Sarkozy's Wife And Other Tales
By Reuben Abati

"I hear your sister has agreed to step aside to allow the House of Representatives to discuss the Idoko panel report"

"Stop calling that woman my sister."
"No be your sister?"
"She is Etteh"
"She is a daughter of the West"
"She has gone over to another side. She is Etteh"

"Black man! If she were doing well now, you would have been quick to claim her as your sister. But because she is having problems, you now insist that she is Etteh. This is why that Professor summed it all up and declared that you black people are not as intelligent as the Caucasian group".

"Don't mind that Professor. James Watson or what is his name? He is a racist. An apostle of scientific racism. And racist hate often pushes people to say whatever they like. For a scientist to make such an unscientific statement is very sad. It shows very clearly that even geniuses do not always know it all. The man has a Nobel Prize for playing a part in unravelling the secret of DNA but he knows nothing about political correctness or race and science."

"The man is 79 years old... But listen to him carefully. He particularly singled out Africans and said that all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours - whereas all the testing says not really. "

"I suspect he is growing senile"

"But you black people are always treated suspiciously all over the world. You can't blame those people. How do you want a foreigner to react to the madness in the House of Representatives for example. He will simply conclude that these black Africans are peculiar. James Watson says black employees cannot be trusted."

"The way you are quoting the fellow with relish and repeating his blasphemy, you sound like an Uncle Tom. White man in a black skin. I pity you"

"This is not about me. It is what is going on in the world. Do you not know that in Australia now, black people are no longer wanted as immigrants? They say you people find it difficult to integrate into a civilised community. So they have placed a ban on African immigrants"

"It is a problem with Australia not Africa. It is an election season gimmick. Xenophobia is usually a comment on its author rather than the target."

"But how about France?"

"What about France?"

"The French parliament has just passed a bill that requires all African immigrants who claim to have been invited by their relatives in France to undergo DNA testing before their visa application can even be considered."

"Nonsense"

"The law also requires all African immigrants to sit for a language test. If you cannot speak a word of French, you won't be allowed to enter France. The bill was passed into law unanimously by members of the French parliament "

"Who wants to go to France?"

"I think the challenge really is for African leaders to govern our various countries more efficiently in order to discourage people from fleeing abroad. I don't blame the French. I blame African leaders"

"With the likes of Etteh in power and office, with Etteh representing the best that you can offer, what do you expect?"

"Thank God, we also have the likes of Joaquim Chissano, the former Mozambican leader who has been given the Mo Ibrahim Prize for Leadership, particularly for refusing to do a third term in office. We should not overlook the responsibility of civil society. Africans have a duty to reward good leaders and to shame those that failed."

"You know I actually think that the prize given to Chissano is a veiled comment on our former President Olusegun Obasanjo"

"I understand the Baba was booed in Abuja the other day. Some angry Niger Delta youths ran into him at hotel and they started booing him. I wonder how the man is coping these days. You know when Australians and the French look at the way we run our lives and the conduct of our leaders, you should not blame them if they look down on us"

"Forget about the French. Instead of demonizing Africans and asking for DNA tests, they should go and find a wife for their President Nikolas Sarkozy"

"The man no get wife?"

"He and his wife just agreed to what the French call mutual divorce."

"You mean the First Lady of France just woke up one morning and then decided that she no longer wants to be First Lady? That can never happen in Africa"

"She and the President had been having problems with their marriage. And in fact if you look at their story, it is really funny. Former Cecilia Sarkozy was actually married to another man, and at her first wedding in 1983, Nicolas Sarkozy officiated in his capacity then as Mayor of Neuilly. But the woman later left her husband and married Sarkozy. Then she left Sarkozy in 2005 for another man, with whom she had a public affair. Then in 2006, she returned to Sarkozy, and now she has left him again to hook up with another man."

"The wife of the President of France?"

"Yes"

"And the French are saying that would-be immigrants to France must demonstrate knowledge of French values? If President Sarkozy's marital life is an example of French values, then I am sorry, I don't want to go near French values."

"I was even thinking about a First Lady leaving her husband. If she were a Nigerian woman, she will never do so. Even if her husband is very wicked and unloving, she will stay in the marriage. And if she is really fed up with the marriage, her friends and relations will not allow to walk out on the marriage. Not even the wife of a common councillor will leave her husband while he is in office and he is in a position to make good money"

"That is why they say you black people are different. Former Mrs Sarkozy is looking for love not position and status, but to an African woman, being a First Lady is a very lucrative posting. Come to think of it, how many of our First ladies are happy, many of them are trapped in loveless marriages, but you will never find anyone of them seeking divorce"

"Na love we go chop?"

"I like Sarkozy though. He has been talking about partnership with Africa."

"Let him walk the talk. The DNA Bill by the French parliament gives a different impression."

"I also like the way he has allowed his wife to go and follow her mind."

" No. I don't see the value in that"

"At least he is better than the black man in Ilorin, a retired police officer, who trailed his wife to a hotel last week, accused her of infidelity and then shot her severally in the mouth and the stomach." .

"Extreme provocation. The man says the woman collected his money, he also built a house for her, but she likes to jump from one hotel to another without his consent."

"She is wife No 3"

"So?"

"The dangers of polygamy. I am sure the man's abandoned first wife will be very happy."

"I doubt. The police are threatening to take the man to court. But I suspect they will release him, except the woman's family insist otherwise."

"We live in strange times. Imagine what would happened if the retired police officer had actually met his wife with another man in that hotel room."

"By the way, your uncle says he will be of good behaviour and learn to be diplomatic if he is sent abroad as an ambassador"

"I read that story and I couldn't help laughing. Well, at least Ahmadu Ali has now accepted publicly that his utterances as Chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party leave much to be desired. He was a reckless windbag"

"The man has now promised to change. He says he is intelligent enough to know that as a foreign representative of Nigeria, he has to adjust."

"I dare say that the man is an actor. He has to adjust his behaviour to suit the occasion? And he is suddenly realising that a public figure must behave intelligently"

"Nigerians will say anything just to get a position"

"So sad. I am sure if the Senate screening committee had asked Ali to prostrate, he would have done so most willingly.".

"Of course. When Nigerians want a position, they can do anything."

" I have good news for you, though"

"Talk am, make I hear"

"The Federal Government, according to the Minister of Health is planning to make medical care for pregnant women and children free."

"That should help address the problems of maternal morbidity, maternal mortality and under-five mortality. The current statistics are really frightening, Nigeria has the highest rates of maternal and infant mortality in the world. Women cannot access quality healthcare in part because of cost. Children are also victims."

"I'll wait until they start the implementation before I believe them. Government officials say all kind of things which they present as official policy but which in reality may simply be a personal opinion."

"My fear is that free medicare for pregnant women and children could result in population explosion. If government will pick up the bill, why not add a few more children to the population?"

"You are too much of a cynic. Try and look at the bright side of life for a change."

"I am trying. For example, I am looking forward to the reconciliation among Afenifere leaders. They met in Ibadan and decided that they will try to work together. They blamed former President Obasanjo for causing the disunity among Afenifere leaders."

"I am not too sure that Obasanjo is the problem with Afenifere. The old men would have to be a bit more inward-looking. They caused their own problems. And as it is with Afenifere so it is with Ohaneze Ndigbo"

"Whatever it is, I don't want to bother myself about ethnic politics and organisations. We focus too much on ethnicity in this country. It gets on my nerves."

"Do you think President Yar'Adua will intervene in the Etteh matter."

"No. He shouldn't be seen to be interfering publicly with the work of the legislature"

"What work is the House of Representatives doing? Ettehgate has become a national crisis."

"Not quite. The solution is quite simple."

"In fact when you mentioned the President I thought you were going to talk about something else."

"Which is?"

"The President shortly after the Supreme Court ruling in the Amaechi case, reportedly directed that the ruling should be complied with"

"We keep telling them. It is not the duty of the President to prescribe what should be done with a court ruling. Once the Supreme Court has spoken, that is the law, and it must be complied with. Compliance should be taken for granted. The Supreme Court does not need the backing of the Executive to have its orders obeyed."

"Rotimi Amaechi must be very happy."

"His wife is likely to be happier. She is now First Lady of Rivers state"

"Is it easy?"

"Tell me something" 

Robot  # 1 | 28.10.2007 10:04

"I think the challenge really is for African leaders to govern our various countries more...Read the full article.