18 Jun 2007 |
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Mama Jade and I were enjoying amala and ewedu soup while trying to decide which poem was the best for the Father’s Day Poetry Contest she had organized, when a little girl came to our table. She paused for a second then climbed up to me. Mama Jade smiled and asked “Do you know her?” I shook my head. Mama Jade replied “Maybe she wants to join the contest.” We both laughed.
I picked the little darling up and gazing into her big brown eyes, I asked for her name. She just smiled and looked into my face. I was lost in her innocent eyes till I felt a nudge from Mama Jade and following her finger, I turned to see the gentleman by my side. He said; “Please excuse my daughter. She likes to discover. ”
We received his apology and assured him that we were not bothered. We exchanged introductions and he left with Ifẹ (his daughter) for his table.
“I think this one should win the grand prize.” I stated. This was a short write-up written by a nine years old girl; “I want to wish my dad a great father’s day because he is the best dad in the world. I am thankful that he cleans me every day, he helps me to iron my clothes, he gives me food to eat, he buys me toys to play with, he lets my friends come over to play, he takes me to school, he takes me to church and he tells me he loves me everyday. I hope you give my dad the best dad prize.”
Mama Jade responded, “Yes it’s nice but I prefer this poem written by a 10-year old boy.” - My dad is strong, my dad is kind, my dad is the man and I am his son, my dad is tall, my dad is rich, my dad mows the lawn and my dad loves me.
“We need a tie breaker then.” I suggested. Mama Jade agreed, “Someone neutral.”
Well, Ifẹ had gotten away from her dad again and she came to us. As I opened my arms to welcome her, I teased, “We’ll let her decide.” Goke (her father), was following closely and as he prepared to take her from me, Mama Jade invited him to participate in the prize determination. He consented. He read the two entries and chose one for the prize. Mama Jade invited him to sit with us and he was delighted. Ifẹ sat on my lap as Goke left for his stuff. On return, Mama Jade offered him amala and ewedu soup on the house. He consented. I also got his approval to feed Ifẹ and acquired a sippy cup.
The three of us began to gist. We found out that Goke was a single parent. He told us the history of Ifẹ’s adoption. We were touched by his generosity and fatherliness. He shared some of the challenges he faced and still faces. He also shared some of his victories. He mentioned his disappointment with Christians who ignored adoption. I was shocked to learn that some of his Christian friends had felt he was out of line for adopting a child as a single parent. Some even called him proud and arrogant.
Mama Jade encouraged him sharing how she had lost her mother at the tender age of three. She shared how her dad and brothers had raised her. Mama jade affirmed his decision. She expressed her own joy at becoming the mother to her nieces. Goke listened with rapt attention. He shared how overwhelmed he felt at times. One of the good things that had happened from his new role was his appreciation of his parents. Becoming a father had changed his whole perspective of life. It also helped him to get over the grief of the loss of his fiancée. He was now open to the idea of marriage. Fathering Ifẹ was the best thing that happened to him since he gave his life to Christ.
Goke: The first time she called me dada was wonderful. I felt like I was on top of the world.
We all turned to celebrate Ifẹ and she repeated dada ,dada as if to confirm her father’s statement. It was such a blessing to see pure love displayed. It brought back precious moments of my childhood. As I cleaned the ewedu soup that dropped on Ifẹ’s dress, it dawned on me. “You are the fourth Yoruba man I’ve met this month who is raising a child alone. However, you are the first one who’s raising an adopted child. Thank you. You’re making a great difference in Ifẹ’s life. I praise God for men like you.”
Goke beamed and responded, “Thanks. It does feel nice to be appreciated.”
Mama Jade: I know. The media and our society mainly promote stories of irresponsible, wicked fathers that we take for granted good fathers who care for children.
Goke: I know what you mean. There really are bad fathers but thank God for good ones.
He went on to share that his pastor was a motivating factor in his decision to become a single parent. His pastor was a single parent as well and he has an adopted son.
“Do you talk to her in Yoruba?” I asked
Goke. “Yes. I say words like, ‘Wa (come), joko (sit), gba (take), and muwa (bring it).” Mama Jade: Wonderful. I’m trying to organize a Yoruba class. One of these days, we’ll have some godly resources available for children. Many of these so-called Yoruba stuff have an ungodliness undertone. You’ll notice everything in my restaurant is godly.
Goke: It sure is. This is my third night here. I am thankful that there is a place like this. I got tired of going to restaurants where I have to view and listen to non-Christian religion, immorality, hatred, violence, and the like under the guise of Yoruba entertainment. I don’t consider them appropriate for children or even for me. I would like to have educational resources in Yoruba for Ifẹ without the ungodly stuff.
“You could create some yourself.” I suggested. “I had to create the alphabets in Yoruba for my sons. Then I taught them Yoruba songs. I regularly read Yoruba bible to them. It’s a process, but we’re getting there, one day at a time.”
Goke tickled Ifẹ’s cheek and shared more about the history of her birth, the demise of her mother and the lack of involvement and interest of her biological father. Mama Jade expressed her sadness towards fathers that abandoned their children. She believed that was the root of evil, just like the love of money. Goke: I remember this guy in my university back in
Mama Jade was horrified. She gasped; “He had ten babies in six years!”
Goke nodded his head. “He saw nothing wrong with it. After all, he was number five out of a total of 16 children from his polygynous father, why should he do less?
That reminds me of a high school classmate whose dad had several illegitimate children.” I stated. “His dad had the kind of job where he was transferred frequently. This friend told me that his dad had a baby in every state he was transferred to. Of course, I should not even think about the various examples in my extended family.
Mama Jade: I hear these stories but I truly can’t relate to them. I was raised by men. The thought of a man refusing to care for a child is gruesome to me.
Goke: The worst are these charlatans who make babies indiscriminately and elope from one country to another. There is this guy in my workplace who has three children in
“O my goodness!” I exclaimed, shaking my head. “He has not just mental issues but spiritual. What a life.”
Goke: There’s a guy in my church who does not pay child support for his daughter back in
“That reminds me of a brother who would rave about abortion but have sex outside marriage. Such people are carnal Christians. ” I said. There are immature and deceived. Some even try to use God to cover their sin of selfishness. They are really just babies who refuse to grow up. They are very quick to talk about what God wants and slow to do what He wants.”
Mama Jade: God’s original plan is for children to be brought up in a home where there is a husband and a wife but He will equip any single person willing to bring up an adopted child. The reality is we are all adopted. God the Father adopted us into His family through Jesus Christ.
“That’s why I get inspired seeing men take care of children, especially children that are not biologically theirs.” I responded. “They are behaving like God the Father. It’s just beautiful. If not for such godly men, where would this world be? Such men are specially blessed.”
Ifẹ had fallen asleep in my arms and I whispered blessings to her, “You are blessed of the Lord Jesus Christ. You are the head and not the tail, everything you lay your hands upon is blessed. You are blessed in the field and in the city. God’s favor surrounds you from head to toe like a shield, you will fulfill your prophetic destiny, no weapon formed against you shall prosper, you serve the Lord Jesus Christ with all your soul, heart, mind and strength I bless you in Jesus name.”
Goke: That’s good. Could you write it for me?
“Sure.” I replied. After writing it down, I informed Goke, “I have a child blessing write-up. It’s more detailed than what I just prayed.” He mentioned that he’d like to have a copy so I handed him Ifẹ and went to my car to get him a copy. On return I told him how lovely he looked with Ifẹ in his arms and reiterated that he was doing a good parenting job.
Mama Jade: I am ever grateful to my father for taking care of me. If I were to describe him in one word, it would be devoted. He makes looking after children a lovely sight.
Goke: A word that would describe my father is disciplined. I was surprised he was not in the armed forces. He was very structured.
“I like to use two words to describe fathers.” I stated. “They are godly and ungodly. A selfless father is a godly father and a selfish father is an ungodly father. One nourishes children and the other starves children. I have been exposed to both types and my sons too.
Mama Jade: God the Father is our best example. John 3:16 says for God so loved that He gave… fatherhood is giving.
Goke gently stroked Ifẹ and nodded his head. “Indeed fatherhood is about loving. I love my girl. That’s why I give to her.”
“Everlasting Father is one of the names of our Savior (Is 9:6).” I mentioned. “Christ, Who gave His life for us is called Everlasting Father. A good acronym for father could be First Advocate Training Humans in Eternity Resources. What do you think?”
Mama Jade: Hmm, nice. I like the Advocate word. A good father not only provides, but also protects his children and plans for their future. The three ‘P’s I usually say.
Goke: He also comforts and guides his children. He is a teacher and a leader. He is the example they follow. The sciptures say that fathers are the glory of children. – Prov. 17:6.
“So true.” I responded. “So true.” I whispered softly to myself, “Thank you Eternal Father for giving us godly fathers who set good examples. Thank you for the godly fathers I’ve had and still have.”
Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright.
Jadesọla’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).
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