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I
was never good at it. I was never good at Marriage. And I dont know
too many people who are good at it. Still, they tolerate the married
life. In spite of all the aches and pains and tribulations and the
confining nature of marriage, they endure, they persevere. It is not
for me to say, but somehow, I suspect that most people who remain
married, in spite of the allied pain and agony, have some form of
psychosomatic injury. If not, how else do you explain several years of
torture?
I
have lived in all the regions of the country, and so I know. I know
that in the Nigeria of my youth, divorces were very rare. Because of
family reputation and sensibilities, people stayed married. Also, in
deference to religious, cultural and economic demands, people stayed
married. Especially women. Most women stayed married even at the risk
of their own wellbeing. In fact, women loosing their lives or limbs at
the hands of their husbands are not unheard of.
A
man brings in a second or third wife, yet she remains married; he
denies her her human rights, she remains married; he goes on to have
kids out of wedlock, she remains married. He may even beat the daylight
out of her, still, she remains married. Religion and culture aside,
most of these women remain married because of the children. It is as if
Nigerian women live just so their children can live and have a joyous
and prosperous life.
As
with most aspects of the Nigerian life, things are changing. The role
and place of women in the society are undergoing changes. It is
difficult to calibrate the speed of the change; still, the
transformation is observable. As women become more educated, more
self-assured, more financially independent, and more liberal in their
thinking, they demand and grab the things they think belong to them.
They do the things they think are in their best interest -- including
mind altering sex.
In
the olden days, most women just lie there. It was missionary position
all the way from their teenage years until menopause and beyond. For
most people, sex served two primary purposes: procreation, and tension
reliever. Although some men also used it to control their women. By and
large, two minutes, six minutes or ten minutes and it is all over. Off
he goes.
Off
he goes into another tent or another compound at a time of his
choosing. He may or may not thank her. He may or may not care about her
needs and feelings. He may or may not look into her eyes. He may or may
not cuddle. He may or may not express his love and affection. Kissing?
Heck no, forget it! Foreplay? Oh heavens, hell no! Pregnancy is his
main goal and it is what affirms his manliness. Alone with fellow men,
he may brag about the frequency and number of his conquests.
More
so since the tail end of the twentieth century, things began to change
for the Nigerian women. Men are generally slower than women when it
comes to change. Most often, you have to take the men by hand; you have
to lead them, stroke their egos, and explain to them that it is in
their best interest to change. In public, they may be brash and
arrogant and loud and may even thump their chest. Dont panic! Such
actions are well known amongst Nigerian men: na Shakara! He may buff
and huff, na Shakara. In private, he is as soft as butter, and as
amenable as soft clay.
You
have to teach a typical Nigerian man. After a while, he becomes your
lapdog and will do most things you ask of him. But after a while, he
becomes the master of the game. Twenty five years earlier, a sizeable
number of the women (between the ages of 18 and 40) knew what French
kiss, fellatio, Cunnilingus,
rimming and various other sex acts and positions were. The men were
laggards, slackers. Today? Oh no, you couldnt make some of them (those
between 18 and 40) stop. They want butter on bread.
But
in spite of the gradual transformation of the Nigerian men, some still
treat women of different color and background differently. A typical
Nigerian living in the western world still does not bring his woman
roses and cards, he still does not give her hand-written love notes, he
still does not take her for evening or morning walks, and he still does
not give her backrub or full body massage. Kai, God forbid she asks him
to suck on her toes.
But
he will do the aforementioned plus more for the non-Nigeria, especially
if the non-Nigerian is White, Asian or Latin American. There is a
system to it, though. First, he complains to the non-Blacks that his
religion and or culture do not allow licking and sucking the suckables
and the lickables. He swears it is an abomination to do so. He swears
thunder and lightning will strike him if he disobeys God and that his
ancestors will shift uncomfortable in their graves.
Eyes
wide open and with hardening nuts, that same Nigerian will murmur to
the non-Black: but I wont object if you want to do it to/on me
it is
permissible
only if you want to
Should she oblige him, you couldnt
get that same Nigerian to stop moaning and praying: Oh Lord, Oh
Jesus
Yeparipa
Chineke
Egba mio
Yes
Yes
Yes
Ahhhh
Ohhhh
Mnnnn
Thank
You
Thank You
!
If
after the second or third episode the non-Black says if you wont come
down on me, then forget it, you will see the Naijaman with his tongue
protruding, salivating, ready for action. Thereafter, you may never get
him to stop licking the honey jar. Something else, he may never admit
to his fellow Naijaman that he is regular visitor to the nectar jar.
And even if he is caught with his tongue deep in the beehive, he will
deny it; he will tell you he was searching for his lips.
Wow,
how did we get here? Now I know: I was telling you that I was not good
at marriage. Six is enough. Still, I am willing to try it again if
certain conditions are met. I dont care if you are Black or Chinese or
India or White or any other race or color in between. Heck, been there
and done that. My doors are open
or page me.
Sabidde@yahoo.com

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Posted by Robot| 01.08.2008 18:34