13 Mar 2009 |
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"Dear. Dear... Roland!, I begi, wake up!, wake up, I can hear funny (martial) music playing on the TV and there are loads of confusion on the street. All the TV station is not working, except NTA. I woke up startled and look through the window, and I heard the voices of my flat neighbour. “Nna meem! Make them go! Dem all be thieves!” My garrulous fat pot-bellied neighbour in a traditional Igbo morning wrapper was saying. I look down the street from our flat and saw my neighbours pointing at the street, now filled with armoured tank with armed soldiers strategically positioned, as people were hurrying back to their various houses. Its just 6pm. “What a time”, I reasoned. I left my wife and rush to the living room to make a quick call and really find out what is happening. No other telecommunication service is working except NITEL. Thank God, after four trials the phone ranged at the other end. “James, wetin the dey happen for Abuja?” James is my old bag friend working in the Abuja. “Row, na breaking news o! Some military boys don mutiny Jahduar!. “Why”, I exclaimed. “Have you not heard the broadcast from Major Xxx Man-tire this evening?” “No, my wife just woke me up some moments ago”, I replied. “O boy, the major is rugged and verily serious”.“He had claimed in his broadcast that Nigerians were first of all fooled into voting for democrazy”. I cut him short, “Whao, that will take us 30 years back”.“ ro, I think it’s a welcome development to me, there is serious tension and confusion virtually in every sphere of our economic life as a country. This government is just too slow. The politicians have absolutely bastardised the entire the country and put aside the nation's constitution and rule the country with corruption and without any compass direction”. I cut him short again, “James, how will the international body view it, considering the unpopularity of military rule in the world today?” “Rro, stop the talk, have you consider the flagrant disregard of the rule of law by the politicians, the corruption, embezzlement, outright undermining of the supremacy of the constitution?, …I think I smelt it coming”. “This guy is nuts”, I reasoned. This is the last thing that should happen to Nigeria! “Ahaah! Dear, a military man is on the TV”, exclaimed my wife. “Okay, James I will speak to you later. Bye” Good riddance to some sick opinions about coup. An unknown martial music plays an intro. I quickly wonder, “of what use are martial music? was it composed specially for mutinies? Do they play this music at military wedding, service or burial?”...then suddenly appeared a coarse voice of a man in a military uniform. He looked like a real soldier, and not some stark pot bellied Generals. “Fellow Nigerian Citizens…” Then there were loud voices down-stairs my flat, the jubilation is spreading fast, and many people rushed out to the streets and joined the dance, rejoicing and singing. I paid close attention to the TV, the Major continues… “On behalf of the patriotic and well-meaning peoples of Nigeria, I, Major Xxx Man-tire, wish to happily inform you of the successful ousting of the corrupt, sluggish, go-slow, deceitful, greed-centered, prodigalistic, un-patriotic administration of Jahduar Mosa. “In the name of the Supreme Council of the New Revolution of the Armed Forces in conjunction with European Union and as directed, I declare martial law over Nigeria. The Constitution is suspended and the state government and elected assemblies are hereby dissolved. All political, cultural, tribal and trade union activities, together with all demonstrations and unauthorised gatherings, including religious worship, are banned until further notice. All airports, roads, sea ports are hereby closed. All telecommunication companies operating GSM, Internets, and Cables are hereby banned from operation and disbanded with immediate effect. All Our aim is to establish a strong united and prosperous nation, free from corruption and internal strife. We have retrieved all known, unknown and hidden files from EFCC, INEC, ICPP and have commenced full unbiased detail trials for unabated corruption, mismanagement of our national economy, the murders of our economy will be brought to book. Considering the unpopularity of coups and dictatorship in the world today, we wish to emphasise that this is not just another coup but a well conceived, planned and executed revolution for the marginalised, oppressed and enslaved peoples of Nigeria, with a view to freeing ourselves and children yet unborn from eternal slavery and colonisation by a clique of few corrupt and evil men in this country….” Then, my wife interrupted, “dear, please, where is my International Passport? We can still make it to Cotounu , Benin Republic, if we leave early and take off from there into Europe”, “ I will call my uncle in the immigration”.” Dear, that is not yet necessary, this bunch of fools will soon be disbanned and all rounded up”, I replied her. “Forget that talk o!, I can foresee a mass revolution or even war in couples of weeks, forget those jubilations outside. It is ignorance!” Major Xxx Man-tire continued. “After June 12 and 10 years of democracy, Nigeria is worse off than 30 year ago, our history is replete with numerous and uncontrollable instances of callous and insensitive dominatory repressive intrigues by those who think it is their birthright to dominate till eternity the political and economic privileges of this great country to the exclusion of the people of the south”. For the avoidance of doubt, we wish to state the three primary reasons why we have decided to oust this sluggish and satanic administration. (1)The destruction of Nigeria, especially the future of our children, (2) the change is the needed to lay a strong egalitarian foundation for the real democratic take off of the Nigerian state running a fair and free election, and not some stooges imposed by another stooges- sick and visionless, (3) to purge corrupt public officials and politicians and recover their ill-gotten wealth, since the days of the oil boom till date. A permanent curfew is hereby imposed 24/7 until further notice. All members of the armed forces and the police forces are hereby confined to their respective barracks. All unlawful and criminal acts by those attempting to cause chaos will be ruthlessly crushed. Be warned as we are prepared at all costs to defend the new order. All radio stations are hereby advised to hook on permanently to the national network programme until further notice. All TV stations, except NTA are hereby suspended from operating till further notice. Long live all true patriots of this great country of ours. May God and Allah through his bountiful mercies bless us all and punish anybody not in support of this revolution. I hereby ….." “ ..Wake up, dear wake up! I could sniff the smell of the steaming pot of pepper soup. The strong aroma of the spices made me to sneeze, and then I woke up. “Oh my God!” I screamed. “Thank God, it was just a dream”. “About what” instated my wife. “It was about a coup”. “God forbid”, exclaimed my wife,..”ah! , blood of Jesus! Coup ke” “You must have forgotten to take your drug”, she laughed at me. “Dear, you cannot have good dream with good fever. Just ignore it; I rebuke any form of coup with the blood of Jesus!” Well-done, “Excuse me,” I said as I brought out my white handkerchief to wipe my head. The sound of my ringing cell phone was my saving grace. I picked up my cell phone from the top of the table where I was sitting and walked away from her to answer the call…..”Blood of Jesus key? Na, whao! Thank Jesus then, it was not a bloody dream coup, else man for actually need the blood o!...” But come to think of it, God forbid the political class need to put their house in order to avoid unnecessary invocation of “Blood of Jesus”? Rowland Adewumi http://www.rowland-adewumi.com
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