Nigeria @ 56: Celebrate or Go Hang Yourself/

Bi o san ko san olorun ma fi were dan mi wo (Whether it will be cured or not, oh Lord, I reject the affliction of madness). There is too much madness in Nigeria. Nigeria is mad. Nigerians are mad.

But Nigeria must celebrate and Nigerians must celebrate with Nigeria on this occasion of its creation. If you care to know, some marriages of convenience even among humans are in fact becoming celebrated. 

Any Nigerian who refused to celebrate should be considered a threat to Nigeria and his or her citizenship revoked.  Anyone – be it a critic or pseudo-critic screaming madness must be jailed or silenced.

There is time for every activity under the sun, or even heaven. It is time for Nigeria to celebrate its marriage – of convenience. Whatever “godfathers” have joined together, let no Nigerian put asunder. You dey hear me?

Just celebrate. The reason for the joyful moment does not matter. Please don’t question it. Just do the tango – of celebration.

If you’re a Nigerian and you refused to celebrate, consider yourself an enemy of this greatest nation on earth. Any Nigerian anywhere who criticises this joyful moment should be charged for felony. It is our time and it is our moment – to thank God for our survival; for our blissful matrimony.

56 years on Mother Earth. 56 years of struggle. Of tears and sorrow and suffering – unnecessary suffering! Forget about the suffering in the land (Oh no which poverty? Are not many Nigerians airborne everyday aka Bayo Onanuga’s synthetic thinking) and join your oppressors to celebrate your enslavement. O ya, make una celebrate

Yes, October 1st in Nigeria is time to party – it is time to show affluence. It’s time to show dem don arrive. This is not the time to reflect. Nigerians simply don’t need any kind of reflection. What reflection does anyone who has it all need? Celebrate joo or go hang yourself.

Anyone acting holier than thou and, or making any trouble to quench the joyful moment will find him/herself to blame. Any protest, any demonstration of craziness shall be met with decree 2 of yore. The law shall be backdated to teach trouble makers a lesson. You dey hear? Sing and dance joo or go hang yourself.

You have reasons to express joy on your mother’s birthday. Oh please don’t lament about the fact that your mama is a veteran witch (Ogbologbo Aje). Stop that cry of sorrow and grief; after all a mother is a mother is a mother. Celebrate o jare or go hang yourself

Don’t betray yourself by not celebrating this wonderful moment – Nigeria @ 56. Listen my brother my sister, you screamed change and you got change. At least you got your wish. Isn’t it? It’s party time today and forever more. Haven’t you started seeing the change –the change you mouthed and mouthed! Isn’t it at every corner of today? So why won’t you celebrate.

You must celebrate because the change starts from you. Or you don’t hear me? En, it begins with you gangan. Mi o gbo e – I don’t hear you. I say make una go hang yourself if you don’t want to celebrate the change you chewed like kola-nut.

Celebrate because your oppressors (local and federal chairman/woman, your governor, minister, senate, president) have stopped travelling overseas to treat even common cold.

Celebrate because government officials are now making sacrifices. For example they have stopped sending their children and family abroad for further studies and medical check-up.

Celebrate because I hear say you’re now accessible to constant electricity, adequate drinkable water, good roads, well equipped hospitals and schools, prompt payment of salaries to doctors, teachers and of course pensioners are not dying anymore on the queue to get what belongs to them! 

Celebrate because past rulers who had and still destroying your life have repented and now showing remorse.

Celebrate because the reason for Biafra agitation is no more there. No be so? No vanguard no loser. Abi how dem go dey say am?

Celebrate because the police are now your friends and have stopped taking bribes on the road

Celebrate because those press boys and girls have stopped collecting the so-called brown envelope.

Celebrate because our so-called intellectuals are no more sycophants – they have gotten their rhythm back.

Celebrate because parents have stopped cheating on behalf of their children.

Celebrate because a focused new political party has been formed.

Yes celebrate because your polithievians or politicians – whichever preferred – have adopted modest life-styles

Celebrate because your pastors, imams, alufas, have realised that legalistic tithing is not compulsory after all.

Celebrate because the madness in the country is now dissipating...  

Celebrate because the dollar you purchased at N7.82 in June 1990 is now N465 or so

As for those Nigerians in the Diaspora, let them swing their body to the sonorous sound of October 1st. Let them put on their best attire and swim across the Danube River; dance and climb the Status of Liberty – to showcase the joy of a nation in progress; visit the Ivory Tower or pay the Queen a courtesy visit to remind her of a marriage of convenience she had solemnised

Let Nigerians in the street of Amsterdam or Berlin or Stockholm or Vienna or Sydney or Budapest blow their trumpet and rejoice for escaping abundance in their own land. Let them celebrate by poking fun. Let them celebrate the glee of freedom they enjoy in white woman's land.

Let them fly Sunny Ade or any of those amuludun (entertainers) to thrill the occasion in their adopted countries, where comfort has blinded them. Let them celebrate this memorable day that sticks to mind like a nightmare. Let Americans and Europeans of Nigerian descent invent cultural links or mundane things as a pretext for celebration.

If you no go sing and yo no go dance and celebrate, na you sabi and I repeat go hang yourself.

Note: If you know other reasons why Nigerians should celebrate the Independence, please let me know

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.