Mmm... yeahh... oh yeah, that feels really good.... mmhh? Oh, excuse me. You interrupt me as I'm enjoying a good and nourishing ego massage. Ego massage, you wonder? Should I even be admitting this in public?

Well, it is no surprise that act of giving and receiving ego massages has received a bad reputation recently. There are even those who will declare that 'the Ego is a Terrible Thing to Massage'. But I put to such people that with all due respect, such claims are misguided. In fact, the ego could no more exist without massaging than you and I could exist without food, water and air.

But let me step back a bit and answer the question for those of you who are wondering: what exactly is ego massaging? Simply put, it is the act of making someone feel better about themselves with the power of words. It is about making them feel more confident, more optimistic and filled with more positive aspirations by making utterances that resonate with their ego. In fact, ego massaging is part and parcel of our culture, right from the moment we are born - we are given positive, aspirational names such we are guaranteed to get a mini ego-massage every time someone calls our name.

So if this is what ego massaging can achieve, why is it condemned at all? Should we not drop everything we are doing (including reading this article) and proceed to engage in an orgy of ego massaging? Well, the problem is that there is a right and a wrong way to go about ego-massaging. This is why ego-massaging is an art - it is not for the unskilled person who thinks that it is about opening their mouth and uttering complimentary words. Oh, no. On the contrary, a skilful ego-massager will know the following:

He will take time to understand the nature of the ego he is massaging. Just as we have different personalities, different tastes and differing backgrounds, so also we have differing egos. Some egos are the size of a pea and require little and infrequent massaging; some some, at size of a watermelon, are much more 'high maintenance'. Some egos are as smooth as silk and respond easily to the gentlest of massages; others are as rough as high grade sandpaper and should be massaged with care. So the skilled ego massager knows that words of praise that might suit one ego at a particular time might be a complete turn off to another, and he will take time to observe the responses of the ego to gentle probing before deciding to 'go in deep'.

He will offer sincere compliments of praiseworthy qualities in the ego-massagee. I'll state this upfront now: Insincere flattery is NOT ego-massaging. Only the person in desperate need of an ego-massage will appreciate being told he is in fantastic health when he weighs over 20 stone; in fact, that comment is in danger of being viewed as sarcastic.

So the expert ego-massager will take time to really understand the ego-massagee. He will not just praise the ego-massagee for having this or showing that, but he will cite specific instances where he has observed this happening. In fact, the skilled ego-massager will take care to cite instances that the ego-massagee did not even know that anyone was paying attention to - and this offers an additional boost to the massaging, as it tells the massagee that he is so important that people pay attention even to the minor things he does.

I should point out here that there are three kinds of praiseworthy qualities: the ones the the ego-massagee knows about and appreciates, the ones he knows about but does not appreciate and the ones he does not even know about. The good ego-massager will identify the first type fairly quickly; the great ego-massager will identify the second type of qualities, and convince the massagee why he should appreciate them; but the truly superior ego-massager will dig deep down into the psyche of the massagee and unearth the third type before polishing it and presenting it to the massagee in the form of a deep, stimulating massage.

He will time his ego-massages appropriately. The skilful ego-massager understands that the effect of an ego-massage is amplified if it is delivered when the massagee is prepared to receive it. Unlike the charlatans who go about braying out praises at full volume, irrespective of the occasion, he will wait until the massagee is in need of an boost to his confidence, or when he is facing discouragement, or simply when he is relaxed enough to be receptive to sincere compliments.

So there are some of the hallmarks of a skilful ego-massager. In fact, there are some ego-massagers that are so skilful that you aren't even aware that your ego has been massaged until long after they're gone... and the warm glow you feel afterwards stays for you with days.

On the other hand, as I mentioned in passing, there are those quacks who peddle ego-massaging like crack cocaine to those who display a disposition to entertain any kind of ego-massaging, no matter how insincere it may be. Such a situation can get out of hand, where the ego-massagee begins to live in a fantasy world in which he has all the desirable qualities as described by quack massager - and because he likes it in this world, he is in constant need of continuous quack massaging to perpetuate this fantasy. I think that this is what may be going on in the corridors of power in Nigeria, where powerful men surround themselves with a coterie of quack massagers to massage their ever expanding egos (which I guess must be the size of Zuma Rock).

The bigger problem with this kind of quack massaging is that the massagee believes so strongly that he has the abilities described that he attempts to act them out. Now I'm a big believer in positive thinking - but ain't no amount of positive thinking that can make a chicken fly or an ant lift an elephant. And so it is with these hapless massagees - they end up inflicting their ineptitude on others who unfortunately bear the brunt of a poorly implemented action or policy.

But I must not dwell on the downside of ego-massaging. The reality is that done right, ego-massaging is a healthy and important part of our human interaction. It is the lubricant that keeps the wheels of human discourse turning. So as you finish reading this article, I charge you to spread the good vibrations amongst your fellow man by sincerely complimenting them for something they have said or done. I exhort you to ask the question - "Have I massaged someone's ego today?". If not, you can start by massaging mine by telling me how much you enjoyed this fantastic article...

Robot  Villager

# 1 ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 14.07.2008 00:29

Ayomide  Villager

# 2 :D:lol::lol:…..psyche!! I was going to read this and just move on…but since you asked that one leaves a token…here goes…. So, should we massage yours as an Admin or just as the great Shoko?? I guess the answer is…either way, yours gets massaged all the time…anywayz; simply because your articles come across as very well thought-out, although my ability to comprehend some of them is somewhat limited….em….more like way above my head….as in digestible only with some tart Kunu..:D:D Truthfully, an article that arrests one’s attention to the end deserves beaucoup kudos! I really liked it…got me thinking on a psychological level. Well done! Posted by Ayomide| 14.07.2008 02:18

Abraxas  Villager

# 3 Hi, Air Vice Marshall Shoko Loko Bangoshe! What you have just done here is to give us an executive summary of the psycho-dynamics of subliminal seduction, including advanced techniques of predatory manipulation of individual behaviourisms! Na yoo, biko! Don Juan-Carlos ABRAXAS (III) Posted by Abraxas| 14.07.2008 04:03

Shoko Loko Bangoshe  Villager

# 4 Ayomide, Allow me to compliment you on your complimentary skills. My Ego-Massageometer recorded a reading of 8.5 of a possible 10 after that last massage. But biko, tell me - which is this indigestible article of mine that you say you have problems understanding? Please point it out so that I can rip away the shroud of obfuscation that is cloaking the points I was trying to make. Don Juan Carlos Abraxas XIXIXIX, Allow me to compliment you on your polysyllabic ingenuity and your sesquipedalian dexterity. Let me also assure you that the genuine ego-massager will massage purely out of interest of the massagee... not because he has an ulterior motive that benefits him and him alone. Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe| 14.07.2008 05:28

akuluouno  Villager

# 5 Your Royal Highness, The Magnificient King Shoko, Your article was the besr that I have read in the whole NVS. It made me feel as if I did not know what ego massaging was all about until I read it. Na you bikoooo. Carry go even try your stuff on ND militants. They will lay down their arms, legs and body sam sam for you. I think UMYA should incorprate EM as the eight point in his miracle working agenda.:D:D:D:D Posted by akuluouno| 14.07.2008 05:35

EthelBaba  JJC

# 6 Well written article...I'd always thought "ego massaging" had a negative connotation, thanks for putting everything in perspective. I will endeavor to massage a few egos today...:wink: Posted by EthelBaba| 14.07.2008 08:41

NWANZA  Villager

# 7 =Shoko Loko Bangoshe;4295069657>Ayomide, Allow me to compliment you on your complimentary skills. My Ego-Massageometer recorded a reading of 8.5 of a possible 10 after that last massage. But biko, tell me - which is this indigestible article of mine that you say you have problems understanding? Please point it out so that I can rip away the shroud of obfuscation that is cloaking the points I was trying to make. This "Ego-Massageometer" should not be sold to just anybody - going by the non-stop action and high rating it bestows on the owners or Cabals. Praise singers last only five hours max - their voice start crakling and shatter. The buddy shakers only last three hrs max - for no good reason. Please send me one meter - biko! my Chief Hon. excellency royal highness Shoko. Posted by NWANZA| 14.07.2008 09:40

Bode Eluyera  In Purgatory

# 8 HIS NVS HIGHNESS, HONOURABLE SHOKO LOKO BANGOSHE. THE PROFESSOR OF PSYCHO-ANALYSIS. Mo ju ba o Baba. I throw way salute o papa. You have gone to a very high level. Have you ever read any of Sigmund Freud's books especially "The ego and the identity?" You won't believe it, but I was holding the russian translated edition of this book in a bookshop on Saturday - just three days ago. Unfortunately, I bought another of his book, and not that one on ego, since I am already well acquainted with that one . I bought the one that he devoted to the control of the crowd. That's what I am reading now. Russia is full of ironies. Real estate is one of the most expensive in the world today. But, thank God, books published in Russian are still relatively very cheap. The fact that I read, write and speak in russian, most of the time, unfortunately, has a negative effect on my english. Since we are humans, and not robots, ego is a very delicate and sensitive issue in human relationships - both formal and informal. Deals running into billions of dollars have crashed due to ego. A conflict or negotiation could reach an impasse due to ego. People have taken emotional decisions that they are not supposed to take, that are also not in their favour because of the inability to manage/control their ego. It's very important to be able to manage one's ego, otherwise one can inflict irrepearable harm to himself. Honestly Shoko, I think that I can write a whole book on this topic. But, that's not my priority now. My priority now, as you are very much aware, is to break up Nig'geria. When that mission is accomplished, there will be more than enough time to write on philosophical nad psychological issues like ego. By the way SHOKO, talking about ego, are you aware of the fact that you have hurt my ego by not responding or reacting to my post sent to you a couple of days ago regarding my latest article titled "How the Niger deltans can get their freedom: The Action plan! (part 5)" which was sent for publication 10 days ago, but is yet to be published for reasons unknown to me. I am sure you are aware of the fact that this same article has already been published on the web site of Nigeriansinamerica.com. Courtesy, at least demands that you acknowledge the receipt of my post. Remember, sometimes, little things could hurt our egos. The ability to manage ego is one of the greatest soft skills a man could possess. How good are you in managing your ego SHOKO? Abi I don offend you again Shoko? Abi you dey vest again? Moreover, I want to remind you that you PERSONALLY asked to write a CONCRETE PLAN on how to break up Nig'geria. Below is your post from the thread "One Nig'geria: To be or not to be? (part 5) OK o... but this your series, na wa o! Every time I skip to the end, I always see 'To Be Continued'. I would have thought that by now, those who are disposed to be convinced would have been convinced, and those who are disposed to be repelled would have been repelled. I'm not saying that you shouldn't write 'One Nigeria - To Be Or Not To Be (Part 72)', but it would be nice if you accelerated the article that responds to my original question. S. Therefore, I am just baffled that after taking the time and energy to carry out your personal request, you have allowed somebody to sit on my article. What an irony!!! Anyway, better late than never, you might need to MASSAGE my ego by letting my article see the LIGHT OF THE DAY. SO SHOKO, PLEASE GO AHEAD AND MASSAGE MY EGO BEFORE I JUMP LIKE MONKEY!!! _________________________ _________________________ Lest I forget SHOKO, are you aware of the fact that the best way to MASSAGE ego is by LISTENING ACTIVELY? Many psychologists and psycho-analysts have prooved this beyond any reasonable doubts. Posted by Bode Eluyera| 14.07.2008 15:37

sandylomo  Villager

# 9 Thanks a million Your Royal Highness, Air Vice Marshal Soko Loko Bangoshe (The 'eegun-shenu-jeje-muti'-1 of NVS) for this laudable effort of publicly gratifying the esteemed image and the audaciuos efforts of our noble organisation. Indeed such a magnanimous gesture must not go un gratified; so we say thank you. We are particularly delighted that you have chosen this Auspicious (not the guy with the Big belle):p medium to boost the image of our noble organisation which has been in existence on NVS for a while now. Therefore on behalf of the entire honourable members of the Grand Order of Ego Massagers (GOEM) of NVS, I say may you live long. P.S: For Villagers interested in developing the age-long and noble act of ego massaging, membership of the GOEM is now open. Terms & Conditions apply. PM moi for full details. Sandylomo (latile) Executive Chairperson, Grand Order of Ego Massagers (GOEM) of NVS Posted by sandylomo| 15.07.2008 07:40

FoxCatcher  Villager

# 10 =sandylomo;4295070157>Thanks a million Your Royal Highness, Air Vice Marshal Soko Loko Bangoshe (The 'eegun-shenu-jeje-muti'-1 of NVS) for this laudable effort of publicly gratifying the esteemed image and the audaciuos efforts of our noble organisation. Indeed such a magnanimous gesture must not go un gratified; so we say thank you. We are particularly delighted that you have chosen this Auspicious (not the guy with the Big belle):p medium to boost the image of our noble organisation which has been in existence on NVS for a while now. Therefore on behalf of the entire honourable members of the Grand Order of Ego Massagers (GOEM) of NVS, I say may you live long. P.S: For Villagers interested in developing the age-long and noble act of ego massaging, membership of the GOEM is now open. Terms & Conditions apply. PM moi for full details. Sandylomo (latile) Executive Chairperson, Grand Order of Ego Massagers (GOEM) of NVS Haba..... why una no wan tell us details 4 here??? Na secret tin???? Abegi.... mi..I wan join o. Mak una post d 'terms & conditions' shap shap. Oga SLB, I don doze 4 office... na ur article clear ma eyes shap shap:D:D 'More blessings'!!!!!:razz::razz::razz: Abegi.... just 1 :icon_ques: If ego don swell pass nko??? How ego massager fit reduce am 2 safe level???? Class Captain, Ego Massagers 101 Posted by FoxCatcher| 15.07.2008 09:36

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