Bayelsa State is the least developed of all the federating states in Nigeria. Outside of the state capital, Yenagoa, the state is devoid of any measure of development. It is vastly underdevelopment in spite of the billions and billions of naira that has been allocated to, and received by the state since its creation in 1996. What follows is the satirical story of Bayelsa State. This is the story of how three sons of the soil helped to impoverish their state. This is the story of how three Ijaw governors -- Alamieyeseigha, Goodluck Jonathan and Timpre Sylva -- looted the Bayelsa treasury. This is the story of how three men made a mess of their people’s fortune. Please see: Niger Delta Governors: Where is our Money?

Part A: When Alamieyeseigha was the Governor:

In 2003, Umaru Diko, a member of the Arewa Consultative Forum and an alleged member of the Kaduna Mafia, went to visit DSP Alamieyeseigha in Yenagoa. Being a true and hospitable Ijaw man, the governor invited Diko to his Amassoma home for dinner and other matters. The ACF chieftain was impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked:

“Your Excellency, how can you afford all this on a governor’s salary?”

Alamieyeseigha smiled knowingly, took him to the window.

“Can you see the river?”

“Yes”

“Can you see the bridge and beyond?”

“Of course,” answered Umaru Diko.

“You want to know how I can afford the things you see and cannot see?” ask the governor.

“But of course” Diko answered. “I want to have a semblance of what you have.”

“10 percent of the state treasury, 15 percent of all contacts…20 percent of the security votes…30 percent patronage fee,” said the governor smugly.

“Your Excellency, your people are not doing too well; I think you should…”

“Umaru, haba, whatever I have and whatever my people don’t have is not my doing. It is the will of God. I don’t decide; God does.”

Part B: And Then Goodluck Jonathan:

Then in 2007, Lamidi Adedibu, the noted Yoruba chief and godfather of Ibadan politics, paid Goodluck Jonathan an official visit in Creek Haven. He was honored at a state dinner which was attended by several PDP officials. True to form and character, the governor later invited Adedibu to his Otueke, Ogbia home. The Ibadan high chief was impressed, and so taken he didn’t know that such grandeurs existed in Ijawland. And so, out of curiosity, he asked:

“Your Excellency, how are you able to afford all this on a governor’s salary?”

The ever affable and ever smiling Goodluck then took him to the balcony.

“Can you see the river and beyond?” he asked Adedibu

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course! I can also see the fishermen struggling to catch fishes", said Adedibu.

“Well, I am not sure they are struggling…they are not trying hard enough.”

“Ok…ok…but Your Honor, how are you able to afford all these goody-goodies?”

“Chief Adedibu…na God oo. You see, whatever God has decreed, no man or woman can put asunder. I am what I am by the grace of God. My people should learn how to be good farmers and fishermen. They have no taste for the kind of things God have given me.”

“But your Excellency, how are you able to afford all these with the amount of money you make in a month or a year?”

“20 percent of the state treasury, 35percent of all contacts…40 percent of security votes…50 percent patronage fee,” said the governor sheepishly.

“Na so? Rasheed Ladoja is giving me less than 20 million naira a month. He is greedy ooo. I go show am pepper.”

Part C: Descend into Hell:

In the spring of 2009, former Obasanjo errand boy and a one time gubernatorial candidate, Andy Ubah, paid Timipre Sylva an official visit in Yenagoa. Being a young, cultured and jolly good fellow, the governor invited Ubah to his Okpoma, Brass, home. The Ndiigbo chief was so impressed he couldn’t contain himself. He called all his billionaire friends to relay what he’d seen. Andy Ubah has seen a lot, but the things he saw in the private home of Sylva made him envious. For a while, he entertained the idea of moving to Brass or to Yenagoa. Out of curiosity, he asked the governor:

“Your Excellency…how can you afford all this considering your meager salary?” 

The governor said nothing, but he instead asked Ubah to take a walk with him. As they strolled, Ubah could see the poorly clothed and poor fed natives a few feet away. He wondered why in the midst of fetidity, the governor lived large. But before Ubah could raise further questions, the governor placed his right arm on his shoulder.

“Andy, don’t worry. The people are content with what they have, or don’t have. They are not complaining. Or have you heard anyone complain? There are no viable oppositions here. All the so-called opposition comes to me for food, for water and for their daily sustenance.”

“You mean they rely on you for contracts, for jobs, and other favors?”

“Look, man, the opposition in this state is the dumbest. What’s more, they are hungry.”

“Really? Weak, hungry and dumb?”

“Of course! I encourage them to raise their voices at the federal government, the oil companies and the Hausa/Fulani oligarchy” said the governor.

“So, you shift the blame; make the people believe the federal government is their enemy?”

“But beyond that, how are you able to afford all these luxuries? Also, you visit Europe, Canada and America more than a dozen times a year…you have homes everywhere.”

“Andy, I am not a greedy person. I am not greedy at all. I have been very considerate to everyone,” said Timipre Sylva.

“Really?” Andy Ubah asked

“I am entitled to 50 percent of the state treasury, 60 percent of all contacts…70 percent of security votes…60 percent patronage fee.”

‘Wow…wow…wow,” a disbelieving Ubah intoned.

“My brother, you wait until 2010/2011, you shall see wonders…what I have now is nothing…God will double whatever I have now,” said the governor.

Part D: Future Predators:

Waiting in the wings to unleash their own brand of calamity are Timi Alaibe (formerly of the NDDC), and Peremobowei Ebebi (the current deputy governor).

Note: This submission is a take-off, a spoof of “Indian Political Maths.”

Robot  # 1 | 29.07.2009 00:54

In the spring of 2009, former Obasanjo errand boy and a one time gubernatorial candidate, Andy Ubah, paid Timipre Sylva an official visit in Yenagoa. Being a young, cultured and jolly good fellow, the governor invited Ubah to his Okpoma, Brass, home. The Ndiigbo chief was so impressed he couldn’t contain himself. He called all his billionaire friends to relay what he’d seen. Andy Ubah has seen a lot, but the things he saw in the private home of Sylva made him envious. For a while, he entertained the idea of moving to Brass or to Yenagoa. Out of curiosity, he asked the governor......Read the full article.

Agidimolaja  # 2 | 29.07.2009 01:35

Sabella, From what you documented,can you show your readers any justification in the criminal armed struggle of your home grown-home based militants against the Federal Government? To hell with MEND and other criminal gangs who are masquerading as freedom fighters,when indeed the thieves they ought to fight are their own leaders. Instead for those so called militant gangs to collide head-on with their own thieving leaders, who openly and shamelessly looted their treasury;the violent militant rogues are causing more problems and deaths for their own people,then blaming it on Federal Government. And you too Sabella,why have you been defending the militants and their violent activities when indeed you are in possession of truths that cannot be denied about what and who hindered progress and development in the Niger Delta? It is a pity that you have been selling from both ends of the desk. Look no further folks,the problem of lack of development in Niger Delta was created and then compounded by children of the soil who are parading themselves as leaders.

STTOPP  # 3 | 29.07.2009 06:51

=Agidimolaja;376466>Sabella, From what you documented,can you show your readers any justification in the criminal armed struggle of your home grown-home based militants against the Federal Government? To hell with MEND and other criminal gangs who are masquerading as freedom fighters,when indeed the thieves they ought to fight are their own leaders. Instead for those so called militant gangs to collide head-on with their own thieving leaders, who openly and shamelessly looted their treasury;the violent militant rogues are causing more problems and deaths for their own people,then blaming it on Federal Government. And you too Sabella,why have you been defending the militants and their violent activities when indeed you are in possession of truths that cannot be denied about what and who hindered progress and development in the Niger Delta? It is a pity that you have been selling from both ends of the desk. Look no further folks,the problem of lack of development in Niger Delta was created and then compounded by children of the soil who are parading themselves as leaders. Hear hear hear, the trurh shall set you free, "the bug wey dey chop bitterleaf na inside bitterleaf e dey sleep" May God help us in this United State of Narcist, Amen. STTOPP

Mark Lar  # 4 | 29.07.2009 07:23

It is quite refreshing to see an Ijaw man accepting a well known fact, which is that a substantial element of the situation in Ijaw land is caused by their leadership. Go compute the 13% oil allocation of the last few years and what could have been done with such funds by the likes of Fashola of Lagos state.

What?  # 5 | 29.07.2009 08:09

Good point, but let us talk about fairness. Lagos and Sokoto state(highest IGR earners according to govt reports) will never sent their self-generated revenue to Abuja for counting. The state Governor has absolutely no say in the negotiations over drilling and concessionary rights and the resulting environmental and employment issues. Using the money wisely will not stop gas flaring, establishing a petroleum university outside the region, or the absurdity of "federal character" allegedly aiding people from the North-West and North-central get NNPC jobs in greater quantity than people from the delta.

Pa Bj  # 6 | 29.07.2009 08:40

What?, Please learn how to "take the wheat and leave the chaff" from articles. Point being.............. Using the money wisely by State Governors, would have made life far better than what it is currently, in the Niger Delta. After all, charity should begin at Home! Pa Bj

Danmeka  # 7 | 29.07.2009 09:10

Bayelsaians open eyes everywhere Alamieyeseighana dey miliki Goodluck Jonathan na enjoyment Timipre Sylva dey gbaladun Alamieyeseighana dey enjoy for Amassoma Goodluck Jonathan self dey enjoy for Abuja and Otueke Timipre Sylva self dey enjoy for Yenagoa and Okpoma My Bayelsas brothers wetin you say? My Bayelsas sister wetin you go hear? Bayelsaians what are doing? 2011 will become a do or die affair, MEND I hope you watching the brand of calamities going on or will just sit down and look.Need I say more

abidde  # 8 | 29.07.2009 09:35

Agidimolaja, As far as I can tell, you have generally been fair in your criticism/comment of my essays. You don’t always agree with me, still, you have been fair. Not this time, though. The Nigerians In America site (www.nigeriansinamerica.com) holds about 95% of my public commentaries, while Nigeria Village Square (www.nigeriavillagesquare) holds about 92%. The NVS archives will show that long before it became fashionable for Niger Deltans, especially for Ijaw, to criticize their governors and governments, I have been at it. For instance, in August 2004, I wrote: The Wasteful Spending Habit of a State Governorhttp://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/the-wasteful-spending-habit-of-a-state-gov.html See also Corruption in Bayelsa State: The Fleecing of Public Funds which was penned in October 23, 2004 http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/corruption-in-bayelsa-state-the-fleecing-of-public-3.html In addition, see my November 2005 essay: Governor Alamieyeseigha: Resign or be Impeachedhttp://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/governor-alamieyeseigha-resign-or-be-impe-3.html When I though the federal government was taking the right path, I had written to commend them. An example of my commendation/suggestions can be seen in my June 2007 essay: Niger Delta Crisis: Some Encouraging Words From Yar’Aduahttp://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/niger-delta-crisis-some-encouraging-words-from-yar.html And when I thought the Niger Delta struggle had gone awry, I clearly said so. See for instance my November 2007 essay: The Niger Delta: The Gradual Decline of a Struggle.http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/the-niger-delta-the-gradual-decline-of-a-str.html We the Ijaw have our private chartroom/forum. I am one of the most vocal in terms of criticizing Niger Delta governors. My harshest criticisms are usually reserved for the Ijaw governors. At times, I have made public what I’d said privately in the Ijaw Nations Forum. See for instance my February 2009 essay: Ijaw In The Diaspora: Their Hypocrisy Is Tiring http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/ijaw-in-the-diaspora-their-hypocrisy-is-t.html August 2008: Niger Delta Governors: Where Have All Our Money Gone?http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/niger-delta-governors-where-have-all-our-money.html March 2007: Niger Delta Governors: Where is our Money?http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/niger-delta-governors-where-is-our-m-3.html You may not know this, but long before MEND and other groups came into existence, I had warned the Nigerian Government about such possibility. They have my policy paper from 2002/2003. MEND came into being in 2005. What’s more, a search of Nigeria World’s archives (www.nigeriaworld.com) will verify my essays and submissions. I am not a latter day convert to “attacking, criticizing and telling my people and my governors the truth.” As far as my support for MEND goes, well, I can only tell you that it is 100%. I am old enough to know the mess both colonial and pot-colonial Nigeria has put my people through; I am old enough to know the effort and sacrifice of my people all in the name of “keeping Nigeria one.” Without MEND and such organization, the government would still be playing all kinds of yeye and injurious games. I don’t always agree with MEND’s tactics and decisions, but, by and large, they have remained on course. I made my feelings know to those who should know, privately and public: (a) absolutely no kidnapping and no hostage taking; (b) shift the conflict to Abuja and nowhere else; (c) rid the organization of extralegal elements; and (d) have a public spokesman to articulate the organization’s grievances and vision. And…and…and… Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

Enyi  # 9 | 29.07.2009 14:09

This a good satire. I must confess that I have read similar ones on Nigerian ministers. The underlying message in all these is that our selected leaders will continue looting the treausry with reckless abandon until we, the people, decide that enough is enough. The obscene and mindless stealing, disdain and insensitivity to the feelings of the masses is not limited to Bayelsa. It is a way of life in many states and FGN. How much did the minister of education spend on a wedding anniversary bash while universities are on forced closure? It is easy and probably fair to blame MEND for not holding the Niger Delta governors responsible for lack of development in their area. Does anybody really knowthe final end game of MEND? Is it possible that after the current struggle, they will hold their leaders accountable? Who knows? Therefore, the current contest must be viewed from a wider perspective. Simply put, they want greater autonomy to states in terms of resource control. Does this remind anybody of Aburi accord? The disguised unitary and discriminatory system that FGN has run post war has alienated many people. Let us strive to restructure the nation as a first step towards establishing peace and progress in the nation.

changenigeriamovement  # 10 | 29.07.2009 15:24

If MEND is going to evolve and be taken seriously by all Nigerians, especially those outside the Niger Delta, it must demonstrate that it can apply the principles of its anti-corruption fight accross the board. It must challenge, confront and target Niger Deltans who have looted their resources. Unitl MEND is able to do that, the body will be nothing more than those it claims to be fighting, a bunch of tribalists who are only interested in looting the country's resources and shielding their friends from punishment. Is this not what MEND is fighting? Yet, is this not what MEND is doing by not taking on Niger Deltans who are looting their resources. This comment does not represent support for the Yar Adua administration in any shape or form. Left to me, that government would have been long gone.

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