“Faith is simply acting on God’s word or trusting in God. God’s word, the bible has information on death and how to react when death occurs. God’s revealed wisdom is the bible. It’s important to adhere to God’s standards.”

Seye: There’s no chapter and verse on grief is there?

“There are, one has to study.”

Seye: That means I’ll check my concordance when I get home.

Bimbo: Why is there so much death in my family?

“What do you mean?” I queried.

Seye: Our biological parents died when we were young. Our mother’s elder sister raised us. She’s the one that died six months ago.

“I see.” I replied. “How did your parents die?”

Bimbo: In a car accident.

“Perhaps you’re double grieving.” I suggested. “In your emotions, you may be feeling a double loss. You’re not just grieving your mum who just passed on but relieving the anguish of the loss of your biological parents.”

Seye: You know, I didn’t think of that. That’s probably part of it. It’s like déjà vu.

Bimbo: But we’ve gotten over the grief of our biological parents.

“Yes you did.” I agreed with her. “I was just wondering if the death of your adoptive mum opened up the old scar.”

Anu: That explains why I was so torn apart when my second husband died. And it wasn’t even as if I loved him so much. I began to wonder if I had death written all over me or something. I refused to get married after that. Who needs widowhood? One is just a sad old lonely lady. Anyway, enough of the sadness, let’s have fun. That’s why I brought you here, for some comfort food and fun.

Seye: Thanks Anu. Your therapy is working.

Bimbo: I’m interested in knowing more. May I call you later to discuss it further? Do you hold counseling sessions?

I hesitated before I responded. “I’m not really a phone person, so calling me might be frustrating. As to holding counseling sessions, I do, but I’m booked up till the end of the year. I have some pastor friends who are available, may I give you a referral?”

Bimbo: I don’t like pastors. They don’t get along with me.

Seye: Just because two pastors messed up doesn’t mean they are all bad.

Bimbo: True, but I always get the bad ones. She looked at me and explained, “My first husband was a pastor and he was a bad one. My ex-fiancé was a pastor and he was also bad.”

“What if I give you a female pastor referral? I asked, “Would that help?”

Bimbo: Okay, I’ll try a woman. But anything in pants is a no, no.

Anu: It’s been what, 14, 15, 16 years? And you’re still emotionally stuck over your first marriage. When are you going to move on?

Bimbo: When my daughter is married to a godly man.

I looked into Bimbo’s eyes and asked slowly; “Did you get justice for the violation? In my experience resentment abides usually when no justice is received.”

Bimbo: Like I said, I need counseling.

“I know a group program you would most likely benefit from.” I said softly. “I went through a similar one when I was going through my divorce. Would you like to take advantage of it?” I wrote down the information she needed and handed it to her.

Bimbo: I hope it doesn’t cost much.

“It’s a giveaway price.” I assured her.

Anu: Do they have one on grief?

“Actually they do.” I responded as I wrote down the number for Bimbo to call. “However, I didn’t participate in that. If you call them, you should receive more details.”

Bimbo: I think there’s more I need to deal with than grief or abuse. I need guidance, proper direction.

“The bible is the best guide.”

Seye: I agree. It just hurts when bad things happen to good people.

Anu: Shay needs to participate too, 30 years old and still a virgin. Have you heard anything so pathetic?

Seye: I will marry when I am ready to marry. I am a life member of Virgin Pride and my membership does not lapse until I marry.

Bimbo: Virgin Pride is the club he joined in high school. They were made up of Christian boys who vowed never to have sex outside of marriage. All the girls used to look up to them. I was sure I was going to marry one until… anyway, let’s not discuss that now.” She took a sip of her drink, then smiled. “I still remember their chant “I’m a virgin for Jesus, I have virgin pride. Call me sissy or suegbe (fool, idiot), Jesus calls me a man.”

Seye: That’s what I’m talking about.

I high-fived Seye. “Very good.” I stated. “I made a similar vow when I was growing up. I vowed not to sleep with anyone I was not legally married to. I have kept that all my life and I am the better for it. I guess I should also say that I have virgin pride and am confident in my sexual and reproductive health.”

Anu and Bimbo looked at each other and grinned.

Bimbo: Sorry for teasing, I couldn’t resist. But it’s nice really. I joined Purity for a year before I was abused. Purity is the female version of Virgin Pride. TC was a member of Purity. That’s actually where we met and became friends.

Seye: Bimbo, we’ve heard enough about TC. Can we talk about more important things?

Bimbo: And I’m the only one stuck!

Anu: Hmm… sounds like some history there. I’ve heard you talk about TC but I’ve never met her. What’s up?

Bimbo: She broke Seye’s heart.

Seye: Abimbola please! Case closed.

Sensing the developing tension, I changed the topic, “If you’re double grieving, it would help to spend a lot of time interceding in the Spirit. Whenever I pray in the spirit, I get edified and the burden is removed.” Inwardly, I remembered TC mentioning Shay once. That was the name Anu had called Seye. That meant Seye was TC’s Shay.

Bimbo: I need to get re-filled. I’ve not prayed in tongues for long time.

Seye: When you won’t stop running away from God.

Bimbo: I’m not running away, I’m just not running to.

Seye: That itself is a problem. You are to make God, Lord over every area of your life.

Anu: Don’t be so religious. God knows everything and He loves us all.

Seye: He loves us so we can run to Him not run from Him

Anu: I think too many people make loving God hard. God loves us all no matter what. Just ask for forgiveness when you sin and all is forgiven.

“There’s more to it than that.” I replied. “However, I’ll let you study the bible yourself.”

Anu: I read the bible whenever I can. All of us can talk to God, no body is above sin, we’re all sinners.

Seye: No we’re not all sinners. I am a saint. You don’t have to live as a slave to sin, you can live as a slave to righteousness

Bimbo: I’m moving on from this. Derbrah please tell me more about grieving the godly way.

“I wouldn’t call myself a grief specialist,” I started “but I was taught that grieving beyond thirty days was asking for trouble and I found that to be true. I remember reading seven days in one of the Old Testament books. So I created a rule for myself as a guide based on my study of the word. If I’m sure the dead person is saved, then I believe the person is with the Lord as His word states. In that case, I recommend grieving for about seven days. If the person is unsaved, or if one is not sure, then maybe one can stretch it to 29 days at the most.”

Seye: Seven to 29 days. I’m never heard that before. This is interesting!

Anu: So if one grieves longer than that what happens?

“In my own opinion, if one grieves too long, one would make oneself sick, or could make oneself sick.”

Bimbo: How so?

“Satan uses prolonged grief to afflict one’s mental and in some cases, physical health.” I replied. “For example in my own experience, my elder brother died when I was young. It was a traumatic experience for me. I grieved for about two months or so then I got over it when my brother’s girlfriend came to visit me. Unfortunately however, within the following four months, my younger sister died. That was the second traumatic experience within six months. It triggered the previous grief and I began to fall physically ill. After that, I became a stranger to myself. I moved from emotional depression to physical illness. If I had been taught the godly principles of grief as I know now, I would have dealt with grief the godly way.”

Anu: That’s really unfortunate. I’m sorry to hear that.

“Thanks. I am over it now though.”

Anu: I have lost two husbands. I know what grief is. But they died many years apart, having two deaths within a year is crushing.

“It was.” I agreed. “I partly blame the churches we attended. We were taught lies and deception as God’s will. There was a lot of bad doctrine, bad religion or should I say spiritualism, and laziness. I don’t believe my siblings would have died in the first place, if I had been taught the truth of God’s word, not just on grief but on the authority I had in Christ, the way to please God and the godly way to live.”

Seye: What still hurts me regarding mummy’s death is that I know I could have stopped it. There’s something about the way she died that’s not right.

Bimbo: I know. I sense that she was murdered. There’s juju (witchcraft, occultism) involved. That responsible person will not enjoy the rest of their life for the evil they’ve done in Jesus name!

Seye: You don’t know for sure, you can’t keep on cursing.

Bimbo: I may not be sure mentally because I did not catch the person in the act but I am sure of my perceptions. That person will confess in my lifetime and I shall mock him or her.

Anu: Will that bring your mother back?

Bimbo: No, but the whole world will see the wicked for who they are.

Anu: So what? That still won’t bring your mother back.

“It’s alright to be angry.” I interrupted. “I see anger as a resource if used wisely. However, let that anger inspire you to bless rather than curse. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s possible.”

Bimbo: I like your article The Daddy Mommy: when God prefers a woman TC shared it with me. You made an interesting statement about anger.

“Thanks. I wrote most of that on Father’s day. I celebrate Father’s day as much as I celebrate mother’s day. I sincerely believe that there is a spiritual, soulish and physical side to anger.”

Bimbo: True. What I really liked was your statement that if Jesus Christ could be angry and please God, then so can you. It’s evil to die unexpectedly isn’t it?

“It depends.”

Bimbo: It’s evil to rob a young girl of her innocence isn’t it?

“Yes it is.”

“It’s evil to let pedophiles lead churches isn’t it?”

“Yes it is.”

Anu: I only wish he had been put in jail.

Smiling faintly,  Seye responded, “ Nigeria is not like the US. Many things are not said or done.”

Continued in part 3

Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright.

Jades?la’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajik?-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).

Robot  # 1 | 05.11.2009 05:29

...Read the full article.