I’m back in rehab. For pertinent reasons. This time though I chose a new shrink with the hope that I will get better answers that are specifically tailored to my questions. When I paid tribute to my exes a few months ago, I was expecting some clear directions from my shrink about what to do and how to proceed but what I got instead was a vote of thanks for telling him about my experience, which according to him, he has gleaned some wisdom from. O ga o! Can you imagine? I paid him to help me but instead he took more from me than I even had a chance to demand of him.

Anyway, this current visit to the shrink has to do with a recent love tango I heard about from the grapevine. I thought it would be nice to have someone else worry about the issue so instead of agonizing over it all by myself, I decided to book a two hour visit with a shrink. You should consider this luxury whenever you need to deal with pertinent issues. I will rank this visit in the same line as manicure, pedicure, spa treatment, or even just plain facial. Time is money so let us hear the details:

“I met this guy about two years ago. Like joke, like joke, we became friends and later started dating. He likes me. I like him. One plus one equals one, I guess. As our relationship progressed, I realized that this bobo was in school, did not have a job, was squatting with friends, and just scraping by from day-to-day. All these factors did not deter me as my maternal instincts kept telling me that I should pay more attention to his potentials than the immediate challenges. So we continued this journey. We went from ‘I like you to I love you to seeing once every other weekend’ because he lived out of town. After a few months, he finished school but still could not work. He is not business-oriented so that was not an option either. Well, as long as I could see the potential in him, I was satisfied being with this bobo and also being there for him while he sorts himself out and try to find his feet in this great West. How long more this would take, I did not know but neither did I care.

  Well, until few weekends back, that is. We had not seen for about two months but we kept in touch via all the modern means and kept abreast of happenings in each others’ lives. It was a pleasant surprise and a great joy when we finally had a date again and were able to discuss a few things. I felt like I was being examined for faults and defects where there were none. Eventually, I decided to take the plunge and re-assure this bobo that I am still with him, for him, and behind him in all the ways necessary to make him comfortable and know that regardless of the economic challenges, he is still the man. The date started well, with all the romantic overtures, but by the time the night was over, I was completely drained. I felt like I had been with a toddler who needed his mom’s pat on the back every other minute.

  Just when I thought I was recovering from the draining experience, I got a phone call at 10 p.m. the next day. The conversation went something like:

 “I had been meaning to ask you, but kept forgetting. What’s your genotype, honey?”

 “My genotype? What is that?” I ask.

 “You don’t know what genotype is? I mean your blood group. What blood group are you?”

 “I am not sure. Do you mean my blood type, whether it is A, B, D, or …?”

 “No. I mean your blood group, as in AA, AS, or SS.”

 “Oh, I see. Oh, I don’t really remember but I think it was AA. My mother told me this few years ago. Why do you ask? Why, what’s wrong?”

 “Are you sure? It is important you know what it is because mine is AS and my mother has warned me not to marry anyone who is AS or SS. So if your blood group is not superior to mine, then we have to end this relationship now.”

 “Ok. I think I should double-check that. Let me ask my mother and get back to you, ok?”

 “Ok, honey. Thanks.”

 Is he for real? What was he thinking when we decided to start dating me? Why didn’t he think to check that out before making a commitment to date me? So I get to play mom and now I get to play God too? This bobo must be joking. So I give myself a few days to check with mom and when I was convinced my mom had spoken, I called back to tell Mr. AS that as a matter of fact, my blood group is AA but that he may also want to know that there are some strains in it. Yes, some legit strains because by then, I was really strained, even more now than on our last date when I had to spoon-feed him. I made a mental note to start detox and be prepared for a likely breakup.

 I thought I could handle being mom to this bobo and standing by him while he navigates the great, big West and try to find his feet before we take the plunge into permanent life together but after the conversation about genotype and blood type, I started wondering what else I would have to support him with. He needs my shoulders. He needs my solidarity. He needs my dough. Now he needs my blood too?” 

I have only been with the shrink for half an hour. I told her I was done. She said I don’t get a refund for the remaining time that has not been used so I suggested we celebrate my patronage of her service. I ordered blackforest cake and latte. I just drowned myself in these while she reeled out her suggestions on how to deal with this issue. I think I am going to keep her. She was glad to share in the cake and latte too. We seem to agree on those as prospects for possible, future comfort food. She has promised to educate me on how to deal with difficult people on my next visit. She is definitely a keeper.

 The author can be reached at jumokegiwa@igilandi.org

Robot  Villager

# 1 I’m back in rehab. For pertinent reasons. T...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 22.03.2007 16:51

emj  Villager

# 2 Jummy, omo otin,:biggrin: :biggrin: no be only strain bin dey ya blood, na stacko:eek: The TOMASHAKO no even thank God say you bin dey patient self:rolleyes: Genotype ko, stereotype ni. Ewu AS. You shld have told him that though u are AA, the other values in your blood will paralyse him. i beg pass me the Black forest Gateau ojieeeeeeee:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: Nice goings jummy. Posted by emj| 22.03.2007 20:30

DoubleWahala  Villager

# 3 If only people can understand the trauma undergone by families with children bearing the SS genotype (not to talk of the 'sicklers' themselves), perhaps no one would take it lightly. How was the guy to know at the beginning that the relationship would take a serious turn? Indeed, it was when he realised that he was absolutely in a serious relationship that he felt he would ask. I've lost two siblings, as a result of this genetic disorder, and I know first hand, the trauma and grief that my family and I went through. I myself am an AS. This means that it would be fool-hardy for me to try to have kids with a woman of similar genotype. As a matter of fact, I've had the multiple misfortune of having to abandon very promising relationships, because of this. It also partly informs why I'm still single today, because all the women I've ever loved, coincidentally all had the AS genotype! So, it is not a matter to be taken lightly or selfishly. Perhaps, one can argue that he should have told her at the beginning. But for some, that is akin to putting the cart before the horse. There should be a minimum period of getting to know each other, before broaching the subject. Personally though, my style these days is to just let it hang-out there during our initial conversation (without asking directly). She should be able to take the cue and either continue with me, or make a vanishing act. Because, if she chooses to stay, when the going gets serious, I'll definitely ask! You can bet your last dollar on that! DW Posted by DoubleWahala| 22.03.2007 23:41

Amy  Villager

# 4 =DoubleWahala;163131> I've lost two siblings, as a result of this genetic disorder, and I know first hand, the trauma and grief that my family and I went through. I myself am an AS. This means that it would be fool-hardy for me to try to have kids with a woman of similar genotype. As a matter of fact, I've had the multiple misfortune of having to abandon very promising relationships, because of this. It also partly informs why I'm still single today, because all the women I've ever loved, coincidentally all had the AS genotype! DW Hi DW, So sorry to learn of your loss. I completely empathize having lost at least 3 close friends to the disease. We can argue about the timing of the question, but it is most definitely a pertinent one that must be asked in any relationship involving a carrier of the dreaded disease. I’d say the sooner the better to avoid breaking hearts unnecessarily. Later o. Posted by Amy| 22.03.2007 23:54

tatafo  Villager

# 5 =DoubleWahala;163131>If only people can understand the trauma undergone by families with children bearing the SS genotype (not to talk of the 'sicklers' themselves), perhaps no one would take it lightly. How was the guy to know at the beginning that the relationship would take a serious turn? Indeed, it was when he realised that he was absolutely in a serious relationship that he felt he would ask. I've lost two siblings, as a result of this genetic disorder, and I know first hand, the trauma and grief that my family and I went through. I myself am an AS. This means that it would be fool-hardy for me to try to have kids with a woman of similar genotype. As a matter of fact, I've had the multiple misfortune of having to abandon very promising relationships, because of this. It also partly informs why I'm still single today, because all the women I've ever loved, coincidentally all had the AS genotype! So, it is not a matter to be taken lightly or selfishly. Perhaps, one can argue that he should have told her at the beginning. But for some, that is akin to putting the cart before the horse. There should be a minimum period of getting to know each other, before broaching the subject. Personally though, my style these days is to just let it hang-out there during our initial conversation (without asking directly). She should be able to take the cue and either continue with me, or make a vanishing act. Because, if she chooses to stay, when the going gets serious, I'll definitely ask! You can bet your last dollar on that! DW Sorry to hear about this loss DW, and the Sickle cell genotype is a serious thing, but the thing is that with for those who live in the west genotypes are really no longer a huge issue as it is back home for us because medical advancement has made it possible even for AS carriers to reduce or eliminate the risk of having sickler as children. The process can be complicated. However you must have excellent medical insurance to be able to do this and the wahala involved might not be worth it. Just thought to throw this info out there and could provide more information on how this is done so that you stop ending your relationships because of genetoypes if you think you want to take a risk with the lady of your life when or if you meet her. I don;t mean to make light of the situation itself but I've come to see life itself is a risk and there are no guarantees in life at all! Posted by tatafo| 23.03.2007 01:12

DoubleWahala  Villager

# 6 =tatafo;163140>Sorry to hear about this loss DW, and the Sickle cell genotype is a serious thing, but the thing is that with for those who live in the west genotypes are really no longer a huge issue as it is back home for us because medical advancement has made it possible even for AS carriers to reduce or eliminate the risk of having sickler as children. The process can be complicated. However you must have excellent medical insurance to be able to do this and the wahala involved might not be worth it. Just thought to throw this info out there and could provide more information on how this is done so that you stop ending your relationships because of genetoypes if you think you want to take a risk with the lady of your life when or if you meet her. I don;t mean to make light of the situation itself but I've come to see life itself is a risk and there are no guarantees in life at all! Thanks Amy &Tatafo. Tatafo, Believe me, I'm aware of all these things. Not that it amounts to anything, but there are a few medical doctors in my family, who've laid-out the whole scenario before me a while back. The thing is that the couple has to be prepared to terminate the foetus, if it is determined to have the SS genotype. That's what it really boils down to, not so? Now, can you imagine the sheer emotional torture of a woman becoming pregnant (which ordinarily should be a thing of joy), but she has to go through a barrage of tests to determine if she's gonna keep the baby or not? It's like holding one's breath for an extended period of time. Besides, as you pointed out, it can be quite expensive. I'm not totally forclosing that angle, but it will only be as a last option. I'm sorry, if it seemed like I came out kicking and screaming, but this is an issue that is very dear to me. And so I tend to get quite emotional sometimes over it. Pardon the outburst, please. Thanks once again. DW Posted by DoubleWahala| 23.03.2007 03:39

DoubleWahala  Villager

# 7 =tatafo;163140>Sorry to hear about this loss DW, and the Sickle cell genotype is a serious thing, but the thing is that with for those who live in the west genotypes are really no longer a huge issue as it is back home for us because medical advancement has made it possible even for AS carriers to reduce or eliminate the risk of having sickler as children. The process can be complicated. However you must have excellent medical insurance to be able to do this and the wahala involved might not be worth it. Just thought to throw this info out there and could provide more information on how this is done so that you stop ending your relationships because of genetoypes if you think you want to take a risk with the lady of your life when or if you meet her. I don;t mean to make light of the situation itself but I've come to see life itself is a risk and there are no guarantees in life at all! Thanks Amy &Tatafo. Tatafo, Believe me, I'm aware of all these things. Not that it amounts to anything, but there are a few medical doctors in my family, who've laid-out the whole scenario before me a while back. The thing is that the couple has to be prepared to terminate the foetus, if it is determined to have the SS genotype. That's what it really boils down to, not so? Now, can you imagine the sheer emotional torture of a woman becoming pregnant (which ordinarily should be a thing of joy), but she has to go through a barrage of tests to determine if she's gonna keep the baby or not? It's like holding one's breath for an extended period of time. Besides, as you pointed out, it can be quite expensive. I'm not totally forclosing that angle, but it will only be as a last option. I'm sorry, if it seemed like I came out kicking and screaming, but this is an issue that is very dear to me. And so I tend to get quite emotional sometimes over it. Pardon the outburst, please. Thanks once again. DW Posted by DoubleWahala| 23.03.2007 04:20

blondie  Villager

# 8 I do not understand why this author is complaining that her guy brought up the issue of genotype. Instead she should commend the guy for his bravery and sincerity. Maybe she was getting tired of the so-called financial support she was giving him. I mean in this modern time should someone throw a tantrum when questioned about sickle cell genotype by one she intends to settle down with? Goodness! Sickle cell disease is traumatizing. You need to see a patient in painful crisis to understand why you must avoid having a child with it. I am an AS carrier and I asked and luckily my sweetheart did not plunge a knife into my neck for asking. For real, genotype is the first question anyone should ask his partner in any serious relationship. This author should realise that the chap takes their relationship seriously and that is why he asked.. If he was not serious about their relationship he would not ask; afterall nothing would come out of it. That guy deserves more respect. Posted by blondie| 23.03.2007 06:22

emj  Villager

# 9 =DoubleWahala;163131>If only people can understand the trauma undergone by families with children bearing the SS genotype (not to talk of the 'sicklers' themselves), perhaps no one would take it lightly. How was the guy to know at the beginning that the relationship would take a serious turn? Indeed, it was when he realised that he was absolutely in a serious relationship that he felt he would ask. I've lost two siblings, as a result of this genetic disorder, and I know first hand, the trauma and grief that my family and I went through. I myself am an AS. This means that it would be fool-hardy for me to try to have kids with a woman of similar genotype. As a matter of fact, I've had the multiple misfortune of having to abandon very promising relationships, because of this. It also partly informs why I'm still single today, because all the women I've ever loved, coincidentally all had the AS genotype! So, it is not a matter to be taken lightly or selfishly. Perhaps, one can argue that he should have told her at the beginning. But for some, that is akin to putting the cart before the horse. There should be a minimum period of getting to know each other, before broaching the subject. Personally though, my style these days is to just let it hang-out there during our initial conversation (without asking directly). She should be able to take the cue and either continue with me, or make a vanishing act. Because, if she chooses to stay, when the going gets serious, I'll definitely ask! You can bet your last dollar on that! DW Dubya, sorry to learn about your loss. I also have a brother with the SS Genotype and he coping fine. It's the timing that was wrong. The bobo shld have told her from the get-go, not now i begy. I've also had friends that when the relationship got to the real shintz told the lady, this was after 2years of courtship,that she must take the test to confirm.(this was of course an excuse to whither down the number of his runs) She did the genotype test and found out that she is AA and of course chose not to tell him, she juess ended it.:eek: Posted by emj| 23.03.2007 07:31

dele26  Villager

# 10 "All these factors did not deter me as my maternal instincts kept telling me that I should pay more attention to his potentials than the immediate challenges" Jummy, my prayer be say make the potentials wey you dey see 24/7 in him no mislead you oooh. i beg be on your guard oooo, this guy might tell you he has HIV to scare you away 2moro ......... making his mind known about ending the relationship if you were AS or SS means at a slight eemmmm .....fault e go vamoose like this Equitorial Trust Bank (ETB) chairman after EFCC came down on him ......... I no mention name ooooo, abi? Dele Oluwole, UK Posted by dele26| 23.03.2007 08:53

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