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Last weekend, while loitering along the coast of
Georgia, admiring the dense forests and bright blue sky, I came across a cove that led me to the town called GB, Great Beyond. There I met grey-haired Thomas Jefferson, the man who drafted the U.S. Declaration of Independence and later became the 3rd President of the
United States. I sat down with him on a tree branch amidst croaking birds and waving green ferns for a brief interview.
Lil’ Rudy: Hello great great great great Grandpa. Do you remember me?
Jefferson: Not really, my son. You know that our nation has expanded so much and has brought in so many people that I cannot keep count of who came from where and when.
Lil’ Rudy: I am the sixth cousin of Sally Hemings. The linage her fathers left behind in Africa when they arrived here in the
United States as slaves. Remember her?
Jefferson: Oh, yeah. How could I ever forget such a wonderful woman? How do you young folks say it today- once you go black, you do not come back.
Lil’ Rudy: So she was that good?
Jefferson: Very good. Pleasing and pleasing. That fine lady rocked my world to pieces. Or as you kids say today, I ain’t fronting, the bitch was dope.
Lil’ Rudy: Word!
Jefferson: You know me, I could not help but write her into the Declaration of Independence.
Lil’ Rudy: Where?
Jefferson: When I stated that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life,
Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Lil’ Rudy: Where you talking about Sally there?
Jefferson: Yes. Having been there and done that, I realized the truth and the truth is that we are all the same. She was also the reason why I highlighted the pursuit of happiness. I found happiness in Sally.
Lil’ Rudy: Please tell me what happened when Tom met Sally.
Jefferson: What happens in
Monticello stays in
Monticello.
Lil’ Rudy: Aright then. Grandpa, what do you think about the state of the
Union? How has the
Union performed since the Declaration of Independence?
Jefferson: Pretty good. The search for a more perfect
Union is an endless one. At present, despite the grumbling, it has not been bad really - considering the fact that y’all have a president who cannot speak English. We did not envisage that happening when we framed the Constitution. That was the primary reason why we barred people born abroad from being presidents. Now people born in these
United States do not speak English. That will really get John Adams very upset.
Lil’ Rudy: What do you think about a black man running for president?
Jefferson: I foretold it. When I wrote that “all men are created equal,” I really meant it. From that one line, I gave Abraham Lincoln the creed with which he freed the slaves. It also gave Martin Luther King Jr. the creed with which he achieved Civil Rights for the freed slaves. On that same pedestal shall Obama stand as he claims the presidency come January 2009. My only disappointment is that Obama is not my direct descendant. I cannot tell you, for the life of me, what happened to my kids with Sally.
Lil’ Rudy: They probably chose other professions.
Jefferson: Like what?
Lil’ Rudy: Priesthood.
Jefferson: Don’t even go there.
Lil’ Rudy: Why? It is possible, Grandpa. By priests I do not mean Catholic priests.
Jefferson: I know what you mean. I swear, that Rev. Jeremiah Wright is not my great great great grand child.
Lil’ Rudy: I don’t mean Rev. Wright.
Jefferson: So who do you mean? Al Sharpton?
Lil’ Rudy: No. He is related of Storm Thurmond.
Jefferson: What? Who then? Jesse Jackson?
Lil’ Rudy: No. Minister Louis Farrakhan.
Jefferson: If that is a joke stop it, young man. His ears do not look like mine.
Lil’ Rudy: Never mind, Grandpa. So what do you think about individuals right to bear arms? Is the Constitution a living document or one that must evolve? Should presidents be elected by popular votes or the Electoral College? Should
America build an empire? Are the Federalists winning? When did the imperial president begin? Is it true that Abraham Lincoln reincarnated as John F. Kennedy? Was Richard Nixon really a crook? Is Obama your reincarnate? Did John McCain really sign the Declaration of Independence immediately after John Hancock?
Jefferson: (Now snoring, his head resting on his sack.)
Lil’ Rudy: Oh well, I guess Alexander Hamilton was right. I should believe in God but hate the saint.
Jefferson: (Suddenly waking up) Who?
Hamilton? Whatever! That dude got no game. One bullet from Aaron Burr’s handgun and he was down while 50 Cent took nine submachine gun bullets and still stands. Now that is what I call a man – my nigga.
Lil' Rudy: Happy Independence Day Grandpa.
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Posted by Robot| 04.07.2008 16:14