In the last few days, I spent considerable amount of time working on two articles that were dear to me – Winners & Losers of 2007 and Kenya , Welcome to Africa .

For me, the winners and losers piece gives me an opportunity to reflect on the events of the year. Usually I present it in the format where awards named after an individual or organization, local or international, is given to a newsmaker that best manifested the spirit of the award during the year.

For instance, Alberto Gonzales Award is given in honor of a public servant who leaves no one in doubt about his incompetence, yet works assiduously to protect criminal elements around his boss. Normally I will shortlist three candidates for each award. But in this case, I had only one candidate. And the winner was Nigeria ’s Attorney General and Minister for Justice, Mr. Michael Aondoakaa aka the Anaconda.

The Tony Snow Award given to anyone who used to criticize the government but got recruited to lie for the government had three contenders. One was Segun Adeniyi, the spokesman for Umaru Yar’Adua. The other was Andy Ezeani the spokesman for INEC. And the third was Ikenna Ellis-Ezenekwe the spokesman for Andy Uba. I did my little analysis and wasted no time in giving the award to Segun Adeniyi for his silence in the Ribadu – Okiro face off.

For the Man of the Year, it was a simple choice for me. It was Governor Peter Obi of Anambra State . I chose him because his case against INEC was the one that gave the Supreme Court its voice, a voice that has so far given hope to a nation. His persistence and belief in the rule of law made him a clear choice. Throw in the fact that he is the only man stopping Andy Uba from fully pocketing Anambra State and getting immunity from prosecution in the process. Of course, Obi could have gotten the same award from me last year for identifying that “the society that we abuse today will take its revenge on our children.”

The Nancy Pelosi Award given to a woman who won a victory for women on the political arena had three contenders: One was Virginia Ngozi Etiaba, the deputy governor of Anambra State who became governor when Governor Peter Obi was impeached, making her the first female governor in Nigeria. The other was Patricia Etteh, the first female Speaker of the House of Representative. And the third was Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the first female finance minister as well as foreign minister. I was leaning towards giving the award to Iweala when my phone rang.

It was from Nigeria . I looked at the number but could not recognize it. I ignored the call.

Unfortunately, I could not continue with the article after I took a wild guess on who could be calling me from Nigeria at 4.00 am Eastern Time. The piece thereby joined dozens of articles I start each year that end up unfinished.

What I did next was to jump into my second article, Kenya : Welcome to Africa .

Those who know me well know that Kenyans are my in-laws. I used to be married to two Kenyan women (Not at once) – one was Kikuyu and the other was Kisii. So I have special interest in the politics of Kenya . As the election headed toward chaos, I kept in touch with all my Kenyan friends. I spoke to the Kikuyus, Nwai Kibaki’s people and the Luos, Raila Odinga’s people and for the first time in over a decade of knowing them, they sounded as if they were from different planets. It was amazing how politics divided people who used the Harambee spirit to uplift each other.

After the election, as trouble started, I found it hard to reach any of my Kikuyu friends. I was shocked to see them in hiding, even in America . When I finally got Peter Nwangi, his erstwhile enthusiasm that Kibaki would win had disappeared. He expressed fear that what was going on was not going to be good for the Kikuyus. Until now, he said, Kenya had been good. Meaning that Kenya had not behaved like other African countries till now, to which I said, Kenya , welcome to Africa .

I could hear and feel the fear in his voice. It was the kind of fear the Igbo had at the onset of the pogrom following the 1966 coup. As we spoke, I was stunned at how similar their experience would be with what the Igbo passed through in Nigeria . He was fearful for his country saying that Kibaki had taken Kenya twenty years back. He wished the crisis would disappear.

Kenya happened to be one of those African countries that have failed to confront their issues until now, pretending that all was dandy. I told him to prepare for the worse for once that genie leaves the bottle, it is hard to get it back in.

I was wondering why we didn’t have an African web site where Africans could learn from each other and stop repeating the same mistake others have made before when my phone rang again. This time I picked it up.

“Rudolf Okonkwo?” the voice at the other end asked.

“Yes,” I answered. I was about to add, “Who is this?” when the voice interrupted.

“Hold on for your caller,” the voice said.

I held on. For few seconds there was nothing. My mind ran round wondering who that would be that would call me with the help of an assistant.

“Mr. Okonkwo,” another voice came on the line, hush and sounding important. “I have been asked to inform you that you have to proceed on a two-year course at Kuru starting January 15^th 2008. The presidency has accepted my recommendation and has approved your leave,” said the voice in a brazen manner.

I wanted to ask who was on the phone. I wanted to tell whoever the prankster was to stop joking around at 4.00 Am. But somehow I found my mind paralyzed.

“I could see you were surprised,” the voice continued. “I hope you will be smart enough to take this opportunity and improve yourself.”

As I recovered, many questions stormed into my mind. I battled with which question to ask first until “why would I want to go to Kuru?” made it to the tip of my lips?

“I know you will say why Kuru or why you,” the voice pre-empted me. “Kuru is the place where Omo Omoruyi met Ibrahim Babangida. It is the place rulers of Nigeria are made.”

At this point, I was sure this was a prank call. So I said, “Thank you, Sir, for this prestigious offer.” And I paused.

“Is that all you have to say?” asked the voice, apparently waiting for something more.

At first, I did not get what he said. I was lost in the thought of how to say goodbye to all you my friends as I proceed for a two-year course of study at the Nigerian Institute of Policy and Strategic Studies, Kuru.

“Is that all you have to say,” the voice repeated, this time almost impatient.

“Thank you, Dr. Andy Uba,” I said.

“That’s better,” the voice said dropping the phone hard on the desk. The noise of it all woke me up.

Goodbye, my friends and Happy New Year.

Robot  Villager

# 1 var sbtitle1310=encodeURIComponent(Goodbye, my...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 31.12.2007 14:32

Ochi Dabari  Villager

# 2 Good bye, Rudolf. You have MADE it! It pays to criticise the owners of Nigeria. I have been stupid all along. Only this morning, I got a call from one of my friends from Nigeria, to intimate me that another friend had "won" the chairmanship elections in the local govt elections in Benue State. My wife asked if I could ensure that this friend handed over to me when his term is served. Knowing that such a request could ruin an age-old friendship, I declined. After reading your piece, I am starting to think again: of what use is it hitting the keyboard every day, in criticism of "noble" men like Andy Uba and his master Obasanjo? Some use? No use? Two years ago, I replied a 419 letter writer, asking him/her to walk the narrow path to righteousness. The good fellow replied and castigated me, and "prophesied" that righteous men like me would die in poverty. He is spot on - at the beginning of the 8th year after 2000 years of Christ's mission on earth, my poverty has deepened. I am not able to complete a single house in Nigeria - my friends joke that my house in Nigeria is the second temple in Jerusalem. Even headmasters are doing better there - they collect dues from parents and us overseas, and own numerous houses; lecturers in Nigeria are fat cats, selling recycled, meaningless handouts, and can sleep with a different girl every night, but I am stuck with one old wife! Rudolf, I cannot envy you enough. We will miss you, and will be pleased to miss you. Tell us when you wake up from your dream. Native Dr Andy Ubah still has two full years to make another attempt at sitting on the throne of Anambra. Happy New Year. ochi Posted by Ochi Dabari| 01.01.2008 07:48

akuluouno  Villager

# 3 OD, I cannot help almost laughing my head off at ur contribution:D:D:D Your are indeed spot on about the historic peccadiloes and perquisites of office of Nigerian lecturers and your second temple of Jerusalem. My take is however on poor Kenya. I welcome them, albeit, belatedly to tribal politics and iwuruwuru elections. I hope the forthcoming civil war between the Luos and the Kikuyus does not surpass all understanding like the Biafran counterpart and that it also does not endure forever like the Somali one.:twisted::twisted::twisted: After Harambee and Uhuru they have just woken up to the fact like Nigeria did far back in the 60s that they are country of many nations. Hope the UN, Oxfam, Caritas, AU, EU etc are mobilising for the doom that is to come. I have experience in refugee matters from Biafra and would not mind to help whatever remains from Kenya after the fire that will come :D:D:D Posted by akuluouno| 01.01.2008 09:30