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Foreword
This article is dedicated to a certain villager who knows
herself; without her importunity, I probably wouldn't have tasked myself to write
this article explaining not only why kunu is so important in my life
but why it should be important in yours.
"What are those women selling? Is that Bournvita or
what?"
It was a cool July afternoon, and I had just arrived in Jos
with a couple of friends, straight from the searing heat of the Bauchi
orientation camp in Wailo. We were wandering around the town, soaking up the
sights and I had just caught sight of what I thought was the odd spectacle of
women selling a chocolate drink from plastic bottles.
One of my friends laughed. "Shoko, don't you know
anything? That's not Bournvita - that's kunu."
"Kunu?" I said, overcome with curiosity.
"What is that? I don't think I've seen that before."
My friend was surprised. "Haven't you been up north
before?" I shook my head; this was my first time of crossing the Niger.
"Ah, then that explains it. Kunu isn't widely sold in the South - it's
more popular up here."
I was further intrigued. "I think I'll get a bottle and
find out what it tastes like." So I walked over to the nearest vendor and
asked for a cup - I didn't want to buy too much, in case it wasn't to my taste.
So the vendor poured it out, I lifted the cup to my mouth and...
...black and white become colour...
...mono became s t e r e o...
...two dimensions became three...
...and I found that that the single act of allowing this
milky brown essence into my universe had changed it unalterably for ever. The
petty day-to-day frustrations no longer felt important; I felt that I had
sloughed them off like a snake sheds its skin. Time stood still as I
recalibrated my senses to account for this new indescribably wonderful
sensation that I was experiencing.
"Shoko? Shoko?? Are you all right?" My friend was
shaking me, as it looked like I had gone into a kind of stupor. I turned round
and gave him a beatific smile. "My friend, even if you never do me any
other good in this world, I will remember you forever and ever for introducing
me to this." I indicated the cup of kunu, then I proceeded to finish its
contents, savouring every single drop all the way down. My friend then looked
on in amazement as I spent the remainder of my meagre 'alawi' on purchasing the
not just the remaining kunu in the bottle from the vendor, but also all the
other bottles she was selling. And thus my enduring love affair with kunu was
begun.
Now I know that there are some hardened souls out there into
whose hearts the Gospel of Kunu has failed to make inroads. I don't know
whether to look on them with amusement or pity, because it is beyond my
imagination how someone could see something so obviously refreshing, nourishing
and delicious and pass it up. Sometimes, I think I should just leave them to
wallow in their ignorance - but then, I remember I was once like that, and how
terrible would it have been if the glory of kunu had not been revealed to me?
So I will give not just one - not just two - but seven reasons why they should
rethink their irrational objection to kunu and give it a try:
- Kunu played an important part in the establishment of the
Mali Empire. Records indicate at the court of Mansa Musa, the great Malian king,
kunu consumption was mandatory, as "it imparted a high degree of wisdom
and understanding to all those who drank it". In fact, it is recorded that
shortly after Mansa Musa's death, the consumption of kunu declined, and this
was almost certainly a contributory factor in the eventual decline of the
Empire.
- The British were only able to colonise Nigeria because they
were successful in disrupting the supplies of kunu to the various kingdoms. The
shortage of kunu caused the soldiers in the kingdoms' armies to lose courage
and morale, and thus it was easier for them to be conquered. (This is a little
known fact that the British have tried to suppress for a long time, so you are
unlikely to find it in any official records.)
- Many people assume that the prosperity during the
mid-seventies was due to high oil prices. But the real reason behind this was
that there was a massive increase in the consumption of kunu in Nigeria round
about that time. This kick-started a complex chain reaction, culminating the
1973 oil crisis which led to the rise in oil prices and the subsequent
prosperity. Sadly, as people became more prosperous, their hearts were consumed
by the material things of this world. Thus, they were less inclined to drink
kunu, and eventually the prosperity tailed off.
- Nelson Mandela was only able to keep going during his
incarceration in Robben Island because a secret sympathiser was able to smuggle
in supplies of kunu which he regularly drank. This kept his spirits up and
caused him never to waver in his dream of a South Africa where blacks would
have enfranchisement.
- The source of Fela's creativity has been revealed to be none
other than kunu. Reliable sources indicate that he always drank it before
starting work on a new album, as it stimulated the flow of ideas for music
and lyrics in his mind. So the next time you are dancing to "Follow
follow", "Zombie" or "Overtake Don Overtake Overtake",
remember that kunu made it happen.
- The secret of Idiagbon's success in implementing WAI has
again been linked to kunu. He is reported to have drunk it religiously five
times a day, and this is what kept him going in his determination to create a
more disciplined society in Nigeria. It is noteworthy that Babangida, his
successor, had an extreme hatred of kunu - it is reported that he once ordered
his orderlies to beat up a street vendor for no other reason than she was
selling kunu.
- And lastly, Nigeria winning the African Nations Cup in 1980
and 1994, and winning the gold Olympic medal in 1996. What do you think was
behind these successes? You guessed right - it was kunu. The players had a keg
of the drink supplied to them before the kick-off of all their matches, with a
top-up at half time. This took the dexterity, agility and velocity of their
game to a new level that left the opposition sitting in the dust.
I could cite many other examples about how kunu has been
directly responsible for other beneficial changes in human society, like the
granting of universal suffrage to minority groups and women, the eradication of
smallpox, and the growth of the internet. I could go on and on about how it
strengthens the weak, heartens the sad and calms the agitated. But all that
would just be like trying to explain to a man who had never experienced vision
what the colour green was like. You just have to experience it yourself. So I
exhort you to get down to your local kunu dealer today - a trial will
definitely convince you!
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Authors 
Posted by Robot| 20.01.2008 17:38