Thanks to so many well-wishers who have pointed out to me that I need to work on my people skills, I have started making new friends. And it needs mentioning that I am looking outside the box. And why not? Let me digress a little. Am I the only one who is becoming weary of the Oyinbo’s? They tell us in developing countries that we can’t change the times and admonish us to maximize it yet over here in the West, they fall back and spring forward every year like time is going out of fashion. Am I the only one getting mixed messages here? Make up your minds, guys! One of my life assignments is captured in the mantra: “demystify every objectified.”And when I first made that mantra up and started dissecting its meaning, it seemed like a tough task but I have since learnt to enjoy it as it became easier day-by-day to actually do the tasks involved in accomplishing that goal. It has been a daunting task but I love challenges and what is life without one anyway? So bring it on!

I have to digress again. Have you heard about the CN tower, which graces the Toronto skyline and continues to be a Canadian national icon? It turned 30 two years ago. Isn’t that the golden age when women are either married or they become marred clay? Whoever came up with that theory could be feminine-deficient, probably didn’t know the specie he or she was up against. We are talking about the descendants of Eve, probably the first woman to signal the need for women liberation when she asserted: “the serpent deceived me, and I ate.” She at least told the story in a clear, concise, and straightforward manner. I can not say the same for Adam. When he was confronted with what he had done, his response was: “the woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” Na wa oh! He simply threw caution to the wind. Did he have to eat the fruit? Couldn’t he have simply declined it? And what happened to “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh?” Why couldn’t he just take responsibility for his own action? Stay with me please! “Sometimes when all is said and done, there is more said than done.” I’m glad I did something today. Did I say anything? Please don’t quote me.

As I was saying before I got derailed by all those digressions, I started making new friends. This time around, I was fortunate to meet someone who is a blast from the past. Well, sort of a blast from the past. Salah is a muslim and a single mother of three from Kenya. She is fluent in Swahili and also speaks impeccable English. I call her a blast from the past because she is a muslim. I was born and raised a muslim, until the docile part of me admitted defeat to the rebellious one and decided to tow the opposite line. Don’t get me wrong. I am not against muslims; my parents and siblings are still practicing Islam till today and I love and respect them dearly. I also know people who are muslims and they enrich my life (and vise versa) in immeasurable ways. There goes my disclaimer! My newly formed friendship with Salah grew faster than I thought possible, considering our diverse worldviews. I often do the visiting since she is more introverted than I am. Actually now that I have met someone like her, I don’t think the label introvert fits me anymore. Or may be I am just halfway on the continuum between introvert and extrovert. Well, Salah is a sweet friend and an amazing confidant. We discover ‘boys’ together, and talk about our finances, and plan for schoolwork, and make projections about our careers, and make plans about playtime for our children. We dabble into politics and get a one-hour (sometime two) fix of afternoon North American melodrama in the CBS sitcom As the World Turns. We both subscribe to a minimum of two hours of “mindless TV” a week, and ring each other up as we watch breaking news on CNN or MSNBC. In our books, Judge Judy always makes the grade and gives Oprah Winfrey a run for her money. We are still treading carefully about Ellen DeGeneres though we do admit that she is doing great at her work. And yes, we are learning a few things from Rachel Ray. We both go to the gym and share a uniform love of the treadmill and the tracks. I am still trying to get her into the pool, seeing as it were that she is reluctant to go scarf-less and insists on a bodysuit as swimwear. Common, Salah! I found that we have so much in common and this probably explains why our friendship grew so quickly.

One major point of departure in our friendship is what informs the title of this article though. I subscribe to one-man one-woman. She subscribes to one-man multiple-women. During our conversations over the course of our friendships, she has told me of various prospective dates, who often propose marriage within the space of two months of meeting her. These men’s family portfolios scare the living daylight out of me. One has two wives and five children; another is a widower with nine children; one is childless but has three wives; and the most recent one has three wives and seven children. Salah does not even consider the widower a real prospect but is well disposed to the other three men. When we have conversations about relationships however, I tell her that I could not possibly imagine myself being one of two or more wives to a man. I understand her values marriage-wise and she understands mine. It just strikes me as interesting though to see how two women with two different worldviews can share so much in common, depart on one or more specific issues, yet still love each other no less. Salah’s understanding of the issue deserves mention. “Allah approves of four wives. Mohammed encourages it. And those who follow Allah and Mohammed can choose whether they want to practice polygamy or not. I am happy sharing my man with other women as long as he is married to them according to Islamic rights,” she says. My response? “I am not that generous.” Now I am seriously considering embracing my childhood docility. Let’s flip a coin. Head or tail?

Robot  Villager

# 1 Isn’t that the golden age when women are either married or they become marred clay? Whoever ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 25.08.2008 16:31

Dewdrops  Villager

# 2 =Robot;4295088383>Isn’t that the golden age when women are either married or they become marred clay? Whoever ...Read the full article. It just strikes me as interesting though to see how two women with two different worldviews can share so much in common, depart on one or more specific issues, yet still love each other no less. Salah’s understanding of the issue deserves mention. “Allah approves of four wives. Mohammed encourages it. And those who follow Allah and Mohammed can choose whether they want to practice polygamy or not. I am happy sharing my man with other women as long as he is married to them according to Islamic rights,” she says. My response? “I am not that generous.” Now I am seriously considering embracing my childhood docility. Let’s flip a coin. Head or tail? Well, to each his or her own. I am not so generous either. If generosity applies in any given situation. . . . it should be accorded to both parties. Don't really give a damn what any freaking religion stipulates. Any religion that propagates any form of gender inequality is trash in my opinion. We would not even go into "culture" and what the so-called "African traditionalists" proclaim as the tenets of their beliefs. I love and respect myself too much to be used as a lavatory for more than one dude(at the same time). If any man or woman decides to go that route. . . . that is his or her personal problem. As long as they are all happy and do not involve me in that "matter", I am fine with it. Nothing wrong with one at a time and as many as possible. But more than one at the same time? That is animalistic. It sounds like you have problems with your friend's lifestyle? I don't think you should since she does not have any problem with yours. Or are you jealous? Not everyone is interested in a polygamous lifestyle ok? Considering the most intimate details a man and woman share between each other, there is just something disgusting about doing all those things with more than one person at the same time. I wonder how men would feel if the reverse was the case. Not a religious issue for me per Se but an "common sensical one". For example if a wife invited like 4 or 5 men to have sex with her at the same time "with all the pieces" of all the men deposited in her "you know what" all day long. . . . I bet my last dime he would be turned off by such a disgusting situation. In fact, that woman will be branded a prostitute by all around and beyond. Then why should a man be sticking his "browser" in like 4-5 different "congos" at the same time. That just makes me sick to my stomach! Glad you could keep your friendship despite the "difference/s". You mind your own polygamous hut and let her mind her own monogamous hut. When you attend the same parties let her take her own husband and let your own husband bring you too with the rest of your "co-wives" with your colorful "aso-ebis". When it is time to dance "blues" on the dance floor. . . . . I hope you wait your turn as the "prized peacock" of a dude with 4 wives takes turns around all o y'all, while you clap "for his is a jolly good fellow" around his head. We will not even discuss your bedroom rights. Just enjoy the "ngwo gwo" soup! When AIDS comes knocking. . . . just take your retro-virals and keep the thing amongst all 5 of you. . . .in your Mormon or Pudah compound! Shikena! Posted by Dewdrops| 26.08.2008 04:08

jumi  Villager

# 3 This story redefines generosity, both on the path of the man and the women in his life. Naija, my Naija. I love my country, I no go lie! Chei! What were they thinking? Nigerian advises against 86 wives Mr Bello Abubakar says he does not go and find women, they come to him Nigerian Mohammed Bello Abubakar, 84, has advised other men not to follow his example and marry 86 women. The former teacher and Muslim preacher, who lives in Niger State with his wives and at least 170 children, says he is able to cope only with the help of God. "A man with 10 wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them," he told the BBC. He says his wives have sought him out because of his reputation as a healer. "I don't go looking for them, they come to me. I will consider the fact that God has asked me to do it and I will just marry them." But such claims have alienated the Islamic authorities in Nigeria, who have branded his family a cult. Most Muslim scholars agree that a man is allowed to have four wives, as long as he can treat them equally. But Mr Bello Abubakar says there is no punishment stated in the Koran for having more than four wives. "To my understanding the Koran does not place a limit and it is up to what your own power, your own endowment and ability allows," he says. "God did not say what the punishment should be for a man who has more than four wives, but he was specific about the punishment for fornication and adultery." 'Order from God' As Mr Bello Abubakar emerged from his compound to speak to the BBC, his wives and children broke out into a praise song. Some of Mr Bello Abubakar's wives are younger than some of his children Most of his wives are less than a quarter of his age - and many are younger than some of his own children. The wives the BBC spoke to say they met Mr Bello Abubakar when they went to him to seek help for various illnesses, which they say he cured. "As soon as I met him the headache was gone," says Sharifat Bello Abubakar, who was 25 at the time and Mr Bello Abubakar 74. "God told me it was time to be his wife. Praise be to God I am his wife now." Ganiat Mohammed Bello has been married to the man everyone calls "Baba" for 20 years. When she was in secondary school her mother took her for a consultation with Mr Bello Abubakar and he proposed afterwards. "I said I couldn't marry an older man, but he said it was directly an order from God," she says. She married another man but they divorced and she returned to Mr Bello Abubakar. "I am now the happiest woman on earth. When you marry a man with 86 wives you know he knows how to look after them," she said. No work Mr Bello Abubakar and his wives do not work and he has no visible means of supporting such a large family. He refuses to say how he makes enough money to pay for the huge cost of feeding and clothing so many people. Every mealtime they cook three 12kg bags of rice which all adds up to $915 (£457) every day. "It's all from God," he says. Other residents of Bida, the village where he lives in the northern Nigerian state, say they do not know how he supports the family. According to one of his wives, Mr Bello Abubakar sometimes asks his children to go and beg for 200 naira ($1.69, £0.87), which if they all did so would bring in about $290 (£149). Most of his wives live in a squalid, unfinished house in Bida; others live in his house in Lagos, Nigeria's commercial capital. He refuses to allow any of his family or other devotees to take medicine and says he does not believe that malaria exists. "As you sit here if you have any illness I can see it and just remove it," he says. But not everyone can be cured and one of his wives, Hafsat Bello Mohammed, says two of her children have died. "They were sick and we told God and God said their time has come." She says that most of the wives see Mr Bello Abubakar as next in line from the Prophet Muhammad. Indeed, he claims the Prophet Muhammad speaks to him personally and gives detailed descriptions of his experiences. It is a serious claim for a Muslim to make. "This is heresy, he is a heretic," says Ustaz Abubakar Siddique, an imam of Abuja's Central Mosque. Credit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7547148.stm _________________________ _________________________ And now they issue a fatwa on Mr. 86 Wives? But why? Am I reading this right? Osanobua! Ok, I need some shut eye. Fatwa: Bida LG Beefs-up Security 08.26.2008 Chairman, Bida Local Government, Niger State, Alhaji Mohammad Sharu, yesterday said the Council had beefed-up security in the area, following the death sentence passed by the Jamatul Nasril Islam (JNI) on Mohammadu Bello-Masaba, the man with 86 wives. Sharu told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Bida, that the Council had taken precautionary measures to forestall any harm on Bello-Masaba, as a result of the sentence. He said the Council had met with security operatives in the area, to beef up security around the man's compound and the entire town. He said though the council had not received any communication from JNI in respect of the death sentence, except for media reports, "we will not take any chance on the matter." Sharu said the Council would continue to play its constitutional role of protecting lives and properties of the citizenry at all times, adding that "as council, the problem we have with him is over polio immunisation, as the man and his followers do not take traditional or modern medicine for any illness, but have their own ways of dealing with it. "Apart from that, we have no problem with the man at all, he is just like other Islamic teachers or leaders in the area until he gspoke with the media on his wives and children." Bello-Masaba had drawn the ire of JNI over the number of his wives. It immediately issued a fatwa (decree) that he should repent within three days or face a death sentence for his acts against the teaching of the religion. The embattled man had contended that no part of the Holy Qu'ran forbade anybody from marrying more than four wives. Credit: http://www.thisdayonline.com/nview.php?id=120697 Posted by jumi| 26.08.2008 05:59

Dewdrops  Villager

# 4 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Posted by Dewdrops| 26.08.2008 07:08