I visited Cleveland on the14^th February 2008 and was about to leave when Cleveland’s landline phone rang. This was at about 7.30pm in the evening. He picked up the phone. Surprise, surprise, it was an old friend.

“Hello, its Tony calling from Canada. Can I speak to Cleveland, please?” The caller requested.

“Tony, it’s me, Cleveland speaking. It’s nice to hear from you after all these years.” He replied.

They chatted for about one and half hours. It was evident from their discussion that Tony had not seen many of his other friends for years until Tony went to Nigeria recently.

As soon as Cleveland put the phone down it was clear to see his mind travelled down memory lane to the days when Tony and him were together. He also remembered the saddest event of their time together that Cleveland was eager to share with me.

The incident may be sad but it has made Cleveland to accept how unpredictable but exciting one’s travel in life can be. I used the word “exciting” deliberately. I do not intend to pretend to you that journey through life is smooth sailing for everyone.

Sometimes I ask myself whether life wouldn’t be meaningless or uneventful without the ups and downs it brings. There are moments when some people loose the urge to carry on. I believe they put themselves in that situation because they judge the future by reference to their current circumstances. I think that is often the root cause of their tomorrow’s problems.

There are moments when one needs to believe in oneself just to keep alive. You hear stories of people who have reason to believe there was no point in living and took the sad decision to commit suicide. They must have felt that they have reached the end of the road and couldn’t carry on anymore.

Before you judge me, let me say I am not a preacher and this is not about preaching the essence of life. This is more about a reflection on those critical moments in our life when we take decisions that have impact on our future.

A lot has been written about the purpose of life. Personally I have learned the courage to face any adversity with what I learnt from Tai Solarin. I remember Tai Solarin saying that he considered “may your way be rough” as a blessing. Tai Solarin was an educator, humanist and activist, social critic and a man of total conviction. He was a man who did not believe in anything other than that people have total control over their own destiny.

Today, I am not telling you about Tai Solarin but about two friends, Tony and Cleveland who grew up together. They also went to the same Primary and secondary school. In order to improve on their grades in the secondary school certificate exams Tony suggested they move into boarding school in the final year.

A couple of weeks before the first term started they discussed it with their girlfriends. The girlfriends agreed that it was a good idea, as a good grade would improve their chances of getting university admission. Their parents also agreed to the plan.

Then the day came for them to move into boarding school. They shed tears as none of them had ever lived away from home before. Their minds ran through all sort of thoughts, from the kind of food they would be eating to the realisation that they would not see their girlfriends as and when they wanted.

Their first term began and went well. Also they noticed improvements in their performance in class tests and assignments. But unfortunately that did not compensate for the pain of not being able to see their sweethearts when they wanted. Although they got letters from them that served as a small relief but not seeing them was hard to bear. However, they were propelled on by their goals which they never lost sight of it.

In the second term, the school football final between “Victory House” and “Safeway House” was played. It was on Saturday. Cleveland was selected to play for Victory House because he was staying in Victory House. Tony was staying in Safeway House but he was not selected.

At half-time, Cleveland noticed Tony was not as lively as he usually was. Cleveland just put it down to the fact that Tony’s House was two goals down. Of course, Cleveland was concerned about him because Tony had always showed his good sportsmanship side. Tony wasn’t one to lose his composure for loosing a football match.

It was after the final whistle that Cleveland realised all was not well with Tony as he was nowhere to be found where everybody else had gathered. Cleveland immediately decided to look for him and missed the medal award ceremony. As Cleveland walked towards Safeway House he saw Tony sitting under a mango tree next to the main entrance.

“Tony, for goodness’ sake, what is up with you? It’s only a football.” Cleveland said angrily but at the same time shown that he was concerned.

“No, you know me, this isn’t about football.” Tony replied looking like his world had fallen apart.

“What then? Cleveland asked with deepening curiosity.

“It’s Vero.” Tony said. His face looked like a man that has lost the will to live.

“Tony, spit it out! What about Vero?” Cleveland demanded to know.

Tony reached into his pocket and gave Cleveland a letter. It was from Vero addressed to Tony. Cleveland read it. It was then Cleveland understood why Tony felt so hurt by the letter.

Vero had written to Tony telling him she had found somebody better than him. Her exact words were: “Dear Tony, I have found someone better than you. I don’t love you anymore. So I do not want anything to do with you anymore”. She even put in the letter to Tony the name and address of her new boyfriend.

“Roland?” Cleveland asked.

“Yes. She said Roland is better than me. Roland!” Tony replied. Two deadly blows gutted Tony’s ego. But the thought that Roland was better than him hurt Tony more than just losing his girlfriend.

Roland was one of the guys in their area but he was not a close friend of theirs. They did not rate him very well. Roland was training as an apprentice and paid as a furniture maker with the company. So he had more financial resources than they had. Tony and Cleveland were dependent on what their parents gave them. This was what attracted Vero to Roland.

Tony took Vero words very serious and was not himself anymore. Cleveland was afraid of what Tony might do to himself so he decided to report the matter to their Housemaster. The Housemaster too tried to convince Tony that there were many other girls out there for him. Nevertheless, Tony’s health started to deteriorate fast. It got so serious that the matter was then reported to the school principal and Tony’s parents.

Tony never recovered from Vero remark. He did not do as well in his school leaving certificate exams as he had planned. However, Tony was able to get admission to a local polytechnic.

Cleveland travelled abroad and left Tony behind in Nigeria. Tony graduated from the Polytechnic and got a job as a schoolteacher. They met up with each other every time Cleveland visited Nigeria until suddenly Cleveland did not hear from Tony anymore but he heard that Tony had travelled abroad.

Cleveland was on holiday in Nigeria a few years ago when he saw Vero. She looked like a wreck and had aged badly. She was a petty trader. Cleveland was not one to rejoice at people’s misery. He gave Vero some money to restock when she explained her difficulties. She asked Cleveland about Tony and he told her he was abroad but he did not know where in particular.

“I wish I had kids for him those days” Vero said and she looked like she meant it. Cleveland was shocked by her comment but he pretended like he didn’t hear.

“How is Roland?” Cleveland asked.

“We are not together. It’s a long story.” Vero said. She explained that their relationship ended a year after it started. Then she threw in the bombshell.

“Roland and five of his other friends got me drunk and raped me. I was in hospital for a week. It was very serious.” Vero explained.

“What? Where is Roland now?” Cleveland inquired.

“Roland was an armed robber and was shot by police.” She said.

“Is Tony aware of what Roland did to you? Cleveland asked

“Yes, he was aware and he paid for my hospital care.” Vero replied

“Did you get together again?” Cleveland was getting more and more curious.

“No. He wouldn’t have me back. He said it wasn’t meant to be.” She said and looked disappointed.

Cleveland left Vero that day and reflected on many things. He did not know whether to laugh or cry. Cleveland also wondered who had really found someone better. And he remembered Tai Solarin’s philosophy of life.

Cleveland confirmed to me that Tony is living in Canada and working as a Chemical Analyst, married to a black Canadian and has three children. He visited Nigeria with his wife and children last January.

I left Cleveland that day and wondered how Tony would write his reply to Vero’s letter if he was mean enough to reply her today.

Nosa@olotu.org

Robot  Villager

# 1 I visited Cleveland on the14th February 2008 and was abou...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 03.03.2008 16:39

Shoko Loko Bangoshe  Villager

# 2 OK Nosa, I've scratched my head, but I can't quite work out what the moral of the story is. Is it that girls shouldn't break up with their boyfriends just because they have found someone more appealing? Or is this just one of those "such is life" stories with no actual lesson to be learnt? Posted by Shoko Loko Bangoshe| 03.03.2008 20:27

emj  Villager

# 3 Cleveland left Vero that day and reflected on many things. He did not know whether to laugh or cry. Cleveland also wondered who had really found someone better. And he remembered Tai Solarin’s philosophy of life. Cleveland confirmed to me that Tony is living in Canada and working as a Chemical Analyst, married to a black Canadian and has three children. He visited Nigeria with his wife and children last January. I left Cleveland that day and wondered how Tony would write his reply to Vero’s letter if he was mean enough to reply her today. Hmmm....the stories we seem to hear this days is about how the lady ended up on the self or poorer and the man better for it. We don't get to hear of those whose choice seemed to be a better fit afterall.......nice goings Nosa...hmmm:cool: Posted by emj| 03.03.2008 20:44

10Kobo  Villager

# 4 I guess the story could have been the other way round but we know that it is "our custom in Naija"; its the guys that run after the Babes, its the guy that 'must toast' the Babe, its the guy that must shower the Babe with gifts, as testament and proof of his love for her, at the onset. The Babe may end-up doing more, when she gets in the groove as time goes on. So it goes that in our environment, events seem to "evolve along a particular direction" and that most stories go that way, is a reflection of our "societal ideals" and is not to be interpreted as some 'male-chauvinistic ego-massage". Be that as it may, "every story, no matter how perceptibly-badly written, has a lesson" to it. From my humble point of view, the lessons are that: 1.) All that glitter is not Gold. 2.) Patience, Hardwork, Faith and Belief in somebody you love, do yield dividend. 3.) Potential and self-confidence, are the basic ingredients for success I am actually moved by this story since l had a similar experience, some eighteen years ago. Quickly and in summary, l had finished University, there was no job forth-coming and l had no god-father to "assist me" cross the final unemployment-hurdle ((l actually passed series of test and interviews for the LNG recruitment in 1990, (about when this event happened) but the Oyinbo-man, of all people, in the final selection between me and another guy, told me "You are both qualified for the appointment but 'He' would be given the job since the quota for your state is one person and 'he' has a recommendation from the Awujale of Ijebuland and a top General in the Army and in government"; am from Ogun state)). I kept on looking for a job. My sweetheart, the first love of my life, the lady l thought l will be marrying in a year or two, the lady l had been faithfully courting before and during my university days, whom l have asked my sister to assist-get a job along where she works (she was an OND holder), started dating a 'self-employed' Electronics repair guy, two blocks from the same office! Abi l take my hand do myself? :confused: :confused1 The last straw that broke my camel's back was the day 'my competitor' came-in to my heart-throb's room, l was with her and he told her to come with him but l objected. My darling insisted on going with her new-found loverboy and the loverboy drove-in the nail, ruthlessly-deeper and harder, into my fragile heart when he reminded me that "na graduate we go chop?.... thumping himself in the chest, he concluded, "na A-DAY MONEY I DEY SPEND, I FINISH IT TODAY, I MAKE MORE TOMORROW" and with that, they walked-out on me! I was pained beyond pain and even as l write now, that singular event still make me grind my teeth but today, l am happily married with two solid boys, my wife is an ACCA-certifed accountant, l was a senior I.T Banker (BSc. MSc. MBA, Unilag!) before relocating abroad with my family and best of all, l have had reason to financially-assist my first luv, years later, when my prayer, hardwork and perseverance started paying-off :biggrin: She made serious efforts to come-back to me, about a year and a half later, after l had met my present wife (You know the joke about that Ibo-made fan? :D) but instead of the self-immolation that "Tony" in the above story when through, l knelt-down on my knees and cried onto God, back then. I gave HIM thanks, in the midst of my pain. l asked HIM to not only give me strength but to also "show me" my true wife while at the same time, make me an "example of his "unqualified grace". My Prayers were answered, even beyond my wildest dreams. So, l identify with the story and l urge our younger ones, to always "see beyond today, beyond the glitter of today" and to realize that apart from being God-fearing, the only thing you need to look-out for in a spouse (male or female, in-terms of material comfort and future financial stability) is POTENTIAL and SELF-CONFIDENCE. Once those are in place, its only a question of "When"? :D :cool: Cheers. Just my 10Kobo thoughts, going back-in-time! Posted by 10Kobo| 04.03.2008 00:41

Sapele Man  Villager

# 5 =10Kobo;4294993459> Be that as it may, "every story, no matter how perceptibly-badly written, has a lesson" to it. From my humble point of view, the lessons are that: 1.) All that glitter is not Gold. 2.) Patience, Hardwork, Faith and Belief in somebody you love, do yield dividend. 3.) Potential and self-confidence, are the basic ingredients for success So, l identify with the story and l urge our younger ones, to always "see beyond today, beyond the glitter of today" and to realize that apart from being God-fearing, the only thing you need to look-out for in a spouse (male or female, in-terms of material comfort and future financial stability) is POTENTIAL and SELF-CONFIDENCE. Once those are in place, its only a question of "When"? :D :cool: Cheers. Just my 10Kobo thoughts, going back-in-time! 10Kobo Briliant review. You have presented the moral of the story the way I see it. I am also an admirer of Tai Solarin. I was thrilled by the way the author linked the story and the teaching of Tai Solarin. It is a pleasure for me to read your personal experience. As they say, every disappointment is a blessing. It is really painfull to be rejected but one has to move on. I believe there is nothing out there that controls our destiny and we are not pre-ordained for anything. Finally, I think it was wicked of Vero to have written the letter the way she wrote it considering Tony consulted her and obtained her agreement before he went to boarding school. Posted by Sapele Man| 04.03.2008 11:44

Enforcer  Villager

# 6 =emj;4294993434>Hmmm....the stories we seem to hear this days is about how the lady ended up on the self or poorer and the man better for it. We don't get to hear of those whose choice seemed to be a better fit afterall.......nice goings Nosa...hmmm:cool: emj There is no doubt in my mind that there are cases where the women became better off. However, I can only tell the story that I know and leave other people to tell theirs. If you have a similar experience please tell us so that we can all be the wiser for it. Posted by Enforcer| 05.03.2008 02:39

Enforcer  Villager

# 7 =Shoko Loko Bangoshe;4294993432>OK Nosa, I've scratched my head, but I can't quite work out what the moral of the story is. Is it that girls shouldn't break up with their boyfriends just because they have found someone more appealing? Or is this just one of those "such is life" stories with no actual lesson to be learnt? Shoko I think I am right to assume that your query has been sufficiently dealt with by 10kobo and Sapele Man? Posted by Enforcer| 05.03.2008 04:33