03 Feb 2009 |
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Julie stood admiring her figure in the full-length mirror. She looked good, and she knew it - just the way she wanted to be on her date with Nosa. She thought again about his dreamy eyes, his full lips, and how good she felt when she was with him. They had agreed to go out and watch a film together. "My treat", he had said. "I want to see you relaxing and enjoying yourself once in a while - you work too hard at this bank job of yours." She had initially protested, saying that she was too tired and wanted to rest this weekend. But he pressed on: "And you'll be tired the weekend after that, and the one after that too. Come on - allow yourself to enjoy at least one weekend. You know that you really like going out - and you know I'm only really happy when my baby is having fun." "Alright, alright, you've convinced me", Julie replied, laughing. That was one of the things she loved about him - he was always concerned about her, always looking out for her. What a man, she thought again. Yes, meeting Nosa was the best thing that had happened to her in a long while. Not like... not like... she made a motion as if to wipe her mind of a bad memory. But the memories came flooding back still...
Julie had grown up in a fairly comfortable household with her older sister. Her mother was easygoing, but her father was stricter. She still remembered all the commands. "No playing unless you have done your homework." "Go and tidy up your room." "Have you done the household chores?" "Come home on time, or else I will show you pepper!" But she also recalled that even though he did a lot of barking, he very rarely ever bit, and underneath all the noise, he was just like any other loving and concerned parent. She also remembered how she seemed to fall foul of his rules more often than her shyer, quieter and more obedient sister. "Why can't you be more like Caro?" "Look at how Caro behaves!" "Caro never gives any trouble." She couldn't help it - some people are born to obey rules, and some people are born to test rules to their limits - and she was simply one of the latter. Sometimes, she would try and tempt her sister into joining her in her misdemeanours - after all, a punishment shared is a punishment halved. But her sister didn't share her joy for adventure. "Daddy said that we shouldn't enter that room or he will punish us. I'm not following you." "But Daddy isn't around. Nobody will know." "I don't care. Daddy said we shouldn't enter, and I don't want to disobey Daddy." Julie shook her head, smiling. Caro was such a bore! No wonder she ended up in a job like teaching where it was the same thing, day in, day out. However, tensions began to develop as she grew older. Her father noticed that she was, to use his words, "becoming a woman", and kept on telling her in oblique ways to be careful of boys. Careful of what? She didn't see the problem - at the time, she was a very popular girl at school and in her neighborhood. This was no surprise, as she was very bubbly and outgoing, and she loved attention. She was especially popular with boys - she seemed to be able to twist round her finger and make them do what she wanted. "Just be careful", he said. "Not everyone who says they want to be your friend really cares about you. They may want something more from you." "Like what, Daddy?" Her father looked nervously around for her mother. "Erm... Philomena! Come o... your daughter has something that she wants to ask you..." Even after her mother had put straight the many misconceptions that she harboured up to that time about the 'facts of life', she still didn't really see any problem. In fact, it made her even more powerful, knowing that she could just use her sex to tantalise boys further without letting them have what they wanted. And this just caused even more quarrels between her and her father. So it was a relief of sorts when she gained admission to a university which was located miles away from her home. She had chosen this university specifically for this reason, because she wanted to be free from the restrictions that her father was imposing on her. Her parents had wanted her to go to the same university that her sister was attending, but she had fought against this vehemently. What was the point of going to university if your sister was going to be your virtual chaperone? In the end, her parents were worn down by her stubbornness and gave in. Once on campus Julie wasted no time in falling in with a group of girls who had the same taste in expensive clothes and accessories. It wasn't that she was obsessed by money itself - she had never really lacked anything growing up, as her father had had a good job as a manager at a construction firm. However, she did like to be popular, and part of being popular was having the latest accessories and wearing the latest fashion, and these things cost money. It soon became very obvious that the allowance that she got from her father would be woefully inadequate for the lifestyle that she wanted. "I don't understand", she said, as she and her group of friends sat down to eat at a fast-food joint on campus. "How come you girls seem to be able to afford all this without any problems? It's not like your fathers are senators or governors." The girls glanced at each other and burst out laughing. "Come on", said Nike, one of the group. "Why are you pretending that you don't know about 'runs'? A fine girl like you can make so much money that you won't even know what to do with it", she finshed, clapping her hands together to the chorus of approval from the rest of the group. Only then did Julie realise what they were talking about, even as her friends went on excitedly to talk about how generous the men were, and how much they got in gifts, money and travel, how you had to use your God-given beauty to your best advantage, how everyone else did it, and how it was better than the stealing or kidnapping that some of the cult members on campus got up to. She was very uncomfortable with the idea - teasing boys was one thing, but to actually offer sex in exchange for money was a different thing altogether. "So how about following myself and Oby tonight? There's this rich Chief who is hosting a party... I'm sure he won't mind if I bring you along." said Nike. Julie shook her head. "I don't know... I don't feel all right with the idea." Ifeoma, another of the girls in the group snorted with contempt. "And what is your problem with it? You think you're too holy or what? You think that all this jewellery" - and she shook a very expensive set of bracelets at Julie - "will just jump onto your wrist like that? Abeg - this is the real world we are in!" "Come on, Ify, don't be like that. You don't expect her just to jump into it like that". Nike turned to Julie. "Look, it's not by force. If you don't want to do now, that's fine. But at least think about it. Honestly, it's not the big deal that people like to make it into. After a while, you don't even think about it." But after that discussion, it was as though an invisible wall had descended between her and her friends. They would be discussing certain parties or events, that they had been at, and one of them would say "Ah, it's a pity that you weren't there, Julie - we didn't want to invite you because we knew that you didn't have the money for the air fare", or they would be showing off the latest clothes that they'd bought, and she'd feel left out because she had nothing to show. But she didn't want to leave them, because they had become one of the fashionable and popular groups to belong to on campus, and she did so want to be popular... {mospagebreak} At first, it was hard getting used to, especially as she was having to work against years of upbringing by her parents. The first time was especially hard - it was one fat Alhaji whose name she was neither able nor willing to remember. She would sometimes lie there and think of something else while they grunted away - some of the men didn't seem to care one way or the other. Nike and the other girls taught her the other tricks of the trade - the emotional displays that milked the men for all they were worth; how to turn the men on in the bedroom, and what to do about contraception and if that failed, the names of one or two doctors who could take care of things. But the money she was getting made it all worthwhile to her. It felt fantastic to be able to have whatever she wanted without having to beg someone for it. Soon, she had to move out of campus and into a rented flat where she was she had more space for her ever-growing list of belongings, and where she was able to carry on her activities with more freedom. Needless to say, her studies quickly took a back seat to the serious business of making money. But her grades didn't suffer that badly, because again money came to the rescue - in the corrupt world of academia, she was either able to pay students to do coursework or sit exams for her, or she would deal with the lecturer directly and pay him several months' salary for a good grade. A year rolled by, and her parents were none the wiser - as far as they knew, she was doing well in her studies, and that's all that mattered to them. But then one day, she came home on an unscheduled visit in the middle of the semester and met her father in the house at a time she thought he would be at work. "Daddy, what's the matter?" Her dad was surprised to see her. "Ah Julie. I hope nothing? Has your university closed already?" "No, I just wanted to pick some items up". It looks like I left my passport behind during my last stay here, she added silently. "What about you, Daddy? Why are you at home?" Her father shook his head, and said that he hadn't been feeling well. Julie was concerned all of a sudden. "What's the problem? Have you been to see a doctor?" "Oh, it's nothing serious. It will go away soon." But Julie wasn't convinced, and she knew that there was serious trouble when her sister called her during the semester break. "How come you're not at home again?" "I'm staying behind at school to finish up a coursework project." A project to keep Chief Pepple happy and satisfied. "So you don't know that Daddy has been out of work for the last few months?" Julie was shocked. "H-how will he and Mummy manage?" "Well, he has been looking for work since, but it hasn't been easy. They've sold the car to provide a small cushion and they're managing on Mummy's job for now, but that hardly brings in much. It means that we may not be getting much of an allowance next semester." Julie almost laughed - her father's allowance these days was so inadequate that she typically only took a day or two to spend it all. But she realised that she could help. "Look, Caro - I know someone who can help out. If I talk to him, he can give Daddy a loan so that they don't need to sell anything any more. I'm sure by the time the amount runs out, Daddy will have got a job." Caro was suspicious. "Who is this friend of yours?" "None of your business. I'll call Mummy and get her to talk Daddy round, because I know how proud he can be of accepting help."
Julie's new role as the breadwinner made her cut back on some of her luxury expenses and made her more aggressive in the hunt for rich men. At first, her father reluctantly accepted the regular amounts of money she sent, saying that the first thing he would do as soon as he got a job would be to pay back his mystery benefactor. But as time went on, the unspoken truth began to emerge as it became obvious that no benefactor would offer such large amounts on such a regular basis, nor could Julie be employed in an ordinary job that would pay such amounts and not conflict with her studies. By that time, however, the entire family was dependent on what she sent - so nobody said anything. Julie could see that they knew by the way they studiously avoided making any reference to what she did at school and how they eventually stopped talking about the mystery benefactor. On the few occasions she came home, she could see how ashamed her father felt of himself - a man who was so useless to his family that his daughter was now selling her body to fulfil the responsibility that should be his. Julie didn't know what to do - on the one hand, it wasn't his fault that he was out of work, and raising the issue would probably open up all kinds of ugly wounds. On the other hand, she felt despondent that something she had freely chosen now felt like an obligation - and a very unwelcome obligation at that. With the depressing reality of her father's unemployment weighing on her, she was beginning to to view her high-flying lifestyle as frivolous and pointless, and she was increasingly irritated by the out-of-touch attitude her erstwhile friends. Once, when riding with Ifeoma through a more run-down part of the town, she wondered aloud why the government wasn't doing more to help people out of poverty. "Which poverty? Abeg, these people are just lazy!" "Ify, not all people are lazy. Some people want to work, but they don't have the opportunity." "Eh, that's their own problem. Why are you bringing up this kind of topic? Please, let me continue telling you about how Senator Odigie and Senator Aliyu were fighting over me..." Ifeoma giggled and resumed her chatter, but Julie's mind was elsewhere. She knew that she couldn't remain in this business for long. She was completely fed up of the men and their incessant demands - once they were done with her, they treated her like she didn't exist. The appeal of all that extra money was long gone. And then there was the reputation that she had picked up on campus which seemed to have scared off most of the kind of boys that she might have been interested in. Not that it mattered, though - she had become quite cynical after observing close up the hypocritical behaviour of the men that she had gone out with, so there probably weren't any good men left. But sometimes, she would sit and watch couples on campus walk by holding hands, and she would feel a deep sadness and wonder if she would ever find someone to love her like that. Eventually, Julie finished her course. Thankfully, she had something to show for her time at university - a degree certificate, spurious though most of the grades might be - and six million naira in the bank. So she got a new phone number, changed her email address and declared that she was going to move as far away from the unversity town as possible - as far as she was concerned, that chapter in her history was finished. As for her family, she knew that things would never again be the same between her and them. Her father had finally been able to get a new job, and he said that the first thing he wanted to do was to pay her back all the money she had given him. That just made her sad - she knew he would never had said that if he believed the money came from a 'normal' job. So she told herself that it was probably best if she kept her contact with them to a minimum, too. {mospagebreak} Julie completed her Youth Service without any incident, and soon got a job as a teller in a bank in the town she had served in. She considered herself fortunate that it was far away from her previous life, but after her experience, she was in no hurry to start up an active social life. So she generally kept to herself, politely declining invitations by colleagues and customers to various non-official events. One day when things were quiet at the bank, she was reconciling some accounts in between serving customers when she heard a "Hello, can you please help me?" She looked up. A man was standing there with a smile on his face. "Yes sir. How can I help you?" The man carried on smiling. "I had actually been standing watching you for half a minute - I didn't want to disturb you as you seemed to be deep in work. It's great to see someone who is so dedicated to their work, yet who can become instantly so professional and courteous when the occasion demands it." Julie blushed. "It's no problem, sir. Excelsior Bank believes that the customer is important. The man went on to ask for a cheque to be paid into his account, and Julie completed the transaction. As he was about to leave, the man said "It's not often I get to meet someone who is that courteous and professional. I'd like to get the chance to meet you again." Julie's first thought was: here they come again. But then she thought - why not? He's only asking for a meeting... and it's a change from those customers who proclaim their undying love for you within minutes of talking to you. So she said "I'd like that too." The man smiled again - he had really nice teeth. "Here's my number", he said, handing her a card. And the name is Nosa. Call me when you're free, and we can work out what time and place would be good for both of us." That was several weeks ago. Since then, their relationship had blossomed into a riot of vivid colour. Nosa was funny, charming and intelligent. He wanted to get to know all about her, what she liked and disliked, and what she thought about different things. He worked as a contractor leasing and supplying agricultural machinery, but he was well read enough to talk of all kinds of different things - and he did so in a way that made even the most boring topic like an exciting drama. On top of that, he wasn't one of these men who was consumed by their ego. He exuded enough confidence that he didn't need to control people - instead, he made people feel happy doing want he wanted. She had never been happier than this in her life... ...but there was one aspect of the relationship she felt somewhat uncomfortable about, and that was when he asked her about her past life. She usually gave evasive answers, and they seemed to satisfy him... but she wasn't sure whether he was really satisfied, or whether he sensed that the past was a no-go area for him and chose to back off. Either way, she knew that one day, she would need to face the decision as to whether to tell him of her past life, or whether to hold her silence forever. As it turned out, she would have to make a decision on this sooner than she thought.
"Hey! Julie!" Julie turned round. She was waiting for Nosa to finish in the toilet after they'd just emerged from the cinema auditorium. A man came up to her with a smile on his face. "Don't you remember me? Ekanem - Eki-dude - from uni!" Julie concealed her irritation and disgust. She remembered him well - he was one of the students who would help to arrange for her and her friends to meet rich men. What was he doing here of all places? In as cold a tone as she could manage, she said "Sorry, I don't think I remember. How can I help you?" Ekanem smiled. "Aaaah... which one now? Why are you fronting like this?" "Look, I'm waiting for someone here and I'll soon be gone, so if I were you, I'd state my business fast." "Na wa o... so that's how friendship just disappears." Ekanem made an expansive gesture and continued. "Anyway, I noticed that you're now going out with that fine guy... what's his name... Nosa." Julie jumped in surprise. "How do you know him?" "Nosa? He's very popular around here. I and him have had some dealings from time to time. No... I don't organise girls for him", he added, shaking his head. "I'm sure that many girls would be interested, but he's not that kind of guy. I wonder how someone like you managed to land him sef." "Shut up! Who are you to open your dirty mouth and judge anyone? Idiot!" "Abeg, calm down. I bet that he doesn't know about your past." Ekanem saw her blanch, and grinned even wider. "Ah - I'm right, then. And I'm sure that you won't want him to know either, right? Then maybe we should have a little discussion sometime. Here's my number... catch you later."
Julie had gone over the script many times in her head, but no matter how many times she played it out, she always found herself paralysed with fear when it came to the point where she revealed all. But it had to be this way. There was no way that she was going to give into Ekanem's blackmail. He wanted a regular payment every month - lazy bastard. She could afford to pay out of her savings, but eventually she would run dry and would have to return to her old life. And then there would be two secrets to keep from Nosa - her past and her present life. She reckoned that there was no point in hiding anything - if someone loves you, they'll love all of you - you weren't an a la carte menu that they could pick and choose parts from. And if it meant her and Nosa breaking up - she trembled at the thought - then that was just life. She heard a noise and looked up, and there was Nosa standing at her table. "Wow, you must be deep in thought. I was waving at you from afar, but it looked like you were deep in thought... just like the day we first met when you were so in to your work." he said, chuckling. "Anyway, you wanted to meet. What's up?" Julie took a deep breath. Be strong, she said, and she plunged in. When she had finished, there was a long silence as Nosa looked a her for a long time. Then he gently took her hands in his. "Julie, however you feel about what you did in the past, it is the past. What matters today is not what you were but who you are and who you are going to be. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the past is irrelevant. Our past is what has made us who we are today, so even if we choose not to celebrate it, it's important that we at least don't deny it. Sometimes, accepting that something has happened to us in the past is the key to understanding our present. "But as I said, our present is more important to us than our past - in fact, our past only has value if it is relevant to our present. Otherwise, for me, the past is another country. And today, I see an enchanting girl who I'm falling more and more in love with everyday. So I should even thank your past for making you the person you are. Sometimes, it is only when you have seen another totally different side of life that you become a truly compassionate human being, because it is then that you become less judgmental, more forgiving and more understanding. "I understand that it must have taken a lot of courage to come forward and say what you've said. I'm not blind to the way our society views women who have lived the life that you have. So I want to thank you for showing that courage, and I promise you that whatever I do or say, I will never bring up this topic gratuitously. I would expect that we would talk frankly about issues in your past life that relate to our future together, but I promise that I won't treat what you've done as 'good deeds' or bad deeds - just 'deeds'. "So you can tell your 'friend' to go and take a walk. And if he continues to bother you, well, we all have something in our pasts that we would rather the world didn't know - something that can be found out with enough persistence and digging. I'm sure that he is no exception." Julie broke down in tears of joy and relief. As Nosa hugged her, he thought - yes, we all do have something to hide in our pasts. I really do need to think about when I should tell Julie about my time as an advance-fee fraudster...
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