21 Jul 2007 |
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Little Lagos And Other Nigerian Stories I found myself lately in the company of four other Africans: a South African, an Ethiopian, a Ghanaian, and a Gambian. They had interesting things to say about the Nigerian character and persona, which offered a picture of the way the Nigerian is seen around Africa , our popularity and our notoriety. The Malawian was sitting directly across the table. He started the conversation. "How is Chief Obasanjo, your former President?" "He is fine", I responded, curtly. "You say he is fine?", the guy shot back. "Well, I guess he is" "But is he now allowing Yar'Adua to rule? We hear he is disturbing the new man." I stared at the fellow. "Nigerians are like that. They never give up.". It was the fellow from Gambia , now interjecting. "Excuse me?", I responded, turning to him. "You think we don't know? We know Nigerians very well", said the guy from Malawi. He and the Gambian are journalists, so they ought to know. "We have many Nigerians in my country. Those guys are very fast." "You mean you have Nigerians in Malawi ?," I asked feigning ignorance. "I don't think there is any country in Africa where you don't have Nigerians. You people are always doing business. They have taken over nearly all the shops in Lilongwe . But I like your movies. I don't miss them. Your actors are always saying Igwe, Igwe... I think Igwe means 'Yes'" "No. That is not the meaning." "But they are always saying I-g-w-e. I like the culture. Tell me. Those fine houses in your movies, do they exist? Do you have those houses truly in Nigeria ?" "Oh yes", I said confidently. "Those houses exist" "And the villages?" "Yes. The villages exist" "And do people really dress like that?" "Oh yes", I added. "Although you must realise that in a movie, you also have what is called costume, which is really a stylized version of reality." "But tell me, what does 'Igwe' mean?" "Igwe is the title of a traditional ruler among the Igbos in the Eastern part of the country. It means king or ruler. It is also a term of affection for the king. Something like as your lordship pleases". "But what of Chineke?", asked the Gambian, sitting next to me. "I got home one day and my little boy kept shouting Chineke, Chineke o. He asked me Papa, have you heard of Chineke? I then discovered he had been watching Nigerians movies on Multichoice/DSTV" "Chineke means God". "Chineke. God. Thanks, I will tell my son.", he said Then he intoned: "Chineke o Chineke". He obviously likes the sound of the word. "Your actors are fantastic," the Gambian continued. "Patience, I like her acting very much. " "That must be Patience Okwor" "She is very good. And then Nuhu. How is Nuhu?" "He is the Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission" "No. This is one is an actor, a very good actor. Have you watched The Battle of Asathi?" "No" "What of Against My Wish?" "I am not too sure I have seen that either" "You don't know Nuhu and you have not watched The Battle of Asathi and Against My Wish? I know more about your country than you. You don't know Nuhu? The day Nuhu came to Banjul , the people were excited. People wanted to see him and touch him." I concluded that the Nuhu he had in mind must be an actor in the Hausa movies, a growing and vibrant part of Nollywood that is not easily available in the South due to language constraints. The Gambian I later discovered speaks Hausa, Wolof, Madingo, French and English.. He continued: "I like Against My Wish. It is about marriage and relationships. It was as if they were dramatising the Gambian society in it. Marriage is a big issue in Gambia , so I could relate to the movie very well. You see, your ambassador in Gambia is a woman. I think she has discovered that Gambians like Nigerian movies a lot, so she brings your actors to Banjul , knowing that people will like to see them" "Those actors, are they rich?" asked the fellow from Malawi . "They must be very rich"; he answered his question himself. "Sam Loco is rich.," the Gambian asserted. I did not want to destroy the illusion, so I kept quiet, but I thought I should modify their enthusiasm a bit. "I would say they are mostly comfortable; not rich. It is the producers and marketers who make all the money while the actors get just a little." "They are rich.", the Gambian insisted. "There is this girl from your country, she writes very well. I read her book: Half of a Yellow Sun, and I liked it very much. I also read Purple Hibiscus" This was now the South African, a white lady, joining the conversation. She had nothing to say about Nigerian movies, but she had read Chimamanda Adichie's novels. "Yes, Chimamanda, she is great. In fact Chinua Achebe had described her as a writer who arrived almost fully made." I told the lady. But she had never heard of Chinua Achebe. "Who is he?", she asked "Achebe", I repeated. Author of Things Fall Apart, a world classic, the novel has been translated into about 45 languages all over the world. This made no impression on the South African. But the Gambian had read Chinua Achebe. He would like to have the titles of Chimamanda's novels. I wrote them out for him and he promised to get the books and read them. "You know in South Africa ", said the South African lady, "we have mixed feelings about people from Zimbabwe and Nigeria . Many of them are in our country as illegal immigrants." "I am sure you have a good mix of the good, the bad and the ugly from Nigeria ." "I think we have the bad mainly in South Africa . And South Africans resent that. People from Zimbabwe are all migrating to South Africa in search of work. There are Nigerians all over the country also, particularly in Johannesburg where they have taken over a whole section of the city. They call the place Little Lagos. You don't want to ever find yourself in Little Lagos." "I trust Nigerians, Chineke", said the Gambian. "You people have helped us to push out Indian movies and the Lebanese. In Gambia , we don't like the Lebanese at all. They are always cheating us." "There are immigrants from Malawi and Ghana but their behaviour is different", the South African lady continued. "I have this guy from Malawi who works for me. He is good. He even lives in my house. He takes care of the garden for me. He came to South Africa to study, but I have never seen him reading his books. But that doesn't bother me. He does his job." The Ghanaian who had been engaged in another conversation with the Ethiopian sitting directly opposite him, now having been given the impression that his people are better than Nigerians suddenly jumped into our conversation. He announced that he once lived in Nigeria for seven years, between 1976 and 1983, but he later returned to his country. "I lived for seven years in Calabar", he announced. "I know Nigerians. They are very aggressive and very crafty". I didn't like this. It was like sticking a pin into my ribs. "My friend, what is that?", I shot back. "What is the difference between you and us? We are brothers, you shouldn't talk like that." I felt like letting out the secret that the Ghanaian may in fact have been an economic refugee in Nigeria at the time he said he lived in Calabar, but sensing that this could spoil the man's day, I decided to let it go. But the South African lady came to his rescue.. "No. Nigerians and Ghanaians are not the same", she declared. Ghanaians are very gentle, quiet, mild. But I have never met a timid Nigerian". "We are not timid at all," I concurred. "Nigerians are very innovative. They are competitive", volunteered the guy from Malawi , "I think it is the population. They are very many, so you find everybody trying to assert himself." "How many are you in Nigeria ?", asked the Gambian. "Over 140 million" "We are about 1.5 million in Gambia . It is a small country but we have a crazy leader who is killing people" "I don't think the population of Gambia is up to 1.5 million", I tried to correct him. "Your population must be under a million. About 700,000." ":But you know, a lot of people have migrated to the Gambia from Liberia, and Sierra Leone, and Guinea-Conakry because of the trouble in those countries, that's why our population shot up. But the big problem we have is Yaya Jammeh. The man is a tyrant and very stupid." "He started as a revolutionary" "Jammeh was never a revolutionary. He is a professional pretender." I was glad that the conversation was beginning to move away from Nigeria . We talked a little also about Senegal and the French education system and its emphasis on philosophy. But then the Ethiopian who had been quiet also suddenly remembered something about Nigerians, and he thought he should throw that into the basket. "Has anyone heard this Nigerian joke?", he said, in a heavily accented tone. The others lent him their ears. Africans love tales. And the Ethiopian with the mischief that had cast a mist over his eyes, looked like he had something useful to say. "A Nigerian Minister", he said "once visited Singapore for a conference and he went to the home of a Minister in Singapore. It was a very beautiful house, with swimming pool and all kinds of modern fittings. The Nigerian loved the house. So he asked his Singaporean colleague: How did you manage to build this great house? The Singapore Minister told him he made the money from government contracts that he had awarded. On every contract he got a 20 per cent kickback. The Nigerian Minister just nodded. He didn't say anything. A year later, there was another conference in Nigeria and the Minister from Singapore was there. His old friend the Nigerian Minister received him warmly and then later took him to his own house. When the Singapore Minister saw the house, he marveled at the opulence. His own house looked very modest in comparison. Then he turned to his Nigerian colleague and asked him: how did you build this house? To which the Nigerian replied: Contracts, my friend. And the Singaporean asked: how many per cent? And the Nigerian replied: 100 per cent, my brother" Not a particularly new joke, but it drew throaty laughter from everyone around the table. "Nigerians are every clever people", the Gambian said. "They are very well known in Gambia . You know a Nigerian will suddenly show up in Banjul , He has no education, nothing. But after some time you'd start seeing him with a used computer. He will be playing with it, dismantling it and putting it together. By the time you see him again he would have opened a small shop with a sign board: Computer Specialist, London-trained, and before you know it, people will start patronizing him" "They also have this people they call yahoo boys, "the Malawian added. "And 419. Nigerians have people they call 419 too. Those ones are hardened crooks. They can turn anything into money"; the Ghanaian said "You know in Gambia , one Nigerian saw two Gambians discussing and they were lamenting about how they had been working so hard and making very little money. The Nigerian told them that that is precisely their problem. You don't work hard to make money. You negotiate money. You make money through negotiation, When Nigerians talk like that, we, Gambians are always confused. Please, how does a man negotiate to make money?" I had no answer to this.
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