By Okey Ndibe
There’s often a surreal effect to reading Nigeria’s daily papers. It’s as if one immersed oneself in a miasma of the strange, the outlandish, and the sheer incredible. As one who makes a point to read several Nigerian dailies as well as websites each day, the experience can sometimes be overwhelming. Of late, one has been steeped in a surfeit of absurd political theatre. Let’s take a partial inventory.
First, there was Maurice Iwu, the chairman of Nigeria’s electoral commission, excelling at the game of turning incoherence and triteness into grand art. In addition to his image as the worst electoral umpire in Nigeria’s history, Iwu is now well positioned to cart away the prize for wild, fevered and (often) foolish speculation.
This failed manager of elections appears to have mastered the art of making hay out of perfumed cow dung. Where others, including beneficiaries of the polls he misconducted, have soberly conceded that the April elections were a sham, Iwu persists not only in defending the integrity of the elections but also in proclaiming their unparalleled success.
When he lets slip the sheerest concession to irregularities, it is always in the service of training accusing fingers at malefactors other than himself. If Iwu made any mistakes at all, the man has not, and—from the look of things—will never, figure it out. Yet, here is a man who is ultimately the face of the disastrous elections. Those inclined to generosity would say Iwu bungled the elections out of incompetence. Still, many believe that his ghastly performance was entirely a matter of volition. It doesn’t surprise one that, in certain quarters, the man has inspired the pejorative sobriquet of wuruwuru.
A few days ago, Iwu went to town with his latest tedious contrivance. His new fangled theory is to allege that certain political interests sought to sabotage the last elections in order to provoke a coup d’etat. Iwu’s latest excursion into myth-making happened at the 4th Conference of the Nigerian Guild of Editors where the INEC Chairman spoke on “The Media, Electoral Reform and Electoral Management.”
Iwu’s speech was a harvest of illogicalities. “The environment in which the 2007 general elections were conducted,” he said, “was not the best any democratic election could have been conducted in.” Veiled in that assessment was the sordid role he and his commission played in creating that inimical atmosphere. Through unabashed utterance and obliging action, he left the impression that his fealty was not to Nigerians but to then President Olusegun Obasanjo and the ruling PDP. He carried on a scurrilous shouting match with former Vice President Atiku Abubakar, a man who had parted ways with Obasanjo and had been adopted as the presidential candidate of the AC. When it was clear that the former president wanted Atiku’s name erased from the roster of candidates, Iwu quickly obliged. He did so by spiting the preponderance of legal opinion that his action would be hard to sustain.
Iwu’s sanctimonious speech could not conceal its false air. He alleged that, in the run-up to the election, his commission “harped on the corrosive influence of money in Nigeria’s politics and the willful abuse of power and all rules by individuals elected to public offices.” Then he added: “Some of these individuals could easily buy off a state and its voters if they found it necessary. Others had such heavy war chest that they could afford to buy off every available civil society group, every willing media organ and every consenting pressure group within sight.”
The description above fit Mr. Nnamdi Emmanuel Uba, the ruling party’s gubernatorial candidate for Anambra. Uba’s campaign reposed singular faith in the power of money to buy civil society groups, the media, traditional rulers, pressure groups and voters. Yet, the record shows that Iwu and INEC, far from rebuking Mr. Uba, went out to bat for him. Iwu’s commission criminally gutted the Anambra gubernatorial slate of formidable candidates, including incumbent Governor Peter Obi and former Governor Chris Ngige, the better to enable Mr. Uba to cruise to an unearned, wangled mandate. Six months later, the man who cleared the path for a notorious campaign based solely on the purchasing power of inexplicable wealth wishes to hoodwink Nigerians with the fib that he bemoaned the slush of cash in the elections.
As long as Iwu is left to parade platforms and dispense his sickening theorems of what was a straightforward case of calculated abortion of Nigerians’ democratic aspirations, so long will he haunt us with his absurd mea culpas.
Iwu shared the absurd mantle with others. After months of underground existence, former Governor Ayo Fayose of Ekiti made a dramatic and carefully choreographed return to his state capital. He breezed into town like a hero, accompanied by a retinue of vehicles, heralded by drummers and hired praise singers. This man, a fugitive from the law who once boasted that God had promised him that he would never be removed from office, came back as ebullient as ever. He mounted the hood of a vehicle and addressed a swooning throng of “supporters.” Like Diepreye Alamiesiegha before him, he issued himself a sparkling bill of moral and political health. And in a touching gesture of generosity, he announced that he had forgiven all who conspired to remove him from power. He didn’t say whether God, with whom he apparently enjoys direct dial privileges, has also forgiven the mortals who, in ousting him, had placed themselves at war with divine will.
There was more absurdity. Clement Chinwoke Mbadinuju, a former governor of Anambra, was heard griping about receiving a dose of his own bitter pill. As governor, Mbadinuju adopted the mantra that “It shall be well with Anambra State.” Yet, his policies cut the people to the quick. He made a habit of not paying civil servants and teachers their due salaries. When they complained of hunger, the governor read them a few biblical passages and sent them home. When unimpressed teachers revolted and went on strike, the governor affected nonchalance. He continued to gorge at public expense while pupils lost one academic year to the teacher strike. On one occasion, a delegation of pensioners went to see the man to plead for payment of their entitlements, meager by most measures. Mbadinuju dressed them down with a few choice derisions, and then sent them away.
As it happens, Mbadinuju is not good at living large without his pension. The man has lost his composure since his state government put him on notice not to expect his own pension cheques anytime soon. Talk about poetic justice! The former governor, whose failure to pay months of salaries and many more months of pensions, sent many to their premature deaths, has been heard crying that Governor Obi is persecuting him because, unlike the incumbent governor, he is not a Catholic!
And there’s more absurdity. In the dubious name of rule of law, Umar Yar’adua’s government pursues its ill-disguised campaign to protect former Governor James Ibori from the wrath of British law over money laundering charges. Michael Aondoakaa, Yar’adua’s attorney general, has proposed the strange doctrine that Nigeria’s international image would be tainted should Ibori be put on trial in England. Aondoakaa has never, to my knowledge, complained that his nation’s image is smeared when top government officials export public funds abroad to finance their vanity and obsessions. But the learned attorney general pronounces anathema on the British for seeking to put a former Nigerian governor in the dock!
One wonders if, in the spirit of his jealousness for Nigeria’s image, Aondoakaa would now intervene in every court in the world where a Nigerian is being prosecuted? Why not go ahead and develop a firm policy that no foreign court on the globe may ever try a Nigerian on any charges?
Meanwhile, Ibori’s cousin and successor, Emmanuel Uduaghan—a doctor to boot—is also making his nepotistic efforts to spirit the ex-governor from the hands of English justice. Uduaghan has seen fit to argue that permitting the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission to snoop into Ibori’s management (or, more aptly, mismanagement) of Delta State funds would amount to handing prized state secrets to adversarial foreign interests. The EFCC, Uduaghan suggests, is fully in the service of foreign powers. Of course, when Ibori allegedly siphoned state funds to Europe and North America, he was serving the established local interests of all Delta indigenes.
What’s the final absurdity of the week? My vote goes to Umar Yar’adua, who has a standing pledge to finally right the nation’s power outage problems. Last week, Yar’adua’s spokesman blamed a faceless cabal for the intractability of the country’s power woes. Those naïve enough to expect an end anytime soon to the perennial crisis of inadequate power supply ought to take notice. From experience, whenever a Nigerian government fingers a cabal as the source of a problem, it’s a sure signal that there’s no solution in sight.
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Comments Page: 1 2  posted on 12-11-2007, 10:11:47 AM Olusola Re: A season of absurd theatreHahaha!
Okey Ndibe again from Ibori to Iwu, Fayose,Alams and Andy? Did the "erudite" Okey Ndibe forget to include Orji Kalu in his list? Did I see you castigating Andooaka for protecting Ibori? Is the same Attorney General of the Fraudsters(AGF) not offering equal protection to your benefactor, Kalu? Why didn't you say that in your article? More and more Nigerians are seeing through your intellectually dishonesty every week. Is this your latest article not a confirmation of the pact you signed with Orji Kalu? And above all, don't you ever think the most dangerous enemy of democracy in Nigeria today is that old man called Umeh Ezeoke? Can you imagine the leader of the largest opposition party begging Yar Adua for appointments? I used to think UMYA is the servant-leader, Umeh Ezeoke has just confirmed now that the servant leader also has his servant! Auspy, How are you guys in Ekiti coping with the sudden re-appearance of Fayose?  posted on 12-11-2007, 11:36:59 AM Peterclaver2006Re: A season of absurd theatreFrank and brutal as ever, ON. This is a classical arrow in the hearts of the vampires who raped this country in the last eight years. Iwu is a product of the school of fraud and vice founded and sustained by the most fraudulent scammer that has walked the face of this country, Olusani Abachanjo. I think the real tragedy is in YarAdua turning a blind eye to these vampires Obasanjo left when he was forced to flee after the crass failure of his life presidency project. So long as YarAdua in keeping with his pact of inheriting a fraudulent mandate keeps a blind eye on the Obasanjo maggots in INEC, NNPC, NPA, the federal ministries, EFCC, and other various federal parastatals, so will pathological scammers like Iwu insult and denigrate this country. So long as YarAdua still allows the likes of robbers like Obasanjo, Maurice Iwu, Bode George, Andy Uba, Nasir El-Rufai, Fani Kayode, Anenih, Emeka Offor, Chris Uba and their many ilk that destroyed this country in eight years of unprecedented stealing, so will the Iwus who looted over N60billion doing the dictates of Obasanjo continue to ridicule this country before the entire world. Did you guys hear the ******* the other day saying how his election was better the June 12 1993 election? I bet that ******* is now stark mad and his conscience if he has any, is dealing heavily with him. posted on 12-11-2007, 11:58:12 AM AniRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
He must have. posted on 12-11-2007, 12:03:37 PM EbeRe: A season of absurd theatreThe trajedy of the Nigerian mess is such that one does not even know where to start in commenting on the malfeasance, corruption, fraud, incompetence, and hypocrisy that one reads about daily in Nigerian newspapers. Thank you Okey for imposing some analytical order on these absurdities.
It's truly depressing, though not surprising, that Yar'Adua and Andoakaa have become judicial activists on the side of criminality. What a country! posted on 12-11-2007, 12:18:59 PM TonsoyoRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
I agree with you that Okey imposed an analytical "order" on the absurdities that is Nigeria. But why the gaping disorder in the sequence of the analysis? Why is Kalu's name conspicuosly missing in the "order" of the people protected by Aondoakaa? As requested by Olusola? Why the deafening silence about Kalu's roguery while commenting about Mbadinuju's incompetence? I guess it is only Alams, Fayose, Ibori and Uba that are worth mentioning in that hall of shame. Kalu to Okey is sacred. Don't Aondoakaa and Iwu have the same right to protect a source of their gaari just like Okey did in this piece? Besides these points this would have been a very good article, Okey needs to come to equity always with clean hands. posted on 12-11-2007, 12:59:03 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
If you had said ON forgot to put Atiku instead of OUK, I will support you. Please What wrong did OUK do? Are you from Abia state? Who told you he stole our money? You just keep talking rubbish all the time. Please enough is enough!! posted on 12-11-2007, 13:02:46 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Cant you see he was calling the bigger thieves!! yes you have a point he forgot Ume-ezoke and Atiku... ON take note.... posted on 12-11-2007, 13:27:25 PM ZanderlexRe: A season of absurd theatreOrji Kalu's Sins Has Been Forgiven By His People, By The Igbos, By Nigerians And I Believe By God. There is no need to include him in this rogue category anymore because he has repented and is currently fixing the damage that was done during his days as CEO of Abia state. He will serve his time if found guilty of corruption and mark my words he is potentially electable for president. posted on 12-11-2007, 13:45:30 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
We have forgiven him, although he failed to build the road that leads to my village (Nkpa) after eight years as Abia CEO. posted on 12-11-2007, 14:07:41 PM PresidencyRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Sule Tonsoyo SAN( Stupidly Asinine Nitwit): How bodi??? Where have you been??? It's been a while I read the usual exudation of idiocy from that your retarded brain. Anyway sha, nice to know that you have not yet "pafuka". Moving on... How many times will I tell you that Okey Ndibe does not owe you or your papa any explanation for whatever he decides to write??? Wetin concern you if he mentioned OUK or not??? By the way, did you even read the title of the article??? He titled the article "A season of absurd theatre" and proceeded to write about theatrical absurdities that have engulfed Nigeria in the past one week. How does OUK come in, Sule???  What is it that OUK did in the past one week that is theatrically absurd??? You just like opening that your dirty mouth without thinking sha! Anyway, na your talent be that. If you don't act stupidly at the NVS, who else will??? Like Yorubas say, "Were dun wo loja, sugbon ko se bi lomo"! (It is entertaining to watch the lunatic dance at the market but none wants to have one as a child) Presidency posted on 12-11-2007, 14:10:24 PM AlexaRe: A season of absurd theatre@Alora,Maybe he will build the road to Nkpa when he becomes the president(at least he built the road from Umuahia to Uzuakoli to Lohum upto Isuikwuato).
OUK is one person I admire(he is with his many sins and flaws) but he fixed the road from Okigwe town to ABSU(that road was a death trap before his tenure) and made my commute from the campus to the town comfortable.As much I'd like to denounce him for perceived evils,I also remember the good he did and I hold my pompom aloft and cheer him.He had vision but... posted on 12-11-2007, 15:35:41 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Nwanne Point of correction!, abeg no be ORJI build umuahia-lohum-akara road that road was built by PTF in 1995/96 and the Road that runs through ISIKWUATO was built by Ndubisi kanu. The OKIGWE town road to ABSU was built by ANYIM P when he was Senate PRESDO, the contract was done by Julius berger and the road passed absu-UTURU straight to AFIKPO-ISIAGU-AI. Dont misunderstand me O!, I admire the young man especially his guts.. at least he stood up to BABA IYABO posted on 12-11-2007, 15:37:43 PM BlondieRe: A season of absurd theatreI guess ON wrote this piece before the most hilarious of the absurdities. Iwu is claiming that the 2007 Elections were better than the 1993 Elections. I am beginning to feel for that man. He must be a tortured soul. He must be having sleepless nights with his name being a byword for electoral malpractices. It goes afterall to show that he is human. The pains and the betrayal and the angst that the name Iwu evokes amongst the masses must be getting to that wretched soul. He has told every lie in the book to justify the charade that he enacted in April. He is getting to the point where he is beginning to believe his own lies. At this point he needs help gentlemen. posted on 12-11-2007, 15:40:51 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Presidency abeg no vex with lawyer. His problem be say ON grammar too much for am. I think say na only me wey no dey understand the guy grammar, I no no say Our Lawyer friend dey also find am difficult to understand. posted on 12-11-2007, 16:18:45 PM OverdryvRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
This is the evidence that Tonsoyo has been blinded by hatred or is it jealousy for ON. All he needs now is to see Okey Ndibe on an article before venting his gall on him. If he had taken time to go thru the article, he'd see that OUK does not fit in. No matter the bad belle and gang-up by some people here, ON has become a rallying point of our struggle against the evil entities holding sway in Nigeria. On the part of Iwu, the man has simply lost his mind. He is now probably drunk from the money he embezzled from INEC. What do you make of a man that was owing banks in the US a couple of years back and suddenly found himself in millions of dollars? Nigeria has become the leading light in absurdities in the world. Last time someone mentioned, Iwu should be relieved of his INEC chair for holding american citizenship, but he carries on normally, what of the governor who came out to deny that he has any link with the robbery suspect? Well the suspect's granny has come out to say indeed they are relations. What a mumble jumble jungle! posted on 12-11-2007, 16:27:17 PM DemRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
I am going to assume the above is some kind of attempt at humour ...... posted on 12-11-2007, 16:58:41 PM DemRe: A season of absurd theatreAnother good article from Ndibe.
Perhaps another piece of absurd news that caught my attention last week was the report that OBJ did indeed write to inform the Senate about Bakassi (after he's began the handing over process). The Senate claimed - through the former Senate President last week - that the matter was not debated then because of the 3rd term palaver. Even though this was 3 weeks after the Senate had correctly killed off the 3rd term bill!! posted on 12-11-2007, 17:05:21 PM RoommateRe: A season of absurd theatreTonsoyo
QUOTE:
1. Kalu has not done anything absurd in the last 1 week (or season if season is May 29 to Dec 11). 2. Can you as an employee write bad things about your employer? posted on 12-11-2007, 18:34:15 PM HellofadudeRe: A season of absurd theatrePresidency "Sule Tonsoyo SAN( Stupidly Asinine Nitwit):
How bodi??? Where have you been??? It's been a while I read the usual exudation of idiocy from that your retarded brain. Anyway sha, nice to know that you have not yet "pafuka"" REPRODUCTION BETWEEN TWO GOOD OLD FRIENDS TONSOYA AND HELLOFADUDE Hellofadude says- "ah tonsonyo.. aint you gonna pick that up?" (pointing at the floor) Tonsonya says- "Pick what u?" (Looking at the floor rather confused) Hellofadude says - "your bottom jaw!!! hahahahahahaha you've been knocked out! hahahahahahaha" posted on 12-11-2007, 18:41:40 PM TonsoyoRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Welcome back to the land of the living from your forgotten world, presidential Okey Ndibe rabid dog I thought your case was redeemable when I called on the village psychiatrists to help you out but I can see that your case is beyond redemption. So part of your boss's selective memory of the past one week is the case of Mbadinuju, Ibori, and Emmanuel Uba? ehn? Okey's bingo. Well doggy you are intellectually too daft to engage me, call out your owner, Bingo. posted on 12-11-2007, 18:47:50 PM TonsoyoRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Yes Kalu perfectly fits in. He is one of the rogues shielded by Aondoakaa, as a matter of fact his name should come up as number one, but hey we all know why he would not include him. Unfortunately it is the same reason Emmanuel Uba and Iwu listen and dance to Obasanjo's tune. He lost the moral right to criticize them! posted on 12-11-2007, 18:52:28 PM TonsoyoRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
OK, I guess Ibori has done some absurd things in the past one week, I guess Mbadinuju has done some absurd things in the past one week, hmmmm... I guess Uncle Alams has done some absurd things in the past one week and that is why their names showed up. Na true you talk jare, he who pays the piper dictates the tune. But like I said to [B]overdryv[/B] above, he lost the moral right to criticize those guys, because it is the same reason Iwu cannot do anything against the wishes of Obasanjo his employer. posted on 12-11-2007, 18:56:54 PM TonsoyoRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
OK, Mr Zachaeus Hellofadude look I have seen you since yesterday that you have climbed the Sycamore tree yelling on the top of your voice for me to notice you. Yes I saw you but I am ignoring you! I do not discuss with someone who has had a goat brain transplant. posted on 12-12-2007, 00:09:00 AM AlexaRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
My bad!!I guess I just noticed the good roads(rebuilt and pot-hole free)when OUK became the governor.I apologize. posted on 12-12-2007, 03:48:39 AM DelegiwaRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Come wetin worry you sef? Dem swear for you? Do you ever have anything good and inspiring to say about anyone? When I stumbled on this square, I had high respect for men like you and that other whoa spices but events have shown me how wrongly I judged. Tonsoyo, without any grudge or bitterness in my heart, I SAY IT LOUD AND CLEAR THAT YOU ARE A BIG BORE and pls will you stay off the substance? posted on 12-12-2007, 04:22:04 AM ILN TOORe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
@Tonsoyo.'Goat brain transplant...............' Hahahahaha ha. That should explain some of the things he has been writing these past few days.   posted on 12-12-2007, 09:03:03 AM Ozion ozumbaRe: A season of absurd theatreYou see now. they don com again. Could you guys spare us the distractions and focus on issues raised in ON's piece posted on 12-12-2007, 10:22:33 AM EbeRe: A season of absurd theatrePeople's champion, Saharareporters, is reporting that Ibori has been arrested.
A good day for Naija---where is my Robert Mondavi? Now onto Odili, Akume, Olabode George, Abdullahi Adamu, Igbinedion, and the rest of the gang. Na one by one....... posted on 12-12-2007, 11:12:29 AM Oru-AmaRe: A season of absurd theatreAm just wondering why names like Achike Udenwa did not come up. Abeg was he a saint during his tenure? Just thinking aloud. posted on 12-12-2007, 13:48:41 PM ALORAINIDDEVILRe: A season of absurd theatreQUOTE:
Oru Oma I follow dey ask!! Comments Page: 1 2 |
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