So you turned a deaf ear when I pronounced your possible death. So you still think it was the rant of a senile old man clutching to a straw as he drowns? I have passed that stage – of innocence. I am spiritually blessed to bury any of my subjects alive. Nna, it’s a do-or-die election. The better if you take my word. Do you think I’d utter a word that my tongue won’t speak? You’re a compound fool. With your knowledge of so many books, you cannot digest simple arithemetic. Upon all your acquired slave languages including the one that earns the noble prize, you still do not know who I am. Upon all your analysis and objectivity and subjectivity, you do not know how tomorrow will be. Shame on you.

By the time it’s your turn, you will have understood the meaning of babatoncracy, which has engulfed my empire. It is a mystery even to gods. I am mad and there’s no question about that. But you’re such a dummy as not to know I’m for the upliftment of this empire. There are many mad wo/men in my empire whose language no one except my very self understand. I would not allow them to come near my property – never again. So you still think I’m bragging? What can you do to stop me other than whinning? Do you think it’s fair to dispossess people of their primogeniture? That’s exactly what you people have been calling for… And you think I’d lay low? You must be a compound fool to think I’m such a fool.  

It’s a do-or-die election! Period…I won’t allow myself to be forgotten like NCNC, NEPU, UPGA, AG, UPN, NPN, NRC, SPD, GNPP and others. My name shall withstand the test of time. It’s a do-or-die. April 2007 is war and there’s no other word to describe it. I repeat: I don't know who will succeed me but I know who will not succeed me. I know and I know. But your breathing is too concerned only with what is obvious, hence unable to understand my stand. Your academic silt has shallowed your thinking canal.

They say I favour my friends. So it’s my enemy I should favour. They even say I fly the prince abroad for medical treatment. Why I no go fly am there? If I no fly am there, dem go say na me kill am. I ask, which hospital fit treat cold and catarrh for my empire? Yeye people. Dem just  dey talk but dem no fit dey follow events. Ha, if the prince had eventually died, accused fingers would have been pointed to my farm where tea plants aplenty. They would have said, “Ask our king. She is the witch that screamed yesterday”.

They even say I tolerate thugs and dogs. If I don’t tolerate thugs and dogs, how would I immortalise my name? They are my tools, after all, we have made our intention known – it’s a do-or-die affair. I really can't understand the noise about the pervasiveness of thuggery in my empire. Is it a new thing in our lives? Of course, not. Thugs and thuggery have been part of our collective wisdom to win the race. It started before I was born, so why are they pretending as if thuggery is alien. If I don't tolerate thugs and dogs, how would I make my subjects fear me? Everybody uses hoodlums.

I stand by my statement. I’m a down-to-earth emperor and this is the reason I shall always prevail concerning matters that affect my empire. None of you can stop me because you’re bunch of do-no-good sycophants and hypocites. You think I’m stupid not to have been fully prepared? By the time it’s your turn, you will have grasped what I communicate in body language. You will have understood where I was coming from and where I’m heading toward. Nothing is annoying more than a people lacking wisdom to know. People who profit from telling or spreading death rumour shall not live to see my heavenly empire.

Go ahead and accuse me of anything but not corruption or dishonesty. Truth has been my religion ever since I was trained how to kill. If I was not embedded in truth, I wouldn’t have come up with such verity: 2007 is a do-or-die election. As long as I don’t sleep with your women, or steal your sweat, I shall remain an emperor worthy of worship. I shall remain blessed in the eyes of She who matters. I shall live to see my great great female grandchild misrule you. It is what you deserve. It is the price you must pay for being cowards. I hate men lacking in courage and manly strength and resolution. You have offended the gods by your poor-spirited mannerism.

Or do you want to tell me you did not know my intention when I picked a possible successor? It’s either you’re naïve or a dunce, or both. I was not ready to entrust my estate to unhealthy keeper. I’d be a nonentity to have put my life into the care of 1979 type. I have laboured for this empire than to let any unhealthy civilian ruin my elbow grease. The lesson or memory of 1979 lingers on. 2007 is a do-or-die election. And let those with even small ears hear my judgement. It ain’t kid stuff – not anymore. Ha, they want me to remove immunity clause. But if I remove immunity clause, no one will be available to govern. Ha, they want me to obey the law of the land so they can continue to perpetrate their nefarious acts. I won't succumb to that because I passionately believe our constitution ptotects pen-robbers alongside people of shady characters. Let get rid of them first.

How ingrate they are - all of them! Whilst I'm fasting on their very behalf, they have all turned glutton, eating ravenously every minute. I pretend to be a reckless impetuous irresponsible emperor so as to take them out of the wilderness, yet they are the first to laugh at my nakedness. Bunch of ingrate they are. They have refused to recognise a messiah. Anyway, it's a do-or-die comes april. And I'm only being generous, for it's unheard for a warrior to alert his enemies to get prepared. But that is my nature. Maybe I have become complacent after years of success. Ha, calling for the removal of immunity clause is, indirectly calling for anarchy because no one will pass the test – including my very self.

I must be perfect they all shout. How many of them can successfully run their households with three or four people? Particularly those editors including the Almighty website’s. They often criticise me for having dictatorship tendencies. Are they not dictator too? Or do they publish every article that arrives their desks? So why the hubhub about how I run my inheritance empire? And talking about being perfect, are they? Are they not the ones who falsely reported the death of our yet to be crowned emperor? These people are father of all hypocrites!

No wonder Plato, a very wise man, declared that all poets should be banned from ideal Republic. They often preach what they themselves do not understand. They even say I’m not educated. And I ask, what have they done with their forged Pull Him Down degrees? What have they done other than to plagiarize Oyinbo idea of living. Yeye people. No one can take my inheritance from me. I will fight .their recalcitrant tooth and nail, even tea and apple.

Ko so gbon to le da, ko siwa to le wu, ko sona to le mon, to lefi t'aye lorun o

(no matter how wise you are, no matter how well-behaved you may be, and no matter what you do, there's no way you can satisfy human beings). But I've successfully passed the stage when I'd be worried about what my subjects think of me. If I must kill, I will certainly do it as long as it's not every time. Is that not positive Machiavellian principle? Imagine I have been persecuting their oppressors, but instead of crediting me, I'm subjected to ridicule of all kinds. Anyway, it's a do-or-die election. I cleared their debts; I gave them mobile phone; I gift them new notes without Arabic letters; I refused to sleep with their women even though I could, and yet they are not filled. They keep insulting me here and there. They foolishly collaborate with their oppressors to dethrone me. Are they not archaic idiots?

Hum, I’ve achieved what many of you could only dream of. This isn’t a matter of pride or hubris or what have you. I am the best that has happened to this empire. Otherwise why did you search for me when I was enjoying myself in that lunatic dungeon? What’s exactly wrong for me to build a jumbo library while on the throne? It’s part of my sweat and legacy. I love education. I have always wanted to be an intellectual until the throne of my father arrested me. And until I become an intellectual, I'd distrupt every institution in my empire.

They even say I plan to reign forever. I ask, what’s wrong with that? Continuity is the mother of development, even invention. It’s a do-or die affair. But I know their problems, I mean those critics. My critics are only jealous and empty. That’s why it’s a do-or-die election for me and my esteem people. It is not a metaphor; it is not a satire; it is not even a parody. “Do or die” means Do or die! Period  

©2007

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