05 Aug 2008 |
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Joyin: In the olden days it was just son of this and daughter of that. Delaja: Which is my point. My daughter does not stop being my daughter because she is married. Why should she change her name? “You are one of the few who believe that. I think it has to do with societal rights and other related stuff.” Jayo: The rationale is the woman leaves her family and joins the husband’s family like my cousin Jadun. Jadun: Yet the bible says nothing about the woman leaving. It tells the man to leave. Delaja: Both of them leave and start a new home. I just believe that one’s daughter should not become parentless because she is married. Jayo: I know what you mean. It’s as it the husband’s family acquires the bride and the bride’s family loses her. “It’s two families merging together.” Joyin: Thanks aunty. That’s why divorce is devastating because two families are being ripped apart. Jayo: Unless the wife is like Jadun, who is still bound to her ex father-in-law Joyin: Well, Jadun loves her ex father–in-law. That’s why she kept the family name. Delaja: Usually once there’s divorce and there’s no children, women change their last names to their father’s name. Jayo: Not women like Jadun. My cousin so loves this man that she got him to promise to attend her second wedding. “I give it to JadunJesu. She and her ex father-in-law share a special bond.” Joyin: It was the man that introduced Jadun to his son. It’s not surprising. Delaja: So she was really married to the man not his son. Jayo: I’ve teased her about that many times. She says she’s the daughter the man never had. Delaja: How many children did the man have? Joyin: Seven sons. Jayo: And Jadun’s ex is a rascal. Joyin: He was just overtaken by sex addiction, he’s rehabilitating. Delaja: I don’t consider him overtaken, he was drawn by his lust. Wasn’t the guy a bisexual? Jayo: Yes o. Joyin: We are praying for him, he will get better. Delaja: But he was the son of a pastor. He became saved at a tender age. It’s ingratitude to God to mess around with ugly spirits when you know God is real. Jayo: I know what you mean. The amazing thing is how quick people like that profess God’s grace. They make it sound like cheap grace. At least that’s what I call it. The grace of God cost Jesus His life. They live like grace is alcohol for wounds. Joyin: Doctrine of the Nicolaitians. Delaja: Isn’t that those people Jesus hated their deeds recorded in the book of Revelations? Jayo: Yes. They are alive and strong today. Delaja: I never really understood what they were, just that Jesus did not approve of their doctrine. Joyin: Let me get the laptop. Joyin got up, went into her mother’s office, returned with a laptop and searched the Internet for the Nicolaitians. Delaja read through some of the webpages and nodded saying, “You’re right. There are many like that today.” Joyin: That’s why we need to interceed. Many souls are deceived and being deceived. Jayo: We’ll interceed later, let’s finish this Yoruba proverb game. I want to prove that I know Yoruba more than you. “No, let’s interceed. It always pays to pray.” We joined hands and prayed for the body of Christ. Afterwards Joyin reached for the block of cards and stated: “I hope I win again.” Delaja: Wait, let me continue the fun proverbs, at least for five more minutes. What’s ko si duro kosijoko? We were all waiting for the answer. He responded Fẹni to mogun jẹdi jẹdi (for the person that drank a herbal laxative). We all laughed. Delaja: Gbogbo aşọ (All clothes)? Joyin: Kọ lansa lorun (Should not be dried in the sun). Delaja: Oşi (You’re wrong) kọ lolewa (are not pretty). Jayọ: That still brings out the meaning. Delaja: It does? Joyin: Yes. The morale of the proverb is discretion. So that still fits. Delaja: In that case I’ll change it. “To what” I inquired. Delaja: Gbogbo aşọ kọ ni tiẹ (All clothes are not yours) We all laughed. Joyin: That still brings out the meaning. "In a way it does bring out the meaning.” Delaja: Auntie, I… what’s Ara doing here? Jayọ turned and muttered “This is a public place you know.” Delaja: It’s either she leaves or I leave. I don’t want to be in the same place with her. Joyin: Does she have a restraining order on you? Delaja: No. We just can’t stand each other, that’s all. Jayọ: Well, she’s seen you and she’s not making any effort to leave. When are you going to let her presence stop intimidating you? Delaja: When she’s moved out of town. Joyin: What happened? Jayọ: She was responsible for that money laundering deal. Delaja: It took us a year to rebuild. I have forgiven but I’ve also learnt my lesson. Koju ma ribi, ẹsẹ logun ẹ (In order for the eyes not to see evil, the cure is in the legs). Joyin: I can create a fun proverb for that. How about koju maribi, a ya fẹsẹfẹ (In order for the eyes not to see evil, one should quickly run). Jayọ: That’s still a proverb, something like koju maribi, a wọ gilasi oju dudu is better (In order for the eyes not to see evil, wear dark glasses). Delaja: It’s a gift to make people laugh. Stay with your singing gift. The fun one is kojumaribi, a diju (In order for the eyes not to see evil, close the eyes). We all laughed again. Ara walked up to our table and we were all surprised. She requested to speak with Delaja privately and he followed her outside the restaurant. Remembering Dimples and Jẹyọ, I stated, “Today is a day for forgiveness, healing, restoration and reconciliation.” Jayọ: Talking about reconciliation, auntie, let Joyin tell you about her biological father, I was blessed to know that Joyin had spent father’s day with her biological dad. I listened with rapt attention to the new relationship that had blossomed. When she was done I praised her for her walk of love. Then I remembered Goke and Iwaloju. Iwaloju had consented to Goke’s proposal on Father’s day making it a double special day for him. I had celebrated Fathers’ day myself. Goke taught me that secret. “I am the male mother to my daughter,” he had said, “and you are the female father to your sons.” It was nice that Joyin had allowed her biological father into her life again. Joyin: I made a calendar for him. He and I will meet for four hours once a month, we’ll call each other at least twice every week and we’ll take a vacation together once a year. That way, we’ll catch up lost time. “I am so proud of you.” Joyin: Thank you auntie. Dimples and Jẹyọ came out of the conference room. He left and Jẹyọ joined us. Jayọ: So Dimples eh? Jẹyọ: Naaw. He’s still rough around the edges. Joyin: But he’ll willing to change, that’s a start. Jẹyọ: I wouldn’t hold my breath. Anyway, that’s not priority for me now. I have my spiritual issues to sort out. “Make a life calendar.” Jẹyọ: Auntie, what do you mean? “Joyin’s words just inspired me.” I started. “You know Christians are generally taught to expect to live at least 70 years. The other ages usually proclaimed are 80, 100 and 120 years. Psalm 90:12 says “Teach us to number our days that we may incline our hearts to wisdom.” Based on that verse, I set a life calendar. That helped me to focus my life goals. I gave myself blocks of five – ten years. Doing that assisted me to set my priorities and evaluate my progress. And of course, God helped me.” Jayọ: So the calendar becomes a motivational tool. Joyin: Sounds like it’s also a directional tool. It’s a map, sort of. “I guess you could call it that. It really helped me to focus. I could track and trend, I could properly evaluate where I was and what I was doing. It minimized distractions.” Jẹyọ: I haven’t set a calendar yet. I just have all these desires and passion. That’s what I should do. Thank you. “The pleasure was all mine dearie. Thanks Joyin for that tip.” Joyin: Auntie you are most welcome. Jayọ: So we should all time our lives, is that it? Jẹyọ: I guess. If one plans, one can be focussed. Joyin: That reminds me of Bọsede. Every day she had a goal and a plan. Jẹyọ: Bọsede! My very good friend. I miss that lady. “Has mama Jade found a replacement for her?” Jayọ: No o. The person who took over her job had to be laid off. She had very poor work skills. Joyin: She was so unprofessional, she would answer the phone as if she was at home, spend too long on personal calls and she got angry too easily. Jẹyọ: We tried to help her but she was too busy flirting with male clients. I heaved a sigh. Then asked, “Did you pray for her at least?” The three of them looked at each other and with guilt-ridden faces confessed that they didn’t. Joyin: Okay, let’s pray for her now. We all held hands and prayed. After wards, Jayọ inquired “Anti, şeb’orukọ amutọrunwa na ni Abọsede pẹlu, (Aunty, isn’t Abosede as well a heavenly name)? “I’m not sure. I know it means the female child that was born on the first day of the week.” Jẹyọ: Has she started her “I want to change my name” craze? Joyin: You know Jayọ now, no rest until she’s satisfied. Jẹyọ: Just don’t choose one boring name like Princess or Super or whatever. We all laughed. “So why didn’t you change your name from Ajayi?” Jẹyọ: Aunty I’ve changed my name three times, I was Aina when I was married to my first husband. After my widowhood, I became Ademuyiwa from my second husband. When we divorced I went back to Ajayi. I don’t have any issues with names. Joyin: Now Ademuyiwa is a nice name. I wish that were Patrick’s last name. Jayọ: What’s bad about Arẹwa? Joyin: It’s not bad, and it’s definitely better than Ajayi but it just sounds somehow. Jẹyọ: Somehow kọ somehow ni. Be grateful it’s not a name like Inunbiwọn, Ikukọyi, Ojo or the like. Jayọ: Ojo o sin’le ọmọ adiẹ dagba (Ojo is not at home therefore the chickens grow into maturity*) We all laughed. Joyin: One thing is for sure, I’m not giving my children any oriki** name. “Oriki is an endearment.” I responded. “It’s supposed to inspire and motivate. Why wouldn’t you want to give your child that?” Joyin: Most of them are insultive. Like Ojo for instance, it implies the child will be a thief. I’ve listened to several orikis and there’s always something negative in the chant. “I believe in rewriting one’s oriki. If the first is not good enough, fix it. That’s my policy.”
Continued in part 3 * Ojo is an oriki and the oriki suggests that Ojo loves to eat and steal chickens. ** Oriki is a cherish/pet name that usually has a praise/endearment poem attached to it.
Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright. Jadesọla’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).
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