23 Jan 2009 |
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Happy New Year everyone! Sitting at the table at mama Jade’s waiting for Jibafẹ, I remembered the conversation Igbala, Agbara and I had the last time I was there. The memory had returned because I had just gotten off the phone with Igbala who had shared with me, the faithfulness of God in her marriage. Agbara too had sent me her testimony by email. The last time, the following had happened;
Igbala: Sigidi lo ma fẹ jẹ. Wọn ran ṣigidi si ẹ ni. (It is most likely shigidi. Shigidi was sent to you).
Agbara: Ni mo ke lorukọ Jesu, loruko Jesu, gbogbo okun yio wole! (I shouted in Jesus name, in Jesus name, every knee shall bow).
Igbala: Nigba ti mo si wanile, lọjọ
It was the year of our Lord, two thousand and nine; I was having lunch with my two Yoruba friends; Igbala and Agbara. Agbara had just shared about a discomforting spiritual experience she had during the Christmas break. Igbala believed that Agbara was attacked spiritually with an evil spirit called ṣigidi, pronounced Shigidi.
Igbala: Ade what do you think?
“I don’t know” I responded. “I don’t like using terms that I can’t find in the bible. The bible talks about bodiless spirits or demons, and fallen angels with Satan also called Lucifer or Devil as the head. There’s no mention of ṣigidi. I prefer to say that an oppressive or oppressing spirit attacked Agbara.”
Igbala: We’re just using different names. Evil spirit is evil spirit, abi?
Agbara: All I know is at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow. That heaviness I felt on my chest was suffocating!
Igbala: That’s what ṣigidi does, it lands on the chest of its victims and gives them heart attack! You’re blessed that you’re saved, most victims die.
“How do you know all these?”
Igbala: I watch Yoruba films and I studied Yoruba religion. The occult is real!
Agbara: The power of Christ is more real. I know something or someone left when I said “in Jesus name!”
Igbala: Two years ago I watched one film that terrified me. Later in the night I had a nightmare. I just kept on repeating the blood of Jesus, the blood of Jesus. All through the day I was singing I plead the blood, the blood of Jesus!
“When I tell you to limit the amount of Yoruba films you watch, you say I am too holy.”
Igbala: I have reduced it now, it used to be every other day, now it’s just once a week.
Agbara: Once a week? Where do you get the time? Those films are about three hours long!
“Remember she only works part-time. She’s not like us.”
Agbara: Even then that’s too much. Those films are three – ten hours long depending on the series.
Igbala: All you holy fanatics, I beg leave me jọọ. I no try?
Agbara: I don’t have time for films jare. I’m a book person. I like to read.
“We are moving on from this subject. Who wants more didun?”
Igbala: Ade, moni ko s’aṣiri ẹ fun mi. Bawo lose jẹun tode sanra ju bi emi bayi? (I’ve asked you to tell me your secret, how can you eat so much without becoming overweight?)
“My secret is God’s grace.”
Igbala: I know that, I mean how is that grace expressed through your choices?
Agbara: You have to be sweet. Derbrah, what Igbala means is we think you look stunning and we would greatly appreciate it if you could share some of your great look tips with us.
“Well, if you put it that way, it’s …”
Igbala’s phone rang and she answered the phone.
Igbala: That’s my daughter again. I have to look after my grandbaby tonight. You mothers that started late don’t know what you’re enjoying. I should have waited till I was thirty to get pregnant. Getting pregnant at nineteen was a great mistake.
“We wish we had started early. Look at it this way, you’re a good looking grandmother at 42 and you’ve seen your children’s children.”
Igbala: Yes, but they always need me. I can’t really enjoy my life the way I want. If I’m not keeping my daughter’s son, I’m picking up my son’s daughter from school. I can’t plan to go away for a while, everybody’s pulling at me. No wonder I watch films to keep it all together.
Agbara: Look on the bright side, you’re investing in your grandchildren’s lives and you work only part-time. We work fulltime and wish we had more time to spend with our families. Everyone’s distressed in some form.
Igbala: It all sounds nice but I really should be putting my foot down. They’re taking advantage of me. Just because Yoruba mothers love too much does not mean I should let my children get away with it.
“If you were still in
Igbala: Maybe, but so are my children. I don’t have tertiary education, I put my family first, now that I have the opportunity to develop myself, I’m needed by everyone.
Agbara: I know what you mean. That’s one of the reasons I got married late. I wanted to get what I wanted out of life first, and then face family.
“Who says you can’t have both. It depends on planning.”
Igbala: How much planning can one do? Life throws stuff at one all the time.
Agbara: You know what they say, if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade
“I would have expected you to enjoy investing in your grandchildren.”
Igbala: I do, it’s my kids I’m complaining about.
“I know. What I’m trying to say is, let your investment in your grandchildren dominate the shortcomings of your children.”
Igbala: It used to, but it doesn’t any more.
Agbara: You’ve become tired.
Igbala: Yes. I’m a little stressed and taking care of a baby and a toddler doesn’t help.
“I know the feeling. As a single parent, I’ve learnt to run from fatigue or anything that has the appearance of fatigue.”
Agbara: Wasn’t that your new year resolution? She laughed, “Just kidding”
Igbala: It’s more than my kids, it’s also my marriage, actually, it’s my whole life.
“What’s going on?”
Igbala: Remember I called you on Christmas day asking for reasons why Christians can divorce.
“Didn’t I ask you what was going on then Igbala?”
Igbala: Yes you did and yes, I lied, I’m sorry.
Agbara: Lie about what?
“She said she wasn’t having marital problems, she just wanted to know the reasons that God placed in place for marriage and divorce.”
Igbala: I know but since I don’t qualify, I mean, Kay isn’t cheating on me, beating me or verbally abusing me, neither has he become reprobate and he is not practicing idolatry but we’re not really a couple. The union is dead! We are just cohabiting! Shouldn’t there be deep communication, spending quality time together or enjoying each other’s company? We’ve been sleeping in different rooms for four years!
Agbara: And you kept it a secret all these time! What miracle are you expecting now?
“Agbara, slow down, there’s nothing God can’t do if we trust Him. Igbala, what do you want?”
Igbala: A divorce.
“You can have a divorce, God won’t force you to stay in a marriage you don’t want to remain in, but you will be out of His perfect will.”
Igabla: I know, that’s why I’m depressed. I’ve gained 30 pounds since Christmas, even when I was pregnant it was not like that.
Agbara: Have you tried counseling?
Igbala: Yes, but that didn’t change anything.
“Did you try a second or third opinion?”
Igbala: Yes, we’ve been at this for four years!
“Divorce is not your answer, soul searching is. What is the root of the problem?”
Igbala: He tricked me into marrying him.
Agbara: Just because he’s 15 years older than you does not mean that he tricked you. You made the choice willingly.
Igbala: Agbara you don’t understand. How can a 19-year old understand marriage? Kay was just too sleek. He got my parents on his side, offered me heaven on earth, pampered me, but 24 years later, I realize I never knew myself, I’m a stranger to me. He’s gotten what he wants out of life, whereas I am just beginning to think about what I want. Isn’t that sad?
I beckoned for their hands and we prayed. Afterwards, Agbara asked. “Is phone sex wrong?”
Igbala: Phone sex kẹ? Are you still Yoruba? What is that?
Agbara: It’s just loving each other on the phone. Jogun still has two more months with his training. We have to keep romance alive somehow.
I shook my head in disbelief and responded;
“I think the fact that you have to ask confirms that it is wrong. Just because you’re husband and wife does not mean you must employ carnal means to keep romance alive.”
Agbara: So we should just go on a fast for three months! That’s too long.
“There are other ways, go to church everyday if you must but masturbation, fantasizing, phone sex and the like is perversion.”
Igbala: So both of you are talking nonsense and touching each other, you have become deceived.
Agbara: Well, sorry.
Igbala: That thing is not ṣigidi, it’s a spiritual husband. Oti lọkọ ninu ẹmi. Your husband too probably has a spiritual wife.
Agbara: Excuse me?
Igbala: Don’t you know that through fantasy one can connect with a spirit and marry it?
“That’s not true, at least the marriage part. One can commune with evil spirits but I don’t believe that marriage thing.”
Igbala: Ade, it’s true o, they even have children self. Why do you think some people never get married?
Agbara: You have been watching too many Yoruba films!
Igabla: I hear! Just stop phone sex, fantasizing or whatever. The next step is asasi (spiritual attack)!
Agbara: I have already overcome that in Jesus name. I will overcome again.
Igbala: Ab’emere niẹ? (Are you an apprentice witch?)
“She is a child of God. That’s all that matters. Her life is to please her heavenly Father. Igbala, please stop this witchcraft questions. Agbara, instead of phone sex, you and Jogun should spend that time praying and planning. For example, you could read the bible together, he reads one verse, you read another verse. Surely you can pull through three months without perversion.
Igbala: I haven’t done anything in four years and I’m still okay, what’s your excuse? Read Colossians chapter three together.
Agbara: Okay, if that will stop the repeat of the experience I had, I’ll do it. I didn’t know I was opening the door for the enemy.
Igbala: Thank God. I remember this film where…
“Igbala, you have to make changes as well. As from tonight, stop sleeping in another room, watching films until you get tired and fall asleep. Go and sleep with your husband.”
Agbara: Yes, make use of what you have, age or no age. If you always sleep together, things will change.
Igabla: Alright, thanks.
“Now let’s pray the prayer of binding and loosing.”
So we took authority over the operation of evil spirits and we left. While sipping my didun drink, I pondered on how faithful Adonai was, is and will be. Both ladies were walking in victory. I was glad I was alive. 2009 is a year to thrive.
To be continued…
Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright.
Jadesọla’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).
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