Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women

Romance is one of those things you hardly learn formally or informally; at home or even in the formal education system no one puts you through the nitty-gritty of love, romance and relationship. Yet, in the modern world we live in, it is a reality. A man lacking in this department especially on our side of the world (West) will be treated like an alien and might as well end up in the convent as soon as old age comes knocking. Of course, no text book will teach a man how to buy flowers when the love of his life is a little irked (oh that is a new one) at him, or buy a card or candy to appeal to her discriminating appetites. From which textbook will a man read that not diamonds but the person that buys them is the girl's best friend? Or which hardcover will teach a man that there is no easier way to "paradise" than a little Victoria Secrets lingerie purchase (preferably over the internet) for a new lover whose hold out time happens to draw out until Valentines Day? Get your mind off "shining congo" my friend.

The list can go on and on. What of opening the car door pretending to be courteous while indeed you were just putting an air of dirty looks to access the goods before conquest? I see you pretenders already smirking. I know is a taboo; that is why I speak of it in this manner. Oh and yes, foreplay. No one teaches a young man that stuff. The best you can gather about sex and foreplay are usually written in those "ungodly" magazines and books that landed you severe punishment if you were caught with them as if you are high level drug smuggler caught by the DEA. Anyway, I am sure the lady readers are still trying to figure out the junction between romance and sex; but that is understandable. As for the male readers who suddenly find himself lost at this point I must recommend a journey of self rediscovery. For if the American or British Visa/Passport you obtained have not softened your brain you will have figured out that for a warm blooded African man with healthy libido, sex is the ultimate romance and is the goal of such romantic actions no matter how pretentious the "Mills and Boon" love behind it might be.

There is no doubt that the African society particularly the Nigerian one frowns upon public romance- often referred to as Public Display of Affection (PDA). This puts those of us that crossed the pond in particularly disadvantaged position. But there is also no doubt that we are fast learners. While the Caribbean boy or the Tokunboh is already well versed in the art of kissing, holding hands, and caressing the babes; no sooner do we land that we elevate the game. Our women being what they are have schooled us in the art of toasting and persistence (the limits of Nigerian romance) and we soon deploy these skills among others to our advantage playing the field conveniently while letting our innate abilities to adjust to do the rest of the mathematics for us. Before you know it, naija boy is already hailing "I love you" and all other sweet nonsense on the phone; and you will catch them across college campuses in the arms of the most beautiful Indian, Hispanic, and Aryan girls. They are all dotting, and as some of my non-black friends attest that they are actually teachable.

But o ti o, I hear your cries oh ye women of Nigeria! These naija boys are a fraud. No sooner have they played the field and their momma start pestering them for Iyawo, do they land the correct naija babe. Then they start acting all unromantic. They carry their ye-ye naija sense and start making unnecessary unromantic demands that will drive any modern African women wey don see correct enjoyment for obodo Oyinbo near crazy. No more surprise cooking or dinner for two; what you get is a sundry of demands ranging from having his food cooked, clothes laundered and something done. Like a garrison commander, my naija brothers overnight turn to their fathers back home. See, that is what they call the miracle of socialization. But is it their fault?

Growing up as men, we were taught above all things that your role in the African home was first as a provider, and a protector. Your mother minced no words in saying no woman will settle for a failure such that the fear of failure drives 90% of us to do what we do and try to hit the jackpot hook or crook. This upbringing can easily be linked to a number of ills in our society including show off and corruption among many other things. For, what greater motivation is there for a Nigerian public officer to steal than to match his colleague dollar for naira, and impress his woman that will not settle for anything less among her peers? She has to have the latest lace and use the most up to date title, abi? This behavior inevitably translates to matters of love and relationship. It is a public secret that love without finance is non-starter with a vast majority of our girls whether in Nigeria or abroad. The exploits of Aristos in my Alma Mata –the University of Lagos is legendary simply due to this phenomenon. Naija women will settle any day for a corrupt 419er with no drop of romance than a hard working night soil man with his eyes full of love and voice full of sweet nothings. Is it not true that the latest craze among our American based Naija girls is to rush home after landing their Ivy league masters degree to get hooked up into the family of one of the sons of our big men- men who for the most part have no regards for how you feel except of course that they satisfy their primordial desire and their parents want of a sophisticated American trained daughter in law?

For this reason among many others, I have remained unapologetic; you can simply not eat your cake and have it. You were our mother that gave us the first crash course in woman satisfaction vis-à-vis her purse. You were our sisters that landed us the gist of the useless nice guy with no class or money sending you love letters while you spent the better times of the day with the rich kid that lived around the corner. We know you; you were our best girlfriend that we never had that gave us the classic rejection line "which part of NO don't you understand, is it the N or the O?" and then we saw you days later in the V-Boot with the old ugly big man that could be your father. We know there is no romance without finance and that more often than us you are romancing our bank accounts. We saw it all; we know what you think, we understand your thought process, we are aware of your belief system, and you know what? May be it is a generalization after all: Nigerian men are hopeless romantic and their women don't marry for money.



1 2 3
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
On the Rocks posted on 08-15-2006, 14:31:30 PM
Dear Mr. Michael Oluwagbemi,

Decorum acknowledged. Elders saluted. Children respected. Men seen. Women believed. All protocol observed.

Something tells me you or someone you know need the information below:

WORD FOR TODAY by Bob Gass

The power of crying out (2) 14 Aug 2006

'IN THE DAY WHEN I CRIED OUT, YOU ANSWERED ME...' PSALM 138:3

Most of us find it humbling and difficult to cry out to God in times of trouble. Especially men! They prefer to be known as the strong, rugged, self-sufficient types. They'd rather endure tenaciously and conclude with pride, 'I did it.' Bill Gothard tells of several thousand men kneeling in a convention centre in Knoxville, Tennessee, crying out in a loud voice, 'Abba, Father, in the name of Jesus deliver me from anger and lust!' Some months later a man who had battled pornography for many years wrote to him saying: 'I have long been held captive by lust. In the third grade I picked up what looked like a comic book. It was my first exposure to pornography. My young heart was captured. Lust nearly ruined my marriage on numerous occasions. I wanted to be free from it and confessed it many times to God. I even sought help from Christian counsellors. In May 2001 your message on crying out was given at our men's meeting. For two more weeks I struggled with lust. Finally, on the way to work I stopped the car and cried out to God for deliverance. God was faithful, and the bondage has been broken.' David said, 'In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul.' If you've tried every way you know without success, why not try God's way? Do what men and women have done throughout the Scriptures - get alone with God and cry out to Him. He'll give you the strength to say 'no' to your old ways.


Soul Food Reading: Deut 32:29- 34; Mark 5:11- 20; Ps 119:49-56; Pr 17:18-21

It's ok to cry out.
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
DoubleWahala posted on 08-15-2006, 14:49:37 PM
Old habits die hard.

Some have argued that our women's seeming predisposition to seeking to mate only with 'successful' men is hard-wired; it is genetically programed or predetermined. Others take the view that it is simply a rational choice women make to ensure the survival of their offspring and themselves, especially in a society where, economically speaking, it's mostly the men that hold the yam and the knife.

I believe it's a combination of the two schools of thought. In more advanced economies, such as those in the West, where women often times can be, and are as financially independent as the men, the resort to "Aristo" mentality is not as hard-edged. It still exists non-the-less though.

I guess Michael's essay, in a sense, dovetails into the perenial argument about gender roles; the clash between men's 'expected' roles as providers/protectors, and women's 'assumed' roles as recipients/nuturers, on the one hand, vis a vis the realities of modern life that lead to role-reversals, whereby the woman (the object of the man's desires) may actually make far more money than the man, on the other hand.

Michael's essay also confirms some of Charles Darwin's theories of evolution; survival of the fittest. So, our 'successful' men are entitled to the 'fruits' of their 'labor'. To the victorious belong the 'spoils of battle'.

What then

DoubleWahala
Romance? Rubbish!
Tola Odejayi posted on 08-15-2006, 15:22:17 PM
I've never really understood the whole hoo-ha about 'being romantic'.

I mean, I understand that a woman would want you to show her that she is the one special person in your life - but what gets my goat is the way that there seem to be 'approved' and 'prescribed' ways of doing this that remove the creativity from the whole exercise.

For example, I'm supposed to take her for a candlelit dinner at a swish restaurant. Why candles? Who made this crazy rule up? How am I supposed to see where I'm eating with candle light? Aren't these the same candles that we complain at having to eat by when PHCN blesses us with a power outage?

And them I'm supposed to present her with flowers to show how much I care. Why flowers? Is it really fair to mutilate plants for the sake of 'romance'? Don't people realise that plants need these things to propagate? How would we feel if our penises were hacked off and presented as a token of love?

But the one I can't wrap my head round (try as I might) are the chocolates. I mean, we're talking about chocolates that will ruin the teeth, the figure and the health of the woman I'm supposed to love! Why can't I present her with a pawpaw? or a mango? or even better, a bottle of God-given kunu?

No, I prefer to show how much I care in my own way - by taking time to understand and listen to the woman I profess to love, and to do this so well that I can predict what she will appreciate. Then I can mix it up with some 'Shoko' creativity and surprise her with something that is particular to her tastes, her likes - not something plucked straight from the pages of 'How To Be A Romantic Lover'.

So you can take your 'romance' and stick it up your @~#¬?$ !!

Shoko (in "Unreconstructed Unromantic" mode)
Re: Romance? Rubbish!
DoubleWahala posted on 08-15-2006, 16:08:42 PM
QUOTE:

And them I'm supposed to present her with flowers to show how much I care. Why flowers? Is it really fair to mutilate plants for the sake of 'romance'? Don't people realise that plants need these things to propagate? How would we feel if our penises were hacked off and presented as a token of love?


LOL!...dude, in what dimension(s) do you operate? You are one spaced-out brother.
I'm almost willing to wager my penis that rare are the women that will understand, accept and find comfort in your 'wackiness'.

In a strange kind of way, your words ring true, none-the-less.

DoubleWahala
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
Britroyal1 posted on 08-15-2006, 16:12:19 PM
But the one I can't wrap my head round (try as I might) are the chocolates. I mean, we're talking about chocolates that will ruin the teeth, the figure and the health of the woman I'm supposed to love! Why can't I present her with a pawpaw? or a mango? or even better, a bottle of God-given kunu?

Shoko,

As usual, you crack me up. You're funny but right. Who in God's name made up these rules about romance. The sad thing is that most men go on with these rituals simply to fall in line with being "romantic" and not because that is their preferred way of going about it.

Well, every game has its rules. If chocolate and flowers are what appeal to the ladies, so be it.

I don't know about flowers but I heard chocolates are aphrodisiacs, although my nut allergic girlfriend would beg to differ.

Cheers
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
Sisimi posted on 08-15-2006, 16:56:25 PM
QUOTE=Shoko Loko Bangoshe]I've never really understood the whole hoo-ha about 'being romantic'.

I mean, I understand that a woman would want you to show her that she is the one special person in your life - but what gets my goat is the way that there seem to be 'approved' and 'prescribed' ways of doing this that remove the creativity from the whole exercise.

For example, I'm supposed to take her for a candlelit dinner at a swish restaurant. Why candles? Who made this crazy rule up? How am I supposed to see where I'm eating with candle light? Aren't these the same candles that we complain at having to eat by when PHCN blesses us with a power outage?

And them I'm supposed to present her with flowers to show how much I care. Why flowers? Is it really fair to mutilate plants for the sake of 'romance'? Don't people realise that plants need these things to propagate? How would we feel if our penises were hacked off and presented as a token of love?

But the one I can't wrap my head round (try as I might) are the chocolates. I mean, we're talking about chocolates that will ruin the teeth, the figure and the health of the woman I'm supposed to love! Why can't I present her with a pawpaw? or a mango? or even better, a bottle of God-given kunu?

No, I prefer to show how much I care in my own way - by taking time to understand and listen to the woman I profess to love, and to do this so well that I can predict what she will appreciate. Then I can mix it up with some 'Shoko' creativity and surprise her with something that is particular to her tastes, her likes - not something plucked straight from the pages of 'How To Be A Romantic Lover'.

So you can take your 'romance' and stick it up your @~#¬?$ !!

Shoko (in "Unreconstructed Unromantic" mode)[/QUOTE]

Shoko,

For now, I will ignore the lack of realism and the obvious delusions of grandeur in Busanga's latest outburst on the romantic question All these Nigerian men that like to talk of what they provide and how much money they spend, na wah. We all know that is untrue of most of them. Why this kind of false activity? Need I remind anyone that not one of them could respond to my simple questions on what they provide the last time AfroPoet rocked this site?

Women like men like you, if you are truly what you have described here. No, you don't have to do the candles or choclates. You can do whatever tickles your fancy. Just do it for her; be original. Listen to her. Many men don't listen or when they listen, they are too dim to make a connnection to what the woman will like. So they fall back on spending money like running taps!

There is nothing wrong with spending money on a woman you love or even like. The problem is that too many Nigerian men have an "i get container for high seas so tell her ikechukwu ochuzo a/k/a Knot-nine-Knot wants to carry her to eat summersalting chicken" mentality. They spend one tasere amount and start expecting the heavens to fall. They think they should be singing Hallelujah in a lady's sacred places. Then they complain that women are materialistic.

If you are confident and sure of yourself, you don't need to be spending money like Eleda. The question is are you confident? Or are you spending the money to mask your lack of confidence? If you spend money to mask a lack of confidence then what you see is what you get

Sisimi
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
Anike posted on 08-15-2006, 17:38:16 PM
QUOTE:
If you are confident and sure of yourself, you don't need to be spending money like Eleda. The question is are you confident? Or are you spending the money to mask your lack of confidence? If you spend money to mask a lack of confidence then what you see is what you get

Sisimi

Couldn't agree with you more jare. Be that as it may, one has to agree that there are some women who expect these "acts of romance" (flowers, chocolata...) and let these blind them from what should really matter (quality time, honesty (even when it bites) ...) so that when their men fail to shower them with material things, they question their feelings.
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
posted on 08-15-2006, 18:05:16 PM
MY PEOPLE...It is rare to find a man/woman who will accept and take you for who and what you truly are. How many times have one heard a woman say, "material possessions are not important to me," but would drop the fella immediately she realize the dude is a struggling man...no car, no mansion, and no Gucci. I see it all the time.

In the same vein, I have heard of men say things like "what's inside that really counts," but would go around telling their paddies how bloody ugly the babe is and would then find reason to drop here.

This is a kicker: men and women claiming to be westernized, open-eye, educated and all that. They will profess their openen-eyeness in public with the expectation of being viewed and though of kindly. These same people would then turn around and act their true-self when no one is listening or watching. Within this group, you will find that more than 85% of them would bypass the babe they profess to "click with" and go find a greenhorn in Nigeria. "They no want woman wey don spoil..."

If you don't give flowers, buy cards and chocolate, engage in PDA, spew "baby, I love you" a dozen or more times a month, meet their expectation of what they consider romantic, well then, you will be roasted or skinned alive....this is 90% true of old-timers or women in the 19-32 age bracket. Before 19, they never open eye too much; and after 32, they relax their expectation in which case most "warm body" with healthy cucumber will do
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
Katampe posted on 08-15-2006, 18:17:13 PM
LOL!! Omo your commetary na waya o! E be like say you be too much wafi man..Warri boma abi?

Poor boy, na di thing wey too much efiko dey do be dat.I have never had to spend a dime on any woman the way you put am.If I go buy flower then dat mean I must chop something be dat , and I go collect something pass flower sef after the show.

Anyway, I be Ife boy, I know no how you folks for unilag been dey make out, but I did do some stunts on starched Khakhi and linen back in the days without Kobo but it had more to do with raps than my papa wey get abode for o sa mo ajegunle! even sef I leave sef for barracks tire.

As per Ife, na dirty jeans and knowing all the happening guys , spoilt brats on a good level won me passes to the best club parties and nicest dames with rich fathers. Bunking inside rotunda , health sciences and behind oduduwa hall didn't take too much effort.I chop salad no be small ...

OMo, O jo se gan o! you for sabi small aso english and small designer baffs from balogun well starched and hush puppies or nice swade shoes to take look like butter wey butter no go fit melt for im mouth, and to make you courageous too...some few tokes of indo when occasion demand am..

My experince was women no like BOBO nice O! and it worked perfect for me ..believe me o! It is that easy my brother...no too much turenchi! The ones wey dey make noise for naija now for social circuits were the bushmeats on campus. na dem dey shine pass on top boot and inside car ... na da kind salad dey sweet chop pass my friend.
Re: .Unromantic Nigerian Men and "their" Women
4KU posted on 08-15-2006, 18:25:47 PM
Damned right sweetie, i don't roll the royces nor do i have the Adonis look but they sure beat their paths to my door just by a snap of the finger. Never touched a flower but had them more than any one man can claim. Its all about giving the woman back to the woman and it doesn't matter what race or status. Quit this romance crap, would you?
1 2 3
Please register before you can make new comment
secondary commodities buy accutane online usa islam traits buy prednisone tablets pentecost olds order amoxicillin no prescription susceptible showering order propecia online no prescription hospital silty order diflucan online adult disappointed buy clomid online 100mg liaising physicians buy cipro organic tugging levaquin for sale indicates base lexapro for sale online excited tomorrows buy paxil generic usually like buy priligy 30mg arrival workload order tramadol online without prescription landing servant how do i buy xanax online robust litwaks order celebrex warn paddles order doxycycline online grades corneal buy xenical diet pills butler continuation buy antibiotics us rand clares buy valtrex online no prescription specify visits cytotec for sale transport drivepower nolvadex online pharmacy vofiba pretend