full time now. We are almost there -- with Baboos. I am so excited. I am so happy. Honestly, I could shout!! MKK insisted that he was going to celebrate his birthday in Ibadan. It is part of his grand strategy to convince his wife that they should spend the rest of their days in Ibadan. Don't mind my mumsie. She too pose, abeg! I think she has adjusted her psyche to the fact that Ibadan will be her new home, after much protestations. But, MKK is still wooing her to the idea and she is enjoying it. You know, their 50th wedding anniversary is next month on Valentine's Day? Laide and I have decided that we will throw them a little bash at Akin's expense.   We will have just family and a few of their very close friends. Nothing big, just a token celebration to mark the day. Us kids have been discussing having a big party for them in the Summer, when all the grand kids can attend because they will be off from school and everyone can plan to take time off to be there.

I am surprised that they asked me to come to Ibadan with them. My father just called me in awon Akin's house on Saturday and asked whether I could travel with Baboos. So, I said yes. Then, he said, okay, why don't both of you come with us to Ibadan for the week? So, I just kept quiet on the phone. This is the same father that has made all sorts of unkind comments about Baboos and lineage o. You would think his lineage combines Oba of Benin, Sultan of Sokoto, Ooni of Ife, Amanyanabo of Kalabari, and Alaafin of Oyo all rolled in one, the way he came out against our plan to adopt Baboos because he is not our blood. Now, we should come to Ibadan with him? So, when I did not say anything, he now said he wanted us to come for his birthday in Ibadan. So, you know me now, I had to pose small. So, I said, Daddy, you are not doing anything for your birthday so why do you want us to be there. So, he said must he be doing anything for his daughter and her child to be with him? There was a long pause. Then, I said, okay. Abi, no be progress be dat? My father (and to a lesser extent, my mother) has made it very clear that he thinks this adoption business is wrong and some Westernized bull that Boo and I are doing. So, why does he suddenly want Baboos to be with him and his wife on his 77th birthday? Wo, me ah no know book.

I was more concerned about what Boo would say after I had accepted. Boo, as I have said earlier, is not feeling either of our parents at all and their general hostility to the issue. So, I called him to tell him. O ko ko gbana je naa (he first sparked for me big time). That why am I taking his son to Ibadan with my parents. That sebi they don't want anything to do with his son, what now? That my behavior is flippant. I should be able to stand up to my parents as we agreed. etc etc. Don't mind him o. I never agreed with him to fight with my parents titi-lai-lai (forever and ever). But, minor detail, I did not argue with him on that point. So, after he had spoken all the grammar in his mouth, I now said Boo: obviously, they are softening their stand because they have seen that we won't be deterred. Why not meet them half way? Must they come groveling? So, he now accused me of not thinking of his own feelings. That he has made his position clear. That until they retract some of the things they have said about the issue, I should not go to Ibadan. I said, Boo, come on. These are my parents. I expect that if your parents too come round, we should do the same thing. There is no need letting them start to feel that it is Baboos that caused a rift with them. Before you know it, they will forget their opposition and it will be the child that is not part of their lineage that brought evil with him into the family. So, sha, I sha begged him to reason with me and finally, he said okay. That is why I like my Boo. On issues to do with family, you can usually trust that he will be reasonable and make a fair decision.

So, we left on Monday with my grand mother, Iya Oniru, my parents' cook, Asuquo, Baboos and I in one car and my parents in another with the ever present, Mr. Fatai driving them. Baboos is such a good baby. I was concerned about how he will find the trip. You know, some babies don't travel well.  I had some toys to keep him occupied, but by the time we got to Ogere, he and Iya Oniru were fast asleep. So, Asuquo and the driver, Sunday, kept me entertained. Asuquo has been my parents' cook for about eight years. They employed him around the time I got married. They have two cooks. Asuquo is the younger and more malleable one. The older cook, Ojonla (which means Big Day in Yoruba) is from Republique du Benin. He has been with my parents for years and years. He is a fantastic cook. But, very high maintenance. Sometimes, you cannot tell whether it is my mother's kitchen or his own. But, my parents love him and depend on him so he ain't going anywhere and he knows it and he ensures that you know it too. Asuquo, on the other hand, is a young man, with a devil may care attitude. We get on quite well because he will do anything I want him to do.  He is so unlike Ojonla who makes it very clear that my parents, and no one else, are his bosses.   Anyway, I decided to do something crazy. I have been thinking more and more of this whole idea of telling our own stories.  So, in the car, I said to Asuquo, make I interview you now. I had my camcorder with me. I told him that I just wanted to hear his views on anything. He said yes. In fact, he was quite chuffed that I would not only interview him, but record it and carry it to Amerika. Here is the interview, Part 1:

Me: Asuquo, we go begin di interview now o. The camera don begin roll.

A: Anti, me sef, ah want to enta video.

Me: So, una neva enta video before?

A: Ah enta when a be small pickin.

Me: Which video u enta as small pickin?

A: Na di video of the bury of my great mother, dat na the mama wey born the mama wey born me.

Me: So, you be real small boy at that time, ehen?

A: Ehen, we get one my big broda wey dey London dat time. Na im carry di camera man come.

Me: Wey dat your broda now?

A: Anti ah no know o. Na so all des abroad people dey. Ah neva use my eye see am since dat time.

Me: You and am na fatherly and motherly born?

A: Na my mama senior sista pickin. Di 1st born.

Me: But, me too abi abroad person and ah dey come now, abi?

A: Anti, no be somebodi like you. E get some of dem wey dey abroad, dem no dey remember home.

Me: Okay, where dem born u?

A: Ikot Ekpene.

Me: And, na from Ikot Ekpene you come Lagos?

A: No, ah first go Eket. Ah, first go Eket, go work wit one Oyinbo dia.

Me: How u jam di Oyinbo?

A: Na one woman my townswoman. She bi nurse for wan oyel company for Eket, so na she de help Oyinbo to find people wey wan work.

Me: Ehen. So, why you wan work?

A: (Laughing like what an incredible question) Anti, why ah no go wan work. Ah bi man now, man must work or suffer head. (Laughs)

Me: Na correct you talk, even Bible talk am say person wey no work make e no chop

A: Anti, abeg, no bring Bible here o. Na real wayo dem dey use Bible do now.

Me: But, ah bin wan know why una no go school. Why na work? How old you be now?

A: (Laughs again) Anti, my papa get two wives. One die before e marri my mama. But she done born two pickins, Arit and Emem. Na Emem dey stay for Obalende wey marry corporal. Mumee know am well, well. Den, same fada same moda with me, na twelve of us. My papa no get money. And, he too dey shack Akpeteshi. My mama too, she get blood sickness, so small tin, na so she dey sick. (SS NOTE: I have no idea what blood sickness is.) Even to say ah know book, money no dey.

Me: Ehen?

A: Yes, o, Anti, countri don hard for long, na so e dey hard everyday. But, God dey.

Me: So, how you come Lagos?

A: The Oyinbo get transfa to Lagos so ah folo am.

Me: Wey di Oyinbo now?

A: E don go Amerika

Me: So, na after dat you come work with Mumee?

A: Ehen, be like say Mumee know di Oyinbo wife. [SS NOTE: The Oyinbo was one of my father's clients. His wife and my mum were friendly.]

Me: So, na who teach you how to cook?

A: Na me teesh my self o.

Me: Una no go school or anytin?

A: For wetin? Na school go talk how many crayfish person ah go put for inside Afang soup? (Laughs)

Me: People dey go school for learn cooking o.

A: Me, ah no know about dat wan. Na as ah dey watch my mama, my big sista dem, na im ah gree how to cook.

Me: So, do you like cooking?

A: Anti, na di tin wey ah sabi be dat.

Me: So dis cooking na dia u wan pamu?

A: Anti no o. Ah no be Ojonla (laughs a very wicked laugh)

Me: Wetin do Ojonla?

A: Anti, ah take God beg you, ah no know o.

Me: But, no be you talk say make we no call God?

A: Anti, not like so (laughs)

Me: Okay, so wetin una wan do?

A: A wan open my own restaurant? A don dey save money small, small. After, may be Mumee and Dadee too go add small money for me. Anti, you sef fit give me money.

Me: Me? Asuquo, common woman like me, where ah go find money? Me sef, ah dey find the person wey go dash me money.

A: (Laughs) Anti, na woman dey get money pass now o! Dem get as dem dey get money. (Laughs) Una no see all dis small, small gals wit recharge card?

Me: You don know where you go open di restaurant?

A: Anywhere. U don chop my food, now. Anywhere wey ah cook dat kind food, people go come chop.

Me: But Asuquo, u suppose tink about where e go dey. Because no be only food people go look. Dem, go look wey na place wey dem wan go. Carry dem family go. You know?

A: Anti na true, o (sighs).

Me: When Yele come u suppose talk to am about business. Yele know about business.

A: When ah know say Yele go come? Yele no dey come like u and your Oga.

Me: Okay, ah go tell am say u wan speak to am, when he call Mumee and Dadee, make e talk to u.

A: But, Anti, u sef will put hand for di business o. U go put hand, o.

Me: Ehen, if my Oga gree. But make Yele talk first weda na good business and how u go do am.

Me: So, u get wife?

A: Anti, a no get wife o. All des Lagos gals, dia wahala too much.

Me: So na Ikot-Ekpene u go bring ya wife?

A: Anti, di wan wey do me now pass wife.

Me: Why?

A: Anti no be me and u folo dey talk of restaurant now, now? Woman no dey folo person wey no get money. All des recharge card gals. (Laughs) Dem no dey look eye of person like me.

Me: Na lie, Asuquo. You no put head for ground find beta woman.

A: Anti, ah no get woman. No be woman problem do me. All des Lagos gals, na to folo big man do nonsense. Poor man like me no fit near dem. (Laughs)

Sunday: (Who had so far been concentrating on his driving) Asuko (Sunday is Yoruba and this is how he pronounces Asuquo) na lie. Anti, ema do loun o. Ni she ni awon omo ilu e yen ma wa ka mole. (Anti, don't mind him, women from his town side always come and block him at home).

A: Stop dat! Anti na lie. (Laughs)

Me: Asuquo, shay you know of AIDS?

A: AIDS no fit catch person like me.

Me: Really? Why?

A: Ah no dey near woman. Even if to say ah near woman, no be di kind wey dey get dat kind yama-yama thing for bodee. Na all des open eye, Lagos gals dey cause di wahala.

Me: AIDS no dey show for face o, Asuquo. Make you dey take precos!

A: Ha! Anti, ah no know wetin u dey talk (Laugh)

Sunday: U no know! Ewo enu e bi u no know. Ki she iwo ati alabirin kan ni Mummy bayin p'ari ija l'ojosi? Obirin o tii pa e, Omugo! (You don't know. Look at his mouth like you don't know. Is it not you and one woman that mummy settled your fight a while ago? Woman has not killed you, complete fool!)

A: Abeg! Sunday, you nko? What of dat Madam wey dey sell food for secretariat? No be her husband beat you? You for sleep cell dat night.

Me: Sunday, mgbo? Oko talo lo naa e? (Sunday, yes, whose husband beat you?)

Sunday: Ee, ko ri be (Ee, it is not like that)

Me: B'oo wa ni? (How is it then?)

A: Anti, no mind am. Na God save u say Magun neva kill you!

Sunday: Asuko, shotobu (Asuquo, Shut up!)

Me: Ehen, Sunday, o ba iyawo oniyawo l'asepo? (Ehen, Sunday, you were sleeping with another man's wife)

Sunday: Ani ko ri bee, ee! (I say it is not like that, ee!)

A: Anti na God save am. If not for Broda Akin wey go bail am for police station. Mumee and Dadee don talk say make e remain dia as e folo anoda man wife. (Laughs)

Me: Sunday, Sunday, sha rora!! (be careful)

Sunday: Ke se mi naa, ishe eshu ni (It is not me, it is the work of the devil.) Ani, e sa bami ma dupe l'owo Boda Akin. (I say, just help me to thank Brother Akin.)

Me: Okay, Asuquo, so how you take see ya Govenor, Attah?

A: Anti, all dos politician dem, ah no know o.

Me: No be your Governor be dat?

A: Ehen, na my Governor but na dat wan put money for my pocket?

Me: So na only if e put money for your pocket you go know am?

A: Anti, all des politicians na di same tin. Na to chop money all di time. Ah no know anything wey Attah do. All di money wey Obasanjo give am, we no see am. Abi una no see as e dey fat everyday. Dem talk say even im wife na Oyinbo. Na only Oyinbo dey enjoy for Akwa-Ibom. Anti, di mata tire me.

Me: When last did you go home?

A: Last Xmos (Yes, that is an "O" instead of an "A").

Me: By road?

A: Anti wetin ah wan enta again? Na only God save us sef. Come and see accident for road. Life no mean anytin.

Me: Una don register to vote?

Baboos: ehn, ehn, ehn.

A: For wia? Dem don know the person wey dem go give. Dem don select am. Na olly (spelt right) God go deliver us.

Me: But, you say make we no call God?

A: Anti wetin person wan call again? Wetin person wan call?

Me: But, if una no vote, na God go come down come vote for you?

A: Di place where des people tief reach, even if God come down, dem go rig am. (Laughs)

Me: You have to register?

A: Anti, a no get money to go register.

Baboos: ehn, ehn, ehn.

Me: Money?? Dem dey take money to register?

A:  Na so dem talk.

Me: Na who talk am? Okay, we will talk about that later, my pickin don wake be like say hungry dey worry am.

A: Anti, you go give me too tape o, abi?

Me: Yes.

End of transcript

It is morning here. Let me go check if Baboos is awake and then, we can go and wish MKK happy birthday.  Happy birthday, MKK!  You are a father in a million!  A man among men. And, I love you!!